I have written often in the last two years about NikkiZ and her tendency to be…evil. Her blatant rule-breaking (usually while smiling her evil little smile), her yelling, her abuse, and her manipulative behavior. I first categorized it all as The Terrible Twos - until she turned three. Then many of you pointed out that three is beyond terrible. But that four? Gets much better. I remembered cursing you all for not warning me about the Evil Threes and counting down the days to Four. And praying to all that is Holy that you all weren’t hiding the truth about Four from me as well. Is it even WORSE?

Yes…I know I have a teenager who supposedly was two and three at some point. You would think I knew all about these trends. However…LilZ was unlike any child on earth. Two and Three were as mild and sweet as all of the other ages. I knew nothing about real babies until NikkiZ was born because LilZ rarely even cried. He was just born…easy. Therefore…I was clueless when NikkiZ was born. Oh…so…clueless. So I was shocked by the Terrible Twos and the Evil Threes and just hoping I could trust you about Four.

Well, we’re three months away from turning four and I can say: You Were Right. It gets better with Four. We’re not four yet…but things are already better. We haven’t gotten a Your Child Beat Up An Innocent Bystander Today note sent home in a couple of months. We’ve had a few bad days, as we call them, but nothing consistently awful. NikkiZ has finally gotten all of her toys back from the garage (we cleared out her room after one particular bad set of notes from school) and she currently has no privileges taken away from her. She seems to be more aware of the feelings of those around her…whereas before? We were all her floormats…waiting for stomping upon.

It’s just a relief to know what you were telling me all along. It’s just a phase. I was worried the bad behavior was more of a personality trait than something she would grow out of. But you were right! You always are! It’s a phase…to be left behind. I feel relatively certain that Mother Nature planned it this way to give us a solid 8-10 years to prepare for the Teenage Years. Because those? Those years? Those are the years our nightmares are made of.

Okay. I’ve spent 24 hours now thinking about whether or not Mommyblogging is still a radical act. And first off? I have no problem with the word MommyBlogger. I think at times it has bothered me but lately I’ve realized that YES: I write about more than just my kids. BUT - if someone is going to NOT read me because I’m a MommyBlog? Then I don’t think I want them here anyway. So, while it may not be the way I’d describe my blog if I had more words to choose? I’m okay with it when limited to a one-word summary: MommyBlog.

I think Lindsay makes many valid points…this one being my favorite:

As blogging goes mainstream, mom bloggers are starting to look and sound more and more like they came straight out of a diaper ad. And frankly, the moms who don’t make motherhood seem like an 18-year-long Hallmark commercial are getting harder and harder to hear amid the babbling about whateveritiswethinktheadvertiserswantustosay.

I definitely have seen this trend. I’m not as overwhelmed by it as Lindsay is, but I do agree with the very true sentiment that maybe the MommyBloggers getting the most attention, aren’t the best voices anymore. Maybe, by becoming spotlighted so often, they are no longer as relatable. I wouldn’t say it’s true for all of the MommyBlogs in the spotlight, but I think it’s true for a lot of them.

But what is the solution? I HAVE THE SOLUTION!

For the month of July I’m going to spotlight several MommyBlogs that I’ve found and adore but who aren’t getting the attention they deserve. I’m going to call it Spotlighting Moms! Because if there’s anything I’m good at it’s Names Of Blogging Things! (Not really.) I’m going to try every day (but please recognize I’ll probably fail miserably at that) to spotlight one Mom you might not read but that I think you should. For Today? Snarky Mommy. She’s currently pregnant (with her last baby, as she puts it) and is currently asking your opinion about whether they should make the gender of this one a surprise. Amy’s initials are A.S.S. which I find as entertaining as she does. I’m sure she’d be happy to know that of all of the traits I could pass on to you convincing you to go read her, I chose that one. A.S.S. Come one! It’s awesome!

So…she’s my Spotlighted Mom today. Someone who is a fantastic voice and in need of a little attention for that. Tomorrow? Someone whose initials do NOT spell out a body part! (I don’t think…) Also - feel free to leave suggestions in the comments. I have a list already in my head of great unnoticed voices, but I’d love to see your list as well. Or, even better, do a spotlight on your own blog and link to it in my comments so I can come read it!

I’ve never had a problem with sleep.

Other than the periodic night of anticipation, I’ve never been able to relate to people who go long spans of time struggling to fall asleep. The zombie types clicking through the channels trying to find things to calm their mind. That has never been me. Since I was a little girl I’ve quieted my sleepy-time mind the same way every night: Daydreaming.

That’s the best way I can describe it, anyway. Whatever is keeping my mind going, whatever has me anxious, whatever is stressing me out - I daydream it away. When I was little this often involved boys kissing me behind the school bus at recess. I would imagine these detailed situations that would allow me to just drift into sleep easily. When things have caused me stress as an adult, I have done the same thing. I imagine winning the lottery (Which, for the record, I’ve never played.) and I would dream about the ways my family would spend the money. When I was looking for jobs I would imagine that dream position that allowed me to pursue a career in napping while strictly enforcing the Weekly Pedicure policy by paying for all of my spa visits.

My very vivid imagination has been the key to quieting my mind in the night since I was a child. I have never been able to sleep late, it’s too difficult to quiet my mind again once I start waking in the morning. But falling asleep in the evening? Has never been a problem.

Until recently.

Since Dad died…falling to sleep has been a challenge. When I stop moving for the day and lay in bed, I think about him. I think about how real it is that he’s gone. About what I miss and what I’ll never hear or see from him again. And I can’t imagine it away. It’s the first time in my life that the painful thoughts following me during my day, can not be conquered by my imagination at night. This is the first time I’ve ever had a problem that is completely impossible to solve. The laws of nature prohibit it. While winning the lottery was never a realistic solution to my money problems in the past (especially since I never played) it was still possible. So it allowed me an outlet to escape to dream land.

My Dad will never come back.

It’s just been in the last week that I’ve finally been able to truly define the cause of my sleep problems. On days that his death is NOT in the forefront of my mind, sleep comes easily. But since Father’s Day and the weeks before, it’s been on my mind often. And I can’t make it go away. I close my eyes at night and just…miss him. I still have those moments that it hits me painfully that…he’s really gone. The logical part of my brain knows that and needs no reminders, but the active part that won’t quiet as I try to fall asleep at night? That part stays distracted enough during the daytime hours to not think about it. But at night? It’s there, stabbing me in the heart repeatedly. Keeping me awake and alert until I finally take some generic Nighttime Pain Relief to help me sleep.

I’m sure this is just another thing time will heal. My mind will focus on this less intensely as the months tick by. But the truth is: He is gone. And that…that simple truth…will still find ways to interrupt my peace forever. Because that’s how long he’s gone. Forever.

I used to have a KILL YOUR TELEVISION bumper sticker on the back of my car. And I meant it. I used to openly proclaim my lack of cable and my disinterest in anything on television. I used to give my son “TV TOKENS” (Poker Chips) that would allow him the opportunity to watch certain video tapes we had, but in limited doses. I was, essentially, anti-television in all forms.

Needless to say…that is not me anymore.

A little over a month ago NikkiZ and I saw our first commercial for the movie, Princess Protection Program movie on the Disney Channel. Since Disney over-hypes their movies, this gave us plenty of time to get hyped up about it. Since then I’ve been answering the question, “When is that coming on again?” on a daily basis. To say she was excited alone would be a lie. Her excitement had me excited. We’d pause previews for the movie when we’d normally fast-forward through commercials. We’d watch the D-Com EXTRA behind-the-scenes spots and the music videos. Everything we could until it was to air on June 26th.

I woke NikkiZ up this past Friday saying, “Do you know what comes on tonight?” To which she screamed, “Princess Program Protection!” (That’s what she called it.) When she got to school she excitedly talked about how we were going to watch it that night. When I picked her up that afternoon she enthusiastically asked if it was on yet! We made pizzas, we ate ice cream, we put on our pajamas.

And then the whole family (sans AndyZ who was already asleep) congregated in the living room to watch the movie. She curled up on the couch with me and excitedly discussed each scene as it passed. Did I see that pretty dress? What about the worms? Why is she scared of lizards? We’re not scared of lizards! Are the bad guys going to get her? Carter is brave! LOOK AT THOSE PRINCESSES!

It was so much fun. We proceeded to watch it three more times throughout the weekend, as the enthusiasm finally began fading.

But we did it all together. It gave us one more thing to enjoy together. To talk about. To giggle about. TOGETHER.

Yes, I’m a lazy parent and often I use television to quiet the masses while I wash dishes or fold laundry. And sometimes while I do something really selfish…like bathe. But it also often pulls us together. Whether around Cat Deely on Wednesday nights or the Jonas Brothers on Sundays, we’re gathering as a family. (MrZ would like me to point out he is NOT watching the Jonas Brothers with us. He does have his limits.) It’s hard for a family of five with this range of ages to find unifying interests…television helps us do that. And that justifies my cable bill right there.

Being able to also drool over John Barrowman during the summers is just an added bonus.

So, the last time we spoke I was in Knoxville, right? Well…that was an educational trip. And by “educational” I mean “confusing and frustrating and very overwhelming.” Luckily, the people at each bank I had to deal with were very wonderful. And by “wonderful” I mean “patience and understanding and not irritated over my questions.” For the most part I got everything done I needed to with the banks. There’s still an entire house to deal with…but that can wait. Or at least it will wait because it has no choice.

I had taken a four-day weekend to deal with that stuff and decided as soon as I got back to Huntsville that I was going to try to cram enough family activity into the remaining time so that we could all pretend we spent the four days together doing family stuff. So I can look back on my “weekend” very proudly. I didn’t vacuum and I barely finished the laundry…but we played in some fountains, in a creek, went shopping, and wore hats. We even cut hair! (You’ll have to break away from the feed reader to check out my sidebar if you’re curious about that statement. Sorry!) You can’t beat that on paper but you really can’t beat it when I show you the awesome photos as evidence.

How was YOUR weekend?