I, Zoot, do hereby proclaim the following list of sentences/phrases and related variations of said list, to no longer be spoken from my lips. If the situations calls for one/any/all of these phrases to be used - the person responsible for inciting the need for these statements/exclamations/questions will be beaten. With wet noodles. Wet SPINACH noodles.
1. Put your socks in the hamper. The dog will eat them if you dont. I will not buy you new socks if the dog eats all of your old ones.
2. Bring your bike inside. Are you asking that someone steal it?
3. Don’t leave your drink on the windowsill. The animals will knock it over.
4. Wet towels do NOT belong on your floor. They’ll stink up the place.
5. Did you brush your teeth? Do you WANT cavities?
6. Did you do your times tables? I don’t care if you can use a calculator.
7. Please do not poot stinky poots in my kitchen. There’s FOOD in here.
8. Please do not poot stinky poots in my bedroom. I SLEEP in there.
9. Quit barking at Cody and Jake!
10. Only throw food in the KITCHEN garbage can.
11. Dont walk in the parking lot without shoes on. Do you want to step on broken glass?
12. Dont walk in the poopy field without shoes on. Not everyone cleans up their dog poop like we do.
I also reserve the right to add to this list as I see fit. If there is any debate as to whether or not any actions caused any of these phrases (or their variations) to be spoken, my word will be the final word.
LOL! Should this not be filed under “Ms. Zoot, the hardass taskmaster”?
Just kiddin’. Easy…eeeeaaasy…put the noodle down, Zoot…
I like that picture of you and MrZ in your conflicting team shirts. It’s a good pic of both of you, and also I admire you both for adhering to your opinions so adamantly.
Hee hee hee….and *sigh* — why do I predict that these phrases will be issuing from my mouth often in the coming years? I can see it now.
So, are these phrases intended for MrZ or LilZ? It’s hard to decipher.
I think that some are for MrZ and some are for LilZ and ONE is for a dog? Otherwise, Zoot, I have very real sympathy for you and your barking son or husband!
I recall you posting something a while ago about the socks/hamper issue. Frankly, I’m surprised that you haven’t hawled off and killed someone by now.
One word, uh, maybe two: Al Dente.
Ha Ha! #7 and #8 are all too often said in my house. Actually they were used last night.
Too funny
Ok……..I think the threat of not buying more socks just isn’t for real. I just can’t imagine you letting either lilzoot or Mrzoot go sockless all winter. Come on…..you know you would break down and buy more socks.
:o)
Don’t forget the old, “Did I ask you a question? No? Then I don’t want an answer”. That’s my old standbye, lol.
step away from the noodles…
Actually, I think not buying new socks and watching your boys go around sockless all winter would be great revenge. It would certainly teach them a lesson!
#11 sounds like my mom…”don’t go out in the driveway barefoot”
“did you just go outside barefoot…you better not have gone outside barefoot it is 30 degrees out!”
#4 as well. “you better pick up those towels on the floor. If you don’t, I’m not giving you news towels and you have to use the smelly ones.”
Those are great - ’specially the no pooting in the kitchen! Love the blog.
Don’t forget, “You’re gonna put your eye out with that!”
so, is it a bad thing that i have no children and find myself uttering these things to the cats, dog, and other half on a regular basis?!
i think you should make that into a poster or something!
please add….make sure you flush after you leave so the next person doesnt have to look at it….
A wet noodle? A wet SPINACH moodle? Ouch. Now that’s gotta hurt.
No. 11 is me screaming like all the time. Ugh. No shoes? On the pavement? In the parking lot? Outside? Now that is just wrong. And so nasty. Ugh.
A moodle? What’s a moodle? I meant NOODLE.