Holy Freakin’ Hell in a Hand Basket. That bitch made me wait FOUR FREAKIN’ HOURS.

I’m pregnant and my beta is 1221 AND she used the words “which is exactly what we would expect it to be this far along.” I’m never what they expect. Never. And you know what? She doesn’t even want me to take another one! And she said I’m cute and smart and funny too. And she’s soooo sorry she made me wait all day for good news.

HOWEVER - my progesterone was only 26.5, and my doctor would LIKE it to be at 30, so they are prescribing me a supplement. Also? They would like me to call back in the morning and schedule an ultrasound for next week.

And I still swear to all that is fertile and holy that I’m still feeling cramps. What is UP with that?

Thank you GOD for Myllissann and Ben who kept me occupied all day with copius amounts of emails. Just for that? If this baby makes it full term? I’m naming it Silly Old Myllissann. You guys Rock.

I woke up around 1:30am having a funky dream about how installing a Wordpress test site on my server ruined LilZoot’s life forever. Mark, I think I’ll blame that dream on you. Okay?

I tossed and turned for about an hour or so after that, trying to figure out what the connection is between the characters on Lost. Hurley and Jin are connected, Sawyer and Boone are connected, and Sawyer and Jack are connected. WHY? Yep. That kept me up for another hour or so.

Needless to say, I did NOT get up to do cardio this morning. I was too tired from a restless nights sleep. I’ll find out my beta sometime after 2pm today. Until then? I’ll be balled up in the fetal position under my desk at work muttering “I won’t install Wordpress, I won’t install Wordpress…”

So. I’m NOT thinking about by beta. I’m NOT.

Did you watch Lost tonight? Did you see Hurley on the television that the little girl was watching in that flashback scene? I’m telling you - my theory is that somehow all these people are connected. Sawyer was arrested the night Boone went to the cops about his “sister’s” boyfriend. Sawyer met Jack’s Dad. And tonight? Hurley on the TV in someone else’s flashback!

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And will it have any influence on the success of my pregnancy?

Sorry…I tried.

Of course. My period is technically one week late, my boobs are sore and I’ve been tired. When I finally break down and take a HPT, it turns positive in mere seconds. I take another for good measure. Positive. We call the (Whore!) Nurse to get our lab slip ready. In the meantime? My nerves have gone haywire and I feel as though I’m going to either pass out or start bleeding at any minute. We get to the lab? And the damn thing is CLOSED for freakin’ lunch. CLOSED.

Because my lab is so far from my office, I’ll have to wait until AFTER work to go back. I won’t get the results until 24 hours later. And even then? They won’t be able to tell me much until they test me 72 hours after the FIRST one to see if the Beta has doubled. And now? I’m feeling phantom cramps. I’ve known I was pregnant all of 2 hours and I’m already losing my mind.

Maybe LilZoot doesn’t need a sibling and MrZoot doesn’t need a baby AFTER all. I’m obviously not mentally capable of patiently coping with pregnancy.

AND WHAT KIND OF FREAKIN’ LAB GOES TO LUNCH WHEN THERE ARE FERTILITY CHALLENGED WOMEN WITH POSITIVE PREGNANCY TESTS WHO NEED THEIR BETAS TAKEN FOR CHRISSAKES.

I feel better now. Thank you.

Ring, Ring
Receptionist: Dr. SoNice’s Office…
Me:Um, Hi. This is Zoot. It seems that I’ve just taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. BUT, I’m a Repeat Aborter so I need to come get a lab slip to get my Beta.
Receptionist: Great. I’ll have the other Nurse call you right back.

WAY TOO LONG LATER, not where CLOSE to “Right Back”…ring, ring

Me: This is Zoot.
NOT MY Nurse: Hi Zoot. I got your message. I’m looking at your records and they say you miscarried last month?
Me: Um, yeah.
NOT MY Nurse: Um. Didnt the doctor tell you to wait two COMPLETE cycles before trying again?
Me: Are you FUCKING kidding me?? That is ALL you have to say? No. He sure as HELL did NOT tell us that. As a matter of fact - the told us to go ahead and try since it would be awhile before we could see the fertility specialist. But for the record? I’m a Repeat Aborter - and I just had ANOTHER positive HPT - so can you think about my DAMN feelings for two damn seconds and just tell me when my Beta Lab Slip will be ready. Whore.

NOT MY Nurse: Sure. Come back this afternoon and call me 24 hours later. I’ll give you the results.
Me: FREAKING MY SHIT OUT