I’m hoping to get some good email out of this one
The current “hot-topic” right now in a lot of the mommy-blogging world is the No-Cry Sleep Solution (NCSS) v/s Cry It Out (CIO). For those of you new to these techniques, let me break it down for you. NCSS means under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you let your child cry themselves to sleep. CIO means that if you know they are not hungry, not wet, and not sick…you just let them cry (for a reasonable amount of time) themselves to sleep. For many parents? It’s a tough decision to make. You feel guilty about letting your child cry, but sometimes you find yourself weighing that guilt against the insanity you feel over lack of sleep.
And to give you an idea as to how PASSIONATE people are about CIO? Here is a comment from Julie’s entry regarding letting her son, Charlie, Cry It Out for the first time.
Well, you’ve alienated me. I thought you were an educated woman. Why does Charlie stop crying? Because he is learning a lesson. That when he cries, mommy may not come and get him. He feels abandoned and his primal instincts kick in for self-preservation (I’m alone in the world, I must conserve energy or die). Some of your readers think he won’t remember. No, at the age of 8, he won’t go, “Remember that time you left me crying for 13 minutes in my crib?” But he will trust you less and that will carry on into adulthood. It’s not too late. Maybe you can rebuild his trust. My son was also a short napper and I NEVER let him CIO. He’s now 17 months and takes a great 2 hour nap all by himself in the afternoon and sleeps 10 hours at night (waking after about 6 hours for a night snack). He’s also healthy, happy, and knows how loved he is. Hope Charlie is the same as a toddler…
Why do the most opinionated commenters always remain anonymous? They lose so much respect that way. Well, I’m going to take a stab at this topic and see if I can get my OWN Anonymous commenter to tell me what I’m doing to ruin my child and future children’s lives.
I am a big fan of the Cry It Out method. Now, lucky for some Moms, this method is not necessary because they are born with children who sleep well. But, when LilZ was a baby, I had never heard of the NCSS. I don’t know if anyone had. So, I used CIO with LilZ and I plan on using it with NikkiZ. I never read any parenting books with LilZ, I just did what my insticts lead me to do, and so far? So good. So why mess with that now? My instincts said, “He’s fine. He’s full. He’s clean. He is just tired and will go to sleep soon.” And he did. And when he didn’t? I picked him up and consoled him until he did. No big deal, in my mind. If anything, I felt guilty for not feeling MORE guilty about letting him cry!
But this is not my point. My point is – WHY do other people care so much about how we get our children to sleep? I mean – we ALL obviously care enough about the welfare of our children to painstakingly decide on a method, and we ALL feel large amounts of guilt over whether we’re doing the right thing. In the end? Isn’t it each of our own decisions whether to pick our baby up every time they cry? Or not?
I believe in CIO for ME and ME ALONE. I do NOT look down on people who use NCSS, so why should they look down on me? I don’t understand. It’s not like I’m beating my child to get them to sleep, or drugging them, or reading to them from the Necronomicon, so why do the NCSSers feel SO strongly that they need to tell those of us, who are OBVIOUSLY GODDAMN EVIL parents, that they believe what we’re doing is wrong?
This is a tough world that we are bringing our children into. They need us to love them and care for them however we see fit. ALL OF US. Parents or not. We should bond together as adults who LOVE OUR CHILDREN, for chrissakes. Grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends. We all love the children in our lives, THAT is what is important. We should embrace the different techniques and be glad there is something for all of us. We should learn from each other, we should support each other, but most of all, we should just agree that as long as we are doing what WE feel is best for OUR child, then that child is better off, no matter how they fall asleep.
And give me a break, all of our kids are going to hate us at some point in their lives. Many will try drinking before they’re 21. Some will smoke pot. Some (many?) will have premarital sex. And some? Will grow to be republicans. There will always be parenting battles to face, regardless of what sleep technique you used. So instead of arguing and fighting about it? Let’s meet for drinks. Especially if it’s Naptime Martinis while my baby is Crying It Out in the next room. It’s always easier to ignore the cries with a good buzz on.