Baby’s Fine. I’m Gonna Hurl.

This is the best thing I’ve ever read:

On the day of the glucose tolerance test, eat a large candy bar (at least 2oz) and drink a 12-oz soft drink (no diet drinks). Please complete this sugar load all within 15 minutes.

Do you know what that means? I don’t have to drink that nasty stuff I did ten years ago when I was pregnant with LilZ. I get a CANDY BAR. and a REAL COKE (which I don’t like, but whatever). How cool is that? Modern medical advances are amazing.

My doctor’s appointment went well, except for the sudden onset of the need to hurl, on top of the bloody nose. Yeah – so now? Not only are my gums bleeding at a rate requiring a daily transfusion, but my nose is joining in on the hemorrhage party. Fun times.

Also – with the new Project Get Healthy and Happy at our house – I’ve been keeping my caloric intake at a level appropriate for someone who doesn’t need to gain ANY more weight in their pregnancy. Before last week, I had already gained 26lbs, and you’re only supposed to gain up to 35, so I needed to start monitoring my calories. After one week of less than 1800 calories a day, do you know how much I’ve now gained? TWENTY NINE POUNDS.

That means, in a week where I’ve cut my calories by about 300-500 a day from the LAST 22 weeks, I actually managed to GAIN THREE POUNDS.

WHAT THE HELL?

I’ve decided I must be growing the freakin’ Jolly Green Giantess inside of my uterus. Or maybe it’s the future headmistress at Beauxbaton Academy – Madame Maxime II. Either way, the weight gain is LITERALLY, out of control. I’m still going to keep my calories under 1800, because if I’m gaining weight on that FEW calories, Satan only knows how much I’d gain if I went back to my 2000+.

So yeah. Long story short? No nasty sugar juice for the glucose tolerance test, tons of SEXY bleeding from my gums and nose, and I’m a whale. That’s your pregnancy update for the day.

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15 Responses

  1. michaela says:

    damn – i just had a baby last september and had to drink the stuff at the lab…of course i still went and ate a candy bar afterwards :)

  2. Ashley says:

    The only solution for yesterday’s predicament is a healthy balance of both. MAKE the baby cry while holding it 24/7 for the first 7 or 8 years. Pinching every two or three seconds (two or three minutes during sleeping hours) should keep up a steady flow of tears and really foster that loving, trusting relationship. Baby will learn how to calm itself, cry, and all the while baby will learn to trust in pinching.

    Also, good luck with the whole bleeding thing.

  3. ben says:

    Did you hear about the lady that just had a 13 pound baby?

    Oh, you did?

    Put down the baseball bat, Zoot, I’m just the messenger. Not trying to imply anything…

  4. Laura says:

    does that mean you have to lessen you krispy kreme donut intake as well?

  5. Janet says:

    Zoot, if you’re gaining that much and reducing your caloric intake…maybe it’s what your body needs…but hell, i’m no doctor!

  6. tracey says:

    You know, I really think that each of us is designed to gain a certain amount of weight while pregnant no matter what we do. With my first daughter I went kind of crazy eating and gained a little over 40 pounds. With my second, I was determined to not get so big and ate a lot more sensibly and to my horror I gained nearly 50 that time. Two months in a row i gained ten pounds and I was eating around 1800 calories a day! Now, i ‘m not saying to go back on the krispy creme diet or anything but I wouldn’t worry about it. It all came off in about three months (although I had to work my butt off for it the second time around!)

  7. My wife just chugged that bottle of yuck and almost fell over right there at the doctor’s office! Its pretty harsh to hit your system that hard.

  8. CursingMama says:

    It does sound like you’ve got the biggest baby ever in the world on the way (joking). I’ll cross my fingers for length over width for ya dear.

    And, 3 lbs…water weight??? I can go up or down 3 lbs easy based on water alone.

  9. shokufeh says:

    Man, I got no such instructions at my visit this week and my glucose test is next month. I am envious!
    Don’t worry about the weight thing. I’m not a calorie counter, but I have been watching the pounds pack on. (Maybe I -should- become a calorie counter?) And I started out as a wee one, so everyone’s constantly commenting on how big I am. But, I feel huge and unwieldy but not obese, so I’m trying not to fret about it – Bean must need the extra padding in my ass, maybe for some sort of womb solitaire game?

  10. Moogie says:

    Yay! No yucky stuff to drink. I’m sorry that your nose is bleeding as well. I’d just worry about eating healthy…and let the rest take care of itself. Like someone already said…I think each woman gains differently during pregnancy.

  11. laura says:

    Ooooh, I got really sick with the yucky glucose syrup lo these 13 years ago. But what’s worrying me is how many times I have unwittingly subjected myself to an impromptu glucose test by have a big-ass candy bar and a Big Red for breakfast.

  12. laura says:

    Ooooh, I got really sick with the yucky glucose syrup lo these 13 years ago. But what’s worrying me is how many times I have unwittingly subjected myself to an impromptu glucose test by have a big-ass candy bar and a Big Red for breakfast.

  13. feisty girl says:

    What kind of candy bar did you have?

  14. Kitty says:

    Wait a minute – Amalah said she had to drink that nasty orange stuff and it put her in a sugar coma. Does that mean that her doc isn’t up with technology? Or maybe the doc just has a nasty sense of humor? Yikes.

    I’m glad you didn’t have to drink the yucky stuff, but sorry your body is staging a rebellion…

  15. bd says:

    Wow! That is crazy! I had to take the test at 12:30pm and eat only a piece of toast by 7am(which was stupid anyway, how dare they make a preggo wait so long to eat) and then I had to chug the orange crush stuff in 5 minutes. I didnt mind the taste so much as when I was getting to the home stretch of chugging, that the sweetness combined with not eating all day really got to me. I would have much rather had a snickers and a coke.