Lazy? Or Stubborn? You decide.

We just got back from our OB appointment and ultrasound. The good news? She’s practicing breathing, she’s got important body parts, and she’s measuring a tad big, but not obscenely huge. She weighs about 6lbs now, and since she’ll probably gain about an ounce/day for the rest of the pregnancy, she’ll be under 8lbs when she’s born. Not bad!

The bad news? She’s sideways.

For those of you new to the world of fetal positioning, we want NikkiZ to be head DOWN and ready to go by 38 weeks because at 38 weeks? She’s too big to really move anymore. If she’s feet first? Vaginal delivery could ALMOST be attempted, although most doctors prefer to schedule c-sections in that situation. But if they’re SIDEWAYS? No one even wants to try vaginal delivery. It’s all about the c-sections then.

So, remember when I said I knew she had turned sideways and I hoped she had finished the flip at some point but if she’s anything like her mother she probably stopped because she got tired? And I was really just being cute and funny? Well, it looks like that is EXACTLY what happened and you know? It’s really not cute and funny. Although it does explain why I still can’t breathe and why my hips hurt so much. The little booger is SIDEWAYS in my uterus.

SIDEWAYS.

And she looks terribly uncomfortable too, with her head all crooked and her shoulders jammed into my ribs. We tried to tell her she’d be more comfortable with her head towards the light, but she’s not listening to us.

I have been prescribed much sleeping on my left side to hopefully piss her off enough to make her finish the move. We are to be back in for another ultrasound on Wednesday to see if she has decided to finish the task at hand. If not? Well, at some point we’ll talk c-sections, but not right now. For now? We’re just threatening to revoke her driving priveledges until she’s 30 if she doesn’t get her ass in gear and MOVE already.

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First? LOST. Second? My parenting breakdown.

LOST was soooo good last night! First? We saw Sawyer, which is AWESOME. Second? They did an interesting twist and backtracked a wee bit from last week. Third? More numbers! And added together they equal 108! You know what THAT means don’t you?

(Yeah. Me neither. But – EEK!)

Yesterday was another parenting milestone for us. We dealt with our first DETENTION! Dun…Dun…Dun…Although, LilZ’s “detention” is actually called “Gumbo” (I have no freakin’ clue, don’t ask) and it is more like sentences and less like Saturday in the library with Emilio Estevez and Mollie Ringwald. It is the copying (by hand) of an three page disciplinary essay (a really dumb one, I’ll admit) written by some adult.

Evidently LilZ blew in his pen lid and his teacher (who he swears was NOT in a bad mood) just point blank gave him the third level of disciplinary punishment then and there. Now, LilZ has barely ever gotten in trouble and I don’t think he’s every brought home any punishment of any sort, so I believe he was a bit nervous to tell me. He told MrZ first (LilZ: I got Gumbo today. MrZ: What the hell is “Gumbo”?) who gave him the excellent advice NOT to complain about it – just to tell me point blank and accept it.

OH MY GOD. He could NOT do that. He spent the next 6 hours complaining (I didn’t even get a warning!), and whining (It’s the stupidest 3-page essay EVER! It’s SO STUPID!) and giving excuses (Other people do way worse and don’t even get in trouble!). Honestly? I couldn’t have cared less about him getting in trouble. I have the best record of punishments for the most stupid of actions. I also have a record of teachers who just didn’t like me, so I know that sometimes you get in trouble for no good reason. But I was on the verge of beating him senseless for the MOANING and the WHINING and the COMPLAINING and the GRRRRRR-ing.

It was like he was being TORTURED. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. And no matter how many times I said “You are making it worse, just do it and stop talking about it!” he COULD. NOT. STOP.

And then he cried. Which sucks no matter what the reason.

I think he was just stressed because he had never gotten in trouble before and he didn’t like it and he was terrified it meant his teacher didn’t like him. Either way, it was NOT a pretty picture and I want him to have an immaculate behavior record from here on out JUST so that I don’t have to deal with THAT any more.

Of course, he rubbed my back in bed last night and said, “I have the best mom EVER” and I spent the next four hours crying and questiong my parenting skills. It was a rough night. Stupid Gumbo.

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Please don’t run away.

There is yet ANOTHER story in the news today about someone getting “dooced.” That is, they get fired for writing things about their job (negative things, of course) on their blog. This is getting to the point where I wonder if people do it on PURPOSE because, really, who is still dumb enough to badmouth their job/coworkers/bosses on their never-as-anonymous-as-they-think-it-is website?

Of course, not everyone can find as much excitement over writing about eating and watching TV as I do. So they have to resort to talking about their jobs. When, in reality? As much as I like my job? It would bore the hell out of you people. There’s only so much excitement found in mapmaking by someone who does NOT make maps.

As you all know, MrZ and I are in the same field. We both studied professional Geography in college and pretty much do the same type of job for different types of goverment agencies. (Which, for the record, is a bit more than making maps, but that’s is just the simple way of describing our field). These jobs require and intense interest in Geography which we, of course, have no short supply of. We are SUCH Geography geeks. Do you want to know what we (and by “we” I mean ALL THREE OF US because we are FORCING LilZ to love Geography too) did the other night for FUN? We found state capital worksheets on the internet and tried to answer them.

On a FRIDAY night.

And we had a BALL doing it! I mean, we were laughing and having fun trying to figure out state capitals. WE ARE SO GEEKY. And then the next night? LilZ and I curled up in bed and filled out blank maps together.

You’re scared now, aren’t you?

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I wonder how long it will take to get hits for “ass zits”?

You know? I don’t really care a lot about stretch marks. First of all? I have NEVER in my ENTIRE life had pretty skin anywhere on my body. Not only did I have the puberty induced acne, (yes, I was called “Pizza Face” by a bunch of bastards, typical) but my entire body was covered with zits of some sort. Mainly? They were always on my arms and shoulders, but I was even known to sprout the occasional ass zit for good measure. Nothing helps an akward pubescent girl feel as secure as the occasional ass zit.

On top of the body acne, I’ve also always had really splotchy skin over my entire body. Red here, tan there, pale over there. No consistency, rhyme, or reason. And then there’s a weird birthmark looking thing under the tatoo on my ankle that is NOT a birthmark because I wasn’t born with it. I have also fought with dry skin a good chunk of my life as well as oily skin. Fighting both is FUN.

So, when I ended up with stretchmarks post-LilZ? I didn’t care a bit. Once they turned silver, I stopped really noticing them. I wore a bikini to the beach on my honeymoon two years ago and didnt even think about the stretch marks, they just aren’t something I notice. Not only that, but the skin on my face? Looks the best it has looked since birth (or before). I haven’t worn makeup in months and I think I’ve finally found a good assortment of products that keeps it looking blemish-free, which is a miracle as far as I’m concerned. It’s still blotchy, but once I start wearing makeup again, that will take care of that.

But you know what? I really don’t think I’m getting any new stretch marks. I’ve gained almost 50lbs this pregnancy, THREE FULL CUP SIZES in the boobage area, and I still haven’t really seen many new stretch marks. Maybe it’s because I’ve moisturized the crap out of my stomach with excessive Doppler use, or maybe it’s because I love soaking in the bath tub several times a week. Or maybe, it’s just the irony of life. Since I really don’t care about them? I won’t get them. But the women who worry because they start out with such nice skin? Will be covered.

That’s fine. Makes up for the uncontrollable natural afro I was born with. I deserve a little bit of a break having to deal with that my whole life.

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Of course. This entry can write itself now.

Damn. I’m late again. And MrZ? Still in bed, so I don’t feel so bad. What is up with us lately and the sleeping in during the week thing…are we hibernating pre-baby? Quite possibly. I’m VERY late this morning so I just wanted to pop in and post an entry so that no one started freaking about where I was. Oh, and to ask if someone could please make LilZ’s lunch for me and if someone else could maybe shower for me. Thanks.

We watched House last night (I love that show) and afterwards they said it wouldn’t be back on until November 1st to allow for baseball. Both MrZ and I said, “House won’t be back on until AFTER NikkiZ is born!” EEK. Its those type of realizations that send me into cardiac arrest. You’d think I’d have more of them since the little booger is inside of me making me pee and causing my hips severe pain. But, you know, I’ve never been the sharpest crayon in the box.

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