Dear Lord, or Mother Nature, or Satan (kidding! Don’t email me!) or who ever is in charge of the universe:

QUICK QUIT (am a stressed out dumbass who can’t type) SCREWING WITH ME.

Love, Zoot.

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Okay. So, the hardware problems (from Monday) on computers in my office were NOT my fault at ALL. But, they were in MY office and they are computers I need, so they were still MY problem. We got those fixed/running yesterday. Woo! But this morning? Network problems. Again - not MY fault - but since I need the network, it still becomes MY problem. We got THAT fixed and I was started to really feel bad about all these problems because even though I didn’t cause them, they have to be fixed immediately so I can work on my project due….sometime last year. And I’m already an insecure person who hates being a burden so I was really ready just to get my work done and not bother anyone, ever again. EVER.

So now? My project wont open. It’s corrupted. With a capital ‘C’ and possibly lots of exclamation points. Again - nothing that I did could be the problem, so its not my fault, but since it’s MY project, it is MY problem and I have somehow become THAT employee that is always needing help with something and taking everyone away from their jobs to help me. And I don’t WANT to be that person! I’m smart! I promise! It’s just that these computers are staging a mutiny since I’ve returned and they are trying to get me FIRED.

So, I’ll be in the corner, crying, if you need me.

I don’t have much time to write this considering I just spent 20 minutes cleaning up a mess in my kitchen created when my coffeemaker THREW UP everywhere…so here is simply a list of all the SHIT that has gone wrong this week and why I am so FREAKIN glad it’s friday.

I am so damn glad it is damn Friday I could damn scream. Or drink. Probably both.

Okay. I have a LOT of issues with last night’s episode of Lost so bare with me. And possibly help me understand them before I cry over the detour of one of my favorite TV shows into the land of sophomore year failures.

First of all - MrZ and I decided that it was like EVERY character was acting totally different than they should. I mean, Locke has always been the guy who encourages people to go with what the island is telling them, to investigate it further. He is also usually trusting and gives people the benefit of the doubt. But last night? Not so much. And Charlie? He was fine until he went batshit trying to baptize the baby. Up until then? He was just confused, why did he lose it and start acting so weird? Especially if he wasn’t using? And why is Claire so unwilling to at least LISTEN to him because yes, he screwed up, but he has been there for her through everything, and he didn’t use, I don’t expect her to embrace him but can’t she at least be his friend and TALK to him? And HURLEY? HURLEY was scowling at Charlie with everyone else! The way everyone behaved just seemed different than the characters they have been drawn as.

And the story itself. What the heck? Are we supposed to read into the Locke (John) punching Charlie in the water as some sort of baptism for Charlie? Because I don’t WANT to see it as that because Charlie was doing okay. And what was up, was he supposed to be saving Aaron from himself? Or was the point of it all so that in the end Aaron would be baptized. And if so - WHY? Why does he NEED to be baptized in a show that has rarely brought religion into this experience.

I DONT UNDERSTAND. WHAT THE HELL?

Okay - your turn. Explain it all to me so that I dont worry the writers are ruining the show. Thanks.

Dude. I just went to feed NikkiZ and it’s freakin’ HOT outside.Don’t get me wrong, I much prefer being hot over being cold. But - it’s JANUARY for chrissakes. It’s WINTER. I’m not supposed to be cursing my lack of air conditioning in my car until SPRINGTIME. What the hell?

Of course, it was pretty chilly this morning so I’m wearing warm clothing that is now making me sweat my ass off since it’s bathing suit weather this afternoon.

What is up with this? It’s not felt much like winter all month. January is going to have come and gone and we’ve had, like two cold spells. If we had plants we cared about, we wouldn’t have had to worry about them once. Of course, thanks to the pea-gravel lovers that owned the house before us, there’s still not much in the “flowerbeds” to worry about.

It’s all just very weird. I don’t necessarily LOVE winter, but it would be nice to have a winter to HATE. Or at least maybe at least one threat of snow. I’ve not seen even ONE milk or bread panic yet this winter. And in Alabama? We have those panics if there is even the most remote chance of a flurry to fall from the sky. But so far this winter? Not even one panic induced milk shortage.

I’m starting to feel slighted.

Okay. So, I had an entire entry written about poop just now and deleted it for two reasons. The first one being I didn’t want anyone to think I was trying to steal Dooce’s market. But the second one? Because I fear embarassing my family and friends who have sent links to my blog to their family and friends because they think it’s fun and I’m afraid that poop is not as fun to some people as it is to me. Or my family. Actually, its not that fun to ME, personally, as MrZ tells me I’m a “Stealth Pooper”, but it’s a fun conversation at my house. We talk about pooping and pooting way more than any family should. And that was BEFORE we had our own little poop factory at home. Now? It’s all we talk about.

See? That’s probably more than many real world people wanted to know. One of my best friends (IrishChic) is now thinking, “Great. Now my boss now knows that one of my BFFs is a Stealth Pooper.” And my husband? Is thinking, “Stop talking NOW. If any more secret Zoot household poop information is disclosed, I won’t be able to face my friends anymore.”

These are the downsides to not remaining entirely anonymous. I can’t openly talk about the bowel movements of me or my family without someone being embarassed. Of course, nothing is as embarassing as the Lobster Hat Story and I was brave enough to divulge that. Surely my family can handle a little poop talk.

(I am NOT looking forward to the google hits I’ll get from this entry, by the way.)