First? A response to many comments regarding NikkiZ not sleeping as well as her first cereal.

Use a binky NikkiZ won’t take a Binky (Damn her! Kidding. Kinda.) She spits it out and actually gags. She’s never taken one - but, yes - I did try again this weekend. Still the same problem. She does the same thing when we stick a bottle nipple in her mouth. At the most? She might chew on it. If we’re lucky.

Teething We’ve been thinking NikkiZ was teething for so long now we almost don’t even think about it anymore, but, y’all might be right. She seems to be more drooly and more chewey lately (are either of those words?) so we may try some tylenol tonight at bedtime. Or a lunestra.

Mix cereal with something else I may try mixing her cereal with something other than breastmilk. The only reason we tried breastmilk first is because “THEY” (you know, that notorious “they” that always has an opinion about everything) say that it will be a recognizable taste to them that way. But, she didn’t really like it anyway, so we might as well mix it with something that doesn’t take an hour to prepare. I think we’ll try mixing it with formula today. Thanks drunk amalah! I’ll let you know how THAT goes.

Cry it out or Ferberization I have no problem with “Cry it Out” method in theory at all. I even used it around 6 months or so with LilZ (although his “cries” were not bad at all). But for some reason? I can’t do it with NikkiZ. I don’t know if it’s because I know for a FACT that nursing will put her back to sleep so it feels EVIL not to? Or maybe it’s because I’m awake and why let her cry it out to keep ME awake when nursing her will let us both sleep? Or maybe it’s as simple as just my deep dark guilty issues getting in the way of normal parenting. I don’t know - but it just doesn’t seem to be an option with me.

Growth Spurt For all of you easing my mind by saying it’s a growth spurt and your children did it and it will pass? THANK YOU. I feel better knowing many of you had the same type of problems but they passed as your child just moved past that point. Sometimes the thing stressed parents need to know the most is that the problem is not THEIR FAULT. As long as its not something I’m doing wrong? It’s something I have no control over? Then Hell! Bring it ON!

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She did better last night beacuse hearing people like Karen say it was okay to just nurse her for the sake of sleeping made me feel better because that is what I WANT to do. I guess I just needed someone to remind me it was okay to do that. Yes, in the long run? It may drag out her not sleeping through the night. But for now? It’s a good solution for ME. And that’s all I care about. ME. So, she woke up at one point and MrZ got up to rock her back to sleep for me. I didn’t fight it like I usually do (again - I feel GUILTY if I’m not the one soothing her - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?) but last night I was so damn tired I just let him take her. Of course, I woke up a little later because she was crying and I just thought “Screw it - she’s getting the boob.” So, I brought her back to bed, nursed her and we both went back to sleep. She woke up several times again but I just used the boob and she went back to sleep.

So - resolution? I didn’t do anything to really solve the problem of her waking up 18 times a night. BUT - she and I both slept better, and in reality? That’s what I wanted. Hopefully the problem will just fix itself and she’ll just stop waking up ever 90 minutes or so. But for now? I need sleep - so she’s getting the boobcifier.

Hee. I just made that up. Get it? BOOBcifier? Like Pacifier? But with the word “boob”? Because I stick it in her mouth to pacify her? BOOBCIFIER. Do you get it? DO YOU? Then why arent you LAUGHING? It’s funny, dammit.

(Maybe I’m not as well rested as I thought I was.)

So. At one point in time, not too long ago, NIkkiZ was only waking up once, sometimes twice, in the night to eat. Those were the good ole’ days. About two weeks ago she started consistently waking up twice every night and this week? THREE times. And Wednesday and Thursday? She started doing this thing where she would wake up looking for something to suck on and after cramming all of her fingers in her mouth and not finding any of them satisfactory - she would start to REALLY fuss and since she still sleeps with us, it would wake me up EVERY TIME. Eventually? I would just stick the boob in her mouth and she would fall back to sleep.

I know! Bad idea! But I was so tired!

Here is last night’s schedule:

8pm: Go to sleep with NikkiZ
9pm: NikkiZ wakes up jonesing for something to suck on. I hold her close to me but DONT stick the boob in her mouth and she falls asleep sucking her fingers.
10pm: She wakes up looking for something to suck AGAIN. I try the hold her close technique and it fails. She gets fussier and I get crankier. So, I stick the boob in her mouth.
10:40pm: She wakes AGAIN, (as do I) but gets herself back to sleep.
11:40pm: She wakes AGAIN, I feed her and decide it is time for me to at least TRY to put her in the bassinet. Which I do and get my laptop out to working on some designs and watch her toss and turn. She wakes a lot but she keeps getting herself back to sleep. I didn’t want to go to sleep until I was confident she wouldn’t smother herself.
11:40 - 2:30am: NikkiZ tosses and turns quite a bit but never fully wakes up, I am awake the entire time.
2:40am: Decide to try to sleep
3:00am: NikkiZ wakes up wrestless and tossing and turning. I feed her and put her back in the bassinet
3:30am: She wakes up again, I just listen to her tossing and turning hoping she’ll go back to sleep.
4:00am: She’s still not back to sleep and is waking up more and more so I put her in bed (I was just SO TIRED) and “nurse” her.
5:00am: She’s waking again. I. So. Tired. I go to nurse her to get her to sleep again.
6:00am: Give up and get out of bed.

See? I know LOGICALLY that I’m perpetuating the problem by nursing her to get her back to sleep, but when I’ve slept so poorly the last few nights, and I just get so damn tired, I just don’t care about the consequences and just want her to go back to sleep.

*sob*

Guess what we did tonight? MrZ fed NikkiZ her first little bit of cereal. MrZ told me he read the box and it said 1 Tbsp of cereal for 4 or 5 ounces of boob milk and I about cried right there. “I can’t pump that much tonight, she won’t get to have any until tomorrow.” I was so sad thinking that my daughter was never going to get to try cereal since I am such a deficient pumper.

Then I found out my husband can’t read. 1 tbsp of cereal for 4-5 tbsps of boob milk. This was MUCH more feasible so we went to TOWN. She did okay, I guess. It’s pretty much just grainy milk we were feeding her, so its hard to tell how much she got (if any) since so much of it just poured out of her mouth the second it went in. Either way - she loved the spoon, and really, that’s all that matters.

We decided to go ahead and introduce her to cereal since she has gone from waking up ONCE a night back to THREE times a night and this is KILLING ME. I have no idea if the cereal will make a difference in her sleep patterns, but it will at least make me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING proactive about my exhaustion. Besides drugging her. Which I’m not against.

I was burping NikkiZ after her last feeding when she spit-up all over my blue jeans. No biggie, I’m getting used to such things. I wet a rag and washed the two spots (one on each thigh) clean and put her down to go back to work. When I was leaving the school, there was a small girl, 2 or 3 sitting at the front desk. When I passed by her she just stared at the two wet spots on my jeans. She smiled kindly at me and had a look on her face that said, “Same thing happened to me this morning, sista’. Damn potty-training.”
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I’ve seen two girls so far this week wearing leg-warmers. What is up with that? Is that coming back in style? If so, I’m not sure if I’m excited (I used to LOVE me some leg-warmers) or scared (what next? Peg-leg-stone-washed denim?). Is it just Huntsville, AL thing? Or are you seeing this elsewhere?

I don’t feel like talking about whether or not…