I was leaving NikkiZ’s daycare earlier and I heard the director, who is VERY pregnant, talking about her leg cramps from the night before. I froze in my footsteps and gawked at her saying, “Oh you poor thing, I remember those.”

But up until that moment? That was one of those many NikkiZ-pregnancy horrors I’ve blocked from my memory. That and the mysteriously itchy arms, the gas, the bloat, the uncontrollable ass-sweat (now it’s at least a rare occurrence) and worst of all? The shortness of breath. My god - I couldn’t breathe for the entire last trimester, how did I forget about that?

I think I have forced myself to forget those things so that I can get in the right mindset to start TTCing again. We’re not actually NOT trying right now, as in - we’re not using protection. But, I mean, really? Is that necessary? Of course, we’re also not actively “trying” right now either because I would like to maybe enjoy some alcohol on vacation and at Blogher. Especially considering it’s been since LAST FEBRUARY since I’ve had a real drink of any kind. That way, when we jump on the damn “Let’s Make a Baby” roller-coaster of emotions, I’ll have the recent memories of a few good drunken nights to fall back on when things get sad.

I’m participating in the Thursday Thirteen again today, because I’m in a list-y kind of mood.

1. Find ideas for meals to cook for 10 people that require minimal ingredients to be frozen or refrigerated. We are doing shopping for the WHOLE group for the WHOLE week on one day and it needs to all fit in the fridge/freezer.
2. Lose last 7lbs so that putting on a bathing suit doesn’t make me cry.
3. Find out about things to do in Tallahassee, FL since we may spend a day there.
4. Make sure my TiVos are all lined up to record the right shows while we’re gone.
5. Reserve a spot at the vet for the dogs to be boarded. Sell house to pay for boarding them for a week.
6. Finish preparing for Blogher since we’ll leave for that just a few days after beach.
7. Buy new outfit(s) for Blogher that are NOT stained.
8. Unbox books so I can find the ones I want to take to the beach.
9. Decide what of NikkiZ’s possessions are truly “necessary” to take to the beach since we will be taking a small sedan and packing it full.
10. Sell sedan and buy van.
11. Decide what board games to take: Taboo and Apples to Apples are musts
12. Paint toenails.
13. Find my watch because I’m miserable without it.

Hi. I screwed up my template colors when trying to change a color of something else. Please forgive the mess. It will be cleaned up soon, I hope. Meanwhile? I’ll be the girl crying at her own stupidity. My advice to you? Immediately back up your templates/stylesheet. Amen.

I’m taking another of Rancid Raves Meme Week ideas:

Wednesday is HumpDay - Guys I would consider to be Humpable Haute Hotties

1. MrZ. Seriously - do you all realize how hott my husband is? Just in case you are unaware: He is hot shirtless, working, with a goat, in a tux, in a santa hat, wearing one of LilZ’s ties, and holding his baby girl. So Hott!

   (Do you see how I pumped his ego FIRST, before listing my humpable celebrities? Do you see how I’m probably ruining the effect that had by pointing it out?)

2. Dale Earnhardt Jr. (MrZ has been stopped DOZENS of times and told he looks like Little E, once even being mistaken for him. So, even though I’m not a Nascar fan, he has to be on my list)
3. Brad Pitt. (It doesnt hurt he is now partnered with my hard-core-girl-crush)
4. Anderson Cooper (Even with possible sexual ambiguity. Possibly because of that.)
5. Joe Montana (He’s a crush since my childhood 49ers obsession…give me a break.)
6. Heath Ledger (I fell for him in Knight’s Tale, the cheesiest but most AWESOME movie ever.)
7. Jason Bateman (Possibly because he WAS on THE funniest show of all time.)
8. Jon Bon Jovi (I can’t help it. I know.)
9. Dave Matthews (It’s the music.)
10. Peter Gallagher (It’s the eyebrows)

Last night MrZ told me, “We have had some guy leave a message or two asking us to fix his boat.” To which I replied, “Please get me a glass of water, I’m thirsty.”

(I sometimes just don’t care, you know?)

Well, I was checking our messages this morning and there was a message from a guy with a VERY thick accent (I don’t know my accents…is Arabic general enough?) telling us his name, his phone number, and asking us rather desperately if we could PLEASE return his call because his houseboat needed repair.

So, I wrote down the number, called him back and said, “Frank - can you brink your boat by my house sometime this afternoon? I’ll check her out for you.”

Man, that would have been cool. Instead I said, “Um, hi, my name is Kim and my phone number is 555-5555 and I think you’ve left a couple of messages on my machine thinking my number belongs to a local boat repair company.”

He immediately started laughing. Like, trying-to-catch-his-breath-to-talk kind of laughter. Finally he said, “Oh, my. So - you do not repair boats, then?” and then he laughed some more. At that point? I was giggling too because I thought the situation was damn funny but I wasn’t quite sure if I thought it was funny for the same reasons as he did because, he was laughing SO DAMN HARD. I considered it Giggle Funny but not quite Have To Pee I’m Laughing So Hard Funny.

After confirming that he was calling my number thinking it belonged to a boat repair company, he informed me he had an ad for this company that actually said my home number on it. Which, I don’t know if he was actually reading off the ad at that moment, but it seems if it was actually on an ad like that, we’d have had a lot more calls, so who knows. He may have just written it down wrong.

Either way, he ended the call saying, “Thank you for calling and telling me, Kim. So nice of you and so good to speak to you today this time.” (Don’t forget to imagine this spoken in obviously broken English and a thick accent.) And then he laughed some more. And then he said, “Oh…so funny…” and told me to have a great morning.

I’m telling you - if we could all have people that easily humored in our day-to-day interactions? Therapists would be unnecessary because it’s hard to stay sad, stressed, or depressed when you’re listening to someone laughing hysterically over something that is kinda funny, but also not so much. You just find yourself laughing as hard and thinking, “Why am I laughing? It’s not that funny?” but it sill makes you feel better.

I guess it’s like hanging out with a drunk person all day. Maybe that’s it - maybe Frank was drunk-dialing boat repair companies. If so? That makes Frank my new best friend.