Expect the unexpected if you’re a coworker of mine

I’ve mentioned before that Nikki’s daycare requires that you take your shoes off at the door before entering the classroom. This is to keep you from tracking crap in that the children will inevitably find before the teacher does and put it in their mouth to choke on. If you don’t want to take your shoes off? They provide hospital booties for you to put over your shoes. If you don’t want to do that either? The flog you in the courtyard for all of the kids to see.

Or something like that. I can’t remember the exact rules.

Today, one of my supervisors/coworkers came by my office and said, “Hmm. This is a new thing for you to do.” I turned around and saw him standing at the door, looking down at my shoes sitting outside the door, in the hall. I didn’t even realize I had done that. I kick my shoes off under my desk all the time, but obviously my daycare brain wasn’t completely turned off when I came back from feeding Nikki last time. I just left my shoes by the door like I do at her classroom. I tried explaining that to my coworker, but it didn’t really make me look any better.

Having a reason behind your brain fart doesn’t make the brain fart itself go away.

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Points to Ponder

My feeble brain is making an appearance in this week’s Thursday Thirteen.

Thirteen Things I’m Currently Pondering

  1. Why is it that when I don’t need help with anything at Target, there are always a handful of nice employees offering their assistance. But when I do need help? I get the one jackass to answer the call button.
  2. Why are there fifty spoons and no forks in the kitchen at my office? (You’ve got 10,000 spoons and all you need is a fork…).
  3. How is it that I have been using WiFi for almost three years now, but I just learned what it stands for (Wireless Fidelity) this week?
  4. Is it possible to overdose on frosted mini-wheats?
  5. Why is it that the two WORST diaper failures of Nikki’s life occur when she’s wearing Huggies instead of Target generic? There was the Shoe Carnival incident and then yesterday there was the Poop All Over the Living Room Carpet incident. (Which, incidentally, almost became the Dogs Ate Baby Poop incident, but I got there in time). Both times? Poop escaped out the leg portion of the diaper. Do Huggies suck? Or is this just us?
  6. Where is my damn watch? I took it off in my car one day because it was irritating my wrist. That evening, I went to get it out of my car and it wasn’t there. Did someone break into my car for a $30 Ironman?
  7. Why do I need an Ironman watch? I mean, is it really necessary I keep track of my time when I’m running? Do I need a watch to remind me that I run a 13 minute mile? Or would it just say SLOW AS HELL? Or maybe YOU WALK FASTER THAN YOU RUN.
  8. Am I officially a grown-up now that I’ve started listening to NPR in the mornings?
  9. Why is my face so greasey today? Did I mix up my soap and CRISCO for chrissakes?
  10. Why can I never remember how to spell Tuesday? (Teusday?)
  11. How is it that Dr. Wil is positioning himself to win BB All-Stars in the EXACT SAME WAY he won BB 2? And everyone is still falling for it? AGAIN. Even when they saw it the first time?
  12. Why was US Weekly THREE TIMES more expensive than TV Guide in my sister-in-law’s fundraiser? TV Guide at least has valuable information and substantial interviews. US Weekly is total crap in terms of content because it’s just a tabloid. Oh wait, I answered my own question there.
  13. If Nikki broke our TiVo and then I “had” to buy a new one with a dual tuner? Would you believe it happened by accident or that I maybe got the idea from someone else’s “tradedy” and possibly placed my TiVo in harm’s way on purpose?
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Outside. Away from my TiVo.

Through the trees

I was trying to focus on the barn, but with the focus on the trees it’s a much better shot.

I grew up with my Dad taking us hiking in the Smokies quite often. There were several trails we became frequent customers at. We did a lot of camping there too, and we even took a cross-country camping trip when I was in high school. I may have whined about it a bit (My Dad: A BIT? You mean CONSTANTLY, right?) when we were doing it, but it really instilled in me a love for the outdoors.

When LilZ was a baby, I took him hiking and camping all of the time. I was poor, didn’t have cable, and was living life as a wannabe hippie, so the outdoors made a perfect playground for us. Since getting a “real job” in the “real world” and having “money” – I’ve found myself less apt to take a trot on any of the local trails. Why go outside when you have 5 episodes of Kyle XY to catch up on. Right?

This weekend I forced my family to go wander one of the local nature trails with me. I would say we went hiking, but it was more like walking along a trail covered in mulch and stopping every 100ft to let me take pictures. Since hiking tends to imply physical exertion, let’s just say we strolled through the woods on Saturday.

It took some effort coaxing everyone outside through rounds of, “Its hottttt!” and “It’s really hotttt!” and “There’s no air-conditioning outside!” (My Dad: Karmic paybacks are hell.) At one point MrZ was trying to justify not going by saying we had done it since we moved here.

We’ve been up there since moving here.
No we haven’t.
YES. We Have.
NO. We have NOT.
HAVE TOO.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN YOUR OTHER WIFE.

Once I got them both to give up the fight and just go with me, if for no other reason but to shut me up, we ended up having a nice time. It actually wasn’t too hot, and it wasn’t crowded at all. We got to breathe air not cooled with freon and I took some nice pictures of things other than my daughter. All in all? It was a great Saturday excursion. Totally better than watching three episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Covered Bridge

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I’m too easy on my charges

LilZ’s Dad gave him $100 to buy an iPod with last week. LilZ saw the iPod he wants (the nano) actually costs $150. He counted out that he has almost $50 in change, so all he really needs is about $15 to be able to buy it before this weekend. How does an 11-year old kid earn $15 in just a few days? Offers his services to his mother, that’s how. I told him that if he worked for me every night this week, doing whatever I asked, I’d cover the extra when we go buy it on Thursday.

At first I was very excited at the potential of having someone else do my chores for me. Of course, then I remembered that I’m an anal-retentive control freak and won’t let people do housework for me because they won’t do it the right way. Let’s see. He’s brought dishes into the kitchen from other parts of the house and he put clothes in the washing machine. That’s about it. I, on the other hand, have folded clothes, washed dishes, cooked dinner, taken the garbage out, and made beds. All things I could have demanded LilZ do to earn money, but didn’t because either he’s too slow (I like things done NOW!) or he doesn’t do them “right.”

He’s learning what it’s like to be married to me. I’ll complain I don’t get any help, but when it’s there to use, I won’t use it.

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You’re amazed, aren’t you?

After SIX WEEKS of not going to the gym? I went tonight. And guess what? I ran THREE FREAKIN’ MILES. You’re impressed, aren’t you? I can tell you are, and if you aren’t? Then what is wrong with you? BE IMPRESSED DAMMIT.

Anyway. I feel so good. I had to really dig deep to make it the three miles because I did not want to finish at all. But, if I’m going to run that 5K next month, I need to get my ass ready. After my three miles I swam with LilZ for awhile. We spent the entire time making fun of the surly teens hanging out in the hot tub. I told LilZ I was going to go over there and say, “Get out of here, kids. Grandma needs to soak a bit.” I think he thought I was going to really do it because this look of utter TERROR took over his face like, “It’s all fun and games until someone gets humiliated by their embarrassing mother.”

Don’t worry, kid. I’m saving all of my embarrassing moves for your first girlfriend.

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