We were at Shoe Carnival buying MrZ some tennis shoes when Nikki started grunting like she was pooping. I was holding her on my hip, like I always do, and was hoping the diaper would protect me from the onslaught that seemed to me imminent. Then, seconds later, I felt warm liquid on my arm. For a split second I begged whatever deity was listening to let that moisture be urine, but I knew in my heart of hearts that is was not. I looked down just in time to see one small drip of liquid poop fall to the carpet. I immediately grabbed her body closer to mine, so that whatever else was leaking out, would get on me and not the floor.
That is a deficiency in my character, I believe. That there is a part of me that worries so much about the employees of this store and their opinion of me, that I’ll force my daughter’s shit on myself instead of earning the title Customer Whose Daughter Left That Stain Over There. I have a feeling the average person would have a different instinct when realizing the integrity of their daughter’s diaper had been compromised. As in, HOLD THE BABY AWAY FROM THE BODY. AVOID CONTACT WITH THE POO AT ALL COSTS.
Nope. Not me. Mine was to pull her close which resulted in diarrhea all over my jeans and top. I called LilZ over to me and said, “Give MrZ these shoes to buy for me,” because even shit wasn’t keeping me from $7 wedges, “I’m running to the car because Nikki just crapped all over me.”
I walked to the car a few stores away, changed the baby out of the stinky diaper and stinky clothes. Ran out of wipes so I couldn’t clean myself up. (Those damn travel wipes containers do not hold enough for that kind of explosion.) I then waited…and waited…and waited for MrZ and LilZ to come out of the store. Which they didn’t. I finally decided I needed to go remind them that the shit soaking through my clothes and on onto my skin was going to need to take priority over someone’s need for new kicks.
I walked back into the store and said to MrZ, “So, did hearing I had been pooped on translate to you to take your time?” As I said this, he was surveying the situation. “Oh. I thought when LilZ said you had poop on you, he meant a little on your arm. I didn’t realize you were soaked through.” He then asked me if I liked the shoes he was trying on to which I said, “Yes. I love them. But being covered in shit may make me a little quick to approve so we can get the HELL OUT OF HERE.”
I sat outside until they finished. I had done a good job of escaping the title of “Woman Reponsible for that Stain” but I had no desire to earn “Woman Responsible For That Smell.”
I have never laughed so hard reading anyone’s blog as I have just now reading your story. I mean it. Tears streaming down my face laughing. Let me just say Thank You on behalf of everyone else who shops around you. We appreciate the sacrifice you made for the common good of others.
I love you! You are so funny. I would have also held the baby closer to me. Or, quickly handed the baby to my husband and then left.
LMAO… should have passed her to MrZ! LOL bet you’d have gotten out of there in a big hurry!!
Been there, done that! You are not alone. I had the exact same thing happen to me while shopping with my daughter. I got lucky though, I didn’t have to wait for the Mister to finish shoe shopping! LOVE you blog!
MissZoot- you are a treasure. The fact that a post about you-know-what can make me laugh so hard… well, you’re just incredible. It’s times like these that make me glad I am child-less…
Does this mean you will start carrying an extra shirt & pair of pants in the car for yourself? Disgustingly Hilarious.
oh that is funny shit!
Oh, no. Any time shit makes an appearance? It is officially Time to Get Out Of the Store. That means EVERYBODY. Pronto. Drop the sneaks and MOVE in the direction of the exit.
Went t-shirt shopping this morning and came across something for you:
http://www.palmercash.com/product.asp?3=48
I’ve never had a kid, but instinct tells me I TOTALLY would have done the same thing. Also, in response to something you posted a couple of days ago, I have totally not showered for 3 days in a row before. My boyfriend actually brought the showering thing up in a fight last night. Grr. Humiliating.
While I’m posting off-topic stuff, I should probably mention that I normally shower. Gah! *goes to hide*
Hilarious! And so glad I’m not the only one who blogs about poop. Those are always some of my best entries.
Funny, but not. I would totally pull her closer too.
Okay I know that is really not funny, but I can’t stop laughing.
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.
This is why J and I both have cell phones. I think the most we call each other is when we’re at a store “together” but have lost track of each other.
So is NikkiZ feeling better today? I wouldn’t have wanted to do THAT load of laundry!
Off-topic, your random Flickr just thumbnailed a wedding photo, and I looked through all of them. You are without a doubt the most beautiful bride I have ever seen, myself included (my dress was ugly).
I remember those days. . . and I want to have another one? Perhaps I should have my head examined. But man, the exploding poop really does make for great stories.
Nothing like a Code Brown in public!!
Isn’t being a mommy GLAMOROUS? Heh.
OMG! I have never had that one happen before! LOL That is so funny but I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the moment!
I was waiting to get my kid’s pic taken in the mall, when I noticed a wet spot on the bench. Yep, poopy. As in, should we call the dr poopy. I did the same thing. Glad it’s not just me…