Guess what happened to me last night? I realized last night that I’m KRAZEE. Seriously. There is something totally wrong with me.
Let me start at the beginning…
I’ve casually mentioned that we’re trying to transition Nikki to her crib instead of our bed due to MrZ’s fears of crushing her in her sleep. The last few weeks have brought many arguments over this as it’s not going very smoothly. It would be easier if she was sleeping through the night to begin with, but wasn’t. She has not slept through the night even once since she was born. She wakes up to nurse at least twice every night. And if you’ll recall, I am LAZY and like to just roll over and stick the boob in her mouth. This usually allows me to sleep through the feedings, maximizing the amount of sleep I get each night.
If she’s in her crib? It is not quite as easy to sleep through the feedings. And when I’m really tired, hear her on the monitor, and try to just roll over and stick my boob in her mouth? I’m greeted with a very surprised MrZ.
I won’t bore you with the gory details of the arguments we’ve had about how best to transition her. Just trust that there have been many. We finally agreed yesterday to the following plan:
- Put her down to sleep in her crib at the start of the night, usually around 7:30.
- When she wakes up the first time (usually after an hour), let her cry 15 minutes before going to get her.
- Put her back in the crib after that first time (because it’s still usually before I’ve gone to bed for the night).
- The next time she wakes up, she can come back in bed with us for the rest of the night.
We are going to use this method for a few weeks to see if her sleep cycles stretched longer and longer. Eventually this will produce a baby who sleeps peacefully through the night in her crib. She’ll also be potty trained. And poop rainbows.
Now, let’s see how last night went, shall we?
8:15 MrZ puts Nikki down in her crib
10:15 NikkiZ wakes up for the first time, shocking us completely.
10:16 The monitor is turned up all the way. I am repeating over and over about how it’s killing me to listen to her cry.
10:17 MrZ suggests turning down the monitor.
10:18 I start crying too.
10:19 I’m spouting off such jems as, “Her heart is breaking because I won’t come get her.” MrZ is trying not to laugh when he replies, “It’s been four minutes.”
10:20 She stops crying. I crying harder saying, “She’s back to sleep because she’s given up hope I’ll rescue her. SHE GAVE UP ON ME.”
10:21 She cries again, just a little bit. I smile through my tears and say, “Yay! She hasn’t given up.”
10:22 The crying stops. For good this time. I doze off while crying myself to sleep.
She was awake for all of SEVEN MINUTES and I lost every bit of composure I could possibly have had. Rationally? I know how ridiculous I was. Unfortunately, it only got worse. She woke up again at 11:45. However, I got no sleep during that time because I was too busy keeping myself awake with one of several thoughts.
She’s dead. The cat’s found a way to open up her door and smother her.
She’s emotionally damaged for the rest of her life because I let her cry herself to sleep.
She has learned she can’t depend on me.
She will now hate me forever.
See? KRAZEE. I had no problems letting LilZ fuss himself back to sleep when he was a baby, but I wasn’t fighting the “Working Mom” guilt I’m fighting now. I feel like I’m letting her down every day when I leave her at daycare, so my emotions go crazy when I have to “let her down” at night. I was a damn basket case.
When she finally woke up? I threw the “give her 15 minutes to fuss herself back to sleep” right out the window. I ran into her room, grabbed her from her crib, and sobbed while telling her, “Momma’s here. It’s okay.” We went back to bed and slept relatively peacefully the rest of the night. I know today how ridiculous I was being, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do the same thing tonight.
Guilt. Making me KRAZEE since 1975.
I’m going through the same thing. My son is almost 8 months old and we’re trying to train him to sleep through the night and are using the cry-it-out method. My God, the pain! The guilt! I only cried slightlly less than my son the first night we tried it. I thought I was breaking his spirit and he’d no longer be the happy child we’d come to know and love.
I have to say though that it’s only been about 4 or 5 days since we started and last night? He slept 9 and a half hours straight. And he woke up as the same ol’ happy boy. Whee! You can do it too, KRAZEE or not.
Sounds like it went well — for NikkiZ, anyway. Hang in there!
awww, you poor thing. that must be so hard! Good for you, though. It’s hard but you’re doing a good thing.
Giving her 15 minutes of crying isn’t that bad - think of all those CIO whackos that will let their babies cry for an hour or longer. 15 minutes - she’s learning how to deal with being on her own. An hour - something is more than likely wrong.
Sending good vibes your way. Things will get easier after a few days - but those first few days are going to be rediculously miserable for you.
Oh, honey–hang in there. It gets better. (and I agree with Ruth–it sounds like NikkiZ’s taking it very well!)
I wish I had some words of wisdom for ya…but I would probably do the same thing. That or what my parents did….let me cry till I pass out.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even if you were Staying, like me, you would still feel like a crap mom every time you let your kid cry for a millisecond. I mean, not that *I* do that. No. Never. NOT ME.
Gulp.
Letting them cry is hard. And, to say that her stopping the crying is her ‘giving up hope you’ll rescue her’? Hits far too close to home. [I made a somewhat similiarly related post just the other day, but nowhere near as coherent as yours!].
If only they came with instruction books [or hell! A baby to English translation book!], life would be much easier.
*big hugs your way*
You love NikkiZ. I’m confident that whatever you choose…whenever you choose it… will be right for you, and for her.
It’s hard to be poised on the knife-edge of doubt. Parenthood places you there almost every day. Which scenario guarantees she’ll talk about me to a psychiatrist one day: Picking her up or letting her cry. Sometimes, both seem to be the thing to do and both seem equally awful. Guilt…it’s a soul-killing thing.
I’ll have to second what someone said before about letting her cry for 15 minutes being much better than for an hour. I am the QUEEN of quilt though. I convince myself that everything from global warming to my kid having allergies is my own fault. It will get better though! Hang in there and be strong for now, and every day you and her will both feel better about the situation. Until then remember, you are not showing her that she can’t depend on you. You are allowing her the chance to learn to comfort herself for the small things, but Mommy will ALWAYS be there when it really counts.
Again, another good reason I never had kids- the guilt would have killed me off long ago… you poor thing…
I don’t have kids yet, so I can only imagine how hard it must be to listen to your baby cry. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m just as krazee as you when I am trying to get my own kids to sleep through the night.
And congratulations on making it through that first 7 minutes. As hard as it was, you still did it! I definitely think you deserved a reward for it, and that reward was not having to listen to her cry for another 7 minutes the next time she woke up.
NikkiZ and LilZ are so lucky to have a mom as loving as you.
Zoot I am right there with you on this issue. My husband wants to let Jack cry it out. I know he can’t do it — he breaks out in hives from screaming. He has no ability to self-soothe.
So we have been doing the same as you. he starts in his crib. He had been waking around 1 every night, when I would stumble into his room and feed him in the glider. When he woke again at 3 or later, he came in our bed and I boobed him to sleep and then when he would wake a few times.
I think it’s worked well for all of us. I get some sleep and he gets his boob.
Last night, he slept in his crib straight through from 7:55 pm to 6:35 am. WHOOOO HOOOO!
And when I’m really tired, hear her on the monitor, and try to just roll over and stick my boob in her mouth? I’m greeted with a very surprised MrZ.
I’m sorry, that was hilarious!
Oh, I’m feeling for you. However, we have decided that the daycare guilt is so strong in our house, that Al will most likely still be sleeping with us when he’s 9. And we’re OK with that.
But I completely understand the rolling-over fear. Thankfully, we all sleep pretty calmly and lightly. Otherwise, we’d probably be going through the exact same thing.
Hang in there.
Oh I soooo understand. Doing what you did would have, in fact, killed me. I’m just trying to get The Alien from our bed to a co-sleeper that is ATTACHED TO OUR BED. I’ve been meaning to do this for months and for some reason I just can’t get her over there. What if she’s too cold? What if she feels rejected? What if … what if … what if … Oy! I hope it works out for you. It will give me a bit of hope!