Other than doughnut wedding cakes and buying school supplies, there are really no areas in my life where I excel as compared with any other average Jane. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I really, really, really, really want to find something I am really good at. Something that other people who know me can use to describe me. “Oh, Kim. You know her - she’s the one who is really good at concrete stamping.”
I often look back on my childhood and teen years and recall the many times that I was simply okay at things. I was always struggling to be great and truly wanted to be called the best, but I mostly hovered around eh, so-so. For any child under the age of 14 - that sucks. Being bad would have probably given me more attention, but I was too scared to try that one out. I had a good suspicion that in my house, being bad might go hand-in-hand with being grounded, and I didn’t want that kind of attention.
In elementary school, we took these standardized tests twice a year. When the grades came back, the top scorers were given prizes and most were invited to join the honors program. The prizes were things like groovy sticker books and fun shoestrings. (Groovy stickers and fun shoestrings are still a great motivator for me, if you must know. Even at 31.) I remember never quite getting high enough grades for the prizes or the program, but not low enough grades to be considered for any sort of special tutoring. I was merely average with a periodic visit to the world of above average.
I spent years watching the smart kids do fun things like perform plays and go on exciting field trips. I watched them take home their Smart Kid Loot and often wondered if I’d ever join their ranks as owners of sheets of stickers declaring “AWESOME!†for all to see. They went to the zoo! They rode the train! I wanted to be one of them more than I wanted to make-out with Kirk Cameron – and that was a lot. Of course, there was only like four kids in the program - since my school only had about 15 kids per grade. So - I would have only been part of a small elite group - but an elite group nonetheless.
I believe it was the 5th grade when I finally scored high enough on the tests to be asked to join the honors program. Of course, that year the most exciting field trip was to a cattle auction. I remember being bitter that being smart somehow meant that I needed to smell like cow shit. As luck would have it, joining the honors program for that one year still barely put me above average. That year, half of my class made it into the same program, but with higher scores.
My subject grades were never the best either - just pretty good. I’m sure I could have worked harder to get top marks, but I preferred writing notes signed “LYLAS†to my BFFs. And sports? Let’s see - I played soccer, basketball, I cheered (shut up - it was practically mandatory) and took gymnastics - all before high school. During those endeavors I was “The girl who scored a basket for the wrong team,†“The one student who still can’t do a back handspring after two years,” and “The girl on the bench.” I think in the world of athletics, I was more often below average or possibly the outlier ruining the average for the rest of the team.
Mediocrity tortured me.
In high school, I came a little closer to becoming The Smartest or The One with The Highest Scores, but I never actually achieved that goal. I was proud to be close, but I was never close enough to garner any attention for my academics. I graduated with honors and a 4.0 (on a 4.0 scale) - but that still had me ranked out of the top 20 in a 56 person class. Damn my class and its high concentration of smart kids.
And sports? I played volleyball and ran track. I actually became pretty good at Volleyball, but never great. (We’re not discussing track.) Of course, I wouldn’t have even had the chance to become good at a public school. Lucky for the athletically challenged, my school was so small that the coaches of the sports teams didn’t even have try-outs. If you wanted to play - you simply showed up. The coaches rarely even knew the rules of the sport they were coaching, so the potential for progress in the positive direction was intense. All in all, my athleticism improved in high school, but that just brought me closer to average and further from talent less dweeb with two left feet.
Socially - I was never the top either. I was the president of one club that meant a lot to me - but that no one else gave two flying shits about. I mean - who wants to find their place as “The Best” in an all-girls service club? That wasn’t necessarily where I wanted to discover my unharnessed potential. Doing Meals-on-Wheels.
Towards the end of high school, I started realizing that the best way to get that attention I craved was to quit trying to be the best and focus more on being the weirdest. This was very easy at a small high school where the students wore uniforms. I learned that I could get just as much attention wearing black nail-polish as I could by getting the top grade on a test. And the black nails were much easier to accomplish. After relishing the stares and whispers after one day of wearing black nail-polish, I braved silver snake rings and black combat boots. OOHH! The attention! I even started dating an older guy!
For a short while, I guess, I became the best at something. I was The Girl with the Lyrics to Stairway To Heaven Written on her Jeans, formerly known as The Girl Who Is the Eucharistic Minister on Wednesdays in The Chapel. I was getting attention for becoming somebody different, somebody weird, and I loved every second of it. For the short while it lasted.
Unfortunately - I was only unique in my small world of a catholic high school. When I entered college, I learned the world was full of freaks bigger and better than I could ever hope to be. My hard earned title of weirdest didn’t even last past orientation in college. They guy with the purple mohawk and tattoos on his neck took it from me.
I find that my inability to find the one thing I can do AWESOMELY to be quite disheartening. I’ve been thinking about Life Lists lately, and I can’t get past #1 on my Life List: Become REALLY Good At Something Other Than Watching Television.
So – I think I want to tinker with some skills to try to find my calling. I’ve already been working on web-design, but I think I lack natural creative vision to excel at that. There’s blogging, of course, but I lack natural grammatical skill to succeed at that. I’ve tinkered with scrapbooking, but my attention span (32 seconds) keeps me for getting into that. Creating my own greeting cards is okay, but I’ve not shown any natural ability for that skill either. Especially since my handwriting is so ugly.
What are you hobbies? What are you really good at? Can you teach me? Do you also have an unquenchable desire to be the Valedictorian of something (to quote Dooce)? If so, let’s do this together. Unless you turn out to be better than me, then I’m ditching you for a less capable partner.
I’m quite the crafty wench, but more along the lines of being master of none. Scrapbooking, photography, crosstitch, etc. Most recent obsession is knitting, and I must say, there is a lot of room to be weird and creative. Hell, looking for patterns I found someone online had knit a UTERUS. Hello??? Yep, uterus, fallopian tubes and all.
Zoot, I must say, you sell yourself short as I am the user of two of your free templates, you are darn tootin’ at making the blog templates. And of course, if you didn’t do a decent job posting interesting stuff to read, I would not come back here.
But, if we must we must, so go ahead and sign us up for that skydiving class, I’ll learn with you, and I promise I won’t be better at it because of the whole scared of heights thing.
Ugh. I hear ya sista!
I have no discernable hobbies and I don’t think reading counts as I’m not exactly focusing on the classics.
I’ll be watching to see what suggestions you get because I could use a little direction myself
P.S. I too am a user of your wonderful web designs so I think you’re selling yourself a bit short in that aspect.
I hear ya girl. I am always trying to figure out what I do well. I went to college but never got to finish my degree, almost but had to drop out before i could graduate. Now that im older im thinking I could go back to school but I cant decide what I want to try. I cant figure out what I would be good at. Whats all this about a ‘calling’. im still waiting for my call. im thinking that being average in most areas is what I do best. oh that and changing diapers……:)
Concrete stamping? I could do that - but I bet it’s dirty. Let’s get really good at something yummy like Keri (http://500miles2nowhere.blogspot.com/);
she makes truffles.
BTW I think your designs rock.
Well, I thought you had it all over most “common folk” with your ability to put together really awesome designs and blogs - I still cannot figure out how exactly to change a header! Isn’t it amazing that once we master something (or get in those high honor classes) it just isn’t special anymore … IF I CAN DO IT, IT MUST NOT BE THAT BIG A DEAL
Good luck finding your passion … and when you discover it, enjoy it!
Now you know how I felt when we all took that Linux class our last semester in college. “Zoot and Mr. Z are AWESOME at this and I am just glad that the teacher grades on a curve…” I so didn’t deserve a B in that class but I’ll take what I can get.
I have always felt like I am good at a lot of things but great at nothing. Don’t be mad but I am glad I’m not the only one.
Holy Hell. You seriously just described my life almost to a T. Even down to the not discussing track bit. Let’s pretend that word doesn’t exist. Except that instead of the black nail polish wierd, I went goofy wierd. I’m a non-specialist in a world of specialists. I married a man who, love him!, is fabulous at everything he does. I’d kinda given up on trying to be really good at anything. I found I have a natural ability for cake decorating but that’s just as in I can make one look decent but I’m a perfectionist so it takes me forever and I just don’t have that kind of time. (I once seriously spent FOURTEEN hours just decorating a cake! Didn’t finish my plans for it either..) I dunno. I can’t even think now of what I’d want to do well. I’ve settled for mediocre scrapbooker, avid fiction reader, and semi-willing tag-along for all of my dh’s “hair brained schemes” - which are usually considered really cool by everyone else.. and they are. I just don’t have the time or motivation to help with his schemes and my own too.. :p
don’t forget braiding!
In my office, I’m the girl who knows a lot of games. My co-workers had never heard of the fabulousness that is Apples to Apples or Dutch Blitz or even played Cranium before I brought it up. It’s not like I always win at these games, I’m just aware of them. So maybe if you aren’t high on the skill factor, you can just go for quantity? The girl with the most blogs?
You mean I’m not the valedictorian of not doing anything the best? I thought that was my talent. A bit of this and a bit of that and seriously great at nothing. GAH! Way to crush my dreams.
(BTW, I’m really glad I’m not the only one this really bothers.)
Zoot, you’re a very talented blog designer; I’ve loved your stuff for quite a while now. I’ve never been able to get the hang of it myself. So far my only hobbies are photography and writing. I used to do rubber stamp cards, but I just don’t have time for it anymore.
I’m an opera singer! That’s my thing and I knew I wanted to sing and perform when I was but wee.
You’re good at designing blogs and helping people figure out blog stuff. And you’re good at blogging and sticking with it and coming up with fresh content. And from your posts, it sounds like you’re good at setting and accomplishing goals. Lots of good stuff!
I have always wanted to be the best at something, too. I’m actually quite good at a number of things, but never the best at anything.
What should we try to be the best at? I think our best bet is to try something no one else does…how about synchronized cross-country Diet Coke drinking?
I can take yarn and a couple of pointy sticks and make a toasty pair of socks. Nothing like being able to make clothing out of string!
And excuse me? You think you lack the natural creative vision to excel at web design? Can I come over and kick you in the butt for saying that? I’ll even bring you a pair of socks!
A couple of years ago I decided that I wanted to learn how to bake bread. The first little while it was awful, but now I have given my mother and my sister-in-law lessons on baking and my dad even thinks I should sell some of my creations. They’re not really THAT fabulous, but it has been fun to learn something new. Now I’m expanding into learning how to cook more things and in various techniques.
This from the girl that couldn’t make something unless it came from a box when she got married…
You have created excellent templates used by half the internets.
You are an amazing blogger and no matter how randomly I may select and start reading a blog, they always mention you and have you on their blogroll.
The way I see it, you are the best blogger and the best template creator there is!
I’m going to have to agree with everyone else that you’re really great at blog design. You’re so good that I fully intend to beg you to do a design for my blog just as soon as I have a litle more room in the budget so I can pay you the good money you deserve.
As far as what I’m good at? Let’s see…very minimalist scrapbooking (mostly sticking photos on the page with not a lot of embellishment), tap dancing (I’m nowhere near being a great tap dancer, but i’m not bad, either), and…um….playing with my dog (keep in mind I’m only among the best at this because the dog is very shy around most people and therefore not very playful unless he knows you well).
I also have an unquenchable desire for people to like me. Even if I don’t like them, I’ll still try to make them like me. Because apparently I’m crazy.
I guess being the perfect daughter didn’t count huh?….You were you know
Ummmm. DUH!!! You rock on the Internet!!!! We all know that. That is why we check your blog ten times a day!
Dude, haven’t you mentioned that you totally rock at french braiding? Mmmm? I can’t do that to save my life so you have my envy on that one. And being in the “gifted” program wasn’t all it was cracked up to be - I was the only gifted student in my entire little rural school so all it meant was that when everyone else in my class had gym, I got sent to the high school library to work on independant projects. That was about as fun as it sounds, plus, as a bonus, I totally tubbed out with no gym for the whole winter. Awesome.
no way, RA. I’M the one with the most blogs. I’ve got everything! I’m the best at spelling…pretty good at knitting…doing better at web design…but Zoot, you’ve got endless talent. Count your blessings, girl
My hobbies include running and working out in general. I am really good at helping people lose weight. As far as running; No marathons yet but 5Ks mostly. We could help each other with that. My husband agreed to run/walk a half marathon w/ me in April.
Other hobbies: photography, writing, playing piano, drums, and guitar (I am a one woman band), arts and crafts, decorating and last but not least I can organize ANYTHING. I have seriously thought of starting an organzing business. Any takers???
I can whole heartedly sympathize with your need to feel accomplished at something. I’ve tried, and failed at, far too many attempts in my life, and that? Bugs the ever loving shit out of me. My mom tells me I’m perfect at being “me”…but that’s not doing me any good lately
And, having Tyler? Puts the drive in me to try again…I just don’t know what the hell TO try.
Should you manage to find the path to success, mind sending me a map?
[and I can't even brag about using your awesome templates, damn free Wordpress!!!]
You described me except I am male and did not do the cheeleading or personal decoration things.
I have no idea how to do any type of web design, so you are already one up on me.
I decorate cakes. I’m not bad, but I’m not the best. The absolute greatest thing about my hobby? I get to eat the result. Hee.
How do I adopt Zoot’s mom?? Is there any type of legal form or paperwork to get at the courthouse? Seriously, I need one, mine left….
First of all, I bet Mr. Z, LilZ, and NikkiZ think you are the bestest wife and mother in the whole wide world. I do understand how you feel. When I feel that way and my husband tells me what I just told you, I tell him it doesn’t count because he (and my son) are *supposed* to think that. So, yeah, I know it’s cold comfort, but it is worth saying and nice to hear.
I knit. I’m not the best out there and I’m not the worst. The important thing, though, is that I love the things I make and I love the feeling I get when I try something new or complete a project. Maybe you could look at web design that way. Because, really, anything creative or artsy-crafty is so subjective and arbitrary. You enjoy doing it. You make people happy. I think that is pretty damn special.
I shop for shoes and fleece really well but I suppose that does not count. I love to read and I can do some mean embroidery, a hobby altohough dorky is one that I have been away from for too long. I think a trip to the store to get myself a new pattern for my birthday might be in order!
Is it really important to be Vaedictorian of something so long as you love doing it?
I swear, I think I could have written this myself. Scary.
First of all - I totally sympathize with your plight, as I go through similar feelings myself.
But I do think you are being a little hard on yourself here!
I suppose we all need to practice some self-acceptance and just realize that we are “enough”.
P.S. I also LOVE brownies (with hot fudge sauce) and my husband thinks it is disgusting …
i’ll tell your what your good @! making me laugh! and describing things so that they stick in my head!
I still have the nikkiZ “lean and poot” in my head!
Hey, I think you’re a good blogger! But that’s just my opinion.
I was always one of the smartest kids at primary school, but once I moved up to secondary school this changed. I went to a grammar school so everyone there was bright and suddenly I was middle to bottom. (Okay, so it was middle to bottom of a fairly intelligent bunch, but it sucked!) I could never be best at anything after that because there were loads of people at my school who were better than me.
But oh well, that’s life I suppose. We all want to be great and we define that by being better than others.
I think you’re great
(You had me at “doughnut wedding cakes.”)
Believe me when I say that you are among my top 5 favorite people on the whole wide internet (even if you were an honors dork).
I have zero talent… lol. I often think I need a skill or a hobby… but I can’t focus enough.
I second Dad Gone Mad. You’re one of my favorite bloggers, and I do think you have a specialty. Based on the activities you recount here, I think you excel at being well rounded. A little bit of this, a little bit of that … at least you’re not bored.
First,as soon as I figure out how I am snagging one of your templates-THEY ARE AWESOME-you got mad skills!!
Second,I TOTALLY SUCK at scrapbooking,can’t knit/crochet/embroider to save my life.I am a semi-decent baker(but my mama ROCKS-so what’s the point?). I love to read,have a great memory and I adore the T.V. myself. So,I am screwed…I have none of the skills. You come up with something and we will all learn it together!!
Third,I was a “band geek”. Oh yeah,and the president of our French Club!! Ooo-la-la. If you want you could be jealous of that!!!
Fourth(yeah,I am almost done) the only thing I have ever done REALLY well(not that-you perverts!!) was bartend. And now I can no longer do that…long story,don’t ask! But if you wanna know how to make a killer ‘Rita then I am your girl!!!
Ugh, I was one of the kids you wanted to be like. I had a genius IQ, was the smartest in the class, was featured in magazines for being a child prodigy both in intelligence and at playing violin. But even though I was best at my school, there was someone else of my age group in my town who was better than me. You can’t win, there’s always someone better than you. I had to get up and do hours of music practise every day. I loved it, but I was so tired being a child prodigy. I got sick of being the “smart” one after a while and started acting as ditzy as possible. I’m still incredbly good at music, and I love violin to bits, but I only just scraped through my music degree by doing as little work as possible because I’d been doing it since I was 3 and I just wanted to get it over and done with. Now I’m studying rock singing, which I am AVERAGE at. I wish I was awesome at it. The grass is always greener…
I think it’s been mentioned within Le(afore) Comments, but you are quite gifted with the web designing, MissZoot. Your designs are not only seen and known throughout All The Land, but they are vibrant! and fun! and awesome! to boot.
(Oh, and, hi! That was me de-lurking all unexpected-like. : ) )
Thank You Lisa-Marie!! Yes Zoot!! YOu are and awesome web desingner!! You are anawesome wife and mother too!! I do know where you are coming from though…In my younger years I used to dance. I never had a solo but was was good enough for a couple quartets. I am 5′4”, wear size 8 for shoes and medium in my cloting. I am as average Jane as it gets. I was a 75-85 adverage at school.
C’est la vie!! I guess the world needs some average Janes to make it go round!!
Take care my dear!! You are a great person, stop beating yourself up!!
I am really good at singing. I have been all my life. I’m always the girl that gets told I should audition for American Idol or the local version called Gimme The Mike. I never do because I’m overweight and I don’t want to be made fun of by Simon Cowell. Even though sometimes I think I’m good enough to be on that show.
Other than singing, the only thing I do well is cook/bake and eat!
i’m with erin……best braider evah!!!
also? best/fastest HP reader! well, next to me…..
unfortunately, you were best at something, but you gave it up and relinquished your title to me…..best smoker!
I love to cook, and I crochet baby blankets, and I even decorate cakes for almost any family gathering… but I agree with the whole mediocrity thing. My husband is always exclaiming how amazing I am because I am so versatile, but to me it just means Im … normal! I finally decided that instead of looking at someone out there somewhere who was better at what I was good at…. I would only look at my inner circle. Doing that I found that I decorate cakes and make baby blankets better than anyone in my family! My sisters have their talents, too, that totally outshine me (internet design…fashion…), but in our little niche… those are are my… niche. >grins< Good luck finding yours! I think you already found it with the blog, btw. There are only 3 blogs that I check every day, and yours is one of them!
I’m one to not stick with anything! I love to scrapbook..I have finished 2 but I also have 3 that are works in progress! I think the talent bus passed me by; Mom plays piano at church, sings, makes these amazing cakes! For example: If somebody needs a sesame street cake for their kid’s 1st birthday all she has to do is look at a picture of the characters and she draws the outline on the cake (with a toothpick) freehand! She is an awesome cook (I can only make hamburger helper), she sews! This woman made all 5 of my bridesmaid dresses, 2 junior bridesmaid dresses, a flower girl dress and HER dress! She also made the cake and the groom’s cake. She loves to decorate her house, her Christmas tree has over 2000 lights on it! My brother can sing and dance! He can see a dance once and pick it up just like that! I am 3 and a half years older than him and to most of the people I went to school with I’m just known as “Scott’s Sister” He would dance in the Marketing Fashion shows, he would sing in the show choir, he will also sing at church by himself, he sung at my wedding. My dad is the smartest person I know! there is no math problem he can’t figure out. He is a computer whiz! So I know EXACTLY how you feel! But I think you are this awesome person and being born and raised in Knoxville and being this HUGE TN fan (and making sure your kids don’t get sucked over to the Bama side) makes you an even more awesome person!!!!
Are you ready for it . . .
I am really good at - - - sweets!
This is my one and only claim to fame. I promise. I really love anything sweet and take great joy in describing what makes a Pazookie at BJs simply delectable. Or why this kind of candy bar is the perfect answer to your craving as opposed to say, just about any other candy bar.
Yes, I know, it’s a totally useless skill, especially since I’m supposed to be on Weight Watchers.
However, Miss Zoot, I promise that you too could become a Valedictorian of sweets.
Long live the valedictorians of totally useless but enjoyable pursuits!!!
Good post, Zoot. I feel the same way, about not having something that I can say I do “really well.” I’ve just never been passionate enough about a single subject (other than reading and writing…but how many other people can already say THAT??) to keep pursuing it. Maybe one day.