LilZ told me last night that there is this new “thing” at school where, if someone puts their hand on your shoulder and you don’t get it off in 7 seconds, it means you’re gay. He said it with as much disgust and irritation as I’ve ever heard in his voice. He’s used to those jokes by now because he happens to have, of all things, a good friend who is also a guy, and evidently in middle school? That totally makes you gay.
Kids are idiots.
I don’t remember “You’re gay!” ever being insults we used. Of course, we used “You’ve got AIDS!” like you would “You’ve got COOTIES!” because no one understood what AIDS even was yet. I look back on that and just shake my head thinking, “We were idiots.”
LilZ knows several gay people who are part of our family, or friends of our family, so the whole “You’re gay!” insult has always irritated him. He considers it very uncreative, in terms of insults, as do I. But it made me wonder…and I don’t know if I’ve ever posed this question to any of my friends or family, but what is the age kids feel comfortable coming “out” at school? I mean - I would think that by Junior High, a person starts to understand their sexuality - but I’m certain in the environment LilZ describes, no one would want to admit being homosexual. It seems more common in High School, for kids to come out as homosexuals, but I’ve never heard it talked about in Middle School. Curious. It’s a harsh environment for the most average and normal of kids, I can’t imagine how it would be for someone who was gay.
Regardless - LilZ hates the gay jokes. He adds them to the long list of Crap I Have To Deal With Even Though It Pisses Me Off. Kinda like having a bottom locker and P.E. first period.
Got teeth extracted.
Got Krispy Kremes next day.
Threw up donuts all in kitchen sink (thanks, painkillers).
Can’t open mouth more than 1″, and can only chew on left side. Very slowly.
Still eating Krispy Kremes.
Thinking to self: “Zoot would be proud.”
In my Middle school, we had 1 girl come out as Bisexual in 8th grade… but then again in middle school, the “popular people” who decided if you were going to have a good time in middle school or a bad time in middle school? Would make your life living hell. I *always* got called a lesbian just by my choice of clothing, and the fact I was a tomboy.
In Highschool, the kids are generally more open about it. We had 2 boys who were very open in their sexuality, and one girl. Then also the numerous amuont of people who were Bi, but they weren’t as open about it.
I do think more people wait until after they are out of high school, though. It seems to me more people came out once they got into college, and “found themselves” so to speak.
I’ve always hated the your gay jokes, too, not only because they’re offensive, but also because they made my life a living hell in school.
When you have someone close to you who is gay, all these kinds of issues get very personal. I know…
And you are right, Miss Zoot- school situations can be and are harsh places- to say the least- these days. I’m sorry LilZ has to go through crap like that.
I never heard stuff like that when I was going to school- not even in high school! The worse thing was not to be a part of the clique of popular girls- oh, the horror…
I graduated in ‘94, and there was only 1 openly gay person. But about 3 weeks after graduation, about 25 kids (out of a class of about 300) came out to their parents and there was a mass exodus to California (from Maryland). Out of those, I’m pretty sure that only a handful actually were gay and the rest were experimenting. I just think that school is such a judgmental place that it makes it difficult, if not impossible… If you come out to your co-workers and they make your life miserable you have the option to find another job… kids don’t have the option of finding another school (usually)
Zoot, LilZ is really an amazing kid. Everytime you talk about him on here, I think “She must be so proud.”
Good for him for not playing into the whole “You’re gay.” as an insult thing.
I’m not sure at what age people feel comfortable coming out. I live in NJ which is a really liberal place, and despite that I had QUITE a few friends who wouldn’t come out even in high school. There were maybe a handful of admittedly gay students at my school, the rest stayed in hiding.
I think it’s kind and intelligent people like LilZ who will allow future classmates to be comfortable and accepted enough to be themselves.
When they were younger, my cousins (both boys) would trade insults and it always went like this:
Cousin 1: “you’re gay”
Cousin 2: “You like pink.”
Cousin 1: “Yeah, well you like flowers.”
Cousin 2: “you’re gay”
And they would do this for hours! I don’t remember the “you’re gay!” insult in junior high, but I’m sure it was there. Sad, really.
Yeah I remember kids says “you’re gay”
I always thought it was lame.
Also? “You throw like a girl”
um hello?
“I am a girl.”
duh
Kudos, LIl Z. You’re awesome. If I have a son, I hope he’s just like you. (Yes, Zoot, I’ll put up with the forgotten lunch and the dirty room in a heartbeat for these traits. I know - you know the feeling.)
My memories of high school are that the kids who wanted to be different (i.e. the drama kids) played at being gay or bi-sexual, but most of the kids who really were didn’t come out until they’d safely gotten out of the small town for college.
I would beg all kids everywhere — don’t come out in middle school! Most of those little freaks in that age group are e-ville and astonishingly cruel. The only exception would be if you are in an unusually sophisticated cultural environment, or like a performing arts school or something, where difference is less likely to be seized upon by other kids. Even though coming out in high school (or at any time, really) is scary, I’m sure, there’s just almost no chance of it being accepted well by a bunch of 7th or 8th graders. *shudder*
Very, very few (if any) people came out while at my high school… most of them waited until they had gone off to college, which I had thought it had to do with the whole conservative, small town atmosphere. But many of my friends who came out in college or law school were from cities or more liberal communities and still waited, so now I wonder if it more has to do with the fear of losing those people you grew up with and making sure you have a new support system that hasn’t assumed your whole life that you were straight, and therefore sees it as less of a shock when you do come out.
the coming-out age is getting younger and younger. i’ve heard of kids in middle school coming out more and more these days. college is the most popular time to come out, because people feel safer, more able to define their own lives and live by their own terms, but high school kids have also been coming out. there were tons of “out” kids in my high school. (i work with a glbt group, btw.)
Oh, and why is it the person who doesn’t shrug off the hand called “gay”? Seems to me it’d make more sense if people called the inappropriate toucher “gay,” but whatever.
He is just so SMART. Everytime you write something about him I am so amazed by his ability to be so….”adult.”
I’m j.
I had a post in August about this very issue when some boys did the “you’re gay” with my 5th grader. I share LilZ’s disgust. My son was hurt by getting hassled and to tell you the truth, I talked to my gay best college friend about it because I hate that being used in a derogatory manner. He assured me of the same thing, “kids are idiots” and acknowledging the stupidity of the sentiment is half the battle. LilZ already thinks it’s stupid, hopefully by ignoring it, the whole thing will no longer be fun pretty soon.
Sorry to hear the middle school is just as horrible as it’s always been.
I’ve always hated teenaged-immaturity. And I am still a teenager.
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Good for LilZ! More evidence that you have an extraordinary young man there. Most middle school kids are not just idiots, some (many?) of them are barely recognizable as part of the human race.
I have a top locker in 6th period p.e.!!lol