I went to a Diva Night at our local runner’s store tonight. I was hoping/wishing/trying to maybe make some new friends. I was really nervous because I had never been to one of these things, but I really wanted to go to meet other women. Maybe some that I could run with so the boogeyman wouldn’t get me. Maybe just some who I could discuss running atire with. Or some who would sign up for races with me. Or just someone to talk to about my blisters.
I talked to the girls there, I listened, I laughed at jokes - but I still felt like the entire time that I was following people around. Tagging along behind the cool kids. Trying to mingle with everyone and failing miserably. I kept trying to join circles of conversation - or start my own - to no avail.
I don’t know why this depresses me so much, but it does. I guess I get this false sense of security from my blog…that everyone is as nice as you guys. I hope that by just starting a simple conversation with someone that we can bond and braid each other’s hair like we do here. Unfortunately, it’s not like that. This is a group where most of the women already knew each other’s names. They were all part of the same marathon training group, or women’s running group, or other groups I’m not a part of. They weren’t looking for friends, they had some. I was the only one there who came stag.
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Don’t give up… next time you go, you’ll know some names and there will be someone else there who is ‘the new girl’
Good for you for going. Look how much you have already accomplished.
Good for you for going. Look how much you have already accomplished.
I’m sorry that you felt like the outsider… I know that feeling. Unless I am with my very closest friends, I tend to feel out of place very easily… and when you try and be nice and friendly and outgoing, and it doesn’t go as planned, it makes it even harder the next time.
That said, I give you TONS of credit for even going - I probably would have wussed out and stayed home.
Just remember that all of us out here like you, and we’re proud of you for putting yourself out there
Congrats on going, though! That’s half the battle…Hope that next time is better!
Zoot, congrats to you on going to Diva night and also for the progress in your training!! I feel just like you 90% off the time. It’s great that you stepped out of your comfort zone! I too am a runner and would love to find a diva night like that…then again I twould be running around trying to fit in!
Good for you for going! It’s so hard to meet new people and make new friends. I wrote about it on DotMoms: http://roughdraft.typepad.com/dotmoms/2006/08/making_new_frie.html
So no, you aren’t alone in this. Not at all.
I wish you were closer to me! I’m in the Baltimore/DC area and reading your posts has inspired me to run myself! I ran the relay in the Baltimore Marathon in ‘04, but I’m back to square one. If anyone else out there is in this area and wants a running partner, let me know!
Oh Kim. I wish I lived closer. We would make PERFECT running partners (only for now since soon you will be WAY faster than me)
I send you drunken Pamalamadingdong kisses to make it better. MWHA!
Run sweety, you’ll feel better.
And?
They are ALL BITCHES at that store, ALL OF THEM ARE BITCHES!
Yeah, don’t give up! It takes awhile to get into any group anyway and from what I’ve seen, it can take many miles to get into a running group, in particular. My sister is very close to the gals in her running group, but they have been running together for quite awhile. I definitely recommend joining a running club to that end.
god, I know exactly what you mean. I always feel like “that girl” who’s just tagging along trying in vain to make new friends at gatherings like that.
Good on ya for trying. Seriously no matter what age you are, it’s one of the hardest things to meet new people (at least for most of us). Next time pick one person you think you’d really like and get her phone number.
you should be proud of yourself for trying, really. I wouldn’t even have the nerve to go to a place, alone, where I knew I wouldn’t know anyone. When my mom started training to run a marathon a few years back she found a running group online, and joined and made a few runner friends that way. Maybe there is something similar in yoru area?
I recognize the feelings you describe very well.
Way to go for putting yourself out there. Breaking the ice with a new group is really hard, especially if no one makes an effort to help you feel comfortable. Maybe next time will be easier, or maybe they just aren’t a welcoming group. Either way, it’ll be about them- not YOU.
It is soooo hard to meet new people. It is scary and depressing and well it sucks. So good for you for going and trying. I bet you made a good impression on those gals! You just got to keep doing it. When I first moved to NOLA 3 years ago, I had aquintances, but no real friends. I had to force myself to go out and do things on my own so I could meet people. Scary as hell….but now? I have some of the coolest widest variety of friends. and I don’t mind doing things on my own if I have to. It gets easier to meet new people!!
I am so sorry…I would of been your friend! I hope you can find a running buddy and friend. I know how hard it is to stick yourself out there. Just remember we are always here for you!
Hey, I’m not a very good braider, but have very braidable (?) hair. We can get together and braid each other’s hair anytime. I’m sorry it didn’t go as you had planned. Keep trying though, maybe it will get better.
I end up feeling like that quite often at functions. I’m not very good at small talk, and since moving to Atlanta, I don’t really have anyone to go with me to a lot of things… but I keep trying.
Good for trying! When I joined my moms groups I definitely had to make a greater effort because everyone knew each other but with time I am making some good friends. Just think maybe next time you go…someone else will be new.
Bravo to you for trying. I get so intimidated by those situations!
It’s strange, though. When I am in a group like that where I know a lot of people, and someone new comes around, my immediate reaction is to include them. I guess that’s because that’s how I would like to be treated.
Keep at it, and hopefully you’ll encounter someone as friendly as yourself. I just wouldn’t mention the hair braiding right away.
Oh, that is the WORST.
This post made ME feel so much better (sorry, that probably doesn’t help you much!!) … I finally went back to the gym today after a year away - and I have been dreading it because I hate being on the outside - and sure enough … I was so far on the outside I am pretty sure I smelled or something. Oh well, if I don’t get back in shape I will be 250 before we know it … so my feelings be damned!!!
You should make Michelle take up running and then ya’ll could be BRFF… (best running friends forever)
Just a thought
At least you went… that is the first step! Does this sound like a 12-step program? I have found most runners to be nice.. maybe it simply due to the fact that it was a “diva” event… maybe they will have the nice girls looking for a running buddy event soon. Or stick with the guys - sometimes I think they are easier!! Good luck!
Why am I feeling like I need to stick up for you?? Let’s go tell those woman not to be so mean - they were new once too.
Good for you that you went - awesome!
Everything new is hard. Keep going and before you know it they will love you as much as we do!
Smooches!
Clearly, you dont’ need another comment here and I know this post is a few days old, but it really hit home with me.
A few months after I started running, I decided to join a Women’s running group. It was huge, freaking huge. So I pepped myself up and thought it was large enough to find at least one new buddy and someone to run with.
Yea, I was apparently the only woman in Memphis who showed up stag.
Thanks for making me feel not so alone…from far away.
Well, if you didn’t need comment #27 then you surely don’t need this one. But I’ll do it anyway.
It’s the same for me being new in a group. And it’s ALWAYS hard to be the new person in the group. At times I thank the lord that the world isn’t actually like the Internet (the whole mean spirited, not afraid to say it thing) and at other times I wish to god it was (people telling their secrets like how they really want friends and didn’t find any.) keep going. Eventually someone will say, “hey! I’ve seen you before…”
I ALWAYS feel the same. I am soo socially awkward and uncomfortable and left out, that the only way I am completely at ease and the center of attention is when I drink. Which is a bad habit, I know, but it works. I have so many friends now. *sigh*
Damnit, I wish I had a better comment then that. Just, I know how it feels.
That sucks. I know in my area we have a running group that’s always looking for new people. Of course, like some of the other commenters, I don’t live in your area, so it doesn’t really help.
However, maybe if you google search “Your area” runner’s group, there will be a group that comes up? Even if they can’t specifically help you train for a marathon, at least it would be people to do some of your runs with.
The other thing — I’ve found that as you do more races, and start seeing the same faces over and over, people get a little friendlier toward you.