I went to pick NikkiZ up from daycare yesterday and she was on the floor screaming her heart out while the teacher sat next to her, not soothing her, not tending to another baby, not even talking to her…nothing. Just sitting there…almost dazed. There were also 5 babies to that one teacher in that room. Part of the reason we chose this daycare was that they did BETTER than what the state mandated (5 babies/teacher) and set the rule that their facility would only have four babies per teacher.
I was livid. NikkiZ’s hair was stuck to her face with snot and drool. She couldn’t breathe she was crying so hard. And what did this woman, who I didn’t even know, say to me? “She’s been fussy since, like 4pm.”
I stormed out of the room so as to avoid either (a) crying at the sudden stabbing pangs of guilt at seeing my daughter in that condition and (b) punching the woman in the face.
I asked the front desk why they were over ratio to which she said that, “When they are understaffed, that happens but they always fall within the state guidelines.” Well, this daycare is simply another branch of our old one, so I had to ask, “The other place never got that understaffed. If there was an emergency? The director was making up the difference by being in the classroom herself. Why is it different here?” She didn’t know the answer. She isn’t any sort of official person in the facility, so I wasn’t going to lose it on her, even though I wanted to as I pulled hairs off my daughters crusty face as she held me fiercely, terrified I was going to let her go.
Here’s the thing: I loved the other branch of this daycare. LOVED it. We knew everyone on a first-name basis, and we felt like they were our friends - teachers and administration alike. The only downside was that it was out of my way to get to my new job and the drive had NikkiZ in the car 20+ minutes longer per trip. And - if you’ll recall - she HATED the car. So - we felt like it was the best interest to everyone to move her to the branch closer to us.
Since that move - one month ago - I have never felt good about the decision. I go from feeling okay to feeling really horrible. The majority of times I’ve gone to pick her up - she has been screaming on the floor somewhere. I have never seen one teacher singing a song or reading a book to any of the babies. She came home with a bruised and scabby bite mark on her arm one day that no one knew about. Now - I know they can’t watch the kids every second - but none of the teachers even “remembered her crying.” Which - it was bruised and there was broken skin - I’m fairly certain she cried.
And don’t get me started on the different setup they have that puts NikkiZ back with the babies, more or less. Or the times that they’ve opened late this week and no one even apologized. (At the other place we got a note with a hand-written apology when they were late.)
So, I pulled out of the parking lot and called the old place. The old director was not there, which is probably a good thing because I might have started crying over the phone immediately when she answered. The assistant director was, and I very emotionally begged for them to let me bring NikkiZ back as soon as Tuesday. She, of course, was very compensating and tried to be consoling when I tearfully said, “I don’t want to ever find my daughter in the condition I found her in today.”
They’ll get the paperwork done today, and she’ll be good to go next week. Who knows how she’ll handle the long drive again - but hopefully there will be a part of her that will understand.
Now - all of that and I’m sure you’re thinking, “Why did it take you so long?” And it’s because MrZ has not had any of the bad impressions I’ve had of the place. He says that when he’s gone to get her, she’s been fine. Happy, playing, content. He also blames her current level of emotional distress on her molars coming in - not necessarily on being “unhappy” at her daycare. He also points out that two of the four weeks she has been at this place, she’s had a cold and has therefore been miserable as well. I’ve been saying that her bad mood has been because she hates the daycare, he’s not been quite so harsh. So - it’s been hard for me to justify the move.
Even last night, when I really felt like I was doing it for logical reasons, MrZ still had a little bit of hesitation. So, I felt like I had to spend the next 3 hours justifying my decisions. I kept saying things like, “She was crying so hard she couldn’t breathe!” and “What about the time she came home with poop on her butt?” Even though MrZ didn’t say he disagreed, I didn’t feel like he agreed as whole-heartedly as I did, so I took an argumentative stance. I know that I sometimes react with emotions first and logic second, so I followed him around all night trying to give him evidence to the contrary. He’s supportive of the decision, of course, but I think he thinks it’s unnecessary.
Even this morning, I still feel like I need to continue justifying my actions. I guess it’s just that I feel I did the right thing, but I really want him to feel that as strongly. I think it doesn’t help that there is still that voice in the back of my head saying, “If you weren’t a working mom, you wouldn’t have this problem.”
I just don’t know. This makes for a crappy entry - that much I do know. I guess there are some times where you just want to rant for the sake of ranting. I keep seeing her on the floor, alone, crying so hard she couldn’t breathe. Her face red as the sweater she was wearing. Snot and drool crusty on her face, matting her hair to her skin. And I keep feeling that embrace as I picked her up. The one that said, “Thank God you are here, Mom. Please don’t let me go.” And I keep seeing her arch her back and resist being put in her car seat - something she’s never done - because I don’t believe she was ready to leave the comfort of my arms. All of those feelings are still too fresh in my heart - so much so that even taking her back for just one day, for just today, has me feeling more guilt than the first day I dropped her off after maternity leave.
So, yeah. Sometimes blogging is just about putting your thoughts on paper to help yourself feel better about decisions you have to make. And maybe I’m counting on someone to say, “It sounds like you made the right choice.”
It sounds like you made the right choice.
No seriously… I really think you did. We’ve learned that our child is too precious for us not to BOTH feel good about the place we are leaving her during the day. If one or the other of you doesn’t feel good about the current center she’s in and you both DO feel good about the other place and it’s an option, I think the choice is pretty easy. A few extra minutes in the car is very little to pay in the long run for peace of mind.
My daughter hated the process at first, but I brought music she loved to play in the car and made up special songs about going to ‘class day’ and eventually she really looked forward to going. Now our car rides are a chance to talk (her latest thing is “momma, let’s spell something”) and spend some intellectual time together. How often would I just talk to her about her day otherwise? Probably not very. It’s funny how things that seem like such a challenge turn can out to be something great eventually.
You ABSOLUTELY made the right choice. And I love NG’s suggestions for making the car ride better.
MrZ reminds me a lot of the Mr. The Mr. is an outstanding dad–sometimes I feel like he’s even more “mothering” than I am. But. He’s not a mother. Moms pick up on things that dads don’t. It’s not that we’re better, we’re just different. Dads, because they’re men, can rationalize any situation. We go with our gut. And our guts are rarely wrong.
You did the right thing.
Ditto above. And, you know, Moms have radar. I’ve picked my kids up when they were upset or screaming and felt bad that they were having such a dreadful day but….having confidence in the day care center, and the caregivers made all the difference in the world. You did right girl…really
I agree with Jezer… Women have their own senses about their children. After all, the children came out of you, I believe a mother has a more special bond with a child than the father does. I’m not saying the mother has a more important relationship with the child, just that sometimes a mother can feel more connected to the child and know what’s best for the child before the father can.
I think, that as long as you feel right with the situation, then that’s all that matters. It just goes to show, just because they’re the same brance, that they aren’t always the same place. I think that you made an excelent decisions.
It does sound like the right decision…I would have done the same thing…you know when things don’t feel right and you have to make those changes. She will be happier for it.
I cired just reading this entry. You totally made the right choice.
it’s called women’s intuition for a reason. Follow yours. You know what’s best for your baby.
same as everyone else…you made the right choice. You’ve GOT to listen to your gut and and trust yourself. As my husband would say, good on ya for switching her. Now if we could just get you to stop beating yourself up, for goodness sakes, things would be golden!
Hell - I cried reading this entry, and I wrote it! You all rock - thank you.
YOU made the right decision, and I know it’s important for you to have Mr. Z’s approval and for him to feel the same way you do, but he won’t. It’s not that it isn’t important to him, he just probably doesn’t feel the issue in his heart like you do. Mom’s have a inner feeling that dads don’t.
As for NikkiZ leaving the daycare, just based on the first line I read about her sitting crying next to the daycare teacher and her not even moving or acknowledging NikkiZ was crying, is not a good situation.
I think what scares the crap out of me with the daycare situations today is that we have to trust that the kids are being cared for like home. As hard as it is for you to think its ok she is in daycare, I would strongly urge you to stay working. NikkiZ will prosper from the socialization and having to deal with issues on her own. Just my two cents.
Oh Zoot, you had me in tears!
The only true regrets I have ever had in parenting my children have been the times that I didn’t follow my instincts.
I have gone through this too. My girlfriend actually ended up working at one of the chains of daycares that my son went to, and told me that there can be a HUGE difference between one location and the next depending on the people that work there. When you are dealing with child providers, it is important to know that the teachers that are with your child actually enjoy their job - that they aren’t just making it through the day. I think you will be happy with your choice.
Oh, that sounds horrifying. I would hve done the same thing you did.
I had to have what sounds like a similar talk w/ my husband (except that he is a lawyer so it felt like I was being freaking CROSS-EXAMINED) about switching pediatricians. I convinced him, but it was not fun. I feel your pain…
Your right - I went through the same thing with my children when I went back to work - ultimately I change centers as well and we all were so much happier for it:)
I don’t even have a child and I would have freaked out finding a child THAT upset.
Listen to your motherly instinct its the only one that counts!!
Big pat on the back… you’re doing the right thing!!
Oh, I would be livid too! My husband would have reacted the same way and I would have also cried a lot and had more guilt than I could handle. You are a fantastic mommy for following your intuition.
You did the absolutely right thing. How could you have done anything differently?? A mom knows these things.
That breaks my heart- I just want to give you and your little girl a hug!
If I saw my daughter in a state like that, I probably would have punched that woman- you were totally within your rights to tell everyone in that center off. Good momma for following your intuition.
Enjoy your weekend with your family!
ok Miss Zoot…you have done it…I have lurked on blogs for years and never left a comment but your heartfelt entry pulled me out. I believe in a mothers gut feeling 100%. There is no substitute and and non mothers will be the first to question it. The dazed daycare worker on the floor next to a screaming child needs to be in another occupation. She has shut her emotions off to the point that she does not need to be in a nurtering job like daycare. Daycare is a very draining job and some people just cannot do it for long. Take your baby where you feel it is right…where you feel comfortable. The extra drive is worth your peace of mind. I was a stay home mom who also ran a daycare. I can tell you that even stay home moms have questions and doubts…it is not an answer for everything. I am a working mom now and even tho they are much bigger…. moms always tend to take the brunt of any blame on themselves. You are a good mom …follow your heart. And tell Mrz that just because he has not seen what you have does not make it so…it is like when your car is making a noise but if you take it to the shop it won’t make the noise for love nor money…this is one of the “trust” situations for him…just trust you and get to drivin.
take care.
My work is with abused and neglected children, and everything - EVERYTHING - I’ve read in all the millions of pamphlets, books and articles for parents or custodians is that you have to trust your instincts about your child’s caretakers. If you think something is wrong, you act on it. And you did…And I say that as someone who worked in a daycare during college and know sometimes the ‘wobblers’ (between baby and toddler) are tragically unhappy for no reason you can discern. This wasn’t one bad day; it was time to move her back to where you were sure she was safe.
You made the right choice. I do childcare in my home and can’t believe how the teacher just sat there while she screamed and cried. I cannot understand how anyone could just block that out. Poor little babe. Give her a big hug and hold her close. The car ride won’t be that bad and very much worth the peace of mind it will give you. If your not happy with the daycare( and with good cause) then its going to eat away at you. Big pat on the back for making a great decision.
It’s all in the individual teachers. I’m so sorry for you - it must have been awful to see her like that. With all that I know about both places (which is absolutely nothing) I think you made the right choice. Go with your heart.
I think you’ve absolutely made the right choice. Sometimes, you’ve just got to go with your instincts.
It sounds like you made the right choice.
I absolutely would’ve done the same thing. I can see both sides of the situation - yours and MrZ’s. But it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you feel confident in knowing if you can’t be with your child that she is with people who love, comfort and care for her. If you don’t feel that she is getting that there, then she absolutely needs to be somewhere else. A mother knows these things, and I would have made the same decision.
I am fortunate enough to have a retired dad who loves his granddaughter to pieces and I never worry about Olivia’s happiness or well-being. That means the world to me. I know how important it is to just know that your child feels secure and comforted. You deserve that peace of mind and you’re decision was totally justified.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did what was best for you and Nikki.
*hugs*
You gotta follow those instincts sometimes. Chances are nothing bad was happening or will happen, but, if she really was thriving so much at the first place, it is worth the drive. I support you!
Trust yourself! I worked in childcare centers for five years and never would have let a child who was crying sit there, by herself, to that point of husteria. Please report what you saw to the director both verbally and in writing so hopefully, if anyone else has complained, this situation will be taken care of.
You are such a wonderful mommy to see that this is not a good situation and find a way to make it better. You are doing the right thing!
I went through the same exact thing when my daughter was transitioned to the “toddler room” at day care. There were other issues with the staff and I decided to pull Monkey out. She is doing much better being watched at a home based daycare with a much smaller number of kids. I’ve learned, you have to stick to your gut feelings and the decision you made is most likely for the best. Good Luck!
Obviously, since I am a SAHM I can’t speak directly to the situation, but I am a mom, so I can say this, you have to do what makes YOU feel better as a mother. That’s it. Very simple.
You need to go to work and you need to feel good about where NikkiZ is during the day. So, yes, you made the right decision.
*hugs* I think you did the right thing.
My heart absolutely breaks for you, as I envision the possibility of returning to work next year, I fear these very same moments. Kyle and I are looking/talking/thinking about area daycares, and feel completely overwhelmed. Tours may look lovely and give you a warm, fuzzy feeling, but how do you know your child will be loved all day, every day, until they’re in the center. It’s the fear of the unknown that makes me willing to forfeit the house, the cars, the everything…to never have to send him to daycare.
My only hope is that we never make it to that center [are you telling which center it is?].
Reading this my heart broke for you.
The daycare worker was doing nothing?!? How could a person just sit there while a baby was crying without even picking them up?
You are absolutely doing the right thing, not that you need some stranger from the internet telling you that.
I agree with the other 28 post up there, you made the right choice. When it comes to our kids, moms just know, we just know they dont feel good, and we just know when they’re not happy and We absolutly just know if they are not safe or taken care of. I cant believe any daycare would allow an employee not to console a child. I work at one, and I’ve seen people get fired for not hugging a rocking a child when they were crying. I hope you know you made the right choice, and I hope NikiZ’s daycare expiriance is a good one next week. {{{Hugs}}} from a faithful lurker.
The mom knows. No one should question your gut feeling. You so did the right thing, in fact…there really were no other options. Well done, Zoot~
This breaks my heart! I have to commend you for your self control. I would have lost it. I am not good at thinking about my actions before just letting them fly…I get all worked up just driving down the road so I can’t imagine walking in on that. You did the right thing. NikkiZ will be happier and so will you. Don’t worry about Mr.Z…Steve thinks I overreact all the time. I just let him think that. You have to do what makes everyone comfortable. And you are always welcome to bring NikkiZ over here to play with Scout if you need to.
I think moms have a special sense, and you should trust yours. Especially when NikkiZ’s well-being is involved.
I was thinking yesterday about how, when we disagree on an issue, even if my husband “gives in” to my position, what I’m seeking is his passionate agreement. But I can’t always get it. And I guess I should learn to be okay with that.
Oh Zoot!
Mama’s know best. Always go with what your heart and gut tell you! NikkiZ is lucky to have you! Hope she has a better day today.
I absolutely think you made the right choice. I have struggled with my son’s day care in the past left in tears on more than one occasion. He is still there because things improved, but I think a mother’s intuition is always right. If she wasn’t happy there after 4 weeks, then it was not the right place for her. I’m glad that you had the option to re-enroll her in the old center.
You absolutely did the right thing. The one thing we as parents should always always do is trust our instincts when something doesn’t seem right. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t for whatever reason. I’m a sahm, but I think I would have done exactly the same thing under the circumstances.
Ms. Zoot - of course you did the right thing - of course. As a mom of 5 grown sons, and who had to work, I too would have been both horrified and heartbroken at seeing my baby crying, and ignored.
As for the NikkiZ’s car trauma - have you tried a simple wind up music box? One of mine hated the car w/ a passion and a wind-up music box solved the issue. I think Fisher Price makes them.
Good luck - and know you did exactly the right thing for her.
Not only did you make the right choice — but, you need to make a formal complaint to the director of the “bad” center. A parent should never be treated like that when they are that upset over something to do with their child.
Yes, you may be a tad emotional - UM, HELLO — she’s your child! If you weren’t emotional, I would have a problem with that
This is just my 2 cents as a former, teacher/director/family home provider who knows first hand that NikkiZ’s center should’ve done better!
You did a good thing
It made me sick reading about how upset she was, you definitely did the right thing, and now I want to go hug all our old daycare people because they were awesome.
You did the right thing and you did it well. It may have been an emotional decision, but you put action to it quickly and firmly - which is TOTALLY logical!if
And, if you stop and think about it…I have a feeling that if your husband found his little girl in that same situation (daddy’s and their little girls are the 8th wonder of the world, I swear), where he was smacked in the face with whether or not she’s being well cared for, he would move the earth to make sure she was ok
AND
AND
(the interesting part) - I somehow doubt he’d look back. Men don’t seem to require the validation of their decisions (which can sometimes be a relief, I imagine). Anyway, the point was that yes, he’d be just as passionate about it if he were the one that went through the experience. I’ve also found that a man (ok, mine) doesn’t like to think about their babies suffering or hurt or neglected, the emotions are too raw so they just don’t let themselves go there. So maybe your husband is just suffering from “stoic guy” syndrome that way.
At any rate, I wanted to post a “high five” - way to be a strong, decisive woman with a great blog!
Oh Zoot!
How awful for all of you. I hope NikkiZ adjusts to the car because I bet that she’ll be happier at the old place again.
My heart goes out to you though. *hugs*
Mama knows best! Don’t worry..you ARE doing the right thing!
ABSOLUTELY you made the right decision! You’re an awesome Mom, all kids should be so lucky.
You did the right thing. You did. Mom’s have that sixth sense that tells them something isn’t right…and you have to listen.
So I came here to tell you “You made the right choice”, but, like, 42 other people beat me to it.
And your mom stole my OTHER thunder: that moms have their own intuitive radar. They know when something is not quite right, and it will often itch under their skin when no one else understands.
So, although I’m not discouting your husband’s voice in the matter.. it sounds like you made the right choice.
Oh yeah, you were right.
I honestly think that children can sense certain things. Your baby knew these people “didn’t feel quite right” and that’s why she was crying..poor boo boo
Everything will be fine
This is why God gives us a Mom and a Dad. A mom’s emotions are both your best friend and your worst enemy. You have to trust your gut feelings!
Don’t doubt your decision, but do expect a transition time. It will be great if NikkiZ does not have one and just falls right back in step with the old place, but there may be one. Don’t allow this to make you second guess doing what you feel is the right thing.
Don’t expect Mr. Z to be all emotional over it, men are just not wired that way. He DOES want you to be happy though!! You can get through this! Don’t feel guilty for working. Life is too short and time is too precious to have guilt rule your world.
Although I’m sure I’m far from the first to say this in these comments, go with your gut. If it says it’s time to take NikkiZ out of that environment, then listen to it. There’s something to be said about intuition, and yours seems to be pushing you strongly in the direction that will be right for you.
I haven’t read all the comments but I’m sure everything I say has already been said. You totally made the right choice. Always go with your gut instinct. Mamas really do know what’s best for their kids.
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!!!!!!
I have been in the same situation as you. I was taking my son, who is now almost 18 months old, to a daycare that had been recommended to me as a wonderful place for infants, and it was for about 3 months. When he started rolling and crawling, he’d come home with bruises and bite marks that they couldn’t explain. Then, another daycare center closed and this center absorbed the numbers from the closed center. These new children put the infant room over 14 children and they didn’t hire more help, just left the 2 ladies there. State laws for infants require 1 teacher to 6 infants, so I know they weren’t legal, I just hoped that they’d change something soon. When my son was 8 months old he developed a severe case of yeast infection on his bum, where I demanded that his diaper be changed every hour, dirty or not, just so the medication was being applied. Not only was he dirty and his bum bleeding for 3 days in a row, they ignored my request (which was in writing, a note above the changing table in the room) and said that he was crying because he was hungry! At this point I removed him that day from the center, family members watched him for a few days, and I found a much smaller, better ran center where he’s been since.
I swear mother’s intuition is what keeps people safe, and you did what any other mom would do!!!!!! Let us know how she does back at the other daycare!
“It sounds like you made the right choice.â€
I could feel your pain as I read this and I know you’ve done the right thing for NikkiZ. She’s a lucky little girl to have a Mom who cares/worries so much about her.
Dear Everyone: I love you.
Love, zoot.
If you weren’t a working mom, you’d have other problems instead. I was a SAHM and when I put my son into preschool he had trouble adjusting. I kept thinking if only I had used daycare some as he was growing up he wouldn’t be having those problems. And don’t get me started on his preschool - I didn’t have a good feeling about the place and I left him in anyway. Even though no one really bad thing happened, it was overall not a good experience and I think it affected his attitude toward school for years! I wish I had taken him out when I first started having concerns.
And to echo everyone else - of course you did the right thing! If you didn’t have a good feeling about the place, and you left her there anyway, and something worse happened, could you ever forgive yourself? The best thing you can do is listen to your instincts and do what YOU think is best for her.
First of all, you shouldn’t ever be made to feel guilty about being a working mom…that’s just awful. And secondly, I’m not sure where you are, but in California, if a child bites another child in daycare or preschool, an official report has to be filed with the state. My daughter has been the biter and the bitee at her school and they called me immediately both times (no broken skin so no official report - but they definitely were AWARE that it had happened).
You should have no qualms about leaving that daycare and you might even consider reporting them. That’s no way to care for children. It’s disgusting.
Hope it all works out at the old place and you feel better about the whole thing.
I dont know what it is about being a mother but things sometimes just do not feel right and I listen to those feelings. I think you did the right thing, and she will be okay in the car for an extra 20 minutes.
You made the right decision. Dads are awesome, and have their own intuition, but moms have a different kind of intuition. Use it or lose it.
Even one of the things you mentioned (and you mentioned, what, ten different problems?) would have been enough for me to say, “Enough.” It will be a lot easier once she gets more verbal, just hang in.
You are so right to take her out. I remember when we first moved here and I had my son (the same age as NikkiZ) in a daycare for the first time. I hated the place, but I had no other choice. I kept telling myself that I hated it just because I had to go back to work and leave him anywhere, and that I would hate any other daycare just as much. But, in the back of my mind, I really felt that it was more than that. I didn’t listen to myself for a month, but every day I was wracked with worry about him being there. Finally, I had had enough. I pulled him out in the middle of the day and reported her to the state child care authorities. I then was lucky enough to find the last spot in one of the best daycares, and I have felt that my son is safe ever since. I still hate leaving him, but I don’t worry about him while he’s there. We mothers have to listen to our fears- we’re often right. My husband never felt the way I did. I was vindicated though when I read in the paper that the old daycare had the sherriff’s department called out on it because a neighbor found an 18 month old child wandering out in the street and it turned out that, not only had she come from that daycare, but the daycare provider didn’t even know she was missing. I made the right choice and you did too. An extra drive is worth peace of mind. And an extra 20 minutes in the car being unhappy is nothing when NikkiZ will be happier the rest of the day.
You did the right thing. My heart hurt for you & NikkiZ when I read this. So glad you will be back in the old daycare next week. Hang in there!
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I dont think there is anything left to add except to say I completly agree you did the right thing. Always trust your mom instinct. So what if NikkiZ is teething or sick? that should be reason for extra comforting and attention at daycare, not letting her sit and scream for hours! Dont feel guilty about working either. You know Nikki will get excellant care at the other daycare and think about how unhappy you would be if you were not working. Unhappy mommies make for unhappy babies.
When Connor was a baby we had him in a wonderful daycare, much like the one you love. The teachers and aides became like part of the family, and we were so sad when connor started kindergarden and had to leave. We still see them around town and they ALWAYS remember Connor. One even moved to Kansas and still send us christmas cards every year and he hasnt seen her for about 6 years!
this post broke my heart….Poor NikkiZ. I have a daughter almost the same age and I totally think you made the right decision. A mom just knows! If I found my daughter crying like that no matter who she was with I would be upset. I am happy that you made the RIGHT choice. Hugs to you and NikkiZ.
sobbing for your little girl right now. well, sobbing because of ppd mostly, but the thought of taking my new little one to daycare now? killing me softly.
i am so glad that you stuck with your instincts…poor little nikkiz.
hugs.
Of course you made the right decision. The only possible mistake you could make would be to forget that most of us second-guess ourselves and our choices sometimes, whether we work fulltime, part-time, or are SAHM’s. All options (to the extent that they are options, anyway) have their benefits and drawbacks. You are a great mom who is doing her best to make good choices for her children.
“if you weren’t a working mom you wouldn’t have this problem.” Stop. Right. There.
Even those of us with out paid jobs…have to leave our babies sometimes. When I was transitioning in to my internship last year and the Moo was about 19 mths I had to leave him for four hours three days a week. I didn’t want to over burden my new SAHM friends so I relyed on a college student refered by one of my non mommy friends.
It was horrible. she came to our house three days. I had bad feelings from the start.
One) she couldn’t ever remember to put wood in the woodstove..um hi we dont’ have any heat…the house was always freezing when I got home .
Two) she never remembered to put moo down for her nap (keep in mind I wrote out a schedule and left it for her it also reminded her about the wood and the woodstove). Both days I came hom e and he was sleeping on his train table in the front room and she was in another room reading a book….hello.
Three) the third and final day I walked into the house and could smell poop. From the front door. MY son was asleep in his crib with his little bottom in the air and their was SHIT SOAKED THROUGH HIS PANTS. I was livid.
That was it, she never came back.
I went over and over the decision, it’s not like he was really in danger blah blah blah blah. Whatever! All my mom friends were like (lose her! now!) And my husband was supportive he said to me “if you feel like she shouldn’t be here, that is enough for me, you don’t need to justify why you feel creeped out or whatever”
and the deal was I had felt uneasy from the minute she showed up. It wasn’t terrible but she wasn’t invested in my kid!
Anyway always go with your gut baby, I think it all good. Good Decision. Bravo.
sheesh. Maybe I should get my own blog or something.
You made the right decision. Also, being a working-outisde-the-home mom SUCKS a great deal of the time. I leave my beloved son with his aunt, who loves him like her own, where he is the only kid there and is always happy when I pick him up, and I still bawl on my way to work. I’m so sorry you found her in that state, I can imagine the pain in your heart right now.
Hope things get better quick, and that she’ll be content once again in her old daycare.
It sounds like you made the right choice. Sometimes a mama’s “gut” is a bit stronger than dad’s, and I know you love Nikki madly and have done what’s best for her
(AND…the happier she is, the more adorable baby smiles we get to see heh)
I think you definitely made the right choice. I always think it’s a good idea to go with your gut, but this isn’t even a case of going with your gut, really. There seem to be a number of things adding up to this branch not being a good fit. Hope things go much, much better at the old daycare facility.
I have an Early Childhood Education diploma and worked in daycare and was appalled to read the state you found your child in and especially that she was not being attended to. That is just plain wrong. They are supposed to be caregivers…not just child supervisors. If a child is upset, they should be giving care and trying to settle them, not just supervising their misery. That is horrible and you definitely did the right thing!
First off, I feel for you, I really, truly do. But secondly, I’m sure noone is going to like what I have to say, but putting a baby or very young child in daycare is not good because it’s not natural for them to be away from their mother. Take this from someone who did the big career thing, before and after having children, and also briefly worked in a daycare. I don’t care how good you think a daycare is, or how nice they are when you pick them up, much of the nicety at pick-up is to keep your child there as their source of business income, afterall it is a business. Sorry guys, but it’s true. Most (not all, I was different) daycare workers are uneducated, young, bored, there for a paycheck girls. Daycare is basically a place to keep your kid alive until you get off of work. Sorry, but even if the state-mandated ratio guidelines are happening, it’s still horrible, I mean 5 babies to one person?!!! Tell me just HOW much care even slightly above meeting their basic necessities can be given? Unless you absolutely have-to work outside the home, I say don’t, at least stay home until their school-age, and regarding the all too common argument of
I’m gonna comment on here, too, but instead, I’m gonna say something nice
All of my friends who work in day care have years of experience with children, and most of them have their Early Childhood Education diploma (2 years) - and they’re in it for the kids exactly because it’s a crappy paycheck and you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t want to be there. Also, how could anyone not totally adore NikkiZ? Seriously?
I am a lurker, who doesn’t comment but always reads. I guess what has prompted my comment on on old post is that I work in the early childhood education field and I take offense to the comments Stella made about child care teachers. It is true that there is a lot of work to be done to improve child care teacher education standards, but that’s not to say that there aren’t hardworking, dedicated, well educated teachers working in child care. Stella’s comments are just generalized stereotypes about the people who care for children in child care, not much different from the stereotype about lazy, overprotective SAHMs who have nothing better to do with their time then criticize working moms and watch soap operas (read sarcasm-I don’t really subscribe to this belief). This has been said a million times before, but what you decide to do for your children is based on your values and beliefs and guess what? not everyone has the same. That’s not to say anyone is right or wrong-just different. If people used the energy they expend on criticizing and promoting generalizations we wouldn’t have nearly as many problems as we do in this world. I’m off topic a bit now, but felt I had to stand up for the many child care teachers out there who I interact with every day as I manage a scholarship program so they can get education, as well as improving pay and benefits for those teachers who are getting an education. Afteall they are not going to stay in the field if they can make better money at the neighborhood retail store. It is true that there are some child care programs that don’t get it- and ratios is only part of the equation anyway. That’s why state standards are important to improving child care quality. I live in a state with a 5 star rated license system that looks at staff education and program standards as a means of rating the quality of the center. This gives parents a way to know how “good” the center is. And it is true that there are some bad centers out there, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t good ones too.
I feel I also have to stand up for the working mothers who get criticized for the personal choices they make. Saying that it is not “natural” for a child to be away from their mother is short sighted and comes from the unrealistic SNAF (standard North American family ideal popularized after WWII when the focus was on getting men back in the workforce and building nuclear families) model . Many cultures and societies have for a long time raised children in communities where extended families and older siblings take care of young children while parents work to support their families. True from a biological standpoint the bond between mother and child is strong and mystical, but there are many adopted children, or children who lose their biological mother, or who are raised by step mothers, grandmothers, etc. who experience strong bonds with their caregivers. Life events happen and mothers make the best choices they can about their child care. So, the bottom line of this ridiculously long comment is that we we shouldn’t generalize about a population of people (child care teachers) who are a very diverse group and most importantly to respect others choices (even if they don’t align with yours) and to understand that your experience or beliefs may not apply to everyone.
I am a lurker, who doesn’t comment but always reads. I guess what has prompted my comment on on old post is that I work in the early childhood education field and I take offense to the comments Stella made about child care teachers. It is true that there is a lot of work to be done to improve child care teacher education standards, but that’s not to say that there aren’t hardworking, dedicated, well educated teachers working in child care. Stella’s comments are just generalized stereotypes about the people who care for children in child care, not much different from the stereotype about lazy, overprotective SAHMs who have nothing better to do with their time then criticize working moms and watch soap operas (read sarcasm-I don’t really subscribe to this belief). This has been said a million times before, but what you decide to do for your children is based on your values and beliefs and guess what? not everyone has the same. That’s not to say anyone is right or wrong-just different. If people used the energy they expend on criticizing and promoting generalizations we wouldn’t have nearly as many problems as we do in this world.
I’m off topic a bit now, but felt I had to stand up for the many child care teachers out there who I interact with every day as I manage a scholarship program so they can get education, as well as improving pay and benefits for those teachers who are getting an education. Afterall they are not going to stay in the field if they can make better money at the neighborhood retail store. It is true that there are some child care programs that don’t get it- and ratios is only part of the equation anyway. That’s why state standards are important to improving child care quality. I live in a state with a 5 star rated license system that looks at staff education and program standards as a means of rating the quality of the center. This gives parents a way to know how “good” the center is. And it is true that there are some bad centers out there, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t good ones too.
I feel I also have to stand up for the working mothers who get criticized for the personal choices they make. Saying that it is not “natural” for a child to be away from their mother is short sighted and comes from the unrealistic SNAF (standard North American family ideal popularized after WWII when the focus was on getting men back in the workforce and building nuclear families) model. Many cultures and societies have for a long time raised children in communities where extended families and older siblings take care of young children while parents work to support their families. True from a biological standpoint the bond between mother and child is strong and mystical, but there are many adopted children, or children who lose their biological mother, or who are raised by step- mothers, grandmothers, etc. who experience strong bonds with their caregivers. Life events happen and mothers make the best choices they can about their child care. So, the bottom line of this ridiculously long comment is that we shouldn’t generalize about a population of people (child care teachers) who are a very diverse group and most importantly to respect others choices (even if they don’t align with yours) because your experience or beliefs may not apply to everyone.
I was a day care kid and have an amazing relationship with my Mom all these years later and a good functioning personality. I also realize had my parents not put me in daycare while they were at work, there would be no food on the dinner table.
My kids are both in daycare. They are well adjusted and happy. I am lucky that I have some flexibility and can do some special things with them. I drop into their daycare unannounced frequently and am always happy with what I see going on.