I woke up at the in-laws this morning when NikkiZ did (she did fine in the closet) and headed to my house to quickly let the dogs out. However, I realized the fault in this spend-the-night-at-the-in-laws’ plan. Where I’m certain they are excited about doing Christmas morning with their grandbaby, I’m pretty sure they don’t want to do it at 5:30am. So - I decided to kill some time at home. I’m feeding NikkiZ her Christmas morning oatmeal, which is just like regular oatmeal, but you eat it while your mom sings “Frosty The Snowman” between every bite.

Merry Christmas/Happy Monday to you all!

Well, I was feeling better today until I followed some of the links Amy listed at clubmom. And while I’m now refreshing Untangling Knots every four seconds for more news on her delivery and her new baby, I’m also bawling my eyes out over her tribute to the daughter she lost. Thanks, Amy! More tears! But also anxiety and joy! Over someone I don’t even know!

Blogging is so weird, isnt it?

I have to do some dreadful things today. I have to go to THE MALL. Which, you know, is not the place I want to be on Christmas Eve. Not. At. All. But - what the hell - everyone should have to do that once in their life, right? In order to appreciate the mall the rest of the year? Or something like that? I don’t know what I’m talking about.

We have decided to spend the night tonight at MrZ’s parents’ house. There’s something about having a small child around that makes Christmas ten times more fun, so why should we keep that to ourselves? Why not share it with them and turn it into a big sleepover? His brother is going to spend the night there too, so the whole family will be together again. My future sister-in-law won’t be spending the night, but she’ll be there for Christmas dinner at least. And of course LilZ won’t even be there for Christmas dinner, but I keep reminding myself that next year he will!

(And then I try not to think about how, but the year after that he won’t. I’m so lame.)

They are going to go to Christmas Eve mass while we set up camp and try to get NikkiZ to sleep in a strange place. We decided the best situation would be to set up her pack-n-play in their walk-in closet. It’s not actually in their bedroom, but it’s the closest “room” that can be closed of to where we’ll be sleeping. I find this really funny because when LilZ was between the ages of 2 and 4, We lived in a loft apartment that had a huge walk-in closet type room off the bedroom we turned into his bedroom in because the other bedroom was too far away. She is following in the footsteps of her brother, but her closet has power, his did not.

Happy Christmas Eve to all of you! Or, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, HAPPY SUNDAY!

I dropped LilZ off with his Dad last night and I won’t see him for a week. I don’t know if there are any other divorced parents out there that have this type of setup (alternating Christmas/Thanksgiving every year) but it is really hard to celebrate Christmas without one of your children. I cried, as usual, when he drove off. The hardest thing is this is the second year without him on Christmas. We switched schedules this year for other reasons (trying to get on the same schedule as MrZ’s family) - so this is my second Christmas in a row without him.

I remember the first Christmas his Dad and I split. We then lived in the same town, so I was going to see him later Christmas day, but I woke up alone on Christmas. No kid, no husband, no family at all. I stayed in Alabama instead of going to Tennessee because I didnt want to miss the chance to see LilZ Christmas afternoon. I remember getting out of bed, looking at the Christmas tree with presents under it, and just crying my eyes out.

Luckily - I have been blessed with a husband and a miracle of a daughter to help fill the void on holidays like this one. And I will see him in 7 days and we do our huge FAKE Christmas on December 30th. We wake up to Santa, we have a huge dinner, we do everything to pretend like that day is Christmas. It’s nice because these years we avoid the post-holiday letdown.

Anyway - so, he’s gone for a week and I’m a little down. And one other thing I can’t bring myself to write about yet without crying all over the keyboard: I had to wean NikkiZ this week. I decided the bleeding nipples on my part and frustration on her part could only be explained by one thing: I had dried up. My supply was never that strong which is why I never pumped and still continued to nurse her even when I went back to work. My body just gave up after 2+ days in Tucson. To tell you how little my body produces naturally? I’ve not even gotten engorged. At all. I quit nursing her last weekend and my boobs show no sign of caring.

No more nurnee-time (What? You don’t give it a name?). One of these days I’ll do a proper farewell because I am sad to lose that, but for now? I just wanted you all to know.

Now that I’m sufficiently depressed, let’s do Christmas cards!

(What? Am I late? Hey - I told you I would be - I’m no liar.)

See that red box that says “Shari P. Carson City, NV + Friend Won a $50 Amazon Gift Card”? That “friend” is totally me! I just won that because she signed up through me and won! Woo Hoo! You totally need to sign up through me too so that we call all win! I LOVE BLINGO WINS AT CHRISTMAS TIME!

We had a Christmas dinner last night at one of those places that serves sidedishes separately from the entrees. And the entrees cost $30 or so each. It was crazy-fancy. This meant, of course, we had to put on our grown-up clothes which, although we don’t do it often, we totally love to do. MrZ just bought his first suit this year, but has found a reason to wear it four times since he bought it. Which he should, he looks so rockin’ in it. I bought myself a fancy satin shirt and spent the hour before leaving with my rain jacket on and buttoned to my chin because I was afraid NikkiZ would drool or snot or spit on it. I kept saying, “I’m scared to let anything happen to this fabric - it’s very high-maintenance!”

We stopped for coffee before dinner (we had time to kill) and MrZ said something about “evening makeup” to which I replied, “What the hell is evening makeup?” He then continue to school me on how you are supposed to do your makeup differently for nights out than you would during the day. Or some such cosmetic wisdom like that. Why is it that my husband knows that kind of stuff but I don’t?

We had a fantastic food and hilarious conversation. I think it’s a good sign when you have so much fun at a company function that you are shocked by how late it is when you leave. (I’m sure sharing a bottle of wine (Riesling!) with one other person helped).

I also bought crazy tall boots for the occassion. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a shoe with so much of a heal before in my LIFE. I actually managed to walk in them all night (even while carrying a baby) (and after several glasses of wine) and not fall even ONCE. To which MrZ is eternally grateful. Nothing like making an impression on the new company by busting ass in a high-class restaurant.

Of course, I was very happy to take them off when I got home. People who say that you get used to walking in heals? Are on crack. There is no way I could ever get used to that. My poor legs still hurt today and I’ve run half-marathons, so I’m not wuss. But those boots? Man. I’d rather have post-marathon blisters than post-high-heal calf cramps. Next time, I’m not putting the painful shoes on until right before we walk out the door, wearing them around for an hour before was dumb as hell.

Life’s lessons about footwear are the hardest to learn.