Random weird thoughts I’ve had recently.

• Why does Bruegger’s call the soup I ate Italian Wedding Soup? That gives no description of it whatsoever. I ordered it because it was the only soup on the list not “creamy” or “cheesey” so I felt it was safe for my mild lactose intolerance. But – I had no idea what it would be and was just banking on my general love of soups when I ordered it. Do you know what it should be named? Yummy Beefy Soup With White Things (barley?) And Green Leaves (spinach?). It was SO GOOD. Way better than the name implies. Unless, of course, you’ve been to an Italian Wedding and had the soup – then you know how good it is.
• When the first warm days come during the end of winter, I always want to smoke. I think it’s because when I used to smoke, I always smoked outside. On gorgeous days it was an excellent excuse to sit out and enjoy the weather. Too bad it also was killing me. And making me smell like an ashtray. If it weren’t for those things I’d totally be smoking right now.
• Why is there so many different choices when it comes to black mascara? I mean – they all cost the same (at Target – I don’t know how to buy makeup at grownup places) – so why is it that there needs to be 52 different variations? And that’s all from the same brand. Not to mention the 19 different brands. Weird. Same with cereal. Does there really need to be an entire aisle of cereal but only a small section of an aisle for diapers? Shouldn’t we care more about poop-absorption than what combination of sugar and food coloring we get in our breakfast?

I’m done now. Thank you for your time.

Ever since LilZ took those drama classes last summer, he has wanted to test out his chops at a real audition. Since I’m lazy, I’ve never really found where to go to find out when or where auditions for what plays are. And honestly? It’s not something I felt like really encouraging because I know it’s a path littered with broken dreams.

(Man. That’s just depressing.)

Well – we found out there was an audition this week we missed (of course) but that they were opening it up during call-back night for boys LilZ’s age since there weren’t a lot who came during the regular auditions. I told LilZ about this yesterday morning. He came home from school yesterday afternoon and watched a little bit of the movie adaptation of the same story to familiarize himself with it and practiced with bits of other scripts I found on the internet. And then – pretty much with zero prep and almost zero knowledge of the play – he auditioned last night.

Now – they haven’t official cast the role, but we are 99.99% sure he didn’t get the part. But – the fact that he did that so blindly – blows my damn mind. Do you know how nerve racking an audition is anyway? Much less one for a play you know nothing about? On just a few hours of prep? Nerve racking may be an understatement. I just can’t think of anything strong enough other than I Would Have Rather Pissed My Pants in Public than audition for anything under those circumstances.

He knew going into it that his chances were slim to get the part – but he’s still disappointed. Anyone would be. No one goes to an audition hoping not to get cast. But – does he act like he never wants to try again, like his mother would? (And did. But that’s another story for another day.) No – he wants me to find a mailing list or something for upcoming auditions so he can try again with a little more prep time. MrZ said that every kid and every adult there seemed like they knew each other, so LilZ was also the odd-man out that way. But did that bother him? Nope. It never does. He always puts himself into new situations never scared or worried of the outcome. It blows my damn mind because one thing is for sure: He didn’t get that from me.

I opted not to go with him because the hour-or-so at home before was making me nervous enough. Having to go and watch him would be 10-times worse and I was pretty certain I would have made him nervous. I also can’t handle it as his mother. I knew going into it that they probably weren’t going to give the part to him. I knew we were doing this for the experience of a real audition. I knew he would be the one there with the least experience. I knew all of these things. But still. I don’t think I could bear to watch his face as other kids got called back to try again and he didn’t. I would have had to resist the urge to either (a) cry in the corner or (b) DEMAND they cast my son or else. What would that make me? I don’t think that would make me a “Stage Mom” really – but I’m fairly certain it would make me “The Mom In The Loony Bin.” Or worse, “The Mom Who Can’t Come Within 500ft Because Of The Restraining Order.”

It’s just, as his mother, I don’t want to see him disappointed. There was a part of me last night that hoped he would come home and never want to try again. Actually – I would say that was the majority of what I was feeling. Talking to him last night, getting his recap of the evening, was so tough on me as a mother. Mainly, because he was so brave and mature about it. He was disappointed, of course. And frustrated, of course. But he just wanted to try again. And he wants to see some real plays. (His mother is kinda uncultured and makes him watch re-runs of The O.C. instead.) He wants to take more classes. He wants to go to more auditions. As a mother I’m both incredibly proud of his bravery and drive, and incredibly fearful of my own limited tolerance for his heartbreak. It’s tough. Why can’t he just like video games like other kids his age?

(I’m just kidding.)

I guess it’s all a very valuable learning experience for all of us. MrZ learned that auditions take forever and that maybe next time, he should bring a book. Or a pillow. LilZ learned that you need to have some good prep-time before an audition. And I learned that my 12-year-old son is a braver man than I could ever be.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned as LilZ has grown up is that All Children Are Different. LilZ didn’t start reading when most of the kids his age did, and some people in our family made a big deal about that. “Why isn’t he reading yet? So-in-so is! You need to work with him more!” I really enjoyed hearing that because (a) it was assuming that I didn’t work with him – which couldn’t have been farther from the truth and (b) passively implied that there was something wrong with the speed at which LilZ was learning. Both things are fantastic to feel as a parent, by the way.

Well – as anyone who knows LilZ now can attest – he definitely made up for lost time. The kid is an avid reader that has even started this year venturing into the world of popular adult fiction novels because he’s getting a wee bored with the “Teen” section at Barnes and Noble. So, the delay in learning to read? Did nothing to his long-term academic achievement.

Why, then, do I worry so much about NikkiZ not talking as much as the other kids in her class? She has a few words she says and knows what they mean: Trash. Baby. Trash. Puppy. Trash. Woof Woof. Trash. (If you give her something to throw away she will say “Trash” every time. Has she yet to say “Mommy” in a way that shows she knows it’s me? No.) She has a few sounds: Bay-Bay and Mee-Mee which seem to vary in meaning depending on the situation. Sometimes I think she’s saying “Mommy” in reference to me, but this weekend it seemed like it was her name for her Grandma. And “Bay-Bay” sometimes sounds like “Baby” when she is playing with her doll, but she also uses it when she wants a cracker or possibly has a stinky diaper.

Why do I care? The smart and logical part of me knows she will speak when she wants to and this is not a sign of slow development as much as it is a sign of her being damn stubborn. Sometimes she gives us that look like, “Yeah. Right. I’ll say ‘Daddy’ when you let me eat cookies for breakfast.” Other times she just looks bored. I honestly don’t believe there’s anything wrong with her. But – when the other kids in her class are all, “Mommy!” when their Moms get there or “Dog!” or “Cat!” or “Platypus!” when it’s storytime – I get a little frustrated because I want to hear my daughter say “Kack Kack” when I ask her what a duck does.

Instead she only consistently says, “No! No! No!” which, of course, is the other word she knows PERFECTLY. She points to things she’s not allowed to touch and says, “No! No! No!” to show us she knows not to touch Mommy’s beer. I guess I should be grateful for that. I think I’d rather have a toddler who knows the value of Mommy’s Friday Night Brew than one who knows her shirt is green.

I have been watching the local news in the mornings since the weather has been so sporatic. One day I have to scrape ice off my car and the next day I’m wearing shorts and blowing bubbles with the kids in the front yard. I like to know what to expect from the weather before I get dressed as well as knowing how to dress NikkiZ. Of course, it doesn’t do any good to tell LilZ what to expect because he’ll still wear shorts when it’s snowing and a sweater when it’s 70 degrees outside. He’s at that age where looking good is way more important, you know, not freezing your ass off.

(Zoot’s Dad: Like mother, like son Little Miss Thinks That Tights Under Shorts Is The Same As Pants.)

This morning I noticed something that I’m sure always happens but I didn’t notice because it’s considered normal in my brain. The weather guy on this channel? Uses the word/phrase “heckuva” all the time. For example, he said we should expect, “A heckuva warm-up today.” As in the contraction for “Heck of a” which isn’t even that great of a phrase to use in it’s complete form, so why would you use the contraction if you were in the media? Wouldn’t that rank up there with “ain’t” or “fixin’ to” or other such words that I’m sure are on a List of Words Not To Use somewhere. But not this guy, he really likes to use it and used it three times this morning alone.

I don’t know what concerns me more, that he used it three times in this morning’s newscast. Or – that he’s probably been doing it all along and I just now noticed.

Do any of you live in or around Austin, TX? I’m going to be there for the SxSWi conference March 8th – March 16th and would love it if I had someone to eat a meal or two with while I was there.

(Let’s not discuss the fact that I’ll be away from my family for that long. I already feel sick just thinking about it.)

Or even better – if you’re going to the conference itself I’d love to hunt you down so I can follow you around like a lost puppy. I’m needy like that.

I’m looking forward to the conference itself – especially getting to catch up with some of my favorite “Diaper Diarists” out there – but I’m also really nervous because it’s WAAAAY bigger than BlogHer and also? SIX DAYS. I’m going to be away from my gorgeous children and my hott and sexay husband for six days.

So – PUHLEASE – even if we’ve never spoken before, I’d love to hear from you. Either leave a comment and I’ll reply to you via email, or email me directly to misszootATgmailDOTcom. I need someone to help keep me distracted from the fact that I’ll be missing my family so much.

SIX. DAYS.