Hey! Guess what it’s time for? Time for Zoot to defend herself even though there is no need because ITS JUST A DAMN BLOG, and she needs to GET OVER IT ALREADY!
But seriously – some seem to think that by making my son pay me back for shoes he defaced (DUDE. I love using that word. It makes me feel so authoritative.) that I might be stifling his creativity or his need to be an individual. For some reason, this upsets me. I know. I’m lame. But I’m also insecure and totally feel the need to provide proof that I do NO SUCH THING. I embrace individuality. I foster creativity. I AM NOT AN OGRE! (What? Am I over reacting?)
So – here we have a list of Creative Outlets I’ve Given My Son In His Lifetime To Prove I’m Totally Awesome.
- I used to let LilZ take his crayola markers (washable!) and color on my body for fun. I had a good time with this too until that one time I went to the bathroom and when I stood up from the toilet I saw blue smears all of the seat and I freaked OUT. What disease makes you sweat the color blue? AM I DYING?
- We used to pain with my nail polishes. It was back when we were poor and LilZ wanted to paint but I didn’t have any paints. The only thing I had was nailpolish. So we went to town painting pink and purple shiny things all over my notepads.
- I let him cover his bedroom furniture with stickers.
- I encourage him to doodle all over his notebooks and binders for school.
- I let him pick out his own wall color AND help me paint.
- He gets enrolled in art and theater workshops every summer.
- Our driveway is a constantly being drawn on with sidewalk chalk. This annoys my husband. He deals with it.
- I give my son every freedom with regard to dress and hair. I may tell him I think something looks like ass, but I still let him wear it. There have even been discussions regarding the dying of his hair blue. Which I’m totally okay with as long as I can do it too.
There are many others, I’m sure. I just wanted to provide evidence (WHY? WHY DO I CARE?) that I don’t suppress his individuality by not allowing him to draw on expensive things I’ve bought him. I provide him plenty of outlets to be unique. I just ask that it not involve ruining something that, once he grows out of, could be passed on to someone else.
This one is a serious challenge….the practical side of parenting versus helping your child enhance their inner (or outer) artist.
My 5th grader, too, is an artist. Actually doesn’t care about anything quite as much.
On the practical side I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll shell out $2500 for the fancy schmancy art camp but you have to consider the rest of your schoolwork important enough to get A’s and B’s before I do, tough guy”.
So, I understand, as a creative imp myself, my son doodling illustrations in the margins of his report on the Revolutionary War, and saving the report part until last.
But if he grows up to be an artist and somehow finds a job doing it, I’ll be just as excited as if he was a nuclear scientist.
But, I’d be wanting the 40 bucks for the doodled shoes because of the whole “I don’t buy your clothes for you to doodle on” mom thing.
Yeah! And he grows SO FAST that when he grows OUT of stuff, there is still a lot of use in them. Since I buy him name brand stuff (which is dumb, I know) – that stuff would be cherished by someone else down the line. But not so much when it says “I love meatloaf” on it.
Meatloaf? Meatloaf the food product or Meatloaf the musician?
Jenn – don’t ask. Actually – DO ask. It was a code name for a GIRL.
DUDE. He’s going to KILL ME for saying that.
Zoot I am totally with you and I don’t even have kids! I get SO mad at my husband when he just throws his clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper to be washed because we and our cats end up walking all over them. Clothes are expensive and shouldn’t be treated like something disposable! I stand behind you on this one.
Amy – my husband is just the opposite. He continues to wear clothes that have holes in them. TO WORK. But shoes on the other hand? He’d wear a new pair every day if he could.
Wow, we just put our we just wrote I love {initials}, meatloaf is WAY better. I’m going to start referring to my husbad as “beef stew.”
Zoot, you just ignore the pissy people! You are teaching your son respect and the value of a dollar. If more parents would worry about that, there’d be a lot fewer problems in the world. I glory in your spirit with your son–tell them to send their stuff for him to be creative with if they think you’re so oppressive.
I’m very much the same way you are with LilZ with my 13-year old. Most times I’m just a lurker, but this pissed me off.
You rock, Zoot, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You know, I think your punishment is brilliant parenting. You bought him those shoes for a specific reason. To wear to school or sports or whatever. You did not buy him those shoes for him to draw on. I’m sure that there are things in your home that it is perfectly acceptable to draw on, should the artistic motivation arise. Or, had he ASKED you if he could draw on them and you felt that acceptable, THEN he could have drawn on his shoes. But I have an 11 year old son and his shoes are not cheap. (Even cheap shoes for that kid aren’t cheap!) And I’d be madder than mad if he drew on them when I expect that he look presentable for school (and our school has some stringent rules regarding the dress code) and then he defaced them out of love for Senorita Meatloaf and the general thoughtlessness that comes with being a child that age. I think you just found a punishment that fits the crime. Brava Zoot!
Bad mom! Teaching your son consequences and limits. How could you? You suck.
Bah, whatever. There are so many other ways to express one’s creativity without “defacing” one’s personal items that you paid good money for. Your house, your rules. I thought having LilZ pay for the item was an awesome solution – because it gave him a CHOICE. I like reading how you handle things like this because it gives me ideas and makes me think about how I may have to handle these same situations down the road. Please don’t let a few naysayers stifle you.
Cagey – And isn’t it just an awesome benefit that I now have cash in my wallet? Because really – that’s what it’s all about!
It is that last sentence that makes the most sense to me- something that could be passed along to someone else. Of course you don’t want him ruining it! I think in our house, if Fuller was more than two, we would have made him pay us the $40 for his shoes too.
Our 14-year old daughter asked for white Converse and colored Sharpies for Christmas–so that she could personalize her shoes, which she did, awesomely. Knowing up-front that this is the plan might make it easier.
It’s obvious that you have a fabulous relationship with LilZ. Keep up the good work.
I am just waiting to see if your method works … and then I am implementing it with my 7 year old daughter who I currently think is going to become a graffitti artist! She has an obsession with writing on furniture and JUST THIS MORNING RIGHT BEFORE READING YOUR POST I realized she use the metal part of the eraser end of a pencil to “carve” a word in my side table that was a birthday gift a number of years ago.
So, I am praying your method works … I’ll be RICH!!! ignore everyone who is yapping about creativity – I know a few of those parents and I’m not impressed!
ok, that was misleading – I don’t know any of the people who have commented on your blog about stifling his creativity – I just know people in my hometown who put the “creativity card” above all else.
I don’t have kids, so I don’t know how I’ll react when one of them defaces his or her name-brand objects, but I do know that I’m still traumatized over my parents’ reactions to my own defacing of things. Maybe I’d feel less guilty if I’d repaid them face value for the objects way back when. My mom still brings up that Christmas ornament I deconstructed when I was four. FOUR! IT WAS 24 YEARS AGO MOM, GET OVER IT! Ooops, sorry about that Zoot, I got carried away.
yeah, bad mom or not…I’m still totally taking notes from you. You and LilZ have a relationship I truly envy and hope that over the years my baby and IU grow to be as close as you and LilZ.
If making him pay you to be seen with him in public with him wearing “I meatloaf” on his clothing, and to be his friend is how it works, then far be it from us to judge
I think that was totally fair! We work hard for our money, and it should be respected. When he pays for it, then yeah, let him do what he wants. Totally fair!! I do think it’s cool he just happened to have some money!!
I bet maybe he will think twice about doing that when he has paid for stuff on his own? Maybe???
You are an awesome mom.
I would have done the same thing. Period.
And even that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have the kind of relationship with LilZ that we all wish we had or could have had with our own kids.
You are an awesome mom. That’s the only thing that’s important.
Zoot
I think teaching them to be resourseful is great. Painting with nail polish! That is a wonderful idea. But you are right in what you have done!
Good for you!
Clearly, you’re focusing too much on his freedom and not beating him enough.
I suggest whipping paint pens at his head until he learns the value of a dollar…..and how to properly duck and cover, of course.
Well, don’t I feel like a schmuck now. I never thought you were stifling… but thought that the message you were sending was a bit off.
I’m sorry it came off so offensive.
I agree with the way you handled the situation, and aside from the “creative” aspect that’s been discussed, one thing not many people have mentioned is this:
He disobeyed you.
You have a rule in place regarding defacing items that you have purchased for him. He broke the rule. You assessed the consequence. One of the most difficult but crucial parts of being a parent.
The issue to me is not whether it’s okay to write and doodle on his stuff, but that you told him not to do it anymore and he did it.
Does that make him a bad kid? Hell, no. From all evidence here on your blog, he is a great kid, who loves and respects his parents and baby sister. Because you lovingly put him in check when he needs it.
None of us does it right every time, but hopefully we do it right most of the time.
Good job. Carry on.
How old is your son? It sounds as if he is old enough to know better in which case you are helping him learn a lesson which is cool. Learning not to deface other people’s property will help your son not hurt him!
Now, if the son in question is under 5 and you are making him hit the streets selling pacifiers to scrounge up the $40 he owes you, then I’d be worried.
You are the best dang mother.
JayMonster – The message wasy, “Your momma needs cash!” – so it worked out great!
I’m so sorry I didn’t comment yesterday, or I would’ve given the people who were against you someone else to fire at. I have NO problem whatsoever with you charging Lil’Z for his sneakers after you’ve warned him.
In fact, I’m one of those parents who believes that when a child is old enough, if you feel like something suspicious is going on, you have every right to search their room…it is YOUR house, they are YOUR children, and if we don’t police our children, the real police will and we’ll be visiting them with a bullet-proof window between us.
Marker-colors seeping through your skin and doing who-knows-what to your insides? Scary!
Fostering and nurturing creativity in kids does not mean being permissive. As the father of two (now grown sons) and a school principal for over 30 years, I can attest to this.
Children need clearly defined boundaries in all aspects of their life to grow into mature, loving and productive adutls.
Having said the above, parents need to encourage and nurture creativity in their kids at every available opportunity. Teachers in schools need to do so as well. Please always check for signs that your child’s creativity is being encouraged, nurtured and recognized by the school environment.