The weekend was uneventful, but nice. We all went out as a family and ran errands on Saturday - which was the highlight for me because we never do that. MrZ doesn’t like the vague “Let’s run errands” task because his weekends are for the things he’d like to do at home. Like rock out playing Guitar Hero II. But - he joined us and we actually had a good time. We went to the mall because we wanted NikkiZ to get used to being in the backpack again now that it’s getting warmer.

I feel like I have to give an excuse to go the The Mall because it just seems like such a boring thing to do. But there’s a Pottery Barn! Which we didn’t even go into! But we did go into Williams Sonoma and mock the $13 cheese slicer. Thirteen Dollars? REALLY?

Anyway - She did fine in the backpack. She actually likes it better than the stroller because she is tall and can see a lot more. If my genes play any part in her development, that will be the only way she ever experiences that sensation.

We also went to the Fresh Market twice and Super Target twice. We are nothing if not repetitive. We also went to Wal-Mart which we all hate doing. There were just a few things we had to get at Wal-Mart and we thought we could brave the lines and the crowds for those few things. Wal-Mart didn’t disappoint us with the 15-minute wait to buy four items.

All in all it was a very laid back weekend. That’s the way I like it. I didn’t even do any housework. I washed clothes, but that’s about it. As a result all of the garbage cans are overflowing the animal hair in the carpet is on the verge of mutating into a sentient being. Oh well. Like another pet is going to phase us in the slightest.

Yesterday went well. I know I said I wasn’t going to think about the past days and only focus on the present day - but it’s different when you had a good day. I didn’t do any late night binge-eating and I ran five miles. Good for me!

There were some crazy-ass storms last night. I woke up this morning and every piece of recycling we had in the bin was somewhere either on our yard or one of our neighbor’s. I had to go stomping around in the mud this morning picking up 19 million diet coke cans lying around. (How did I get that kidney infection again?) There is also soggy bits of newspaper in every corner of our yard - and I have no idea where that came from. We only get the paper on Sundays and it didn’t even come today. There was thunder and lightning all through the night - but we never heard a tornado siren, so we all slept through it.

I’m going to try to do a longer run today. Taking about a week off of training for my kidney infection puts me off track for my marathon. Luckily I was a bit ahead of the game anyway - I just have to ease myself back into it. I think I may just do 10 miles today (JUST 10 miles. Who am I?) We’ll see.

I stepped on the scale this morning. I have officially gained 14lbs since I went to the beach this summer. At that point I was only a few pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. SO CLOSE. Do you know how hard it is to GAIN weight while you’re training for a marathon (please abstain from the “it’s muscle, not fat!” comments - I’ll email you pictures if you want - ITS FAT) - but I have proven it’s possible with late night anxiety binging and all day candy-eating.

So, I think I’m going to start over. (Do you find yourself saying that a lot? It’s the most common phrase I ever utter.)

I think I focus so much on my failures that I get depressed which makes me eat more and fall even further away from the goal. So, I’m going to stop thinking about where I WAS and how I’ve gone BACKWARDS and just think about moving forward.

I took pictures of myself in my “dream” bathing suit, the one I want to fit into, about 3lbs ago. I told myself “This is as big as you’ll be, so take pictures so you can see how far you’ve come.” Now I find myself, 3lbs heavier and thinking, “Should I take another set of pictures?”

So: Today is just about TODAY. Sound good? I’m going to be healthy for TODAY. Screw last week. Screw last month. Screw last year. Hell, let’s screw tomorrow too! Today is just about today. Do you think it’s possible to change 31 years worth of conditioning to only think about today? I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?

You know, I really want to have one of those homes that inspire people who walk in the door. Not because it’s all that nice or fancy, but because I decorate it in a unique way that is almost artistic. I have never achieved this in my 12+ years living outside of my Dad’s home.

I often take pictures in my house and am embarrassed to post them because, come ON. Have you seen my flickr contact list lately? It’s like a homage to beautiful homes in the blogosphere. And again - I’m not talking expensive beautiful, I’m talking artistic beautiful. I never knew color-coded bookshelves would be such a statement. Or that simple glass vases (those are vases, right?) would be so gorgeous collected in a group. It’s the beautiful selections of prints and the creative use of Christmas lights to the brilliant display of collections that I would never even consider but that looks fantastic. Why can’t I think of these things? They’re not pricey or hard to find. I still buy all of my decor from Target because it’s safe. I’m scared to take risks. The most you’ll see me do is steal a risky idea from someone else after seeing how it can be executed effectively (See: The picture frames propped on top of the shelf. Sorry, Dooce. If anyone ever compliments that I’ll give you the credit.) And I think at that point it no longer qualifies as “taking a risk.”

Either way - I took this photo the other night of NikkiZ playing on the floor. I wasn’t going to upload it because, “Ew! Boring home!” But you know? I need to GET OVER IT ALREADY. So I’m not a genius when it comes to buying the right knicknacks and placing them in the right place. I shouldn’t be ashamed of my decor. I’m not living in FILTH, for chrissakes. It may be boring, but it’s me and if you all can tolerate me talking about my orange urine, surely you can stomach my boring choice in wall prints. Why do I get so embarrassed of my Wal-Mart prints? (Yes. Those prints above the desk are about 6 years old and from Wal-Mart.) Sometimes I’m still that goofy insecure 7th-grader worried what people are saying about her red shoestrings in her white high-tops.

So, I uploaded it. You’ll have to click on it to go to Flickr to see the notes. But it’s my dining room/study area. It’s not too bad, but I don’t think anyone will be finding inspiration there anytime soon. I’ll just have to keep stealing ideas from others and pretending like they are my own.

During my late night rare fit of insomnia, I decided to watch Oscar Special that I felt kinda silly even recording it. I set it to TiVo on the living room TiVo which MrZ rarely looks at, hoping to watch and/or delete it before he ever saw it. He’d never let me live that down.

But it was good!

Let me backtrack. I have documented my distaste for Russell Crowe on several occasions. His cocky attitude and ungrateful nature always sparked my hatred. After seeing one jackass-y interview he did around the days of Gladiator, I decided to boycott his movies on some sort of bizarre principal where I didn’t want my ticket money going to his wallet. (You know he totally felt that boycott too…that money could have changed his life.) Well, I saw an interview with him on Ellen a few months ago. And you know what? I forgot that I hated him! He was sweet and sincere (talking about his kids) and seemed very humble. He was entertaining and simply…nice. I honestly said at one point, “Wait. I’m supposed to hate this guy.”

I don’t know if having kids softened him a little, or if I had misinterpreted him all along. Based on what he told Nicole Kidman last night, I’m thinking the first. It was cool watching them interview each other because you could totally tell how nervous SHE was. It was crazy. I’ve never been a big fan of hers, although moving to Nashville after marrying Keith Urban totally warmed me up to her. But last night she was very cute and lovable. At one point, Russel asked her about her and Keith and how they were doing (he entered alcohol rehab 4 months after they married) and she said something simple like, “We’re doing great.” But then she backtracked and said, “That isn’t going to sound sincere…” and she went into more detail saying that sometimes you have to “dig deep” in a marriage and they had to do that at month 3. It was real and honest.

Russel mentioned that he wish he hadn’t been so limited in his vision of his younger years. He wished he had the insight to know how his behavior would affect his future and those around him who end up having to vouch for him. He made no apologies, and even separated “anger” from “temper” claiming he is NOT an angry person at all. It was really fascinating. I earned a lot of respect for the both of them after that.

The other two interviews Julia Roberts/George Clooney and Sidney Poitier/Jamie Foxx were excellent as well. I could feel Jamie’s respect and adoration in my living room. You could tell he was simply amazed being in the presence of someone so inspirational as Poitier. He asked him parenting advice and told him he always looked “dapper” which - that word totally needs to make a resurgence. It was perfect in that moment. Julia and George were like watching a brother and sister goof off. It was cute and exactly what I expected. She kept saying, “I have to pee” which cracked me up. It would have been a great production if it weren’t for Oprah’s awkward segues she did that seemed stilted and just weird.

All in all - if I was going to be awake until 2am - at least I had good stuff to watch.