I went to the doctor like a big girl, and as usual this experience reminds me how much of a Sick Novice I am. Now, pregnany/fertility doctors? I can handle those rituals: the bloodwork, the ultrasounds, the shots. No problem. But ask me what my cholesterol level is and I’m all, “Um. I don’t know. Do I need an MRI to find that?”

When they walked me back to the exam room, I sat in the chair in the corner. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy, “Ma’am? We need you to sit on the exam table.” OH! Duh. Yeah. I am the patient this time. Not The Mom. After I peed in a cup, (And man, it’s been a long time since I had to do that) the doctor came in and said, “You have a very severe kidney infection. Are you in pain?” She then proceeded to karate-chop my back saying, “Does this hurt?” I’m all, “Well, uh, kinda. But I think it’s because you are hitting me.”

She brought me the prescriptions and said, “This is an antibiotic and this is to treat symptoms.” Do you want to know what as asked when she said that? I said, “Symptoms of what?” She looked at me and slowly said, like she was speaking to someone who didn’t speak English as a first language, “Your kidney infection? That I just told you about?” Oh! That! Right!

She sent me on my way and I went to get my prescriptions filled at Super Target. When I picked them up the pharmacist said, “Have you ever taken this one before?” After I told her that no, I had not, she listed of some of the side effects. “It might discolor your urine.”

REALLY? Are we talking, kinda brighter yellow - or are we talking Electric Blue? Because I think peeing Electric Blue Urine would be the coolest trick EVER. She then said, “And do you wear contacts?”

Huh? Am I going to start peeing through my eyes? Am I going to pre ELECTRIC BLUE through my eyes? THAT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER. I opted not to say any of these things and simply answered, “Nope.” “Oh,” she continued, “because it could discolor your contacts as well.”

B-O-R-I-N-G.

Anyway. Kidney Infection. Antibiotics. And some stuff that will turn my pee purple. I’m to go back on Sunday to pee (aqua) in a cup again. Good times.

• LilZ and I went and saw Music and Lyrics. I actually think Hugh Grant made a kind of lame script pretty funny. Then again, I love Hugh Grant. And the opening video for his 80s pop song, “Pop goes my heart” is the most hilarious thing in the world. The lead singer in the band was Scott Porter, of Friday Night Lights fame. And let me tell you, they don’t use his talent to the fullest. He’s DAMN FUNNY. Here is the video. If you watch Friday Night Lights, you really MUST watch it. It’s hilarious.
• We also saw a preview for In the Land of Women

which reminded me why I love Seth Cohen so much on The O.C.. It’s because I really love Adam Brody. I can’t wait to see that movie.

• I think I have to go to the doctor today and I hate going to the doctor. I’m going to put it off to see if I can just wait it out, but it’s not likely(damn pesky UTIs) . Check back for the, “I don’t WANNA go!” whiny entry that I’m sure will come around lunchtime.
• I ate so much this weekend it’s not even funny. I have put on 10lbs in the past 2+ months and I’m getting totally depressed about it. I would love to talk more about it, but I can’t without looking for ice cream.
• I don’t know about you, but last night’s ending of Heroes was totally unexpected. And that’s all I’ll say about that so that I don’t ruin it for anyone.
• NikkiZ finally showed a few signs of speaking English this weekend. It seems she knows how to say “trash” but not “Mommy.” We’re very proud.

MrZ made reservations for Saturday at a restaurant downtown I’ve been dying to try. There are two seats by the window that look out on the square and he reserved one of those specific tables which was totally awesome. We got the wine list and ordered the only bottle of Riesling that we found on the menu. The waiter came to the table and “presented” the bottle to me. For those of you who have never experienced this (like myself), He kinda held it out to me over his arm exactly like I’ve seen them do on TV but for the LIFE of me I had no idea what I was supposed to do in response. My first instinct: Take it from him and say, “Thanks!” But, that felt wrong. My second instinct: Giggle because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. My final action: I just nodded. I was trying to nod like I was saying, “Thank you for showing me the label of this wine I just requested. I approved of the selection and my palette looks forward to the taste of this particular year.” I have a feeling it appeared to be more like, “Um. Yeah. Thanks. Pour it already, will ya?”

Luckily, we were the ONLY ones in the restaurant so no one was watching us possibly look like idiots. There was a couple that came in later and the man not only (a) requested a new glass after smelling the first one and being unsatisfied with it (he smelled the glass - is that normal?) but he also (b) requested that he pour the wine himself. I think he knew what he was doing. Either that or he is the champion of Fancy Fakers worldwide.

We ordered a cheese plate for an appetizer and I ate four cheeses I’ve never had before. I liked the Goat Cheese. Have you ever had Goat Cheese? It’s spreadable. And yummy. Don’t you feel informed now? The plate came with slices of apples that MrZ decided must be to “cleanse the palette” between cheeses. I was impressed with this deduction and wished he had realized it before I tasted all four right in a row.

I ordered lobster tail when I’ve had a cheap restaurant before and never liked. But - I felt the desire to try it again (and oddly it was one of the cheaper things on the menu) and it was SO GOOD. I also finished off dinner with a cup of coffee and Irish Cream which was also SO GOOD. They used a French Press (MrZ had to explain that one to me) to brew/serve the coffee. If I’ve seen that before, I don’t remember. Totally cool.

All-in-all it was loads of fun. We spent more on that dinner than we have on all other Eating Out Excursions so far this year, but it was worth it. I think we pulled off The Fancy pretty well. Except for that one moment I slipped on the tile in front of the bathroom. Luckily, MrZ was the only one who saw me, but I think he had one of those, “Oooohhhh Noooooo” moments fearing I was going to crash to the ground. I caught myself though before the full collapse happened. I’m nothing if not a skilled tripper.

MrZ’s parents ordered some new furniture that arrived in some pretty high-quality boxes. MrZ’s Mom could see the potential those boxes had immediately and turned them into a Cardboard Tunnel House that may just be the coolest thing ever. LilZ and I spent more time in it tonight than NikkiZ did. If you look at the picture closely, you’ll see the amazing details. The hearts on the doors and windows. The landscaping done with crayons. The Bar-B-Que in the “back” of the house. She thought of everything and even asked for a measurement so she could make sure the door was tall enough. I’m going to sob the day this has to be dumped in the trash. It is beyond awesome and I’m totally going to build one in my house the next time we have crazy furniture delivered.

MrZ planned a dinner at a fancy restaurant for us tonight. We had a bottle of wine (by “we” I mean “me”) and a cheese platter for an appetizer. It was totally awesome. He did great. We are now spending the night in the hotel we got married in…meaning he did really great. My husband is the best ever. Pictures to come later. Mainly: Us eating way above our class and trying to fake “fancy” - which I think we did pretty well.

Edited to add: It is now Sunday morning. MrZ is still asleep and my inability to sleep late (even when it’s our FIRST NIGHT without the baby - why am I not still sleeping?) has me up and editing pictures from last night. I had my Google Reader open and I saw that my blog’s feeds were updated. No biggie. I subscribe to my own feeds just to make sure they’re working (Bloglines hates my blog) but it occurred to me, “Wait. I haven’t written a new entry. Why are my feeds updated?” I look and there was this entry that I’m adding too. Y’all - I’m not lying when I say: I do NOT remember writing this. I am also not lying when I say: I drank a LOT of wine last night. A LOT. And one more thing: I’m very glad drunk-blogging Zoot isn’t too humiliating. The only thing I edited was I corrected the spelling of “appetizer” which I had misspelled. Other than that, you can’t tell I was so drunk I’d not even remember writing that entry! My parents are so proud.