Back to work
Today will be my first day in for a full day of work in almost two weeks. Getting up wasn’t too bad since I’ve been going to bed so early due to a lack of a constant supply of caffeine to get my body going.
I often times wonder if we had enough money for me to do so, would I stay home intead of work a 9-5 job like I’ve been doing for the last 6 years. I really love hanging out with my kids all day, but I don’t think I’m patient enough to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) full-time. I think I need breaks throughout the day to keep me from putting the both kids down for naps four times a day. I also think my kids kinda get sick of me after about 3 hours straight. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came over yesterday and NikkiZ totally turned into a different kid. She was excited and happy and simply thrilled to see a face other than mine for once.
I guess the perfect situation would be a part-time job that would require me to send NikkiZ to daycare for a few hours a day – enough time apart so that she would would still enjoy my company when she sees me next – but so much time apart that her teacher knows her better than I do. I do hesitate to admit this – that my dream is not to be a full-time SAHM – because I feel it might make other women shake their head in disgust. I do often times feel inadequate for not being able to fully claim “It would be my dream come true to stay home with my kids all day every day!”
But then – I get a chance to do it like I have the last several days – and it comes to an end like it has today – and I feel sad. It’s hard being a little bit loony, you know?
I hear ya, Zoot. You just can’t win. As much as I daydream about the total freedom of not working, whenever I’m on a “break”, I end up crazy and bored.
As Bart Simpson illustrated in his example of a paradox – “You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t”.
(And yes, I did just go to Bart as a source of philosophy – that’s what I get for commenting before my first Diet Coke of the morning.)
I’m glad there are women out there like you, who aren’t cowed into saying thay would absolutely LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom. It’s not for everyone, I would imagine. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
ick. I hate it that any woman would feel even a moment’s hesitation in saying that they do not dream of being a stay-at-home mom – what kind of crazy women are we becoming? I am a sahm and I used to believe that it was the only way to go (for me), but after living it for 5 years and knowing so many other sahm moms I think it is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make. WORK, WORK, WORK — be proud and enjoy it. Your kids will be fine.
But you’re right a part-time job would be the ideal situation for most moms.
As a 13 year career nanny, I’ve worked for quite a few moms. I think there is nothing more courageous than making the best decision for your children. Some moms NEED to work – because the family needs the money or because they get satisfaction from it. Some moms don’t NEED to work, but also know that they weren’t made to be with the kids 24/7, 365 days a year. I’ve had people say to me, “I’m sure you good at what you do, but why do people have kids if they don’t want to raise them?” That’s crap. It really is better to have a few quality hours with your kids than it is to be with them all day and resent it. (Not that YOU would resent it, I’m just saying that in general) You’re a fabulous mom, and anyone who reads your blog knows that!
Don’t feel bad, I agree with Dawn. Being a stay at home mom was a huge mistake for me. I ended up feeling like I was completely isolated from the world. The best thing I did for my family and myself was go back to work. I feel so much better about myself now and that transfers over to my family. It has been nothing but positive to our home. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not wanting to be a sahm. It doesn’t work for everyone and there is no shame in wanting to being a working mother!
I shake my head, but not in disgust, but in “not understanding”. I love staying home. Yep, it’s like any other gig where some days are bad, some days are good, other days are AWESOME and still some days are just “meh”. I’ve had some really bad days lately, but I still harbor no desire to go to work. I would be miserable running around, never able to give 100% to anything. I never worked in an industry that was family friendly, though. I kept hearing about a concept called 8-5, but never actually witnessed it.
We need more posts like yours – the ones that just say “hey, this is what works for me” and we need a lot less posts that say “my way or the highway”.
This ties in a bit with the book I am reading for my online book club – Tripping the Prom Queen by Susan Shapiro Barash because I think alot of the debate centers around the ways in which women compete with each other.
I am totally with you. I work full-time now and find it hard to be away from my baby for so long. Part-time would be awesome. I am a ‘have your cake and eat it too’ kind of gal.
I would wither without outside responsibilities and intellectual stimulation, but I don’t think I could ever go back to having a job job, a.k.a., pantyhose, insane bosses, ceding to authority, annoying coworkers, etc. etc. etc. I do sometimes fantasize about having nothing to worry about work-wise, because when you’re a freelancer, it’s kind of like you’re always on call and it’s really hard to just turn off work anxiety.
I agree with you, I would not want to be a SAHM. I do not have the patience for it. I would like to be gone less hours than I am now, where is that perfect world that we all keep looking for? Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on a lot of stuff.
I agree that feminism today is about having the power to make your choices cognizantly and without criticism from other moms. There’s no ideal situation, though because I think that once you have children, you have to make sacrifices somewhere. My son is 9 months old and I’ve worked full time and am now working part time. In terms of time with him, the part time gig is definitely making me happier because I’m with him more often. But the job is less interesting. Part time work often ends up being less important because companies can’t invest in you the same way. Arrgh.
Could not agree with you more. I feel bad saying that I like to get out to go to work, but I do, but on the other hand, I do wish that I had more time with C. I would love to be able to do my job like 3-4 days a week. That will probably happen when pigs fly.
Ya, know…my dream was not to be a SAHM either. I don’t think you are disgusting for saying you don’t want to be a full time SAHM.
I think you are a great mom. I mean look you are eating all the ice cream preventing others from ingesting the extra calories. (just kidding) I often eat all the cupcakes and cookies to keep my husband from getting fat.
I would have totally picked “C” also! In fact I did the other night over Girl Scout Cookies. Which, seriously? Those samoas last less than 12 hrs at my house. I do hate the guilt that we put on ourselves when it involves motherhood. I think you are an awesome mom because you are honest. Cheers!
As long as people stay away from blanket statements like “I think it is one of the best mistakes a woman can make” — on either side of the issue — I’m cool. No one situation is good or bad for every woman.
Whoops, I meant “biggest,” not “best.” I’m a tool.
Good for you in saying this out loud. I’ve often thought there should be a secret club of women who are conflicted in this decision!!
Motherhood can be a career choice, and some women make it their full-time career for a season, and often they do a fabulous job. Others make that choice but (like other careers) it’s not the best fit. Choose a career based on your interests and gifts, and I think you’ll love whatever you do (and others will benefit!)
By the way, I think that if one makes the intentional choice to be home with her kids full-time, the routine gets easier and makes more sense after a while. It’s a job that you get better at, and busier in, as you put in some time. Most SAHMs find their time busier (more they need to do, and more they choose to do) as they focus on how they want to make motherhood work for their family.