Listening to Friday Night 80s with my son a couple of weeks ago, and watching him shrink in agony with every new song that I got excited over (”Oh! Bon Jovi! He’s so Sexy!”), game me a brilliant idea. I want to make a Mix CD Titled “Embarrassing My Teenager At the Touch of a Button.” I’m going to sell it on the black market and I’ll retire in exactly 15 minutes.
See? There are two types of songs that come on the radio that my son cringes over:
I. Songs That Were Taboo When I Was A Kid And I Now Like To Listen To At Top Volume To Relive My Cruising Days.
Examples of these type of songs would be “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew. Or maybe “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Or the most embarassing of them all, Tone Loc’s “Wild Thing.” Mainly because of the line when the Mom walks in and says “Hey you two I was once like you and I liked to do the wild thing.” I mean - could the cringeworthy effect be stronger than hearing your mother sing that line? I think not. And I like to do it with a sassy finger-wag for the full effect.
II. Songs That Are Really Old and Cheesy But You Sing Them Like You Are Performing Them On Stage
Examples of these song would be anything by Jim Croce, Anne Murray, or James Taylor. One of my favorites is “Fire and Rain” which I sing really loudly because it totally was my break-up song when I was in high school and any time a boy broke my heart I felt the need to play that on repeat nineteen million times as part of the healing process. When it comes on the radio now, I sing it twice as loud and maybe 100 times more out of tune.
I think these CDs would be HITS. I honestly believe I could get my son to clean his room at 5am every morning before school if I promised him I wouldn’t ever sing “Blame it on the Rain” around his friends again. Or I could just about get him to commit to a lifetime of celibacy if I told him that I’d have “Pour Some Sugar On Me” blaring out of the car when I dropped him off at school as punishment if I ever caught him even thinking about dating. I mean - as it is now, there are songs that come on the radio that he immediately reaches for the off button if he has a friend within 5 miles of earshot. His biggest nightmare is having a girl in the car when “Making Love Out of Nothing At All” by Air Supply comes on the radio. Especially because my girlfriends and I made DANCE MOVES to that one in high school. And I can NOT sing that without the choreography. Seriously - I’ve heard him screaming in his sleep, “No, Mom! You don’t know the road to riches or the ways to fame!”
I’m telling you. I’m totally on to something. Do you have any suggestions for volumes of CD dedicated to humiliating our nation’s teens into submission?
Oh, you have to add “Total Ecleipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler. And when you sing it at the very top of your lungs, you need to be incredibly emmotional about it. Oh and speaking of getting emmiontal…”I get so emmtional, baby” by Whitney Houston. Even my husb turns the radio off if that comes on. He can’t stand how much I enjoy that song. (In all honesty, my love of it worries me a little at times as well.)
Laughing at the visuals of me doing this to my son. Probably closer to a reality that I may want to admit. And, I think you should include some NKOTB!
Please, put me on the waiting list for your “First Release”!
DUDE. NKOTB is a MUST.
Add to the embarrassing songs: “Let’s Talk about Sex” by Salt n’ Peppa and “I want your sex” by George Michael as well as “I touch myself” (I forget all the sudden who sang that…ack!). Those are GUARANTEED to make a child want to kill himself.
How about “We Built This City” by Starship or “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins or shoot, pretty much anything recorded by NKOTB or Weird Al Yankovic.
Dang, I could use anything that would make my son clean his room.
The DeVinyls! Or something like that. When I think about you I touch myself!. Oh - my son would DIE. That one is AWESOME.
Ah yes, musical torture. My preferred method has to be Ice, Ice Baby. My son turns green when I make direct eye contact and say all gangsta like “Stop…colaborate and listen”. Crack me up! He just doesn’t understand how cool I really am! Plus, that song was made for singing to our future children…what with an ending like “Word to your Mutha”
And also….2 legit 2 quit….because I know the hand movements still. That is a skill to be proud of. Yep, he loves that one too! If he had only known while watching the Adams Family that the song in the credits was the real reason I agreed to popcorn and movie night. I only birthed him so that I would have someone to force my lyrical ability on.
How about “Oops - Oh My” by Tweet (along the lines of the “I touch myself” song but worse because it’s all trendy hip-hop), and technically, if you got into anything like Justin Timberlake and sang it really loudly and off key, it would probably embarrass his friends.
Or what about “My Pony” by Ginuine? With lyrics like “If youre horny, lets do it / Ride it, my pony / My saddles waitin / Come and jump on it”, it’s sure to embarrass. Actually, any Slow Jam type song would probably kill him.
Oh! Boys II Men! And Mariah Carey would probably also mortify him.
You should make these CD’s and sell them. I’ll buy one!
Justin Timberlake is especially bad because I can’t help myself but to say things like “He’s so hottt!” while the song is on.
Oooh, fun!
How about “Flashdance” or “Glory of Love” for sheer cheesiness?
For cringe-worthiness, “Closer” by NIN, “Too close” by someone I don’t recall (Step back you’re dancing kind of close, I feel a little poke coming through, on you - ewwww), or “Like a Virgin”.
Dying laughing at this post - I have a 12 yr old boy as well - burst out at the pick-up in the car comment! How about “Me so Horny” by 2 Live Crew?! ha Or any Barry Manilow, really! My son cringes when I belt out Mandy. Oh, and I totally say the same thing about JT, now - also Blake on Idol! haha
Expressing your sorrow over a breakup is much easier now, with CDs and MP3s, than it was back in the day when you would have to stop, rewind to just the right spot, and then hit play. The things we take for granted.
When he starts to date, start singing “Waterfalls” — instant mood-killer if he gets the HIV undertone.
Push It for a cring worthy song and anything by Prince. I am listening to Little Red Corvette right now.
JP - I used to listen to “Love Songs At Night” and put a blank tape in my radio and try to hit RECORD at the exact right time so I could make a collection of love songs to give my boyfriend. It required the skill of recognizing a song by the first few chords. THAT IS TRUE TALENT.
Oh sign me up for a copy. My 11 year old hates it when I sign along to the radio.
Add some Berlin, that will get him.
Now move your big ass ’round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
Tonight your a star
And I’m the big dipper
PRINCE.. get off. This song was on the radio the other day and i said this sentence aloud. My college looked at me very nervously
so it must work for sons!
How about Hey Mickey–you could put your hair up in pony tails like Toni Basil …lol!
The Stroke by Billy Squire. We had a jukebox in our cafeteria and that was always the first song played everyday.
Here, just check my MySpace for all my 80’s songs
http://www.myspace.com/brenda1969
One morning I was dropping my 12 year old son off at school and “Jump Around” by House of Pain was on the radio. He turned the radio off an went for the door. I like the song, so I turned it back on. He refused to get out the car until I at least turned it down! And I thought it was a “cool” song…
Zoot - I used to tape from the radio too. To this day I can name a lot of songs made in the 80’s and early 90’s before any words even start. I am very proud of that ability - all those hours, sitting in front of my “boombox” paid off
Another idea for your CD of awesomeness, that will surley make LilZ cringe when he hears his own mother sing it (an dsing it TO MrZ, for extra gross out factor) Color Me Badd’s “I wanna sex you up” (and now I’m signing it. because when you hear those words, you just HAVE to)
MamaSaidNo - What about House of Pain “Put on your shitkickers and kick some shit?” EEK. THE CURSING! My son would DIE.
I definitely think we need Prince! And Hey Mickey? I sing that all the time without the radio. Heh.
Jessica - I havent thought about “I wanna Sex You Up” in years. That one was one of our FAVORITES.
Journey’s “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” . The radio/CD/MP3/computer can’t go loud enough on that one.
I only play it so my 16 y.o. stepson can practice rolling his eyes.
I don’t have children but I would buy one
I would so buy one of these things for my own listening pleasure.
How could you forget Madonna’s Like a Virgin? Always best if you include an interpretive dance as well.
Old school but goooood school.
When can I buy one??? This was soooo funny! I used to tape all these songs off the radio and then play them back, pausing them, so that I could write down every single word and then sing them at the top of my lungs. Yeah.
Now these are considered “classics”. My daughter kindly reminded me of this when I was singing in the car one day and she said “mom, you know the 80’s were like over 20 years ago?”. I loved that.
And by the way, I now totally have “blame it on the rain” stuck in my head.
Now if I could just find that, uh, tape.
oH! And today is my POD’s 17th birthday so of course for celebration purposes, I will be listening to all above suggestions and acting them out for a truly happy birthday celebration for her.
Thanks!
Okay, I swear just one more and then I will shut up…
Don’t forget attempting to sing the German version of Nena’s 99 Luftballons. That makes you soooo cool.
My 16 year old son absolutely LOVES it when I sing as loudly as possible to ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”. I mean, I think he must love it because he turns off the radio every time, so i’m guessing he just wants to hear ME sing as opposed to hearing the song on the radio!
Zoot, this idea totally rocks — I knew there was a reason I love you
Seriously — we have to be able to embarrass our kids (mine isn’t currently old enough to do that, so I settle for embarrassing my niece who is roughly LilZ’s age).
But a step further than the CD…you need to release a how-to DVD with your choreography.
Delurking to say hi! Love your blog! But especially this post- now I am going to be mentally grooving to “Baby Got Back” all evening, much to the chagrin of my husband.
How about “Cherry Pie” by Warrant? That song is horrible, yet I loved it when it came out and still can’t keep myself from singing along the odd times that I hear it. The video is especially cringe-worthy.
My 4 year old already hates my current ‘twangy’ musical taste- he much prefers my husband’s punk rock. Just wait until he hits middle school…I’ll definitely have to bust out a few from this list.
Okay - I’m thinking we should do a video to go with the CDs! I’ll do a dance video I’ll show all of his friends if he ever forgets to take out the recycling!
What about Tone Loc’s Funky Cold Medina?
Okay maybe I am the only person in the entire world who had a crush on Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, something about twins, oh my! I Can’t Live Without Your Love And Affection has to be in the mix! I listened to them non-stop back in the day!
With all these comments, I think you should make a cd and donate the profits to charity. Looks like it would be a big chunck of $$$$.
Just a few from my CD of choice that I played as a threat for my now 19 year old son….
10CC The Things we do for Love
ACDC Shook Me all Night Long
Boston Let me Take you home tonight
Carly Simon- Nobody does it better
Dan Fogelburg Sometimes when we touch
Def Lepard Love Bites
Dr Hook sharing the night together
ELO Love is like Oxygen
Foghat Slow Ride
Jo Cocker- YOu can Leave your Hat on (personal fav)
Little River Band-Take it easy on me
Motley crue- Dont go away Mad-Just go away
Prince- I would die for you (with hand motions)
Scorpions:Noone like yyou
Soft Cell Tainted Love
Starland Vocal Band Afternoon Delight (another fav)
Whitesnake Sweet Cherry Pie
I got TONS of leverage on these babies…
I plan on breaking it out again for my next son…
Haha! The Divinyls, awesome.
Theres nothing wrong with a bit of Def Leppard! I’m an 80s glam chick though so I love that shit. You go to the Sunset Strip and theres still people hanging out who look like they just stepped out of the 80s. I try to be like that!
I would buy 2- one for the house and one for the car!
I love all the songs everyone has mentioned.
What about The Humpty Dance? Even I am embarrassed when it comes on the XM and my hubs sings along!!
Songs that always got me were ones like
Marcy Playground’s “Sex and Candy”
and the one that went “I want to push you around/ well I will/well I will/I want to take you for granted” because I was always afraid my mom would try and explain it.
Or anything *NSync or Backstreet boys! Possibly even Mmmbop, pull out the Hanson. ~.^
I thought my parents were the only ones who listened to sexually suggested songs to embarrass the hell out of my sister and me.
um, number 1? not as embarassed as I am for liking and SINGING ALONG LOUDLY WITH Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina”.
Pure genius. And also very, very funny.
Salt -n- Peppa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex” - my girls freak out that I know all the words to that one! Or how about George Michael’s, “I Want Your Sex”, another one where they dive for the ‘off’ button in the car.
This is a great idea - sign me up - my kids will die!!
How about The Humpty Dance? I heard that in the car today and realized half way through that THIS would be a good song for torture.
please please pleeeeeeeze make this and sign me up!
I just found your site, so I am in hysterics as I read this. Especially when I think about Can’t Touch This or Like a Virgin or Copa Cabana, or - ooooh - Bad Medicine! You’re fantastic - imagine all of the potential of including dance with the kareoke. This is definitely a Big Idea.
Perhaps a techie could program a video game for the dance moves? I’m seeing audio-visual-virtual-reality options, here.
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