Top 5 Reasons I Should Be Have My “Grown Up” Card Revoked For Being a Moron
Keep in mind – all five things happened in the last few weeks. (This is part of a writing project mentioned here.)
- I was driving home the other day and I started to hear a strange rattling noise in my car. I got very freaked out, turned down the radio, and listened to the deep buzzing sound coming from my dash. Do I have a flat tire? Is there an animal trapped under my hood? Is my engine about to blow up? I suddenly realized it stopped. And then started again. And then stopped. Very rhythmic. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? And then I saw: My phone, on vibrate, sitting on the console.
- I preheated the oven to back chicken the other night. I walked away and came back several minutes later and the light was still on. I walked away and came back and the light was STILL on. I was all, “What the Hell” until I realized I had accidentally turned on the stove eye, not the oven. Duh. So I turned off the stove eye and walked away. I came back and saw the light off. I put the chicken in the oven, and set the timer. The timer went off so I got the chicken out of the oven. The chicken was still cold. I had never even turned the oven on. Not only that – but I never even noticed it wasn’t hot when I put the chicken in the oven.
- I freaked out because I thought my small purse camera had been stolen. (Although I admit – there was a small part of me that knew I’d done something stupid with it.) I called the hotel in Nashville, I went through every seem of every bag we took on the trip. I even look in NikkiZ’s toybox in case she took it and hid it. It was later found. In my running shoe. Where I then remembered putting it to protect it from getting bounced around.
- I tried to pay for my breakfast the other day with a gift card from the photo lab at Target. I was obviously not eating at the photo lab at Target. I was eating at Breugger’s. It doesn’t look anything like a Breugger’s gift card. No where close. I swiped it twice before I realized it, but not before I said, “I think your machine is broken. Can you swipe it on the register?”
- I tried to clean my bathroom mirror with my scenting spritzer from Bath and Body Works. This tells you two things: 1) I don’t spritz often and 2) I don’t clean my mirror often.