Late night

I’m still up, trying to catch up on uploading some photos to flickr so that I can finally upload the ones from the bluegrass show last night which are HYSTERICAL. I made Stace pose with me for the same picture about 10 times throughout the night. I evidently think that’s funny when I’m drunk. We danced our asses off and had a great time. My husband just hid in the corner with his parents and pretended he didn’t know the crazy girls in the front row.

I still haven’t gotten to last nights pictures though, so you’ll have to just deal with this awesome one that Stace took for now. It was a great night, but I’m telling you – I’m too old for that shit. I’m glad I only go out about twice a year because I was hurting today. (Twice a year is a total exaggeration. It’s more like twice a decade.) I’m going to bed because I’m tired, but I promise I’ll try to upload the awesome pictures tomorrow. The best one of the night? The picture I took of myself in the bathroom because I totally wanted you all to see the diamond-plating on the walls. That’s how much of a blog-dork I am. Even after several beers – I still want to make sure I document my life so that you all can laugh at the same stuff I do.

Unwinding

NikkiZ was looking for paper to color on today. I couldn’t find any immediately, so I grabbed the next best thing. The lab paperwork my OB gave me to take in for some pregnancy bloodwork. I saw it and thought, “Well. Certainly don’t need THAT now.” So I gave it to her to color on. And it feld oddly cathartic.

So – I’m sitting back and having my favorite beer (since SxSW) – Shiner Bock. NikkiZ is asleep and I’m watching Take Home Chef, which happens to be my new favorite show. (Dude. Curtis is SO hott.) I’m waiting for my husband and Stace to come over so we can go hear my favorite bluegrass band: Rollin’ in the Hay. It’s going to be a fitting end to a really shitty week. I’ve received several words of wisdom and sympathy this week, but I believe the best was from my husband. He said, “I love you, babe. No matter what.”

And that’s that. We move on. I’ve cried plenty. I’ve drank plenty. I’ve hugged plenty. After tonight? I’ll have danced plenty – because even after the loss, I have plenty to celebrate. Beautiful kids. Beautiful friends. And the best thing of all: a beautiful hubby who holds my hand when I cramp and rubs my head when I cry.

And hopefully this weekend, HE’LL GIVE ME MY DAMN KITCHEN BACK.

Friday.

This has got to me the most hideous week I’ve had in a long time. My emotions have been insane (I wonder why) and I’ve decided the best way to cope with my loss is to curl up every night with a couple bottles of beer. And I’m not even a big drinker – so that’s definitely out of character for me.

But – I’m good. I’m at that point in this process where my twisted humor is finally back full swing. I learned from many fertility challenged bloggers before me that the twisted humor method is the best way to cope…with everything. It was Tertia who I first heard use the phrase Live Baby Check when speaking of her ultrasounds with her twins. I used that through my entire pregnancy with NikkiZ and while it seemed a perfect sentiment for me, no one else appreciated it.

Last night – I was trying to convince Stace to go see my favorite Bluegrass Band with me tonight. It’s my father-in-law’s birthday outing and I wanted her to come because we haven’t gone out together since she moved here. She was whining about no money, no babysitter, so tired, blah blah blah. I said, “Stace! I had a miscarriage on Monday. It is your obligation as a friend to go out with me to help me cope with my loss and sadness.”

When you’ve moved on to holding your pregnancy loss over someone’s head to get them to go to a bar with you? You are officially an evil person.

But you are also officially going to be okay. And that’s a good place to be.

She’s our funny gal

She wants to spin!

NikkiZ is developing a total hysterical sense of humor. She laughs at funny faces and does funny dances. She likes to give zerberts and be tickled. There are few things as awesome as hearing her laugh, and no one makes her laugh like her brother.

She cracked up the other night as LilZ spun her in the desk chair. But what really made her laugh? Was spinning him around. She was running around pretty fast, enough to make him a wee dizzy, and she was laughing the entire time. She knew what she was doing, and as soon as she was done, she tried to pull him out of the chair. Saying, “Walk! Walk!” She wanted him to try to walk because she knew he would stumble and fall and it would be funny.

My daughter has learned to find humor in other people’s clumsiness and mishaps. I’m so proud.