Today wasn’t that great of a day. And by “wasn’t that great” I really mean “was kinda shitty.” Getting back to “real” life alway sucks after a loss because your head is still focused on the tragedy, but the rest of the world moves on. I wanted to yell at the people at the store during lunch, “I miscarried on Monday. In my own bathroom. Stop talking about the stupid drought and give me a hug!” I did fine yesterday - alone in my home - but for some reason today I felt really sad. Like suddenly I realized everyone had moved on and maybe I hadn’t cried enough yet. Maybe I wanted to grieve some more. I suddenly wanted to stop everything and just cry. I think I focused so much Monday and Tuesday on being strong for my kids and my family - that I forgot to mourn. I lost a baby, dammit. I’m not ready to move on yet. I’m not done crying.
But that’s life. It just moves too fast. My kids are growing too fast. My skin is wrinkling too fast. I just want it all to SLOW DOWN. Bah.
Of course, all of that said? I wouldn’t complain one bit if the renovations in my kitchen moved a little faster. I’m kinda sick of eating dinner from a crockpot every night.
Wow, I can’t think of anything to say here that doesn’t sound ridiculously platitude-y. But I do want to say that grieving is a sneaky, low-down, crazy-making emotion & that, even given all that, you should still take as much time as you need to do it.
Something else that could come faster? That Harry Potter book on your sidebar. :drool:
I remember that feeling, after my miscarriage, my first day back at work, everything there was so normal, but I felt far from normal. It was difficult to actually care about the cases I was working on, my heart just wasn’t in it. If I could? I think I would have taken an entire month off!
Just came by and read your news and I know you are loved and hugged and told wonderful things from lots of people but please count me among them. And also, if you find a way to slow down time, I could use it. Either that or a great hair coloring for those :: ahem :: silver highlights.
Grieve as long as you need to. Your feelings are totally normal! I understand all to well how you feel. Hugs to you as you learn to cry, get it out and move forward.
I wish I had some helpful words, but I suck at words sometimes. Take care of you. You know what you need most, and the process of grieving is one that cannot be hurried.
It’s okay. Grief has good-er days and bad-er days. Allow your sadness to come out.
And maybe get that studly husband of yours to rub your back or something, that might make you feel a liiiiiittle better for now.
Take the time you need. This is sad, you can be sad… at least for a while. Your family will get through it better if you all take the time to just be sad for a little while.
I felt the same way when my dad died… how could these people just live and not realize how sad we were. How could they not know by looking at us… how much we hurt.
I’m sorry. (HUGS)
Maybe you do need a good cry. It mayhelp a little, not a whole lot but maybe a little. Nobody in their right mind would expect you to move on from this in just a few days….you need to take as long as you need.
Yea, I remember a couple of days after my miscarriage, feeling like I needed to stop being sad, to make it easier on everyone else. Everyone wanted me to be okay so I felt like I needed to pretend I was okay, earlier than I really was. So I cried on the way home from work every day where no one could see me.
Don’t do that. Feel sad for as long as you want. Eventually you feel less sad but don’t rush it.
It’s still so recent, of course you haven’t moved on yet. How could you? You definitely deserve more hugs.
I have read you on and off for a couple of years and have commented in the past. I hate when people say I now EXACTLY how you feel. Whatever we all deal differently…but June 1st I lost my second baby this year. Your thoughts give me something to grab on too…nod at…cry with. I hated the pathetic pity look people gave me, yet I hated when people ignored that something SAD had happened and NO I am not alright. Just because there is no HALMARK card for a miscarriage/ DNC whatever doesn’t mean women don’t need to grieve. It is such a battle between LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE and PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! The harder part for me was that my hubby went into denial with the second one. IF I cried it infringed on his ability to block it out. I love him, but it didn’t happen to him….I am scared I won’t be able to handle another one. I feel old…I feel like my time is running out at almost 33. Thank you for giving me a little piece of your life and heart to help heal my own.
I remember feeling the same way after our miscarriage. I couldn’t believe that people could not possibly be continuing on with their lives. What the hell? Don’t they know who I am? Of course it’s important to have good times with your family now, but try to give yourself permission to be sad, too.
Thinking of you.
I had much the same experience after my weekend at home with suchi and a beer and my sadness. I had to go back to work and no one really knew what had happened except one friend at work and whenever I looked at her we started crying. Healthy!!
Take care of yourself, you are so lucky to have so many people supporting you…Hug to you.
Oh, I am so sorry. I read only occassionally, and was so tickled when hearing of your ultrasound and growing baby. I was so PISSED at that doctor for poo-pooing you, and now, I’m absolutely devastated at your loss. Miscarriage sucks. So very much. I’m hurting for you.
Oh sweetheart, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss and I know this is so hard. I wish you peace and a healing heart. I think of you every day.
I’m a little far behind on my blog reading so I’m just now catching your news
So sorry to hear. *hug*