I’m Giving Up Diet Coke…And My Dignity.

Okay guys – it’s time for everyone to gather around. I have a big project I have to discuss with you and I need your help. It will involve several opportunities for you to humiliate me – or watch me be humiliated. There’s your motivation to keep reading.

show_imageaspx.gifOkay. I’m getting arrested. By a real cop. With real handcuffs. And the only way to bail me out is to go here and donate money to the MDA. Do you see my goal? My goal is $2,600. That’s how much I have to raise to get me and my friend Stace out of jail. SERIOUSLY. You must help me!

I have no idea who nominated me (but if I find out – I’m totally kicking your ass) but it’s obviously someone who has much more faith in my fund raising skills than I have. The phone call went something like this, “Someone nominated you to be arrested – do you mind if we use handcuffs?” My first thought was: Only my husband is allowed to ask me that question. And then, do you know what they asked me next? If I had a preference for what type of cop comes to arrest me.

Now – does that sound like a fund raiser or a strip-o-gram?

The question isn’t as bizarre as it sounds. It’s more because they use real police officers and some women are uncomfortable being fake-arrested by men. But me? I’d prefer a man. A big, beefy, blond man to be exact. And yes. I like handcuffs. Thank you for asking.

So, someone nominated me to be arrested in about 5 weeks and I need to raise the money for my bail before the come get me. Can you help me out? It’s a great charity that helps so many needy children. The money goes to research, summer camps, and medical equipment. That should be enough, but just in case? I’m totally going to make it worth your while on my end as well. I promise. I’ve come up with several ways to motivate you.

Motivational Item Number ONE:
If you are a blogger and donate $20 and send me a copy of the confirmation email (misszoot@gmail.com) along with your blog URL, I’ll dedicate a “Blogger Spotlight” entry where I’ll peruse your blog, find an entry I like, and I’ll write an entry about it. It’s not that exciting, I don’t have a dooce-level readership. But, what my readers lacks in numbers they totally make up for in awesomeness. (Dear MimiSmartypants, I’m sorry.) Hopefully this will be a win for all of us. I get new reading material, you get new readers, and my readers get new awesome blogs to read! And then – the money goes to a charity! It’s awesome times FOUR!

Motivational Item Number TWO: (The one my brother is totally going to take advantage of.)

If you have an task you would like me to complete for a donation, you must make your donation and then send the confirmation email to MrZ at this email (misszoot.mda@gmail.com) along with your request. Maybe you’re nice and just want me to sit on my ass and watch TV (if so, I hope you win!). Maybe you’re enterprising and you’re pimping your own product and want me to talk about it on my blog. Or maybe you’re totally EEEVIL and want me to mow my lawn in a cheer-leading outfit. Whatever it is – it must follow these rules:

  • It must be LEGAL
  • It must be physically possible
  • It must be FREE

I’m not checking these emails because I may accidentally delete the really embarrassing ones.

Keep in mind: Just because you donate, doesn’t mean you’ll win. If you donate $100 and want me to ride my bike in my wedding dress to Target, but someone else donates $110 to see me dye my hair purple, you lose but the MDA still gets your money.

(P.S. MrZ joked he’d be willing to sacrifice some dignity for the cause, so if any of you would like him to be the subject of your humiliation, feel free to email me directly. He looks really cute in a plaid mini-skirt.)

Motivational Item Number THREE:
I have set aside TWO of my own particular brand of humiliating tasks to motivate us to get to the halfway mark and then to the final mark.

My Final Point: $2,600: I’ll go grocery shopping in my Prom Dress (yes, the one from the early 90s) and I’ll have LilZ videotape it and put it online. I have two dresses to choose from and I’ll even wear the side-pony-tail hairdo to go with the dresses in all of their satin and black velvet glory.

Double the Goal (to help Stace with her portion): $5,200: I’ll do Karaoke. At a bar. And I’ll try to be sober. And we’ll videotape it and put it on YouTube. I’m telling you – this is my biggest nightmare. I may have the world’s most awful singing voice but I’ll sing, and I’ll even let you all choose the song. I may even dance a little. And wear period-appropriate attire. To maximize the humiliation.

Motivational Item Number FOUR:
I think there is plenty here to help you feel inspired to donate to the MDA, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m not sacrificing anything (other than my dignity) as well. So, until I reach my goal – or until I get arrested (Sept 13th) – whichever is first, I’m giving up the following things:

  • Diet Coke (I drink at least 6 cans a day, I’m addicted to the stuff.)
  • Fast food (I eat at chic-fil-a as often as possible)
  • Any meat (Hot wings, BBQ, and ribs are the meals of my dreams)

Toys?
I think those are good sacrifices, don’t you? I ate hot wings three times last week! And I eat fast-food breakfasts several mornings a week. And Diet Coke…oh…going with Diet Coke is going to be the toughest of all. You remember how much I buy weekly, right?

This is a HUGE sacrifice.

So, what do you think…can you help me reach my goal? And I’m open to other suggestions as well for donations. If you want me to clean your house for a donation, I will! As long as you live in Huntsville and don’t mind if my method of cleaning is a little sub-par.

Come on…help a convict out. Please?

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48 Responses

  1. Susan says:

    Wow. Things are about to get (more) interesting around here. I’ll stay tuned.

  2. Stephanie says:

    That is so awesome. I will totally donate (after my next paycheck). I hope your lack of Diet Coke will not hurt you too much… are you allowed to substitute some other diet cola in a pinch? (I didn’t see any prohibitions in the fine print… I think you are okay to do it.)

  3. Kyla says:

    Wow. I am impressed by your dedication here, Zoot. Those are MAJOR sacrifices. Wow. Good for you.

  4. leslie says:

    I love everything about this, from the charity to the motivational items. Going to donate now. May donate twice, but for now you just get a $20. ;) Also, quietly thanking my lucky stars that I could not possibly raise this amount of cash, ever, and so am never nominated for things like this. :D

  5. authenticalex says:

    You continue to amuse and inspire me. You really are all sorts of amazing. I’ll be donating for SURE. Good luck!

  6. Abbey says:

    From one Diet Coke addict to another, Diet Dr Pepper is pretty good especially when you need that bubbly, caffiene fix. You’re a better woman than I am, I don’t think I could ever give up my “coffee” as my kids call it. Oh, and I’ll donate too and spare you the humiliation. I’m big like that ;)

  7. Amy says:

    I get paid on Friday and will totally donate then. My husband has Muscular Dystrophy and is in a wheelchair. There are over 40 different kinds affecting young, old, black, white, all walks of life. ALS is one kind as is Duchene’s. My husband’s is not life threatening but it has affected his life in that he can’t walk, work full time, and has problems with every day activities such as eating, grooming, etc. Thanks for doing this. We are huge supporters of our local MDA. I can’t wait until Friday! (And no, I did not nominate you.) Oh! My husband often works the local lock-ups and has a lot of fun so I hope it’s fun for you as well. Good luck!

  8. Gigi says:

    My two wonderful nephews, now ages 17 and 19, have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I can tell you that it is hard to imagine a crueler disease. These two amazing guys are cherished by our family. I’ll be donating, and thank you for doing this.

  9. Allison says:

    Haha, Kim, what an awesome fund raiser! What happens if you don’t make bail!?!?!?

  10. NG says:

    OK – I’m in. But… GIVING UP DIET COKE??!!?? Say it ain’t so, Joe!

  11. Hey, what fun things you are doing for a great cause! Good for you!

    Um, now a reality check. Give up diet coke and fast food? Can’t you write ‘em a check or something. I could not give those two things up. My eye is twitching just thinking about no Pepsi!

    Be back soon with a donation…

  12. tiffany says:

    this is all really admirable, but now that you’ve mentioned chic-fil-a i’m just sad because we don’t have any of those in michigan.
    p.s.
    will you keep us updated as the money comes in? i bet you raise it way faster than you think…

  13. Stacey says:

    wow. that is awesome. who ever nominated you knew what they were doing cuz I bet you are going to have the money in no time. I will have to donate some $$ cuz it is for such a good cause!! and I want to see the grocery shopping trip. :)

  14. Jenny H. says:

    Yet another reason why I would totally buy you a beer if we ever met in person! You are SO cool. I would also love to donate on Friday, when I gets me a paycheck.

    Good luck with the no Diet Coke thing. You are a braver man than I, Gunga Din.

    By the way? You already have $240.00. Pretty cool, eh?

  15. Sweetney says:

    $20 to have you write about me? what would i get for $100?

    wait — is this starting to sound like that movie Indecent Proposal to anyone else?

  16. Heather says:

    Kim, you so rule :-) I can’t afford to do much (stupid unemployed studentness) but there’s a bit on there for ya. Good luck with that – and serious kudos for doing this – I really admire the way you use your blog for good (and not evil! With great power…blah blah blah :P) May it come back and bless you and your family tenfold. *hug*

  17. Aardvark says:

    You get $20 from me!

  18. Wacky Mommy says:

    Look how cute she is in that buggy!!!! OK, I’ll try to figure out something “for the cause.”

  19. eeeeeeeeee!

    I’m going to see if I can donate from Canada!

  20. Joke says:

    Zoot, you are amazing. You are original AND inspiring!!! I’ll donate soon!

  21. I’m so hearing “She Works Hard For The Money” in my head……….. and you better treat her right – I’m Definitly in :)

  22. canape says:

    The no Diet Coke thing is totally unnecessary. You are a crazy woman.

    Going to donate today. You need the DC.

  23. Kali says:

    I donated to your get out of jail fund. I am very fortunate to have two healthy kids (one is nuts but we don’t hold that against him).
    Good luck!

  24. catheroo says:

    I’ll totally donate. You rule for doing this!

  25. Reed says:

    I donated on behalf of your male readers. Yes, we do exist. Also, I should note Diet Dr. Pepper is a good fix to replace Diet Coke.

  26. *bursts into tears because I just wanted to donate but they won’t let me maybe because I’m from Canadialand and I just wanted to get in on the fun*

  27. If they won’t let Canada-land-adians, donate, maybe I could do something from my end up here? I’ve done – and my bloggy peeps have done (http://badladies.blogspot.com/2006/09/magi.html)- some fundraising for DMD, because my nephew has it (http://badladies.blogspot.com/2007/07/heart-is-muscle-use-it.html) – and I’ll keep on doing anything – ANYTHING – to help the cause.

    How can I help? Spread the word? You got it? Donate to MDA-USA or MDA-Canada? You got that too. Anything else?

    You rock, sistah.

  28. Pocklock says:

    I’ll be donating and so will my readers. Well, however many of them I can get to de-lurk. http://tinyurl.com/394dw9.

  29. Pocklock says:

    Oops. I screwed up the tinyurl by adding a ‘.’. Trying again! http://tinyurl.com/394dw9

  30. ewe_are_here says:

    Wow. I don’t think i could live without diet coke.
    Very impressive!

  31. Shash says:

    Kim, I donated $10 now, but more is coming once I get paid again. Teaching Assistants don;t get paid during the summer. :)

    Shash

  32. I’m all about supporting the cause. and I hope you don’t have to do anything too humiliating!

  33. Cassie says:

    I just can’t believe you made all of those promises!! I mean, shopping in your wedding dress?! That’s awesome!

  34. Liz says:

    Kim, I think this is really great. And I love that you’ve given up something you love to support a cause you really believe in.
    I donated to help bail you out…(let me know if you didn’t get my email) Have fun getting thrown in the pokey!

  35. JP says:

    What’s your status? How much more money do you need to raise? Less than one week to go!

  36. mary says:

    i changed i fill difrwnt to try i new pop it makes my life better and naw im drinking dietpepsie a lost 10 pound in a week and to months

  37. mary says:

    i fill better now that i gave up dietcoke but i lost a lot of wait

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