Several of you asked what I do if NikkiZ doesn’t obey first time. That’s a tricky question. Since we’re still teaching the concept, we physically enforce whatever we’re trying to get her to do, if possible. Like, if I want her to pick up her toys and remind her “first time,” but she still doesn’t do it? I go over with her and help her pick them up while repeating the phrase “first time” a lot. Like, “NikkiZ, I’m helping you pick up the toys because your supposed to obey first time” or something like that. I don’t feel like we can really punish her yet since the concept as a rule isn’t all the way there. She gets it sometimes, and sometimes she doesn’t.
With LilZ, once I felt confident he understood that rule (or any other rule), then when he broke it I tried several different techniques of punishment. I was a young mother and didn’t read any books, so I just tried what seemed instinctive. Honestly? First instinct was spankings. Which was weird since my parents never spanked. I would threaten the spanking and then when I had to follow through, I would make a huge production out of it. Tell him he was getting a spanking and remind him why, give him the spanking, and then ask him if he knew why he got the spanking. Then I gave him a hug. I tried that for short period but it never really did anything because he just kinda thought the whole thing was silly. Probably because I was barely hitting him. So - instead of hitting harder, I threw spanking out the window forever. I am not against it in theory, but for me and my kids? It’s just not something that will work.
So - we always fell back on timeout. Until LilZ was old enough to have privileges taken away - timeout was the default punishment. And it worked great.
We are trying to use timeout with NikkiZ, but it’s another concept she doesn’t quite get. At first, she would be upset, so when it was time for her to get up we would remind her we loved her and give her a hug. Well, now she kinda wants to go to timeout because she likes the hug at the end. To her - it’s a game. We say, “Do you want to go to timeout?” as a threat and she nods her head emphatically and says, “Yeah!” and runs to the chair. Not quite the effective disciplinary tactic we hoped it would be.
But - we keep at it. I keep hoping if we give her dirty looks while she’s sitting there, she’ll get it’s a bad thing. But, it still seems like all she cares about is getting the hug at the end and doesn’t quite grasp it’s punishment for whatever she was doing prior. The whole situation usually ends up making us all giggle, setting back the technique as “discipline” even further.
Essentially? We’re just taking it one infraction at a time. We’re trying not to wonder if she’ll ever get timeout and we just keep with it. Repeating the rule she broke and reminding her that timeout is NO FUN AT ALL. We’re not going to take away the hugs at the end because we’re very big on that, but we’re just hoping eventually she’ll get that they aren’t rewards for being in timeout. Otherwise - we’ve got a long road ahead of us. And we may have to use alternative methods of punishment, like flogging. And does anyone even know where you can get a good flog anymore?
It makes my uterus literally ache for a baby girl every time I see her picture. Could she BE any cuter?
We are still working on our “punishment” system. It’s tough.
Floggers R Us?
OH, yeah, when I look at that picture I immediately think she needs a good flogging…yeah. Right.
Your time-out story reminds me of when Mr. Cool was a toddler. We used the time-out chair for most offenses, and in retrospect, probably a little too much. One day, I had a football game on tv (imagine that…) and the commentators were talking. It was getting to the point where time was running out and the commentator said, “Well, at this point someone needs to take a time out.” Mr. Cool went straight to his chair.
That face! Adorable.
I don’t have children, so please feel free to ignore these questions. Is her time out different than LilZ’s time out? Is she facing forward or facing a corner/wall? Would altering the time out make a difference in helping her understand that it is a punishment?
What an adorable daughter you have….and love your method of discipline…”first time” is great way to get your kids to listen. Wished It would work on mine…fear it is too late. I have to tell 4 year old and 8 year old several times…they just won’t listen. Is it too late for me to get the “first time” rule to work for them?? By the way, love your blog!
Dixiechick
How can you punish such a little angel face? She never does anything wrong!!! Ha! Can you tell I have no kids?
I say the same thing about my niece and my sister just rolls her eyes and shakes her head as if to say, You’ll see! One day it will be your turn!
A friend of mine has a little girl who’s a year older than NikkiZ. When she gets whiny and frustrated she’ll say “I need a time-out” and go sit in time out until she calms her self down. Its pretty darn cute.
Oh, she’ll get it…lol! Ours is almost 3 now, but when she was NikkiZ’s age, time out was the same thing to her - fun - she’d run to the chair and sit there and think it was a big game. Now, though, it’s a traumatic experience full of sobs (especially if Daddy puts her there). And I am mean and think that’s a good thing because it means she doesn’t want to go into time out and will therefore obey “first time” right? lol!
I’m glad you said you used time out because that’s what we tried yesterday when we were introducing the concept and lo and behold, it seemed to kind of begin to sink in with her. I just wanted to make sure I was on the right track…lol!
Our oldest (4) used to kinda like the TO too. For a while, then she got it that it wasn’t fun and now the threat of a TO can reduce her to a puddle.
Our youngest is 17 months (today!) and she’s been getting TO’s since at least 12 months. (She’ll hurt/bite/hit/scratch her sister; we have a 0 tolerance policy on that.) I know that seems young, but she gets it. She will cry or call me during it.
Our TO’s consist of being put in a seperate room (away from everyone) and/or facing a wall (necassary cuz the little one has to be strapped into her high chair.) And we set a timer; a minute per age (big one gets 4 mins, little one gets 1 minute). After the TO they have to “apologize” to the person the infraction was committed on. Usually consists of a “I’m sorry” (little one signs it) and a hug. We will talk about what was wrong w/what they did and how mama/dada aren’t mad at them, but they aren’t happy at what they did and why (you’ll get hurt, you hurt someone else, etc…)
I think the timer is key to it; the ding at the end gives it an end. I also think the removal from situation and/or room is key. My 2 cents.
She’ll get it, don’ t worry.
What camera are you using? Your pics are so good and I need a new camera.
PS:Lilz and Nikkiz are beautiful!!!
She’s too cute…I would have a terrible time punishing her, and would just melt into snuggle time
We use TO for our kids too. Elliot gets it, makes a big production about how SAD he is. Sometimes he throws a fit. I usually encourage the fit, tell him it needs to be bigger, louder. He usually won’t do it because he feels silly. And that, is the point.
Audrey doesn’t like TO because we ignore her cuteness while she’s sitting there, except to put her back.
In my copious free time I’m reading, “How to behave so your preschooler will too.” Something about setting a good example. I don’t know for sure, I keep misbehaving hoping I’ll get sent to my room.
awwwwwwwww
she is soo cute!!
My Mom was HUGE on logical consequences, even when we were little. (NikkiZ might still be too little, though.) She’d take whatever we’d done, and the repercussion would flow from that. Can’t share the toys with the other kids? Then you can’t play with them, so you have to sit on the couch until you can share. Which means, if you get off the couch and still don’t share, then you can’t play with the kids yet and back you go. It was incredibly effective, and a technique she used all the way through our teens. By which time the results were much more painful than a punishment, and at the same time you couldn’t complain much because they came from what you did in the first place… I don’t know what logical consequence would flow from not coming to change your diaper, though. You might have to wait a few years on this one.
Putting items in time-out, but where they can still SEE them, is/was always pretty effective with my girls.
She’s such a cutie!
D’aaw, she’s soooo cute! Bless her.
Ooooh, but I have to ask:
What camera do you use, ’cause your pictures come out sooooooo…*several ‘o’s later*…ooooooooooo good!
Cheers.
It’s all on a learning curve, for the parent and the child. You take it as you go and know that you will make mistakes but everyone does and you can’t avoid it; you just do the best you can.
Love that picture of her.
Aw! Cute photo!