Comments on: The One Entry That Makes Mothers Who Work Outside Their Home Feel Better About Daycare

By: Les

Les — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:56:34 +0000

Thank you for writing this! I am sitting at home, right this very moment, searching the Internet with “mother guilt” as key words—which is what brought me to your page. I completely understand how you feel. I am a teacher and had to keep my 20-month-old enrolled in daycare this summer (while I’m off work for a few weeks)…..let me rephrase that….I had to keep PAYING for daycare otherwise we lose his spot while I’m off for a few weeks. Anyway, I still send him at least 2 days a week while I’m home. I’ve thought a lot about this and I don’t do this because we’re paying for it or because I want the extra time (both would be valid, however). I send him because he truly, truly LIKES his school. He loves his teachers and has little friends he plays with and sings songs with. They go on “field trips” to visit the campus “grandparents” (It’s a center that houses a daycare as well as an aging care center). Sometimes when I pick him up he doesn’t want to leave. He’s comfortable there and, like you, I see that they have taught him so much. I, too, teach him things, but they have taught him so many things that I don’t know that I would have even thought of. Yes, I am a teacher…which may be why I’d also like a few days off during the summer where I don’t have to teach anybody! He’s learning so much positive social behavior, too. We almost pulled him out this year (long story) and I, too, agonized over it and felt the guilt. So, it’s one more year…. Again, THANK YOU for putting your thoughts into words. You are not the only one who feels this way. I do, however, believe that there are reasons for everything and know that your little one will do wonderfully home with you. One day it will be back to school and the cycle will start all over again! Enjoy!

By: ladybug

ladybug — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:23:52 +0000

(catching up! new job has had me crazy busy!)

Amen! Amen, amen, amen, and amen.

For almost 18 months my daughter cried every day at drop off. And I felt awful. She was always fine five minutes after I left. And she knew most of her colors by 21 months and all of them by 2 years. She is so SMART! I don’t know that I would have been able to recognize her need for more information and given her the stimulation she needed had I stayed home with her. She would have been bored at home with me! We are blessed to have found such a warm, nurturing, stimulating place for her. Also, at 2 she is more independent and confident than I was at 5 when I started kindergarten after being home with my mom my whole life.

You’ll both be fine. She’ll start preschool soon enough. Be grateful for the time you’ll have with her, just the two of you, before AndyZ is born.

By: lisa

lisa — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 05:15:07 +0000

First of all, if the stories you tell about LilZ are any indication of your parenting skills then your kids will be just fine, and will grow up to be very cool adults.

Having said that, I totally know how you feel. I always thought I’d be a stay at home mom with five kids, but as it turned out my husband stays home, and he is SO much better than me. When I stayed home over summer break I felt like I was intruding and messing up their routine. But I wouldn’t trade the time for anything.

Stay at home parenting is a tough gig because our expectations are so high. Try to relax and enjoy this time you have with your little ones, it will all be worth it

By: Erin

Erin — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 19:10:59 +0000

That is so true of many daycares. Even the most motivated and high energy moms can’t compete with the other kids interacting or the activities that can only be done in such an environment. We recently went through this. AS a (expensive but worthwhile) compromise our daughter goes 2 days a week now. Fortunately our wonder place maintains a few part-time slots in each class. Good luck zoot.

By: Helen

Helen — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 04:24:53 +0000

Oh Zoot, I so much hear what you are saying. I have a daughter NikkiZ’s age, and a 3 month old. When our second came along, we knew we were stretching it financially to put two kids in daycare. We went from full time to part time care then actually seriously looked at our finances, The fantastic institution she had been attending wouldn’t allow 2 days a week attendance and we couldn’t afford any more- so now I am home with the kids. I’ll freely admit that I cried the day we took her out of daycare. And I know so many people long to be able to stay home with their kids that I feel strange admitting it’s not my dream job by a long shot. I feel like I am walking a constant tightrope of mood swings and tantrums and newborn demands.
I am avidly reading how you deal with your new situation- I am tring to set up a business from home (so that we can afford at least part time daycare) and I feel like I am drowning not waving right now. I am hoping to be inspired by you, as I’m sure you’ll get it figured out. I feel a stab of guilt whenever my daughter asks to go to school, or talks about one of her teachers. They were great for her and I don’t feel I can compete. I can’t do new activities every half hour, even achieving one thing a day seems monumental! There’s a danger we’ll end up at Target everyday…

By: Jezer

Jezer — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 03:13:26 +0000

If I were a rich woman, I would stay and home AND send Al to daycare. Both situations have so many benefits. Fortunately, I really like Al’s daycare, and like you, I can admit that they have taught him things that I (a teacher, btw) wouldn’t/couldn’t have. He just turned 2, and the other day, he told me that his shirt was blue. What the? I didn’t teach him that–I didn’t even realize that 2-year-olds could identify colors by name.

Yes, this is me loving on the daycare. And at the same time, I envy your opportunity to spend part of the toddler years at home.

This is also a PRIME example of how motherhood is just one big ol’ guilt trip. You send her to daycare? GUILT! You stay home with her? GUILT!

We can’t win…

By: Chief Family Officer

Chief Family Officer — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:36:16 +0000

This is a wonderful post. Like you, I would not be able to give my children everything that they get at daycare. I think even the most amazing stay-at-home mother would have trouble doing that. I have long since given up feeling guilt about daycare. I know my children are well taken care of, and honestly, that break from childcare does wonders for my own ability to mother. There are still days when I wish I were a stay-at-home mom, though. I wish the very best of luck and hope that the transition proves to be as easy as possible!

By: Toots Mommy

Toots Mommy — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 23:15:47 +0000

I TOTALLY know how you feel. My daughter, Toots, was at home with her dad for the first year. Then, she went to daycare for a year. I lost my job in July and just couldn’t stand to pull her out. We kept her in one day a week until November. It killed me to pick her up that last day. She is a totally social kid and really thrived on the structure at daycare. We do storytime and a class once a week, but it just isn’t the same. I feel like the worst parent ever when I get to dinner time and realize we haven’t even done any art today! I wasn’t meant to be a teacher, but I can try to be the best mom I can be. On the plus side, there is nothing better than being with your kid when they do something new or discover something they love. You will do great. Best of luck!

By: celebrate woo-woo

celebrate woo-woo — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:45:56 +0000

I haven’t read all the other comments yet, but I just have to say that I completely understand. I would never dream of not sending my kids to daycare now, although now their class is technically called Pre-Kindergarten, but I wouldn’t have taken them out a couple years ago, either. They got so much from the interaction with other people, children and adults. Having so many people to care for them and give them attention IN ADDITION to me seems to have just made them feel very secure and good-natured. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom…but only for the first year, maybe two. After that, I like the result of what my boys have shown me learning-focused daycares provide. I hope you can get the support you need to continue the efforts of your daycare for NikkiZ.

By: Moogie

Moogie — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:31:26 +0000

I agree with you on this one. There is no clear answer, and as parents, we have to do what is best for our children and family. My kids were both in daycare. Financially, we both needed to work, especially when we lived in California. I also realized that it was good for me to work because I need that structure. I take every moment I can to be with my kids when I’m not working. They both learned so much in daycare. I think that NikkiZ won’t lose out on anything. You two will just find your routine and what is best for you. Look at LilZ, and what a fantastic job you have done with him.