Well…today is the day I’ve been dreading for four weeks. The day I have to have my token visit with the one doctor in the practice I’ve had a bad experience with. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve heard nothing but good things about him other than my one experience, so I’m praying today goes well. I’ve been a bit emotionally unstable lately, so he better not mess with me on any level or I’m likely to burst into tears and start beating him with a stirrup.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
Or the second for that matter.
HBM wrote an entry yesterday that I swear I could have written myself. Especially the part questioning the bad karma associated with complaining about pregnancy. But seriously – I am not a happy pregnant woman right now.
With NikkiZ – the road was so long to get pregnant and the pregnancy was so tumultuous – I savored the moments towards the end. So glad we were making it so far. But this time? Even suffering another miscarriage back in June, it just doesn’t have that, “It’s a miracle!” feeling. I know that probably makes me sound bitter and unappreciative, but I’m just trying to be honest. I’ve come to a conclusion this week: I HATE BEING PREGNANT. I hate struggling to tie my shoes, I hate not being able to sleep, and I hate the fragility of my emotional state. My cute underwear won’t stay out of the wedgie formation so I have to wear the ugly stuff which makes me feel like a whale from the inside out. My bladder won’t leave me in peace for more than five minutes at a time and my skin is doing weird things in weird places. I’m getting zits on my shoulders (Why?) and rashes on my thighs. I’ve got blackheads on my hairline and my lips are so dry I’m going through chapstick tubes on a daily basis.
Essentially – I’m a giant pregnant mess.
But then AndyZ goes and kicks me in the hips (I’m carrying him very low, I don’t think he can reach my ribs) and I stop whining. And I think, Holy crap. It’s really happening again. I’m about to be a Mom again. Three perfect blessings in my undeserving life. I guess I can cope with occasionally wetting my pants when I sneeze.
Taken by LilZ in Knoxville this weekend. The sunglasses do a good job hiding my KRAZEE EYES
I just wrote something like this the other day too – about how I thought I’d be a great pregnant woman, and I’m finding out that I’m much more of a mess than the glowing earth mother I expected to be. The outcome, I’m guessing, is totally worth it though.
And despite all your complaints, you look great!
I think pregnancy, probably, like anything else, is full of all kinds of ups and downs! I’m glad that a kick in the hips gives you a good reminder though
Haha and I just noticed the tagline. I <3 you.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/03/03/blogging-is-good-for-your-social-life-study/
That is a great pic of you! You will have something great to show for all the pains and discomfort you are experiencing. Not many people talk about the not so great side of being pregnant, but even with all that? I so want it to happen to me!!
Man, I’M gonna kick you in the hips if you keep talking about how undeserving you are. Anyone can see how much you love your kids and how good with them you are. I’m glad there are women willing to admit what a crappy experience pregnancy can be. I guess that’s why they make babies so damn cute.
Just wanted to mention that you are looking beautiful. And you sound like you’re a great mom and wife.
Awww – you look so cute! Remember, they’re much easier to care for inside than outside
Well you look great!
Aw! Preggy belly!
I’m with Stacey. It’s nice to hear actual experiences about pregnancy. All most of us get are the hazy, sepia-toned, “mommy-to-be in a rocking chair knitting booties and singing lullabies while a gentle breeze makes the gossamer curtains lilt to the left just so” sorts of stories. It’s nice to hear a true viewpoint. I’d be mad as hell too if I couldn’t tie my shoes.
I remember loving being pregnant. I’m fairly sure though that I was a whining complaining bitching mess. I have a theory that we forget all the bad parts of pregnancy and early infancy so that we continue to reproduce.
Just enjoy eating whatever you want, and the kicks, and keep your eye on the goal I guess? here’s to hoping that you find some pregnancy related wonderfulness!
I don’t think your talking about not feeling well makes you unappreciative.
Hang in there.
I did NOT enjoy my 2nd pregnancy. At all. However, I am fully enjoying my 2nd BABY.
Hang in there…..
blahhhh I am right there with you !
oh….you will be updating us on the visit to the dr…right?
Awww, I know you don’t think so and I used to hate it when people said it to me, but here it goes anyway…..you really are cute! I just love pregnant bellies – they are adorable even if they are a pain.
I can’t wait to see NikkiZ’s reaction to this baby – she is adorable.
I hated being pregnant too. H.A.T.E.D it. Oh the hate. In fact the second time I was pregnant I realized I was depressed. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t quilt I couldn’t do anything with out my hips bursting into flames. And I was petrified of saying it. I was terrified people would think I didn’t love or want my babies because of how much pain I was in.
But then I realized. Half the population has NO IDEA what it feels like to have a baby grow in side of you. And I know how many women want to be pregnant and hate to hear how terrible it is because the can’t have it. And you feel like a shit head when you say that type of stuff.
But that doesn’t take away the sucking. Or the depression.
My man had a Vasectomy when our second son was three months old. Because as much as we love our boys and would love and enjoy more children..I’m not sure I could mentally or physically be pregnant again.
You go girl.
The first 6 months are ok, but the last 3? They are the pits! I feel for ya!
dude. you totally ARE pregnant.
How did this appt go?
You may be feeling ultra-pregnant, but I think you’re looking mighty cute!