MrZ has had many sports-related injuries in his life. As an adult who doesn’t participate in organized sports, his injuries always relate to working out or running. BUT STILL. That’s a good way to get an injury, right? I mean - if you’re limping because of shin splints when you ran a 10K the other day…everyone understands. If you have to get a steroid shot because you pulled a muscle in your neck when you were working out - - that’s damn cool. But somehow, when you’re walking around with a stiff neck because you coughed too hard, you are officially the biggest dork on the planet.

It is only second to that time I strained a muscle reaching for a Kleenex. That was my finest injury ever.

I have more range this morning than I did last night, but seriously? I need a good cause of my injury. I refuse to tell people who say, “Did you hurt your neck?” that I did it by coughing. I’m thinking that it was a mountain biking incident. Except I don’t own a mountain bike. Or maybe I injured it rescuing small kittens from a quick flooding sewage drain? OR MAYBE…I chased down a guy who mugged MrZ and when I tackled him to the ground to get MrZ’s wallet back, I strained my neck. I like that one! Not only am I cool - - but MrZ is the damsel in distress! LOVE IT!

I seem to have lost my voice for the first time ever. It’s not completely gone, I guess. But it fades in and out and when it’s in? It’s not at all pretty. But most of the time it’s been out this afternoon. This new ailment has taught me some new things.

• It’s not fun to be called, “Sir.” I was called “Sir” twice today on the phone. And while I truly wanted to correct them, what’s the point? Really? And would they even believe me?
• Being called “Sir” is better than being told by your husband that, “You don’t really sound like a man. But you do sound like you are a 65-year-old woman who has been smoking since she was 12.” Thanks, hon. Remind me to punch you when you get home.
• Even though my voice is essentially gone, I don’t feel sick. It’s just a result of allergies, nothing exciting. But - I’m getting loads of sympathy because I SOUND AWFUL. I’ll answer the phone and someone will immediately say, “Bless your heart.” Which is a polite way of saying, “Wow. You sound like shit.” My husband even offered to go to the store for me this afternoon he felt so sorry for me! Next time a migraine sets in or my back aches, I’m totally going to try to force the raspy-lost-voice effect so that I can just sit on my ass and be miserable.
• When your voice goes out - everyone you know will call you immediately. Within an hour of giving up talking for the day, my cell phone rang SEVEN TIMES. I didn’t even know seven people knew my cell phone number. I ended up just texting some of them, “Hey. Can’t really talk. But can type! What do you need?” Except that I can’t text that efficiently so it looked more like. “no voice can txt wuts up”
• The dogs will stay outside all day without me trying to call them in with the magic word, “TREATS!!!” I tried whistling and loud grunting, but they ignored me. I eventually got out the treat container, took it outside and shook it for them. That got their attention. Damn dogs.

One of the many things I’ve bragged about regarding LilZ his entire life is his ability to remember things I can not. He started the trend at a very young age as I recall him listing off things we needed at the grocery store, long before he could even read. As a teenager he has learned that anything needed for school or his social life needs to be written in blood on my forehead several times if he has any hope of me remembering.

When my own lack of memory wasn’t causing my father issues growing up, he would point out that maybe I had too much on my mind and that’s why I had trouble remembering the little things. I like to use that as my excuse because it says, “I’m A Very Busy Woman” as opposed to “Maybe I Drink Too Much.” Either way - my faulty memory has forced my son to adapt with a quite awesome memory to compensate. I have come to depend on this trait of his quite a lot as he has saved me from several major mistakes in my parental life with his memory.

When I woke up NikkiZ this morning, I told her today was a school day. She started to get a little fussy about that, which she does sometimes, so I distracted her by saying, “Don’t let Mama forget your pink naptime blanky!” It’s the one we had to bring home and wash after some child went home with the chicken pox. She said, “Okay!” - tantrum thwarted - and we went about our morning.

As we were pulling out of the driveway, my two-year-old daughter yells, “Mom! My pink blanky!” Oh, yeah. That. I pulled back into the the driveway and we ran in to get it. All the while I’m thinking…Thank God. Now I’m safe for another 16 years. I mean - what was I going to do when LilZ goes off to college if my other kids need things sent to school or made for homework? I can’t remember all of that crap myself. Good to see that NikkiZ has developed the same adaptive trait as her brother: Remember it. Because there is no way in hell that Mom will.

I’ve mentioned that my throat has been sore from either pregnancy drainage or allergies. I went yesterday to get some more cough drops to take to the Botanical Gardens and saw they had Sugar Free varieties. I thought, “Hmmm. That’s a good idea! I’ll grab those.” I mean, I might as well try to avoid excess calories when I can, right?

By the time MrZ came home that afternoon, I was sitting on the couch with a half-empty bag and a pile of wrappers on the table in front of me. However, I had switched back to the old school HALLS with the sugar at that point. I told him, “You know? The Sugar Free ones just don’t seem to work as well.”

He looked at the pile of wrappers on the table and said, “Um. You know those things can give you diarrhea, right?” “What - cough drops?” “Um. Well…the Sugar Free ones.”

I immediately grabbed the bag looking for that small bit of information that would have been useful before I demolished half of the bag. The entire time I was reading through the active/inactive ingredients and dosage recommendations - I was bitching. “Oh, Man. This had better not be true. I’ll be really pissed off if I have to spend the evening in the bathroom because of my damn sore throat.”

I finally made it through all of the important boxed information - seeing no warning about the effects of the cough drops on my digestive system. Just as I was saying, “There isn’t ONE THING here that mentions that possibility,” I caught a small line below the boxes of information. Off to itself.

Excessive dosage could cause a laxative effect.

No WARNING! No big bold letters, no flashing red lights. Just plain white text under all of the information one might actually read. I was so pissed! I mean - isn’t the point of a cough drop to be taken excessively? Don’t we all suck on those things all day? WHY MAKE POOP-INDUCING VARIETIES? BAH.

LUCKILY - I was fine. I have a tough digestive system that seemed to weather the “Excessive Dosage” without causing me any more time in the bathroom than my pregnant bladder already gives me. BUT STILL. I think that most of us would find that information a little more important than they indicated with their small white text. That warning should be plastered over the front of the bag in 72pt font. Hell - on EACH WRAPPER. That way - you know for damn sure before you spend all day popping them - that pooping may follow.

So - my public service is to let you know. Sugar Free cough drops may cause a laxative effect. DO NOT FORGET THAT.

Amen.

Taken by LilZ

We just got back from an exciting day at the Huntsville Botanical Gardens with Ronda and Scout and I am so tired I may go to sleep and never wake up. I just wanted to pop in and tell you that LilZ is currently uploading a fantastic set of photos he took of the excursion, so you should check them out if you get a chance. While you do that, I’m going to go curl up with a certain filthy toddler and nap.