In my youth, I hung out with crowds that partied. I might have even done some partying myself. There was sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. I always participated on the edges of the activity, never quite jumping in full-throttle. So, when life led me in another direction, it was no big deal for me to leave that all behind.
But I often saw my friends deep in the muddle of that existence and wondered if they realized how over their heads they were. Did they know how no aspect of their life existed without the drugs or alcohol? Did they see how that – if they wanted to simply stop – their whole lives would have to change? That the drugs and alcohol were so entwined with their existence that removing it would mean they’d have to rebuild everything? DID THEY SEE THAT?
I’ve been thinking about those friends a lot lately, as many of my internet friends leave their blogs in the dust. Women I’ve been reading for years suddenly decide the internet is too interwoven in their lives and that they can’t just stop blogging, they have to stop it ALL. They write about being torn about the decision and that the struggle itself is a sign of how much they need to step away. On different levels they all decide that the internet, their blogs, this cyber existence has become too much a part of their real lives and that the only way to reclaim that real life is to remove the internet one all together.
And now I find myself wondering, am I like my friends many moons ago? Do I not see the same type of negativity with the existence I’m living online as it relates to my family? I mean – I’ll admit – I couldn’t quit. PERIOD. I depend on my internet friends, my blog, my flickr community to sustain me. I couldn’t just quit, so does that mean I’m just blind? Like my boozing friends of the past? Do I just not see how some of this is bad?
Because I’m starting to wonder why I have never, ever, had the desire to just quit. It seems like there are so many people who toss the possibility around often. Some never quit, some do, but it seems like everyone thinks about it. At least once in awhile.
But not me.
So, either I’ve somehow created an online life that compliments my real life in a way that creates hardly any negative side effects – OR – I’m completely blind to the addiction and it’s negative effects on my life and need an intervention.
What do you think about this exodus of bloggers? Do you find yourself considering the same type of exit? Or are you like me and find yourself feeling a tad bit like the addict who just says, “I could quit if I wanted, I just don’t want to.” Because honestly? There’s not a lot I’d rather do less than quit blogging. Except maybe laundry. I’m really not in the mood to do laundry today.
I’ve been thinking about this too… but I don’t think I could QUIT blogging. That’s a little too rash, I think. I think there are ways to limit online time without cutting out the blogging altogether, you know? Schnozz has a good plan, I think. I am afraid I’m going to have to follow her lead eventually. I’m worried I spend WAY too much time online these days. But no blogging? Never!
I know I waste too much time online. I’m sure I’d be more productive if I weren’t reading blogs or on Facebook or Flickr or Twitter or msn. But I don’t see it changing anytime soon
Alot of women I read are all the sudden just walking away and it seems it’s all happening at once. Your so upbeat and happy (even when your not upbeat and happy! lol) You just make me smile….and Thanks for that!
Does that sound creepy? I don’t wanna sound creepy but you totally rock and I think I’d miss you if you just up and quit.
I’ve only been writing a blog for a little over a year and reading them for about two years, but I can’t imagine giving it up. I do spend too much time on the computer and I can tell because my butt hurts when I get up!! But my real life is very active and I’m quite capable of zipping through my Google Reader and marking everyone “read” to clean it up. (although it does give me a twinge) I plan to retire in a year and my blogging is a big part of my future plans – I have already been asked to blog for the local newspaper online. I think you just have to be careful not to let it overtake your life. As long as you have some “real” friends – I think you are OK!
I do spend a lot of time online, but as a writer, I consider my blog to be a sort of writing exercise – so it enhances something I do out in the real world. If my life (my family, my child) were suffering I’d walk away from the old laptop in a heartbeat – but they’re not. In fact, I think blogging has made me a happier person and my family has seen benefits from that!
I can’t quit you, Zoot.
Don’t ever quit us either!
Its a problem if you are choosing the internet over real life. Online blabbing is fun, but if you choose to type on the computer and read what other people are saying, instead of going and talking to people in person, you might be missing out on real life. Rule #1: Real life is more important.
Some day you will say goodbye to everything and everyone, in a permanent way. Contrary to what the advertisers tell you, you are not getting younger, and the last day could be 50 years from now or 50 hours from now. What will you wish you had spent more time doing? Talking with real life friends or chatting online through an electronic persona?
All things in moderation, Zoot.
There’s nothing in my life that doesn’t have some downside that has to be managed, ensuring the good outweighs the bad. I can’t relate, since I’m more on the periphery of the blogging community. But maybe the fact that you don’t feel the need to quit means its in balance and perspective? You write alot, but I don’t ever see you writing what would be hurtful nor do I hear you feeling obligated about it. It looks more like a hobby, a release, for you. If you spent this time sewing or knitting instead, would you still have these questions about it?
I think when you start taking time away from family and firends to spend time on the internet, THEN its a problem, but PUHLEEEESE girl! I’ve seen you post at 430am, and (ok, SUH-WEAR! I’m not a stalker!) on the days NikkiZ is home with you you don’t post during the day really. I think you have your priorities straight.
I think it’s all about balance. If you’ve found a good balance between internet life and family life then no problem, right? It’s obvious from your pictures that you do plenty in the “real world” with your family so it’s not like you’re chained to your computer all day, every day avoiding everyone “real”.
I honestly think I’m in recovery. I was, for reals, an addict. I would jones to get online to see if anyone mentioned me/emailed me/twittered me/etc. But as life progressed, I started blogging only to journal. There are many many nights that I don’t even hop online now. It’s all about balance.
I wouldn’t give up blogging simply because I have no short term memory, and this way I really can look back and remember. That’s worth more than gold in my book.
I’ve been pondering this phenomenon, too.
I think a lot of it comes from people feeling some mysterious “obligation” to chronicle everything they think and feel, and it becomes overwhelming when they don’t, for they lament not being “true to themselves”.
Like everyone has said, if Internet use in general becomes a problem then, it’s time to make some changes, but it seems to me that it’s more about un-realistic self-expectations.
I have thought about this a lot, too. I feel bad when I give blogging more priority over emails. I really need to cut some blogs from my feed reader, but I feel bad cutting folks that read and comment regularly on my own blog. Don’t even get me started on how bad I feel that I am SO behind on my email. And somewhere around here, I think I have some kids gathering dust. Wait – it is not THAT bad, I don’t think the kids are worse for the wear.
I don’t feel too bad about my online time overall because I don’t watch TV news and such – I get my current events from online sources. I also get a lot of ideas for parenting from online sources.
Not sure if that makes sense – I don’t feel about the time I spend online, I just feel bad when I spend too much of it blogging, when I feel that I should be doing more emails and reading instead.
I’ve taken plenty of “haitus” breaks from my blog, but I just can’t stop and be done with it. I think really it comes down to the fact that even though I don’t have the time that I did when I was in St. Marys to blog, I don’t have the community in Atlanta that I had down there.
Maybe it’s just that I’m better with online friends than I am with real-life friends. Sad, but mostly true.
I quit my blog about a month ago, and it has been very hard for me. My struggle was that my husband was not supportive of it. He was embarrassed that I wrote about my daily life for all of the Internet to see. For a while, I just kept on doing it, but when one of his coworkers found my blog and mentioned it to my husband, I truly saw how much it bothered him. I considered making my blog a private or password-protected venture, but then opted to stop altogether. Now, I’m still grieving over my blog. I miss it. My blog was always a happy place for me, but I can’t handle that it was a source of unhappiness for someone that I love. So, that’s where I am.
It still kills me when I comment on others’ blogs that I don’t have a website to type in after my name and email address : (
I’ve thought about it but not because I was worried about myself or the inernet addiction I’m pretty sure I have. Our house was broken into last year and it was extremely upsetting. I got very scared about having any kind of information about me or my family available on the internet. I muscled through that fear As for my internet addiction, I don’t really see it as a problem. I can unplug when I need to, but I think it is a very valuable part of my life that really goes well with my personality and my creativity and the methods of expression and interaction that feel comfortable for me.
or something.
My blog is still very small, but the way I’ve gone into this whole thing is “as long as it’s still fun” Sometimes I don’t update often, which I don’t mean to do, but I also don’t get the feeling that blogging is work. If I stopped enjoying writing, then hopefully I’d stop blogging. Unless someone gave me a bunch of money. Then I’d keep doing it. For sure.
It still kind of weirds me out when I meet someone and they “know” my blog. It’s that whole real/unreal thing. I try to keep the computer/real life ratio balanced, but it’s hard sometimes. I’ve met some super-nice women bloggers online, including you and a bunch of your readers, but I’ve also ignored my super-nice family (who are here, right in my face) a little too much.
I think you do a nice job — you don’t seem to be letting reality slip away or anything
It’s right there in front of you — belly bump!
Real life always trumps blog world for me and I think that is an important balance. Could I quit blogging? If I wanted to or needed to I could. But could I just quit all of the relationships I’ve developed with other bloggers? That would be much harder. I enjoy hearing how they are and seeing their children grow. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many in real life and being able to call them friends now.
Blogging has brought a lot to my life. Now that I am a stay at home mom living in a city where I didn’t know a soul, it has kept me from being isolated and given me people to ask questions of. It is kind of a reality check even though it exists in a different kind of reality. I don’t get to go to an office and chit chat with other grown ups. I do go to the occasional play date but those are few and far between in the winter. Without this on line community, I might be much less happy at home all day.
My problem is that I no longer have our computer at our house. It is at my parent’s house. I am not able to blog or be online that much right now.
And it is KILLING me. Dead. I miss it soooo much. I have also come to depend on my online friends quite a bit. I don’t think I could ever quit. Some days it is my sanity.
I really have never felt the desire to quit. I, too, love the interactive part of blogging. But I also love writing, and just letting thoughts tumble forth. So I figure I’d be writing *something* on a regular basis, regardless of any interaction I might get from it. Blogging seems to meet both needs.
I have felt the need to step away for a few days….not from the internet, but just from posting on my own blog. I have never thought about just up and quitting the internet altogether, though. Of course, the internet, my blog…they are huge parts of my life. But I don’t feel that they actually interfere with any other aspect of it. And that could be because my kids are now teens who don’t demand as much of my time as they used to. I didn’t start blogging till they were already in school….1st and 2nd grades. It was a bit more difficult then, and that is when the whole net thing seemed to get in the way of life.
I don’t think you are as blind as your friends. After all, you seem to have a good balance. You still do things with your kids and do things outside your home; it’s not like everything you do has to revolve around the internet or you’ll JUST DIE….but I think it’s normal to feel that way at least sometimes.
I have taken blogging breaks and I often whittle down my blog reading list. You, Zoot, have never been cut; way to go!
Like all things, bloggers just need to stay aware of how much time it is taking.
I think maybe some folks don’t know how to scale back and so just quitting everything is the next best choice.
Maybe we need to remember that no one should feel guilted into blogging or anything.
And, the ego constantly needs to be kept in check. Blogging etc is very ego centric at times.
I’ve been blogging for 8 years and could never leave it all together. The only thing that bugs me is having to censor certain feelings/posts because of who is reading. (Family, my husbands ex, etc)
If you are comfortable with the amount of time that you blog and with the amount of time that you spend with your family, then you have nothing to worry about. It’s when you start neglecting your children or husband that you should take a look at your priorities. I think you’re doing a fine job, and I truly enjoy your posts! (Even while I am consumed with jealousy for the amount that you post. I wish I had something exciting to post about more often! Other than donating a kidney, that is.)
I blog when I feel like it, which is usually every few days. I enjoy keeping in touch with my online friends this way. I often wish I had more to say, but I never regret the amount that I’m online. THIS is my hobby.
I don’t know if I could compare blogging to something with such negative lifelong effects as alcohol or drugs.
I mean, just like you say you couldn’t stop blogging, I don’t think I could quit being married to my husband. Just like blogging, my husband provides me with all kinds of benefits that keep me sane. Plus, he’s just too darn intertwined with all the good things in my life. So, just because I don’t want to quit something, doesn’t necessarily make it bad.
Jeez goddamnit I read all them comments and its eating into my lab report (EXCITING) writing time, I mean according to my data the intervention killed two people, Yet that is not interesting enough to keep me offline. I *think* I spend way too much time online when i’m procrastinating, but I’d find something else (possibly more productive to do) If i wasnt – But who cares? Seriously, the next thing in my to do list is beer, so hell this is delaying the liver disease…not so much the lung cancer…. Life isnt that serious, we should all stop making such big decisions out of nothing!
…such a brokeback mountain theme….hope no one ends up dying…. hope no one still has to see the end of that movie!
I agree with Jon and Cara, everything in moderation. You have a stable homelife, with a supportive spouse and real life friends you do not merely exist online.
I also fail to see a lot of the problem with online communities, I spent my whole life moving, moving, moving. My relationships with my relatives and friends have always been long distance. Perhaps because of the moving I am better at maintaining correspondence with people.
In fact one of the main reasons I started blogging was to keep up with ‘real life’ friends and to help family follow my boys who live more than 3,000 miles from most of my family.
I don’t want to quit blogging, I don’t feel like it takes up too much of my time or that I spend too much time on the computer.
We all have to balance our lives. My screen time may be the time other people spend skiing or hiking or watching tv or staring blankly at the wall.
For me blogging keeps me focused and balanced, sure there will always be negative aspects of it, just like there are negative aspects of ANYTHING and Everything.
I don’t read blogs I find negative, I try to surround myself with happy blogs about things I’m interested in, just like I try to surround myself with happy people whos lives I’m interested in.
Leaving plenty of room for Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll…naturally.
I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years now and I have not ever even considered giving it up. I was a professional writer for over 20 years, and writing, to me, is like breathing. I can’t do without either.
I agree with Busy Mom that the reason many people quit is that they feel guilty if they don’t share every aspect in their lives, thinking that they’re not being ‘real’ enough. Blech! I have always left out huge portions of my life when I blog, and I feel no guilt whatsoever. What I don’t share is my business, and I choose to share some stuff and not other stuff.
I also think blogging has seasons. The spring seems to be the time when a lot of people beg off, mostly because it’s such a busy time in real life. When the fall comes, people tend to come back in one guise or another, to share their summers, to talk about schooling, and to build up to the biggest blogging extravaganza ever, Christmas. I don’t think this will change much.
I also think that because I have older kids and have so much more time on my own (they go to school most of the day), I don’t look at blogging as taking away time from them. I’m home and with them when they are home from school, but while they’re gone, blogging is MY time and I take it seriously.
I don’t use a Google reader. I have a specific number of blogs that I enjoy reading every day (obviously this is one), and I like reading others a few times a week (which is when they usually update). I blog once a day generally, and then take care of my business.
I put my flickr photos up for my family to see and am not active there other than that. I have a myspace page, but do not do much with it other than use the Myspace IM to avoid work. I don’t twitter, nor do I Facebook.
Could I quit blogging? Probably not the blogging part. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs and writing my own thoughts down. Does it dominate my life? Absolutely not. I’m online only when I’m working and use the blogs as a buffer for work, and I actually schedule what time I’m allowed to go online and what time I’m not. For my life, I’ve found the perfect balance.
I don’t understand how people get “addicted” and let it take over their lives…I really, honestly, don’t!
Blogging keeps me writing and I need to do that. It may not be as structured as the writing I used to do, but it is an exercise, keeps me involved, and provides a chance for me to pracitce the old skills. Mental exericise is as important as physical and this is a fun way to exercise!
You know that many of the walk-aways will be back. We grow and change over time and so do our writing styles. When you find a groove that fits, you know it.
I don’t read blogs on a regular basis, sorry even yours. But time to time I do check in and see what’s happening with your young family, being we have met and talked before. I don’t see any relationship between your old friends drinking/drug use and blogging. You are not spiteful,hurtful nor rumor spreading in the blogs I have read. If you were neglecting your family responsibility to maintain your blogging then it would be a problem but your family appears to be the top priority in your life. Just remember to keep that balance of ” internet friends/support” and real life friends/support. I too have had friends that refused to examine their life looking forward and just see the short term gratifications. Your blog reminded me of friends that outside of work , I have never been around that were not drinking and/or doing drugs. It is always life is too short not to enjoy and I’ll change when I’m older…..wanting to live the teenage years forever. Well life is too short to not remember and there are no guarantees that you will get older.
Eh, I just try not to take it all too seriously. I enjoy blogging, it’s a fun hobby, and I like keeping a record for my kids to read someday. But I don’t stress about posting every day or commenting all the time. I just try and enjoy it for the fun pasttime that it is, ya know?
I could never ever ever quit my blog. Even though it has pretty much sucked badly in the last year, I could never quit. I don’t even toy with the idea. It’s a part of me. I love my blog friends (and my blog) like I do the people I see every day.
It makes me sad when people who I read, stop blogging. Sometimes it makes me MAD. Irrationally so. And then I feel embarrassed.
It’s a weird thing.
I couldn’t up and leave and stop blogging but I don’t blog all the time. I can go up to a week without blogging and it doesn’t bother me where as today I’ve blogged twice. I really enjoy blogging but it doesn’t take over my life. I just don’t have the time or the energy to blog multiple times a day.
i’ve been writing nearly every day since i learned how. i’ve always had notebooks and journals and my own folder on the family computer, and by the time i was 12 or 13, a place online for my words. blogging is just another way to take those words out of my head and make them tangible. i COULD stop if i wanted to, because i have a thousand other outlets for my words. i don’t want to though, because not only do i get to write, but i make friends doing it. it doesn’t hinder my life at all. it’s just another incarnation of something i’d be doing anyway.
To me, its not so much about writing, as the internet in general. I feel its really bad for me and ever since I got the internet, way back when I was 14, my life has surrounded it. I’d rather be DOING things than always wondering who’s updated or whatever, but I can’t seem to stop.
You seem to have such a healthy relationship with blogging. As long as in the internet isn’t taking the place of someone’s real life, I see no reason to quit!