I’m not going to BlogHer this year. It started as an impossibility because I was planning another GREAT BIG TRIP for the summer. However, that GREAT BIG TRIP has now been canceled so my convenient excuse is not so much of one now. It’s weird, since the trip has been canceled, I’ve found myself looking for other excuses to give:
- I’ll have just had a baby!
- I don’t have any money!
- I’m allergic to California!
I suddenly found myself wondering, why am I so hesitant to go this year?
I think part of it is because I acted like such an anti-social freak and complete fool last year. I mean - I can blame the cramps and the post-miscarriage blues all I want. But the truth is? I’m terribly embarrassed by how much I hid out last year. And I fear that if I went this year and acted in the same asinine way, I’d have no good excuse. Then I’d finally have to just come out and say it, “I’m a complete fool at big social gatherings. I’m the shy, insecure, embarrassed girl with the big curly hair in the corner. Don’t approach me or I might wither under the pressure.”
Marilyn wrote a great post this morning about how these gatherings/events tend to be all-to-often referred to as resembling Junior High. And it seems to bug her as much as it bugs me. Because yeah, not everyone whose blog I read stood before me with open arms demanding I come sit at their table and be their BFFs. But you know what? I don’t look at that as a sign that these gatherings are like high school. I look at them that they are like LIFE.
I am not accepted with open arms a lot of places. I try to talk to other Moms at the park and sometimes they’re friendly and sometimes they run away screaming. I don’t then sit back and say, “This is just like high school.” No. It’s just life. In life, sometimes we’re accepted and sometimes we’re not.
But also? Blaming my nonacceptance on some sort of similarity to high school would be denying any responsibility of my own. I am NOT GOOD IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. Period. End of story. Get a few beers in me and I’ll be better, but in general? Not so much. I’m scared of people. I’m scared of talking to people I don’t know. I’m scared I’ll hug someone too aggressively and they’ll report me to the police. I’ve approached a few of my blogging idols and totally faltered under the pressure, feeling like a complete fool. I’ve been approached by other blogger and been so aggressive with my greeting them that I end up looking like a COMPLETE FOOL.
Do you see the trend?
Blog gatherings and Mommy Blogger events are not like high school. They’re like life. Sometimes groups form without me. A lot of times they do. And other times I’m welcomed in with open arms. Sometimes I scare people, sometimes I insult people, and sometimes people actually like me. It’s just life.
Unfortunately, it still all boils down to this: I SUCK AT THEM.
So, this year? I’m going to be honest. I’m not going to BlogHer. The main reason really is the money (I promise!) - I’ll be on unpaid maternity leave. That’s a bad time to plan a cross-country trip. But, the second reason in line? Is that I’m a big ole’ chicken shit who acts like a COMPLETE FOOL in social situations and makes people who think, “She seems like she’s be cool from her blog!” re-assess the situation and think, “Some people should just stay behind the Wordpress Dashboard.”
(Although, if you see any of the ladies I’ve photographed at the past BlogHers this year, will you hug them for me? And be really aggressive about it or they won’t believe it’s actually from me. I’m a violent hugger.)
That makes me indescribably sad.
I feel largely the same way about social situations and it’s my main hesitation for going to BlogHer this year. I don’t want people to be commenting on my bitchiness and complete social ineptitude.
I feel the same way about social situations. I’m a total social moron. And I can’t even tell you how thankful I am for the computer. I can email, and write, and just generally wait to talk until I am ready. Because - and I just wrote about this on my blog - I am so bad about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I watch other people and just cannot understand how it can be SO EASY for them, and yet so hard for me. You know?
BlogHer is not an option for me this year, for budgetary reasons. I’d really like to go, but I’m a little bit glad for the excuse not to, for the same reasons as you. I’m really socially awkward — very quiet in large groups of people and just not that comfortable, especially around new people. I’ve been told I sometimes come off as stand-off-ish, like I think I’m too good for everybody. But in reality? I’m just REALLY shy and pretty sure everybody else is too good for me.
Maybe next year I’ll have the money and the courage necessary to go to BlogHer. But I’m not too broken up about missing it this year.
I am horrible in social situations. I feel like I always say something stupid or inappropriate, not intentionally but because what was in my head didn’t come out of my mouth the same way. I’ve noticed that some of my comments to other bloggers and emails have left me feeling the same way. I see people who go to social functions and everyone notices and flock to them because they are drawn to them. I’m the butterfly on the wall hoping to not be noticed so that I don’t say something I shouldn’t. It’s nice to know that there are others like me.
This — “I’m a big ole’ chicken shit who acts like a COMPLETE FOOL in social situations” — is me. I’ve been invited to a smaller blogger get-together this summer and I’m so excited — and scared. I think my painful shyness tends to come across as bitchitude and that is so NOT what I am trying to give off.
From reading your blog I’d never guess that you’re not good in social situations. You seem to have such a zest for life that I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t get that and be thrilled to meet you.
awww… I hope the reason your big trip was canceled isn’t the bad thing I’m thinking in my head.
and darnit, I wish I could make you come to Cali instead. I’m even staying an extra day to see some of the city! guess I’ll be in charge of hugging Marilyn for you.
Am v. v. cheesed you will not be at BlogHer this year. Who am I supposed to act like an anti-social freak with? All by myself? GAH!
Also, starting to wonder at the wisdom of being part of the “Introverts” panel at BlogHer. Who am I to talk about coming out of your shell in social situations?? Perhaps I’ll be the “cautionary tale”. The “what not to do”. Heh.
And whatever girl… you are just as charming in person, if not MORE SO so just forget that whole song and dance. (I feel qualified to say this, having shared a hotel room with you) Anyone who has snubbed you is just totally missing out.
Very bummed you won’t be there! You’re one of my favorite bloggers. I’m only going because my friend and I scored volunteer gigs. We are poor poor college students!
I’m so nervous though haha
I’m so glad, so VERY VERY glad you posted this, because I feel the same way. I want to go to Blogher more than anything, except my social ineptitude just won’t let me. I’m extremely shy in groups of people I don’t know. For that matter, I’m shy in groups of my friends, if there are more than about 5 of us together. And as for approaching people I don’t know? No way. I’m more of the “stand over in the corner and stare at my favorite bloggers hoping they’ll magically come over and talk to me” type. I’m not a popular blogger (heh. I get excited when I get more than 5 hits in a day), so it’s not like anyone at BlogHer will know me anyhow. At least you have a new baby/no money/busy girl excuse. I live IN California and I’m still not going! And it’s all because I’m a fool too!
I can’t afford BlogHer, plain and simple. (And as a CE, I feel like I’m supposed to go.)
My local blogging group has periodic meet-ups, and I’ve yet to attend any of them. I want to, but I hear stories about this blogger feuding with that blogger and who snubbed whom, and I opt out every time.
I know how you feel. The only reason I was ok to go to Blog World/ Postiecon last November was because I was bolstered up by online relationships of people I knew would be there.
I do think I am going to try for a Blogher Reach Out in Atlanta or Nashville. Wanna go with me?
I totally know how you feel. I am usually pretty good in most social situations, but tend to feel really out of place and awkward when I don’t know ANYBODY.
I live in downtown Chicago and talked myself out of going to BlogHer last year for the simple reasons that I didn’t know anyone and I’m no “big” blogger. I mean, the only people who read my blog are my parents and grandparents to know what I’ve been up to lately, so I was all “Why would these people at this thing care about what I think? I don’t really even have a blog. What if they think I’m a big poser?” I could just imagine people being like “Oh, you only get 10 hits a day?” and turning their nose up at me. Although, I’m sure that wouldn’t have happened.
I kind of regret not going though, it was in my own city and I couldn’t get the guts up to go!
I can’t possibly afford BlogHer this year, either. I’m hearing that from SO many people. And I also SO get where you’re coming from. But you really are cool, you know. You are. Last year at BlogHer, I got overwhelmed by the enormity of it all, and tended to develop a kind of “tunnel vision” where I just focused on the few people around me. It was the best I could do.
I’m with you on the social anxiety thing. I just don’t feel comfortable inserting myself into a group. I’m much better one-on-one. I’m sure with AndyZ, though, you won’t even miss it.
I absolutely agree with you Zoot. There are a lot of blog sites that I read/comment on where no one gives me the time of day. There are a select few, however, who have embraced me and who want me to visit with them no matter how fat my fatass is. Then there are those that I keep reading and commenting on even though I know the blogger really doesn’t care for me at all…LOL
Let’s go together next year. We can balance each other out..I will talk to anyone (much to their dismay I’m sure).
I get you. I’ve blogged on and off for 7 years now somewhere or other yet for some reason it never even occurred to me to go to a conference about it, one where I’d certainly belong on paper. Cuz I know I’d feel too shy once I got there. I like hiding behind my writing, I’m far more witty and aproachable there.
i spotted you from afar a few times last year, and never grew the balls to come say hello. if i would have had any clue that you were also feeling like a major social idiot, i would have ran right over. and hugged you too aggressively. and i probably would have brought an extra beer with me.
in any event, i’m sad that i will miss the opportunity to make up for lost time this year.
maybe next year?
I almost went last year because it was so close to me. But then I got pregnant and as my tummy grew my money belt got tighter. Can’t afford it.
But, if I go when you go…I will totally sit w/ you in the corner and talk about how unsocial we are.
I’m shy around people I don’t know and really feel intimated in large groups of people. I’m also pretty quiet in groups of people I do know. It’s good to read that my introverted self is not alone.
I’m not going to BlogHer. Too far away and probably won’t be able to afford it. I had thought about going to the BlogHer event in New Orleans.
I didn’t think you acted like an anti-social freak either year I saw you at Blogher! It can be overwhelming though, all the people.
I was hoping that you would come this year so I could get my hands on that baby
Sometimes you sound so much like me that it’s scary. I often think I’m the only one who has the social phobia thing going on…
Aw. I loved meeting you and then-tiny NikkiZ at BlogHer in…uh, whatever year that was. I didn’t find you awkward at all. But maybe that’s because I was too busy feeling like an anti-social gaffe-making awkward-ass fool myself.
I’ve been thinking about this most of the day, and there is something that I don’t think occured to you - to some people, YOU are one of the bloggers that they would die to meet. I mean, you have tons of readers and people who love you, while many of us just go along with 2 or 3 readers a day.
I’m sorry you felt unaccepted before
That stinks. But yeah, that’s life! I would totally squish you in a hug though - I’m aggressive like that too!
I know it kind of sounds stupid but have you ever done one of those Myers-Briggs assessments? The best thing I got out of that was learning that because I am an introvert, I am wiped out after any kind of gathering because it drains an introvert while an extrovert feeds off of the same situation. I could never understand why I would be some place and have had a perfectly fine time but then when I got home I would be so down and self recriminating. It still happens but at least now, I know why. Probably not the same as what you are talking about yet I identified.
Zoot, you’d have a baby (I assume with you) or at least pictures, so it’d be easy to be social this year!
But I totally hear you about not liking the feeling of ‘life’ and it’s different acceptance levels.
I won’t be going this year, either - I’m in a wedding in San Diego that weekend. But I just wanted to say that you hugged me rather aggressively last year and I LOVED it! I was totally afraid to even tell you who I was because, hello! I, also, am completely socially awkward. But you made me feel like it wasn’t a complete mistake to be like, “Hi. I’m Beth…iclaus.”
I hid out last year, too. But I’m still trying again. I wish I’d sought you out more.
A late comment on this post but a comment nonetheless. I’m so sad you aren’t going. We (two friends and I) have a newish blog (we link you!) and just decided to go to BlogHer. I was really hoping to get a chance to meet you in person. My 2 co-bloggers are incredibly outgoing and I’m the shy one. I just had a feeling that it would be really nice to meet you in person. Sigh. Maybe another time?