Clarity would be nice.

LilZ was born a million years ago when I was a very naive teenager who didn’t realize her memory would fade with the years. In other words? I have very little memory of the birth process itself. I mean – he came out the normal way after 17+ hours of labor – that much I remember. But the details and the feelings? Have kinda faded. Too bad I wasn’t blogging then.

NikkiZ, while more recent, is still just as faded. If not more so. If you were around here during that time, you know I did a series of blog posts (first one here) doing a play-by-play of the induction process. Up until things went horribly awry and I ended up being wheeled into the OR while crying for my husband fearing for our daughter’s life. IT WAS AWESOME. But – the point? I had been up all night (blogging…of course) and then was cut open and operated on and doped up with morphine. It created quite a haze for my daughter to be born into and I remember very little of it. I read the entries and the birth story and think, “Hmm. Funny. I don’t remember that.”

This time? I’m praying I will walk away with a very clear memory of the events leading up to my son’s birth. I plan on sleeping the night before (even if it requires someone bashing me on the head to knock me out) and I plan on documenting everything either digitally or with pen and paper as it goes on. I have been approaching this entire pregnancy as though it is going to be my last. Partly because we have that nasty habit of repeat miscarriages, but also because we’re not positive we are going to have anymore. So, I really want to make sure I have a good record of what happens the day this child is born. I want at least one of my kids to have the gift of their Mom’s sober and clear memory of their birth.

Or maybe I’ll just ask for the morphine early and just sleep through the entire thing.

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16 Responses

  1. gwen says:

    i made them knock me out. i didn’t want to feel any of it, and i didn’t. it’s amazing what they will do with a greater than 9 pound baby who hasn’t dropped, and you haven’t dilated. it was wonderful to just wake up and have a baby… and i could walk with little assistance because my legs were not numb!

  2. ladybug says:

    I don’t know anybody that remembers, with clarity, their child’s birth story. I remember with lil’bug that we got to the hospital at 7:30 and she was born at 7:40, or something ridiculous. There were other emergencies that my OB was dealing with, like at least one preemie. She kept leaving the room and I wasn’t sure she would be there for the delivery.

    With my first the hospital was a 1/2 hour away. They sent us home when we first got there. Almost immediately upon returning home I regretted it. Someone had the bright idea that I might feel better in the big jacuzzi tub we had. Not so bright, I couldn’t get out! I couldn’t stand up! On the way back they tried distracting me with ‘but what if it’s a girl, you need a name for a girl!’ SHUT-UP ALREADY, IT’S A BOY!

  3. Melizzard says:

    You definitely have a good chance of remember most of it. The planned C is kind of cool that way, so calm, so routine.

    My favorite memory from mine was me laying there chatting it up with the anesthesiologist (‘cause it’s his job to entertain you) while my OB struggled to get bigger baby #2 out through the same scar line that baby #1 had come from when he looked up and said “Wow, You don’t see that every day!” – okay my anesthesiologist only did OB surgeries so that didn’t make me happy.

    “What!?!” I asked, feeling panic-ish.

    He looked at me and laughed – “Oh sorry, it’s just that the baby was kind of stuck there with the top half out for a bit while Dr. trying to figure out how the best way to move her. She’s half in and half out and she opened her eyes and looked right at me like she knew me. That never happens … looked like something out of a sci-fi movie or something. She’s out now.”

    At which point #2 cried her first cry.

  4. OMG…I can’t believe AndyZ is going to be here soon. it seems just like yesterday you announced you were pregnant. I mean, yeah, I’ve been reading every day since then, but still…this pregnancy went so fast.

    I remember with total clarity the details of my daughter’s (we didn’t find out while I was pregnant if it was a boy or girl) birth. Even the point where I was in the middle of pushing (which only happened for 17 minutes total) and her head popped out at that point and I was in the lull of contractions and I looked my dr straight in the face and said, “heehee…hey doc does it look like a boy head or a girl head?” By that point I was dieing to know if that little baby inside that gave me all that heart burn and carpal tunnel and water retention (among many other things) was a girl or a boy!!! The dr chuckled and said he couldn’t say for sure!!!

  5. Christina says:

    I remember most of mine like it was yesterday, yet, the couple hours between the epi and the delivery are a little fuzzy. I have a GF who knows that both of hers were awful, but thats about it. Something is blocking it, she thinks its so she will do it again? Who knows. I think trying to keep track while its happening is the way to go. I have my birthstory saved for later, for when Im looking at delivering again or just for “fun.” Im so excited for the big day. You will have about 1zillion hits as we all await the news.

  6. Stacey says:

    Oh I would love to see the written document of it after they give you the morphine…that would be interesting to decifer!! LOL

  7. Shawna says:

    Man, can you believe we’re SO CLOSE TO THE END? For that matter, it still amazes me how close our dates are – you this Wed., me less than 2 weeks later.

    Do me a favour? Even if the planned c-section is a horrible, horrible experience… LIE FOR TWO WEEKS!

  8. Michele says:

    One word – epideral!!! It will be wonderful, good luck!!!

  9. BD says:

    So, so happy for you.

    I have been in the hospital myself all this week dealing with my hearing related issues, and its the only time ever I’ve been in the hospital that I didn’t leave with a baby. So, not nearly as fun. Enjoy the morphine and the sweet baby smell. There’s nothing like it.

  10. Missy says:

    I’m pretty sure there’s a good reason women forget the experience. I hope you have lovely memories of this one.

  11. Catherine says:

    The 2nd c is way easier than the first. You have far fewer drugs on board because they only give you what you need for the surgery, not all that other stuff to get labor going. While not refreshed or anything, I felt good after the 2nd c. The catheter was out sooner, I was up sooner, the baby was with me sooner. And I have clearer memories of it.

    My best memory? Laying in triage poking the baby in my belly, trying to get her to move inside me what I knew would be the last time.

    Good luck!

  12. amy says:

    I am so happy for you. Can’t to read all about him!

  13. Mom24 says:

    I definitely forget most of my 4 birth experiences–I remember a couple of “major” things, but most of it is just a blur. I guess I think that’s just the way it’s supposed to be–at least for me. I’ll be thinking of you. I hope things go exactly as you would want them to.

  14. Suze says:

    I remember mine (14 and 16 years ago!), but they were natural births with no drugs, which kept my head clear I guess.

    I hope you can remember this one – perhaps with a scheduled birth, everything will be much calmer, and you will be more ‘with it’.

    I hope so!

  15. supertiff says:

    umm…i was totally expecting a run-dow (and pictures!) of the botanical camping trip. i mean, i know that you’re LAZY–what with the million projects you’ve faced head-on in the past few months…but i thought that we would hear about the sleepover by now.

    is everyone okay?
    namely: you?

    a twitter update would suffice. i just want to know that all is well.

  16. Jana says:

    Hi, I stumbled across your blog for the 1st time today!

    I too was a naive teen when my son was born a gazillion years ago and have really forgotten the whole process as well! I was explaining to my coworker who is newly pregnant with her first the experience and all I could tell her is “I know it was the worst pain I’ve ever had and I remember thinking that I could not believe that people did this more than once, but all of that has really faded over time.” It’s probaly a good thing, or noone would have brothers and sisters. :o)

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