May 24, 2008
Things That I Blocked From My Memory The Last C-Section FOR VERY GOOD REASON:
- The trouble with getting in and out of these damn hospital beds when you’re SHORT. And have been recently DISSECTED. Why can’t I lower this thing anymore? And can someone bring me a ladder? I’m going to feel like a huge dumbass if I rip open my incision hopping into bed.
- The numerous times you get asked whether or not you’ve “passed gas.” The nurse asks me every time she checks on me. There’s something about a c-section (either the surgery part or the anesthesia part) that makes your abdominal cavity trap gas or something weird. And if you don’t actually sart (as NikkiZ would say) it will get more and more painful. And when I say “painful” – I mean “HOLY SHIT. THAT HURTS MORE THAN THE SURGERY ITSELF.”
- Oh, yeah. There’s also no way to force yourself to sart. Did you know that? I forgot. The pain just gets worse and worse and sometimes you can work it out by walking but essentially the trapped gas just keeps stabbing you in whatever part of your body it can reach. For me? It’s my shoulders. I have gas pains in my shoulders. I’m impressive.
- Poop. They also like to ask you about your Poop and whether or not it has moved from your intestines to the toilet. Now – I don’t like to make a big deal about poop – it’s not my style. I’m a Stealth Pooper who prides herself on getting in and out in less time than it takes to pee. But this situation? Allows for almost no stealthiness. Even if the whole world didn’t know by the amount of time you spent in the bathroom, or by the pained sounds accompanying the experience, the joyous, “I DID IT!!!” you scream on your way out of the bathroom will give it away. I also might have even done an, “I Pooped!” dance. Maybe.
Stop asking me about my poop!
This is my first congratulations on your sweet baby boy! He’s beautiful. Congratulations on the other stuff as well. It is quite the milestone.
Ah yes. I have blocked those things out too and it’s only been 8 months. I also enjoyed needing to leave your pee in a bucket so they could measure it.
The result? Totally worth it, though. He’s adorable!
Congratulations! He is beautiful!
And yeah! You pooped! I was afraid to poop
for the first week after (vaginal) delivery. Of course, that
only made it worse…
Yep, post delivery period is full of an intense interest in everyone’s bodily functions. Yours AND the baby’s. Which as another stealth pooper, I hated. loathed.
But it’s all SOOO worth it
Look at that picture, he’s just gorgeous – you guys did good 
Five years and I still haven’t blocked that stuff out. No wonder I don’t have more kids. My gas pain was directly UNDER the incision. A really huge bubble pushing on the wound from the inside. holy. crap.
Aww, but that is one cute baby!
The gas pains will get better if you lay down. When I’ve had my abdominal surgeries, they warned me about it and told me to lay down most of the first day. After that it gets better pretty quickly… or at least it did for me, but the more I sat/stood up, the more pain I had at first.
Beautiful baby.
That picture is priceless.
After having four kids I have found that I have lost most of my modesty when it comes to body functions…..
Um, well, this stealth pooper is also short. When the, *ahem*, poop finally happened, I, um, couldn’t get myself out of bed in time (Mr. Nerd was SNORING over on the little couch) and only made it halfway to the bathroom before, well, uh, yeah.
Dignity. I used to have some.
(P.S. HE IS SO INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL, ZOOT!!!!! I can just smell him. Yum.)
Oh! He’s just beautiful!
And, Oh! How I remember those very same questions when I had surgery… Ah, the interest in poop those medical professionals take!
I’m glad to hear you’re back to your hilarious self. When The Kid was born getting in and out of the hospital bed was so painful that I actually slept on the little chair/couch thing and my husband slept in the bed!
Congratulations, he is a star!
Yeah… poop and gas. I am private about that stuff. I had blocked all that out, although come to think of it I have vague memories of being interrogated for hours about bodily functions.
They actually sent me home after two days with my third, because I was doing so well. I wasn’t really, it’s just that I had my first two babies in UK hospitals (where they don’t have the time to even ask about your #2 progress, they just point you to the shared bathroom down the hall)
…and I didn’t know I was *allowed* to complain.
Can I just say AMEN SISTER! I am 5 feet tall. Those damn beds are hellish. I had gas pains in my shoulder as well. Warm prune juice, yucky but effective.
And lastly, Andyz is beyond precious. I was to kiss his little scrunchy mouth. Your family is amazing….
The picture matches the post. LOVE IT.
Ya know, I thought about asking you if you had made it through that unpleasant pooping part, but somehow getting the tone right via comments section just doesn’t happen!
That was the WORST for me. If I ever grow big blogger balls I will share on HH, but for now? Let’s just say it literally was one of the worst experiences of my life to date. EVER.
Hooray for after birth!
I had the shoulder gas pains too. Oh god, and the chills that rattle your catheter and compacted poop. Flashbacks.
The part I hated the most as well. Bye Bye dignity and privacy. All worth it though. Just think, at least your va-jay-jay doesn’t hurt
that was my small comfort both times.
Congrats on the beautiful boy! And pooping! When I was pregnant with my son I was constipated the whole time. I did a poop dance every time I did it (even if it to 30 minutes) (what? too much info?).
Anyhow, AndyZ’s toes look delicious and I want to nibble on them!
I gave birth vaginally (rather than a c-section) and Jeez Louise was I freaking scared to poop that first time after.
He has such a boyish look, doesn’t he?
Now about the poop…. ROFLMAO….been there, done that!
Wow, that is one GORGEOUS screaming boy.
Congrats again, and sorry to hear about that whole gas/pooping/bed issue.
Hopefully your birth amnesia will kick in again. Soon.
I’m a veteran of 2 c-sections and I too remember the intense interest in poop. “You can’t go home until you have one,” they said the first time. I was annoyed because I had thrown up during labor, and they forgot to feed me the next day. And then it was liquids only. There wasn’t anything in me to poop out! The second time, passing gas was enough. Thank goodness!
As if having a C-section isn’t bad enough, they have to add all the excrement inquiry to it? That really sucks!
Ahhh yes, I remember those little things from my first abdominal surgery… and now you’ve reminded me I have them to look forward to again in 32 days…
I hope you “sart” real soon!! He’s beautiful even when he’s crying!!
Oh yes, the nurses are so cute when you’re still pregnant and they’re helping you get comfortable and whatever. Then you have the baby and they become obsessed with your bodily functions.
Congrats on the new baby! He is gorgeous.
I totally remember that. I finally passed gas so they said they’d let me go. It was a few days before I had a BM, though. When I finally had one, I called my husband immediately to share the good news. I don’t think he was nearly as excited as I was, though…lol! Is this way TMI?
Oh my gosh, I didn’t even have a c-section and I remember being terrified of pooping and thinking “but I don’t ever want to push anything out ever again”.
Your baby is totally adorable! Congrats again.
And the nurses were always asking that RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND. I was like, “Can we preserve a LITTLE of the romance? It’s bad enough he’s seeing me full of IVs and barfing into a little pan.”
Awesome post! Er… does that make me odd?
He is so cute!!!!!!!! And enough with the bracelets… He is beginning to look like you with all those bracelets.. LOL!!
I think AndyZ looks like your little brother C, and your dad for that matter but more like your brother… He is tooooooooooo cute!!!!!!! I love him… Hopefully we can see you guys next time we head south…
Congrats and I am so excited and proud of you guys!! I hope you get to feeling better soon!!! Take care! We love you!!!!!!!!!!!
A bracelet on each arm and each leg? Were they afraid some part of him was going to get lost and need to be re-matched with the rest?
27 years ago, I knew my baby by the second day in the hospital. They brought her to me to be fed and I said, “this isn’t my baby.” “Of course it is,” and the nurse left without checking the bracelet. Which proved, of course, that the baby belonged to someone else. Half an hour later, the nurse was back with MY baby, and I knew her without even looking at the bracelet.
I wonder how that other baby grew up?
Delurking for a funny story. My husband is a high school teacher and coach. Some of his student were visiting us in the hospital after the birth of my daughter when the nurse came in and asked me if I had pooped or passed gas. Great timing lady.
Congrats…the baby is precious.
Oh no! I had blocked out most of those things too. I’ll have the pleasure of doing them all again on July 15th! C-section scheduled… countdown beginning.
And that photo!!! He’s just so cute, even in full scream mode.
Congrats! He’s a babe!
I’ve heard that hot tea/liquids will ease the gas pains and to avoid cold liquids entirely. Hope that helps someone, you’re probably past that whole bit of misery by now.