Comments on: Guilty.

By: Bethiclaus

Bethiclaus — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:43:37 +0000

My husband told me these behaviors piss him off, so I’ve been improving at not doing them, but it isn’t easy. I try to just acknowledge that when hes taking responsibility for the kids, he gets to decide how to do things.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:31:28 +0000

I get it. I hope my comment didn’t come across as judgment of you. I was just perturbed by the article…and…obviously it is a personal hot button issue for me. Hope I wasn’t too harsh. Thanks!

By: zoot

zoot — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:17:39 +0000

Mimi – while I do agree that men should be responsible regardless of how their partners do or do not encourage them, I found myself putting myself in HIS shoes while reading the article. If he rolled his eyes or redid things I did every day? I’d beat him senseless. So to me, it’s more about treating him the way I would like to be treated, because if he treated me how I treated him when he does things, I wouldn’t be doing crap either! hehe.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:14:19 +0000

You know…that article kind of irked me. Why is it that male behavior or lack thereof hinges on what women are or are not doing? With everything else we have to deal with or take care of…we have to be supportive and encouraging to our husbands…we have to praise our husbands, etc..etc..etc… How about having the expectation that the men in our lives are adults and should be required to live up to their responsibilities regardless of positive verbal feedback? After all, we are talking about adult men and not three-year olds right? This article hits home for me in particular…my husband is notorious for blaming me for not creating an environment where he can own up to his responsibilities and not spend hours on the computer. Apparently it’s all my fault. It think if there is anything that women are guilty of doing it is the tendency to take on too much and not exercise any discretion…meaning we should exercise some discretion and not take on responsibility for our partner’s behavior or lack thereof.

By: liz

liz — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:05:18 +0000

that was a really interesting article. i’d love to think that i’m the encouraging, praising type. but i’m not. i’m hyper-critical and anxious and a bit of a task master.
i chalk this up to living in a lot of chaos right now. and being able to control a situation (like cleaning the house? raising our son and getting ready for our daughter) helps me feel, in some part, more in control of at least *something*
with the difficulty of this pregnancy, The Mistah has definitely shouldered the bulk of our domestic tasks. seriously, i don’t think i’ve done dishes in two months…it’s just TOO MUCH for me to handle. he’s been up with our toddler every weekend for 9 months, allowing me to sleep in. cooks dinner every night, cleans up. while i sit around like a lump on a log. and i’m sure i’ve been, erm, LESS THAN PLEASANT as a spouse, too.
the other night he said he can’t wait for the baby to come so he could get his wife back… oy.

By: krazy8z

krazy8z — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:45:15 +0000

Well, I haven’t experienced the newborn part yet, but it’s household work alone is enough to cause frustration (newly wed). Let’s just hope *he* keeps doing the things he does now… he likes to vacuum Good luck

By: chantale

chantale — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 01:41:22 +0000

I can honestly say I don’t do any of those toxic behaviours. It doesn’t matter though, because my husband does nothing, ever. It is a fight to get him to change/feed/bathe our toddler.

Recently, though, I’ve just been leaving the house without our son and telling my husband to take care of him. I come back to a mess more often than not, but at least I get a break and my son is (somewhat) cared for. Before I left today, I made sure to set both of them up with finger paints. LOL

By: Swistle

Swistle — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:23:04 +0000

I took a “mom and baby” class where one of the moms broke down crying because she was doing everything and her husband was doing nothing but playing video games and sleeping peacefully and making his own dinner, and the instructor said she should try “being more understanding” and doing more nice things for him. OR MAYBE SHE SHOULD KICK HIM IN THE ASS, HOW ‘BOUT THAT? She has a newborn! Her body is post-partum right now! Maybe HE should do nice things for HER!!!

*pant pant*

I realize this is not even what you’re talking about. I have a mis-wired connection in my brain somewhere, I think.

By: The Other Laura

The Other Laura — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:29:50 +0000

The hardest lesson I had to learn after my son was born was to let his dad help and do things his own way. After seven years, I still struggle with this.

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:19:59 +0000

I can honestly say that no, I don’t do this stuff. But then, Kile is often happy to lend a hand and there are some things he does better than I (clipping nails, bathtime, storytime, etc). But I knew about this sabotaging thing, having seen people do it before. And when I read “Babyproofing Your Marriage”, a lot of it was about this very subject and how to stop the cycle. Very informative, I thought.

Good luck, Zoot. Don’t feel bad, you were just taking care of your family and that’s never “wrong”.