I’m not going to BlogHer this year. The reason I originally wasn’t going has morphed to several other reasons that combine into one simple explanation: MONEY. It’s expensive and I’m on maternity leave. I’m sad since several bloggers I love are going this year - many that I missed last year - but that sadness doesn’t put money in my wallet. So, I’m not going. And you know what? I’m totally okay with that.
I read a blog recently where the woman writing it said, “I’m not going because I don’t do well at large gatherings of that type.” And you know what? Neither do I. I fake it decently sometimes, but in reality? The anxiety it produces in me far exceeds any amount of joy I can achieve in the situation. I’m just a social invalid. Especially when it comes to bloggers that I kinda know but kinda don’t. I am often over-assuming my friendliness. I’ll go up to someone I’ve had casual contact with online and give them a HUGE hug because - since I read their blog I feel like we’re lifelong friends! But, of course, they don’t read mine so all they’re thinking is, “Who’s the freak with the frizz who is hugging me so tight she’s cutting off the circulation to my head?”
Or worse - I’ll go the opposite extreme and withdraw into my insecurity and won’t even say, “Hi.” Do you know how many bloggers I read that I’ve been within speaking range to and never even smiled at? Because I was scared? TOO MANY.
I’m just a freak and I think sometimes it’s better just to admit that and just focus on attending smaller gatherings instead of trying to hide The Inner Freak for an extended period of time. So, I’ll be here reading about all of your awesome adventures and sadly perusing through all of your pictures. Wishing I could be as comfortable in my skin as you are in yours. Maybe I’ll use the time while you’re gone to look for a therapist, because it’s becoming more apparent that I need one.
That is SO me. Except never over-friendly. I am always the “not making eye contact” person.
last year was the first year i went, i didn’t even manage to work up the courage to say hi to YOU. and you’re, like, the friendliest person ever. i saw you at least six times and did an inward: ‘ohmygod, it’s zoot! do you see that girl? that’s zoot!’
and then i ran away.
i actually AM going again this year. i’m really hoping that i will be able to interact like a normal person. if i can manage to approach amalah and sweetney and tell them how much i admire their writing, that will be a good thing.
if i manage to not a) puke on them, or b) drool on them, or c) actually keep all bodily fluids to myself, while at least saying: ‘hi! i really like your blog(s)! kthxbai!’ i will consider my trip a success.
holy jesus in heaven, i am nervous as all get-out.
Me too. All of it.
Crap. I know I don’t pipe up a lot here but you were on my list of “Bloggers I want to tackle and make out with” at BlogHer.
Wah.
P.S. Despite the above, I have freaking huge social anxiety.
I am exactly the same way and have to weigh the anxiety an event is going to provoke in me with the potential good. I’m not going because I would be a fricking wreck…
Amen Sistah! See. I’d want to hug you, and you’d be wondering WTF?!? Who is this crazy woman? Though sometimes Susan from Friday PlayDate comes and sits down next to me at Basketball games and we talk.
You’ve just described me at the gym. Well, I don’t hug anyone at the gym, and I don’t think I read anyone’s blog. But the minute I make casual eye contact with anyone, I quickly avert my gaze and check my MP3 player. Or cough. I feel so inadequate there. That’s also why I don’t use the weight machines. Who needs muscle tone??
I’m not going this year either, and the reason is totally financial. I’m kicking myself that I didn’t go last year, when it was in Chicago and in driving distance, but I thought I was still too much of a “newbie” to be attending blogging conferences. I was wrong.
When I found out Sundry was going, I was like, “OH NO WHY AM I NOT GOING???” And then I imagined going, and I was like, “AAAAAAGH, WHAT WOULD I SAY AND/OR DO???”
You are so NOT a loser!! Anything but! I am secretly shamed to say that I am exactly the same in those situations. But you can speak up… and tell the blogging world about it.
YOU = CONFIDENCE!!!
I was going to go, and now am not, but in the brief period where I WAS going, I was simultaneously excited to see bloggers I admire, and TERRIFIED because I’m so shy and introverted, and I end up getting awkward and making inappropriate comments and jokes and then mumbling into my wine glass.
So I feel ya.
I would love to go some year. I’ve made a pact with another blogger friend of mine (who I’ve met in person so I don’t feel so socially awkward with) that we will go together and be each other’s social crutch. I would feel much less like an awkward 13 year old if I had someone I knew with me I think. Of course reading the blogs after BlogHer, it sounds like an entire conference of social misfits pretending to be cool so maybe if we just relaxed we’d all fit in.
Having been with Zoot to SXSW I can attest to her awkwardness. It’s so easy to forget that celebrities, and especially “famous web people” are just ordinary folks who happen to know more people than you do. Having started going to a LOT of conferences lately the best thing about them is meeting other people and I’m not very social either. Or at least I didn’t used to be. I so am now. I’ll say hi to anyone, anywhere, anytime now and I love these events even more for it.
Don’t miss out on what’s the best part of being alive: contact with other living beings! It’s wonderful. Embrace it and experience connecting with other interesting and like minded folks.
Anxiety is such a difficult thing to get through/live with. I’m pretty much a social invalid most of the time, too…but my ‘game face’ at work requires ME to instigate interaction, and I do alright there.
Sorry you don’t get to attend BlogHer! I’ve never been, either. Money (lack thereof, rather) sucks!
Can I just echo supertiff’s comment?
The photo you let me take with you last year? Was the very first thing I showed my husband when I got home. “IT’S ZOOT! FOR REAL!”
However, I’m not nervous this year. I’ll just be hiding behind my baby. Everyone will talk to him and I’ll just hold him and smile.
I’m sorry you won’t be there this year. I would like a chance to treat you like a person instead of a celebrity. You deserved better than that.
My plan is to fake the crazy friendly fun thing until it seems natural.
And like Tiff, I am at least saying ‘Hi! I love your writing!’ to those I read.
I’m going this year. And everytime I think about it I simultaneously think about throwing up. What did I get myself into? I don’t really like people that well.
You live in a geography with many bloggers. You could have a mini-blogher. Just do it when I’m driving through.
Plenty of people feel the way you do. You’re just one of the brave few who admit it. I’m often perceived as a snob because I either ignore people for fear of saying the wrong thing or from feelings of inadequacy or I come on too strong in an effort to seem friendly! It sucks that you can’t go but maybe it will make next year even better if you can attend then.
I’ve done the exact same thing — I’ve literally been THISCLOSE to a blogger I wanted to talk to, but I didn’t know if THEY knew ME, so I didn’t say anything.
I can definitely be a social invalid as well, but there’s enough people going to BlogHer this year that I know in-person that I’ve convinced myself I’ll be able to find someone to talk to.
We’ll miss you there. (And for the record, I didn’t mind the hug.)
OMG are you walking around in my skin all the time or just for this post?
If you lived in NYC or I lived in Alabama, we could be BFF. My job requires me to be social and it is a struggle for me every day.
P.S. I hope that first sentence didn’t sound creepy.
You have just described me to a “T”. It’s funny, in work situations, where I’m throwin in with people for projects I don’t know, I have no problem being social, no matter what their position. I just freeze up in situations with large gatherings (outside of work). It’s like I left my brain back home. One day though, I would really like to go and get up the courage to meet other bloggers and tell them how much I admire their work.
Like you for instance. This post has helped a lot of us feel that we are not alone. And how you are chronicling your exercise. You give inspiration to those of us who are trying to live a healthier lifestyle.
You are so not alone in your feelings.
I am not going either. Not having money really sucks. If it wasn’t an issue I would tell you to come to NOLA because well they are hoping to do a gathering of Southern folk not going to BlogHer. But again it is the money thing.
I just met a few more bloggers down here and I barely said a word. Good thing there was more than just me and one other person!!
Social invalid! That’s me! I always go to your second extreme. I’m not even good at faking friendliness; I get too nervous. I’ve never been to BlogHer and I don’t see myself going any time soon — because of money, arrgh — unless they come to Philly. I hope everyone has a good time and there’s none of that infighting nonsense again.
Give yourself a break please you just had a baby and you’ve got a toddler, you’d be Stepford Wife weird if you felt Zippy and super perky, rearing to go out and meet all sort’s of people. Must be great to meet Boggers in the flesh though.We like you just how you are. I’d hang out in the back row of class with you anytime.
UGH…I’m so with ya girl! I have major anxiety about large gatherings. I hate small talk and all that crap. I think I would rather pull my toenails out sometimes. Usually the only thing that can get me to those kind of events is the prospect of good food. :o)
So, I don’t know anything about BlogHer since I am new to this world, but if they don’t have good food, I definitely wouldn’t feel bad about going. :o)
Yup, me too. Can’t justify the expense, and honestly… I’d be so nervous beforehand (and during the entire thing) that it would take a few years off my life, easy.
If I went and you were there I’d probably do one of those two things. I’d probably say something really lame if I did have the courage to open my mouth.
I’m such a hugger. At BlogHer ‘06, and whenever I get into big groups, I have to remember some people aren’t huggers. It’s a problem. That being said, if ever we meet, you are free to hug me without fear. ; )
We should start a new blogger conference specifically for us folks that hate big gathering. Maybe there should be more “get to know you” games.
Also, I am like you about money. I don’t can’t afford it; well, I can but I cannot justify spending that kind of money on something that would take me away from family.
Seriously, I tried to add up the cost with reg fee, plane, car rental, food, new clothes (because I need some), etc and the cost was close to a grand. That is a lot of money for some of us.
My theory, once I made enough from my blogher ads, then I will go. But, that might take a decade since I have yet to see a paycheck.
I am in totally whining mood today. Forgive me.
Excuse my double negative in my previous comment.
Dude, you were totally cool as a cucumber at BlogHer last year, at least outwardly. And I appreciated the hug from you since I felt like a total dork for blurting out your name and having you look at me all “huh?” - it’s easy to forget that not posting my picture on my journal wouldn’t exactly help people recognize me (thank God you recognized me when I supplied my name).
Anyway, hanging with you was one of the rocking-est things about BlogHer last year. Just wanted you to know.
And, yet again, you’ve made me kick myself for not freaking out sufficiently over you last year. My inner self was freaking out while we walked to the soda pop machine together. And yet…I tried to act all cool.
I’m a loser.
Here’s hoping we can all make it to another BlogHer. And, I promise, I’ll follow you around like a lost puppy. Which is what I wanted to do last year!
The whole idea of Blogher just seems a bit overwhelming to me. Heck I was kind of freaked out when it was just a dozen of us in that Super Supper place last year.
You politely introduced me to your son and I had to bite my tongue from saying something like “Well Yeah, I read about him everyday!” (At which point all three of us would have poof exploded into a cloud of embarrassment)
So multiply that by the thousands at Blogher and I’m all “no thank you please”
But maybe if they came South and it wasn’t such an expense. Why don’t they ever come South?