Okay…Maybe THIS Makes Me Mom of The Year
Those of us who have been writing about motherhood all know the powerful effect of writing an entry like this one. You vent your most horrible (in your opinion) parental mistakes and then the most amazing thing happens. Other parents speak up in your comments with their most horrible mistakes. And suddenly? Everyone realizes that none of us are perfect, we all screw up, and that makes us feel SO MUCH BETTER.
I’ve done it a few times. I remember one night when NikkiZ fell out of our bed and I wrote about the guilt the next day. I felt SO bad I couldn’t even describe what happened, I just alluded to it and then discussed how shitty I felt. And then other parents chimed in with their mistakes. And I can not tell you how much better I felt.
The funny thing is – at least one out of 10 of those mistakes shared by you all seems to be the “I forgot to buckle my kid in their car seat” variety of mistake. I was always very proud I had never done that, like somehow I should be awarded for the creativity of my screw-ups. I don’t don anything as boring as forget to buckle my kid in their car seat. Nope. I prefer to accidentally lock them in the car while it’s running on the side of a VERY busy highway around a corner where no one can see us until they’re practically on top of us. I like a little FLARE to my screw-ups.
(That was LilZ, before he was even a year old.)
Well – I decided to kick it old school and boring this weekend. We were in Knoxville and decided to drive downtown for an outing. MrZ drove the van and my Dad rode up front. My brother and I crawled into the very back because the kids ride in the captains chairs. As we were pulling off of the interstate and on the road where we were going to park, NikkiZ turned around with wide-eyes and said, “Mom! You forgot to buckle me in!”
I put my arm on her chest to hold her (because that would help in a car wreck, surely) as we pulled into the parking lot. My brother said, “I wondered how she was turning around and talking to us on the drive…” I wonder how I hadn’t even noticed that was odd. MrZ was asking, “What? Huh?” because he missed what she had said and only heard me exclaiming, “NikkiZ! I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I did that! I’m so so so so so sorry!” After we parked I said to him, “I did what all of my blog readers have done! And I’ve always been proud I haven’t!”
See? You all are totally in my mind ALL OF THE TIME.
And of course – since she’s old enough to have noticed the problem in the first place – she’s old enough to now TELL THE WORLD. She keeps telling everyone about how Momma didn’t buckler her in! Can you believe it! She forgot! She doesn’t care about me at all, please save me from her and feed me candy!
(Or something along those lines.)
So – no one was hurt. And I am now part of the club. The club of parents who forget to buckle their kids in. I felt sufficiently guilty all that day and have since had two nightmares involving her flying through the windshield in a wreck. Can I be president of the Guilty Moms Club? Please?
Candy? Please?
With a face like that, I would give her whatever she wants.
I hope the guild doesn’t last too long.
Don’t you hate that? All those thoughts of what could have happened! People always tell me “can’t you just be glad everything turned out alright?” and I’m all NO, I wish I could. The what if’s and the guilt eat at me.
Im so glad you told the story, it makes me feel a little better. I have twin girls and when they were younger (around a year old) my grandma had just died and we had to travel to NC so we were in a hurry. I put the girls in the van and loaded up. Going down the interstate I heard this THUMP, my daughter had fallen out of the car seat into the floor, I forgot to buckle the car seat. So on the side of the interstate there was a crying baby with a black eye and me crying out of control. It was bad. Now? I triple check the car seats!
Boy..you are a late bloomer… You did well if this is just now happening to you. When my oldest was 6 mo’s I strapped him into his harness in his ridiculously expensive car seat that could safely see him through WW3 and then took off on my merry way. It wasn’t until I put on the brakes at the first stop light (I am a late and hard braker…), when his car seat proceeded to flop forward and bury him face down on the carpet between the front and back seat, that I noticed his carseat was not strapped in…. What a loser I am.
Fortunately, he thought it was hilarious.
I did the same when my son was about 10 weeks old or so. I locked the car seat in the car, but didn’t buckle him up. I felt so bad (and still do 2 years later). Now, it would be impossible for me to not buckle him in because he *has* to help me get him in the seat.
When my grandson was an infant I forgot to strap him in his car seat and didn’t realize it until I took him home and his dad noticed it. I felt terrible and never forgot again.
Been there, done that. Only it was with the oldest who was five at the time. We were halfway home from church and she says “I’m not buckled” Aaaahhhhh!! But in my defense DH usually got her in and ready since her seat was on his side. So I totally blamed him for that one.
Ever since I make sure to check though. Especially now with two in the car, I turn around and double check before pulling away. Just call it a life lesson & keep moving on.
You really are a late bloomer
I did this in the early spring of 06 (so when my son had an adjusted age of about 2 or 3 months). It was his first outing after the doctor ordered “preemies stay at home and away from people i the winter” part had *finally* ended. We went to an outlet mall and were pushing him in the stroller, but he was fussing a bit, so we undid the straps on his infant car seat so that he could wiggle a bit and we could pick him up quickly if he needed to be held. Because the Bundle Me was still on the seat (early spring is COLD here), we didn’t notice when we snapped him back in the car that the buckles around him weren’t done! We discovered it when getting out of the car about a half hour later — after driving on the NYS Thruway (an extremely busy, fast moving toll road).
In high school, I took a two year old I was babysitting to the park. Just sitting in my back seat, buckled in to the car but in no car seat whatsoever. Yeah…I didn’t really know about that kind of thing then and she wasn’t verbal enough to answer when I asked if she needed a special seat. Oops! Her mom still doesn’t know!
You just uncovered a memory of me doing that to Fuller when we drove through Knoxville. We stopped at Happy Donald’s for dinner and then I set up the DVD player for his amusement on the rest of our journey South on I75. When we were heading down the interstate I realized Fuller was standing up in front of his seat to get a better look at the screen. It was then I had to pull over and buckle him in. I was mortified.
I forgot to buckle one of my sons once, and furthermore, when he tried to tell me about it, I asked him to PLEASE stop WHINING. Then I understood what he was saying.
I have read many of these “OMG UNBUCKLED” stories on the fabulous internets and as such have so far avoided this particular parenting milestone… I ALWAYS triple check.
But banging her head on the doorframe as I lift her OUT of the car? INTERNET, YOU DID NOT WARN ME.
I have never felt so horrible as I did hearing those wails… I joined right in.
Been there, done that. Twice. I am not going to admit the worst thing I have ever done. But I will tell you that Dub suffered no ill effects, was too small to notice, and it was only for a few minutes.
But the guilt? IS STILL KILLING ME, ALMOST THREE YEARS LATER.
well I guess the good thing is that you aren’t the first…and you won’t be the last!!!
Totally off-topic, but I had to share.
Does it mean that I’ve been reading your blog too much (or that I, too, am a bad parent for perusing blogs while I should be parenting) when my 2 year old son walked over to me while reading this post, pointed, and said NikkiZ! blue shoes! Apparently you’re family now. Hehe.
OMG! Saturday I was driving on a four lane road. I signaled to turn left and a vehicle in the opposite lane was turning left so I couldn’t see if someone was coming in the outer lane. I slowly crept forward and didn’t see anybody and went for it. And of course out of nowhere a car was coming in that lane! I pressed the gas and got out of way in time, with the other car’s blaring it’s horn at me of course…and felt guilty all day! My 11 year old was sitting on the passenger side and all I could think about all day was how if we would have gotten hit, it would have been on his side. So…I know exactly how you feel!!!!
I know how you feel. About a month ago we realized that our three year old daughter had been riding around for a WEEK in a car seat that was just sitting on the back seat – not attached at all. I almost had to sit down on the driveway I was so scared of all the things that could have happened…luckily it had all been fine, but the guilt is still there!
I know, I hear you. Blogs didn’t really exist when my kids were little, so I can’t really imagine the catharsis of sharing those inevitable screw-ups, although I’m sure it’s helpful. My only concern or worry is that some women go too far in the other direction, falling back on the self-deprecating shtick until it solidifies into something like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The reality is that good mothers make dumb mistakes sometimes — our conceptions of motherhood have to be elastic enough, generous enough to encompass that truth. Guilt can be addicting, and it diminishes our ability to function as active, engaged, fully present parents. I don’t like the negative energy that some mommyblogs emit (not you) — the whole neurotic, always-falling-apart Lucille Ball thing is only one sliver of the whole picture, and to my mind, it’s a belittling, condescending view of the profound, primal, messy, contradictory truth of motherhood.
There I go, blogging in your comments again!
sorry! And don’t be so hard on yourself, kid.
I locked my kiddo in the car in the summer in PHOENIX with all the windows up. Uugh. This was also before we had a cell phone and I had to find a neighbor that was home to call the fire dept. for me.
Nope, I win the Mother of the Year award, because on the few occaisions that has happened to me, I turn it around and BLAME MY KID for it.
Kid: “Mom, you forgot to buckle me in!”
Me: “I was testing you to see if you would tell the adult with you to make sure you’re buckled, and you failed, kiddo! Next time, tell me as soon as I get in the car!” Yeah, I wasn’t testing them. I just suck like that, and don’t have issues about lying to my kids. Mother of the Year, baby!
When you post pictures of NikkiZ, it’s like I am UNABLE to leave a comment without saying how freaking adorable she is.
I have not buckled in Sam at least twice before… once I buckled him into the carrier, but didn’t attach it to the car in any way. Oops.