Dresses Sometimes Make Things Better
NikkiZ’s school put her in the 3-to-4 year preschool class when I came back from maternity leave. They knew they’d be moving her up in a few months, so they thought it would be easier to just avoid that drama and put her in it now. Which – makes TOTAL SENSE. I have no complaints with the logic or the decision from an educator standpoint. She is capable of being in the class, it would be easier on her, so why not?
BUT —
She’s so TINY. Some of those kids are almost four. That’s a huge difference. That’s old. So, from a parent’s position? A position that wants to protect her child from any conflict even if she must learn to deal with it eventually anyway? I’m struggling.
She came home from school in the beginning saying that they call her Baby – because she’s so small compared to them. She kept saying, “I’m not a baby!” You could tell that really bugged her. “I’m a BIG girl.” Luckily, that part seems to have curbed now that they know her name, but it does come up periodically and it still really peeves her.
Another thing that bugs the over-protective mother in me: Whenever I come pick her up, she is only playing with other kids if it’s some sort of group activity that the teacher is leading. If it’s free play? She’s by herself. Every time. She hasn’t made any friends in this class yet. I know that part will get better as her old friends from the other class trickle in. And honestly? It doesn’t seem to bother her too much. But, I’ve seen her approach the other kids and they tend to ignore her. While she just brushes it off, it kinda pains me a bit.
(Sidenote: No need to discuss any sort of options at daycare, I firmly believe this is something she and I need to learn to cope with. I’m just venting. It’s part of life that sometimes you don’t fit in. If she can’t cope now (and really it’s me having trouble coping, not her) then junior high will kill her.)
Lately she has been talking a lot about how the other girls always wear dresses, “Can I wear dresses too sometimes?” Since there’s not a whole lot I can or want to do about the other situations, I thought I could at least get her some dresses to wear to school.
Since we don’t go to church – we don’t usually buy dresses. I know there are no laws saying you can only wear dresses to church, but I have a hard time undoing that mentality. In my head, dresses are bought for (a) church or (b) special occasions. I know that seems beyond silly. Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t she wear dresses just for the hell of it? It’s not like we spend good money on dresses (Less than $10 at Target, $2 at Goodwill) so why can’t she wear them whenever she wants?
So, we bought her a few dresses. Nothing spectacular, just cotton t-shirt type dresses. She’s very excited about wearing them to school this week. We even got her tights to go under them in case it’s a little chilly. I don’t know, maybe it’s pandering to the girls who will always be there to make her life hell. The ones who will mock her no matter what she wears. Maybe I should have taught her to just deal with it now to make the later years easier.
But — I just couldn’t say “no” to this smile.
If it makes you feel “any” better, I work in a preschool with 3-4 year olds, and the 3 year olds rarely play “together”. They will play along side each other or at the same table, but it’s more by accident, and it’s rarely intentional or interactive. By 4, they start playing together more.
Aww, she looks so happy. I don’t think it’s pandering to the other kids if it’s genuinely making her happy. And it’s such a small thing, too.
I think many little girls (not all, but a lot of ‘em) go through a phase when they prefer dresses. A year or two ago, you’d see the high school wrestling coach’s daughter (4-ish?) in very princessy dresses at tournaments and duals.
I dressed my daughter in dresses quite a bit when she was that age. IIRC, there were lots of cute mix-and-match tunic/leggings outfits, too. At some point, probably in early elementary school, she stopped wanting to wear dresses because of the whole people-might-be-able-to-see-my-underwear fear, since she was the type to want to play on the monkey bars. So we had a phase of dresses only if she with shorts underneath (otherwise pants or shorts). That makes tights a good choice under dresses anyway.
A new dress often makes me feel better, gives me a little oomph to take on my day.
Audrey moved into the preschool class (3-4) right after her 3rd birthday. She’s small. Some of those kids are coming right up on 4. She came home multiple days saying no one played with her. I died a little inside. So, I hear ya. But the silver lining? NikkiZ can march to her own drum, she doesn’t need other people entertaining her.
She looks adorable in that dress. The smile totally makes it worth. It is so hard to be a mom! We want what is best for our children, but it is so hard to know what best is. You are doing a great job as a mom.
ThePrincess was all about wearing dresses at that age too. One of her favorites was a green & blue tartan plaid number that was similarly styled to those the girls wore at St.School; now she hates her uniform and can’t wait to get to St.HighSchool so she can wear pants every day.
ohhh those are precious pictures!!! She will be the belle of the daycare now!!
Aww! Cute dress! Babygirl LOVES dresses – she’d rather wear dresses every day than wear anything else. I’m not sure why – it’s not like all the girls at her preschool wear dresses. She just loves them for some reason. Wait until it’s time for play makeup and Barbies!
Arun moved to the “big” classroom this fall and yes, *I* have been the one mentally challenged by it. Not him. So many kids! Mostly bigger than him! He is still just a BABY! No? Um, no. Sadly so. *sniff*
The dress with the tights? Too cute! Your husband in the background with a beer and long, lovely locks? Even better. *wink*
The dress is adorable, but that smile is priceless.
Perhaps, having alone play time will help her become independent.
School can be tough sometimes, but independent play can be good for a child.
The dress? I saw it at Target yesterday and was going to get it because it is too cute but they didn’t have 2 of the same size…ah, life of a mother of twins. I will have to keep a check on it.
The smile? Priceless!
I love dresses for how easy they are. One piece, on and done. Also, they tend to go on good clearances: even if everything else is gone from the racks there’ll still be cute dresses.
The thing that jumped out at me was the playing thing… my almost four year old only just started playing with other kids, real interactive play, in the last few months. He has a friend who is a year younger, and they have the hardest time b/c Luke just wants to play (by himself or beside Fuller) and Fuller wants Luke to play shopping or good guy/ bad guy. It will come, promise.
I love the dress too! I don’t have a daughter (don’t know if the one cooking in my belly is a daughter) but I think putting girls in dresses is just a nice thing to do. Not all the time, but every once in a while. It is a testament to your parenting she asked to wear some dresses.
I’m super sensitive about my kid feeling left out. If a dress would help her confidence I’d be all over it.
I taught gymnastics to kids 3-12 (mostly my classes were 3, 4, and 5′s). We often had new 3′s join our classes and learn to adapt to the new environment and older kids there were always a few rough spots in the very beginning and then smooth sailing for all.
3′s are known for parallel play (like Bev said). It’s perfectly normal, but it seems that there is a bit of a struggle making the transition and learning how to join in/ask to play with other kids. Sometimes feelings get hurt, but it’s a great opportunity to discuss things with your daughter and learn to not take it personally. Eventually it will all be a memory.
That is so funny you posted that today. My daughter has been wearing her smocked Sunday dresses to her public pre-school. At first I resisted the tantrums, but we have to be there at 7:30 a.m. I just can’t fight the battle anymore. Truthfully? We miss church so much, I am just glad they are being worn.
My 2.5 yr old ALWAYS wears dresses (she calls them her “pretty dress”). I have to beg her to wear shorts, and even then it’s capris, not shorts. Rarely is she ever not in a dress, which is totally opposite of her big sister. But for some reason, her big sister had lots of dresses in size 2T to hand down to her. She’s worn dresses since about April or so. I’ve learned to buy the Target dresses that are comfy and not fluffy and frou-frou. NikkiZ’s dress looks great on her.
Can I just say that I think it’s awesome that she brushes it off? NikkiZ understands that persistence pays off-at the age of 3! Took me years to learn that. Smart girl. Looks adorable in that dress, too.
I’m glad to hear the approach you are taking to this. As a teacher at a daycare in the same age room NikkiZ is in I see this all the time. Glad to see there are well rounded mothers out there who would rather vent on the internet than throw a fit at the teacher.
..no I’ve never been on the receiving end of that vent…nope…not me…..
And dresses help everything!! When she’s a teenager makeup will help everything.
My heart breaks a little bit every day when I go to pick up my 2-year-old at day care because of the EXACT SAME THINGS. They let the 2, 3 and 4-year-olds share the playground from about 4 p.m. until their parents come to get them, and on more than one occasion, I have found the older kids calling my sweetheart a “Baby” and “Poopie pants” or “Pee-pee pants” (She’s not potty trained yet). This hurts her feelings and makes me want to punch them (I don’t). She is also small for a 2-year-old, so she’s MINUTE next to the 4-year-olds. And for a long time, she didn’t play with the other kids either, and sometimes she is still sitting off with the teachers when I get there. But I am learning to deal, and I think it will get better. Thanks for sharing that it’s not just me and R.
When I was little I wouldn’t wear anything but dresses or skirts except one pair of purple corduroy overalls. Oh, and something on my body by God better have been pink or purple or heads would roll! It’s good that NikkiZ is both willing to wear dresses and not insisting on them at all times no matter what…If she looks cute and feels comfortable, who cares? And she asked to wear a dress, but it’s not like the other little girls said to her, “If you wore dresses we would play with you.” (I assume. Holy hell, that would be terrifying if that did happen at that age.)
Now, I still wear dresses. Most days. Anywhere and everywhere. The people that see me a lot are used to it, but sometimes I see someone outside my regular circle and i get the “Why are you so dressed up?” I’m just more comfortable in dresses. I hate pants. Also, like someone said above, it’s so easy, one piece and throw on flipflops and you’re out the door. I am dress girl. And I’m 25
I wanted that dress SO badly for Zoe. It’s adorable. I’m very annoyed at Target right now. That didn’t have a single cute simple t-shirt type dress in Zoe’s size this week (and I went back 2 times). Zoe would wear a dress like that every day if we had them!
She is SO cute! My best friend has a 6 year old girl who won’t put on a dress unless she is pleaded with at Xmas and Easter. They’re just so adorable when they wear those little dresses!
And in chimes the composition teacher, with the caveat that this is purely theoretical for me ’cause my first baby won’t be born for another 3 months. Kids are about 4 before they get to the story-making developmental phase, and most group play (shopping and good guy/bad guy are mentioned in one post) is largely based on story-making. So the group play might come as the story-making starts to come together.
She looks SO happy (not to mention cute!) in the dress; that’s some smile!
beanie is 3 and LOVES dresses and night gowns – i think it’s cuz it’s easier to go to the bathroom. i’m raising lazy children.