January 20, 2009
What? Mom without Coffee? That IS a nightmare!
For a brief, terrifying few minutes this morning, I thought my coffee maker was broken. I kept pressing “brew” and nothing was happening. I did it repeatedly, getting more and more anxious with each failed attempt. (What?) Finally, I decided to push it and walk away. Give it time to just decide to work. Which it eventually did. As I pondered that brief trip into the Coffee-Free Hell Dimension, I contemplated the other possible nightmare scenarios. (Of the non-serious variety, of course.)
Hell Dimension Scenarios
- Every time I pop open a can of Diet Coke and take a sip? It tastes like real Coke.
- Firefox stops giving me that squiggly red line under my mis-spelled words.
- No matter how often I brush my teeth, I still can’t get rid of my morning breath.
- My favorite jeans never make it out of the laundry room.
- That hangnail keeps coming back, seconds after I cut it off.
- All of my socks have holes in them.
- Chick-fil-A stops making chicken biscuits.
- All of the good pens in my house are replace with generic ballpoint Bics.
- Clogs get outlawed and I have to start wearing shoes with actual backs on them.
- No. Feed. Reader.
- Perpetual dog farts. Which, if you have a Boston Terrier? Then you can totally relate to how nightmarish that could be.
What are some of your nightmare scenarios? Excluding the obvious tragedies, of course.
This is cracking me up this morning, because at the top of your Hell Dimension Scenarios is something that would literally make me cartwheel around my front yard. If I opened a can of Diet Coke, and it tasted like REAL Coke? I would be so happy! I think an actual hell dimension scenario for me is that I go to Freebird’s Burritos after my doctor appointment this morning, and they be closed. I have been looking forward to eating one for the past 4 weeks.
I think that sock one is coming true for me. I need to shop
Bush isn’t really leaving office.
I’m with you on the squiggly red line.
I think these days my hell dimension would be that no matter how much sleep I try to get, I’m still tired. Oh, wait… that’s my real life these days. Riiiiight.
Losing power for a day – I would go crazy. For real. No TV or internet? Ugh!
Gmail opening just fine, but not letting me actually open my emails. Just staring at the subject lines until I go insane.
You know, my coffee pot freaked out last night. I get it ready at night so all I have to do is push the button in the morning. Well, I’m laying in bed sleeping last night and I hear “beep…. beep….. beep”. I think to myself, no way is it 5:30 am and the hubs has already turned on the coffee pot. Well, it was 11:15pm. So when I went to look, my coffee had brewed…. with noone out there to push the button. Another thing that was weird was that the timer for the warmer wasn’t on. It usually stays on for 1 1/2 hours to keep the pot warm. So this morning, I had to microwave my coffee. Why does creamer never lighten up microwaved/reheated coffee?
My Hell Dimension? My favorite bloggers stop blogging. I would be so B O R E D.
Oh, the boston terrier farts… ugh! I hear that.
I’m with you on the Diet Coke. There’s something just a little magical about that slightly metallic aftertaste. Love it!
My sister and her bf just got a Boston. I don’t think they realized how odorific he would be – they just bought him Beano for dogs, so hopefully it’ll cut down some on his smelly toots.
Spellcheck is broken.
Losing power. That 2002 black out scared me.
Coffee is outlawed.
People stop making cheese. I don’t think I could live in a world without cheese.
I *swear* I’ve had the hangnail nightmare occur!
You have got to be one of the funniest blog writers I read! I live in your city near Jones Valley and I am a Target shopper too. If I ever see you I will say hi! Take care! Oh by the way, mine would be no coffee AAAAHHHH!
Chick-fil-A stops making chicken nuggets! That would suck. OR, we run out of sauerkraut in our fridge. (Not sure why mine revolve around food…)
If McDonald’s stopped making french fries…I shudder to think!
I have another one, but it’s x-rated, so I’ll just keep that one to myself (you’re welcome).
I hear you on the Diet Coke one, but worse, if I took that first sip and it tasted like… PEPSI!
I thought of another that will become a reality tomorrow.
Moving to temporary workspace and not being able to take all of my stationery and pens with me. (I have two banker boxes full of writing instruments.
A few more:
A world without salad dressing. I don’t necessarily like salad as much as I like the dressing. Mmmm!
Garlic being banned.
Homemade garlicy croutons no longer allowed.
I could like without the regular Chik-fil-A chicken biscuit, but those little mini ones that come in the box are like crack. Don’t take those away from me!!!
i can’t believe tivo crashing isn’t on your list!!!
and one of my nightmare scenarios has sickeningly enough become my reality………NO CHICK-FIL-A!!!
Zoot! You disappoint me! Wouldn’t a hell scenario also include pulling up to a Krispy Kreme only to find they’ve gone out of business? BTW, Alaska finally has a Target now! Celebrate with me girl! woop woop!
Okay, this is so funny.
Also, I keep a tin of that instant, flavored, coffee mix (I think it claims to be cappuccinos or something, but it’s just gross instant coffee mixed with flavored creamer) in the house, just for emergencies such as hell dimensions.
Hahaha! I like your diet coke hell scenario. Have you tasted coke zero yet? Seriously… that stuff tastes like real coke… 10x’s better than the diet coke taste!
One morning my college roommate thought it would be funny to relocate the coffee maker to the other side of our very tiny kitchen. It was still in plain view, but the decaffeinated me didn’t know that! He then sat on the couch and laughed while I stumbled around looking for it. For, um, possibly a full ten minutes.
Other nightmares? Nope, that was it. I now have a don’t touch the coffee maker rule.
Banning Birkinstocks
Scrubs self immolating to be replaced by white nursing dresses! Ack! The horror.
all regular coke turns into pepsi(suicidal push)
Nursing school doesn’t end in August, they extend it by another 12 months…..EVIL!
That the conservatives get back into goverment in the next election. I will seriously look into emigrating to Canada if that happens.
The BBC loosing the liscense fee and having to put annoying ads between their radios shows.
Loved your diet coke and the holes in socks one! Guess that would fit me too.
I have all these things in my mind that I am craving for in NZ. My nightmare scenario would be if I couldnt have one or even all of these things! (if I ever have enough money to make it back to NZ)
**Fresh Cream Buns (none of this Mock stuff!)
**BBQ Bacon Double Cheese Burger from Burger King
**Goold old NZ fish and chips
**Jetplanes (getting into the lollies now)
**Pineapple Lumps
**Snifters
**Sparklers
**Maggi Dip (the BEST dip in the world)
Oh dear…. Its bad that all my wants are food related!
Wow… My spelling in that post was terrible! Blame it on my morning brain would-ya?
Mmm, Diet Coke! Yum.
I think mine would be my laptop dying (or is that an obvious tragedy?) or running out of hair conditioner.