Dear Emmie,
It’s very hard to be young and pregnant. You are at a difficult point in your life facing tough decisions. I will not presume to know what’s best for you – so I’ll just tell you my story.
I was 18 and terrified and knew absolutely nothing about being a grown-up, much less a Mom. I am now a very proud mother to a very wonderful 14-year old who I often declare is my best friend.
But it wasn’t easy.
I entered into a marriage with the father that ended when our son was around 4. During my son’s early years I went to college. It was tough, even with help from my Dad. I had to use government assistance. I racked up student loans and credit card debt. I slept very little staying up late to work on projects and homework since caring for my son didn’t allow for that during the day. I struggled in finding myself as an adult and as a Mom in a new world I was not prepared for.
And I wouldn’t change a thing.
My son and I are so very close because in some ways we grew up together. He also has a lot of unique experiences from his childhood. He remembers spending the night in the computer lab at my college. A building he called “The Castle”. While I was stressed and anxious those nights, he thought they were adventures. I was amazed at how understanding my professors were and I was even lucky enough to have some who didn’t mind if I had to bring him to class occasionally. He has already experienced college, long before he’ll be there as a student.
After graduating from college I settled into a normal life with a 9-5 job as he started elementary school. Since thing I’ve remarried and have given him a brother and sister who he adores. (Full disclosure: They like him better than me.) He and I still do things alone, because that bond is still so strong. We read a lot of the same books and watch a lot of the same shows. He is very much my best friend.
After 8th grade graduation.
I just wanted to share my story with you. It’s a struggle to find a good rhythm and a good situation as a young single Mom. But the rewards are plentiful. I assure you. I would not change one thing and I am a better person because of my son.
Kim
Thank you Roberta for the link.
Also? LilZ is leaving me for a week. *sob* What am I going to do? My 2 smaller kids don’t like me as much as they like him. They’ll revolt!
I’m bawling here. Well done, Kim, well done.
God, Kim. You are knocking them all out of the ballpark this week. And you claim to have no Internet connection.
I would like to say again, how much my mom and I loved seeing you and LilZ interact. It was so obvious there is a close bond there.
Sometimes, I am very afraid of the teenage years, but I am glad that I have you and my friends Tari and Tammy to look to as role models. All three of you take an ACTIVE interest in your children’s lives (reading the books, watching the TV, LISTENING). I think this is key. I see so many parents who belittle their child’s interests because yeah, most of them are silly, but so were OUR interests when we were children.
When I took Arun to see Up, I thought of you and LilZ and your mother’s day tradition. And made plans to steal it for my own someday.
Thank you for sharing this story.
P.S. You will never get me to admit I cried. Never. I am made of stainless steel.
Wow, I’m crying here. (Someone’s chopping onions again, I guess…) That was so touching!
I too left a message, and while I was not a single mother, I was a mom at a very young age. I told her that she’s already a great woman in looking to the knowledge of others to help her to make the right decision for herself and for the child growing within her.
Thanks for bringing me to tears this morning. I wish this young woman grace in making her decision. Thanks to you, she will have plenty of thoughts and prayers on her side.
My mom had me at a young age and, although she married my father, pretty much raised me on her own when I was a baby (and then after they divorced when I was a toddler). Reading your stories about raising LilZ as a young mother always makes me realize and appreciate what my mom went through, because she doesn’t really talk about that time in her life herself.
that is just beautiful. very beautiful. I am lucky as my parents are young parents. Mom was pregnant with my sister at 16. I followed for her at 18. They are still married, and it wasn’t easy for them. I can’t imagine how it would have been if they didn’t have each other, it had to be triple that hard to do it alone.
This was very moving. You are an excellent writer. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Beautifully written. My sister was 19 when she was faced with the same situation. That “situation” is now 21 and rocking our world. Even though it was incredibly difficult for my sister, none of us can imagine a day without that great kid in it.
Thanks, Zoot. Think I’ll call my nephew just to say ‘I love you.’
Awwwwww… you two are the best.
My mom was 20 when I was born and I remember how much I loved having a young, playful mom. She let a lot of things roll, always was there for me, and is now enjoying being a grandma — goes on all the field trips, plays and plays.
Thanks for being supportive of young moms — they get so much grief from the older moms, sometimes.
I don’t usually comment (I think I’ve commented like 2x prior to this, or even just once). Anyways, I love reading your posts because you tell it exactly like it is. This is another one of those prime examples of that.
This is beautifully written, and I hope it helps someone, anyone.
And *w00t* that you consider your son your best friend. I hope and pray I have that relationship with mine when they get older.
What a beautiful post. I think that your boy is AMAZING, and that’s because of you. I totally want to hang out with both of you!
Beautiful.
This is a beautiful post and thank you thank you for sharing your story with us. My youngest sister had her first child very young and they are so close, Their relationship spreads joy all over the rest of us too. Thanks again!
I really enjoyed reading this post, especially after reading the article that prompted it. I think you’ve done a great job being a mom, student and professional. And I hope AndyZ and NikkiZ don’t overthrow you and Mr.Z while LilZ is gone.
I love this wonderful story. I beleive it will help alot of young people coping with the same struggles. Keep the faith and stand strong.