What a truly exhausting weekend! I’m still walking a little oddly thanks to the most AWESOME hike ever. I imagine I’d we walking the same if I had ridden a horse all weekend. My ass hurts SO BAD. I no know that if I ever wanted a really firm butt, I’d need to do nothing more than walk straight UP for 3.5 miles carrying a kid on my back. Evidently doing that really works the glutes.
Speaking of my ass…
Man. I really wish I had something funny to say here. I just liked the idea of using that as a segue. Unfortunately, I have no Kim’s Ass story to follow it. So, now I’m in a situation when I need another segue. To ease me into the real blog entry. And I have NOTHING. So, I’ll use that wonderful divider concept that a lot of bloggers uses signifying a different entry concept all together.
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(Nice.)
So, LilZ babysat for the first time a few weeks ago. He watches the kids often while we do things around the house, and he takes care of his sister a lot when she doesn’t want to run errands with me. But, taking care of a baby who needs diaper changes? He had never done until a few weeks ago. He ended up babysitting his brother for the entire day. There are two things I want to say about that:
1) We had a few shocked reactions from people who, I guess, maybe don’t know us and LilZ that well. Because, I don’t think there could be a better babysitter in the world. Yes, until that day he had never changed a diaper. But that’s the easy part! Keeping a baby from crying is way harder than changing a diaper. But also? I don’t think anyone would even blink an eye if he was a 14-year old GIRL. It is assumed that all 14-year old girls could babysit. But boys? You have to justify the choice by saying things like, “He’s been caring for kids for four years as a big brother, he’s quite qualified.” Because – you know – boys are born without even knowing what a baby is, while girls are born with CPR certification. I know women in their twenties that have never changed a diaper, and I know female teens older than LilZ that aren’t responsible enough to babysit. Yet, he faces the YOUNGER version of the same strange bias that has Father’s Who Actually Father being put on a pedestal instead of just being recognized as doing their JOB. Boys who care for kids? AMAZING! Men who play with their children? GIFTS TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE.
We are such a weird society.
2) I paid LilZ that day. For the first time. And since I’m certain to use him again (he came with good references) I’m trying to define that line where babysitting for his sibling is a job instead of just part of the responsibilities of being in this family. I don’t pay the kids to do chores, I feel like we should all just carry our weight. I put Taking Care Of His Siblings So I Can Do Things in that same category. But the day he babysat all day? He was truly helping us out. AndyZ had a fever the day before and wasn’t allowed back at daycare. We both had to work. I felt like that was a situation which I would have hired a babysitter if we had a regular one we used. So he deserved to be paid. I’m not sure how to define that solidly, however. I’m wondering if anyone else out there with the Older Sibling/Sitter situation every paid their kid? What were those circumstances? How did you define them? I don’t want to pay him all of the time, for sure, but I also need to recognize when he’s going above and beyond the typical sibling position.
Any suggestions?
I began being in charge of my sister when I was about 8. And I never got paid! Lucky LilZ.
However. I think you are doing the right thing by trying to separate the two – I resented watching my sister.
Now, when to pay him?? How about this – if it is a situation where you would pay someone ELSE, then you pay HIM. Obviously, you would have paid the daycare, right? If you go out for a dinner on a Saturday night, you would pay a babysitter then, right? But running an errand to the store while he stays home? Eh. Not so much.
I have lots of younger siblings and babysat them all through middle school, high school, college, basically until I had my own kids. I didn’t get paid too often. Most of it was my role as a part of the family. I usually got paid when babysitting meant that I had to give up my plans, or when it was all day, like what LilZ did. An average Friday night date for my parents when I wasn’t going to be doing anything anyway did not earn me money. Neither did babysitting for things my parents had to do for the family, like parent/teacher conferences or whatever.
Cagey’s hit it right on the head, I think. If it is important enough that you would pay someone else for it, it’s important enough to pay him. It seems fair!
And for the record, I’m 33 and I’ve never changed a diaper… well, I did on my Cabbage Patch Doll when I was a wee one.
I got paid to watch my brothers in the summer while my parents were at work or when my parents went out at night. During the course of normal days? Not so much.
My middle brother babysat a lot when he was tween and teen, and you’re right– people did think it was odd but would have never questioned a girl.
WTG LilZ and I think it is perfect to pay him to babysit while you guys are out for an extended time!!! And i wish as the mom of 2 young boys there were more male babysitters out there because my two respond better.
We paid our 14 year old the first few times that we had him watch the little one. Then we all realized that it was worth a great deal to him to NOT have us hire an adult to stay with both kids (really, only for the little one) and that was payment enough. I know your situation is a little different because I haven’t heard of you hiring someone while LilZ was also in the house. But think of it that way, how much would LilZ think his style was being cramped if you had a sitter in the house while he was home…
I’d definitely say that he should be paid whenever he’s the only one home with one or both of the kids for any significant amount of time. Like, if it’s over an hour, then he should be paid.
I’d also recommend talking to him about it to see when he thinks its fair to be paid!
I was babysitting at a young age. I don’t see why some people think it is odd for a boy to be a babysitter. When I was younger I remember one maybe two boys that came to sit my sister and I. As long as we are safe, what is the big deal?
I think paying to help out babysitting is a good thing, for all day events or a long evening. You would be paying somone, most likely to be doing that anyway. If it is for a trip to the grocery store and you are gone for less than an hour? Nope. That is just a big brother being a big brother.
I babysit a lot, being single, childless, and I don’t have a “going rate” yesterday I babysat for an hour. I didn’t want or take any money for that. Dad had a gig, and needed to leave before Mom came home from hers. Someone needed to stay with the boys. For longer times, I will take money if offered. But I don’t ask or expect it. Unless I need cab money, I think that is a fair trade.
Growing up I was the older sibling. I was 12 years older than my youngest sibling. I got paid when I had to give up something else in order to babysit, which I never did because I was always watching her. After school I’d get off the bus at her daycare and walk her home…every day, so yeah, no life after school. No after school activities, no sports, because I had to go home on the bus to pick her up from daycare. Now I feel I was taken advantage of a little, because now I know better.
There’s a line between expecting them to help out as part of being a family and paying them for what would be considered working. I have several years before I need to cross that bridge so I’m interested in hearing how you solve this one.
My brother was ten years younger than me, so I babysat a lot growing up. I never really felt like I was taken advantage of, so my parent’s must have walked that line really well, but honestly, I don’t remember.
I got paid sometimes, and others I didn’t. I think a lot of it depended on our family’s financial situation. Sometimes, they couldn’t afford to pay me, even if they wanted to. In that case, I was helping out my family and I really quite enjoyed it.
I think one of the things that made it easier is that it wasn’t a chore, or something that it was assumed that I would just do. They always asked. They always stressed how it would really be helping them out. If I had plans, they would make other arrangements or figure something else out.
I pay sometimes, and sometimes not. My usual criteria is that if I am doing something I have to do for the family, like errands or dr. appt. or something, I do not pay. If, however I am doing something for fun, like lunch with friends, or a night out, then I pay.
I think your instincts are right–pay him if you have to pay someone else, or for a significant chunk of time– but I second the suggestion to talk it over with him. Consider it good training for when he has to negotiate wages in a real job.
Also, in regards to #1, my personal pet peeve is when fathers are referred to as “babysitting” their kids. It’s not babysitting if it’s your own children, you morons. It’s called being a father. Man, that one just makes my hair stand on end.
It seems the general consensus is that for longer, or for-fun type stuff deserves some type of compensation, and quick errands and for-the-family type stuff doesn’t warrant it. I guess I’ll jump on that bandwagon. I’m curious to see if you’ve talked to LilZ about it though, and what he thinks. Oh, and I’m in my mid-20s and haven’t changed a diaper since I was 6 or 7 and my youngest brother was still in diapers…I’m sure it’ll catch up with me one day!
I was 12 when my brother was born, and my parents just assumed that I was a built-in baby sitter. They never paid me a dime! Sure, there were times when it just made sense for me to take care of him as his sister(and besides that, I like him) but it made me so nuts that my mom required me to be home at 8 am every Saturday to watch my brother because it was convenient for her. Friday night sleepovers were a real bummer for me.
It sounds like you’ve got the right philosophy though.
My 14 year old is paid for babysitting when the parents are working. When they are going out for fun she babysits only if she wants to.
I have a fourteen year old son and a four year old son. I do not pay him for little things like me running to Publix or while I am cleaning but my husband and I go out 3 nights a week for an hour each to exercise and I pay him $10 a week to reserve that time for us. I think if you schedule them to have that time open for you or are going to be gone for an extended period, I would pay. I also do not pay for him keeping Will while we go out for a bite or to a movie, but he usually will offer to do it for free if he is not busy. He is a great kid and a wonderful sitter if for no other reason than his brother WORSHIPS him!! If he keeps Will alot for awhile for free, I will either buy him a new video game or do something special for him and tell him it is because he is such a good big brother.
My 12 year old son baby sat his 6 year old brother while my husband and I went out to dinner with friends. Just once so far. We paid him and we told him he is in charge and is being paid to keep his brother entertained and safe.
I think it’s great you pay LilZ for going above and beyond the call of duty. I’d actually wondered if he ever babysat for you, as he certainly seems mature enough to handle it. How stupid that people think it’s weird or special because he’s a boy.
And yes, dads taking care of their kids? NOT babysitting. That burns my ass too.
Yep, have to agree that one of the big things, before money comes into the picture is ASKING and not ASSUMING. That was a big issue with my folks and me — being 10 years older than my sis, I was (like others have mentioned) the built-in babysitter. It was always the understood that I was the one to be home with my sister when M & D wanted to go out; I picked her up from school and helped with homework and started dinner and laundry; I spent my summers watching her while M & D worked. It was never “if I didn’t have any other plans,” it was “you’ll have to change/cancel your plans” which led to a lot of resentment. (Which my parents will never admit that maybe they put a bit too much burden on me… and wonder why I still treat my sister as my own child, sometimes.)
Anywho – yes, if you would otherwise hire a babysitter in that situation, then LilZ deserves payment. It doesn’t always have to be monetary; sometimes, for shorter things like Saturday morning errands or a little while after school, letting him decide what restaurant to go to for dinner, or input on bedtime, picking the next movie, etc. can also be just as rewarding as the cash.
Oh! And offer to help him set up a saving account at the bank, if he doesn’t already have one — the earlier, the better!
I agree with the above comments – ask LilZ what he thinks, ask him to babysit when it is more a job-type-thing (don’t just assume he will), etc. As a single mom, I would love to find a male sitter for my daughter so she could spend some time around a caring male.
The canyon hike story made me feel ill. If that was me, I would have sat on a rock and cried and refused to move. And I probably would have died. You are crazy and amazing for making it back to the top. Please don’t do that again, K? Srlsy.
I don’t have direct experience in this situation, but I think you are on the right track. My basic opinion is that if you were going to hire a babysitter anyway, you should pay him. If it’s just watching them so you can run to the store, or make dinner, or have an hour to do whatever, that’s part of helping. But if it’s watching the kids all day, or for more than a couple of hours in the evening I think it’s reasonable to pay him.
I’m with Alias Mother too, I CANNOT STAND when dads (or moms) say they have to ‘babysit’ their kids. It’s called being a parent. Sheesh.
LilZ is awesome.
I babysat for my brother growing up, and any time my parents left me alone with him at the house, they paid me. Whenever they stayed at home and just had me watch him, it was considered a chore. The rule was that if they would’ve hired a babysitter (like nights they went on dates), I would get paid, because I was working for them like any other responsible teenager. I just HAPPENED to be babysitting kids I was related to.
LilZ is the kind of brother and son anybody would want to have. Its so cool to see a blog where a mom gets to spend more time complimenting than complaining, especially about a teenage boy! Props to LilZ :]
I have no suggestions as far as setting a pay rate or when & how to implement it, but wanted to chime in about the folks looking at you like you’ve sprouted a third eyeball when you tell them your BOY babysits. I don’t really know why people would consider that weird, but they do. My oldest son is much better with children than I am, and I think he’d be a wonderful and fun babysitter.
I used to baby sit my sisters kids very regularly when I was Lilz’s age. I didn’t get paid, and I didn’t mind it as usually I was staying at her place and she was feeding me, but my sister used to reward me occasionally with a small item of clothing or a visit somewhere. I don’t think its weird that teenage boy baby sits his brothers and sisters. Kind of natural I would have thought?
P.s. My nephews are almost all grown up now. Nephew number one (eldest one) came to visit this weekend with his lovely girlfriend. It was awesome spending time with them both and I was reminded how lucky I was to spend so much time with him when we were both younger and formed a relationship, as after I graduated college and got a job I wasn’t around as much as I would have liked (we live in different cities). Having that time together meant we are still comfortable which each other.
I think you’re on the right track here. Payment for those times in which you would be paying someone else to do the job, as well as asking versus assuming seem to be the keys. I’m watching and learning since DS is 10 and DD is not quite two. A few more years and I’m hoping to find that good balance as well. Kudos to LilZ for a job well done!