Comments on: sigh Being a Grown-Up is Hard

By: jen @ negative lane

jen @ negative lane — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:09:44 +0000

Yeah, it’s hard when it’s your kid that did something wrong, especially when the situation isn’t as black and white as the other party makes it seem.

Last year we had a situation where Monk was a biter at daycare. My kid, a biter! (Okay, I can actually kind of see that. Anyway…) In that situation, daycare has the policy not to tell the parents of the bitten who the biter was, but — and this I do NOT agree with — they don’t even tell the biter’s parents. However, at age 3 they can rat each other out. We were lucky that he bit his best friend one of the times (umm, that came out wrong…), and not only did his best friend tell us but also he confessed, so we were able to address the issue at home.

It sounds like your approach is similar to what ours was, and therefore I obviously agree with it (even though I know you didn’t ask for advice). Also, as a teacher myself, it sounds like you’re doing a great job. Let it be known that in situations like this, teachers know that there is hardly ever one side that it purely innocent. What you say about button pushing is very true.

Good for you for being so grown up about it. Me? I’d probably have bitten the other mom.

By: Jana

Jana — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:46:49 +0000

I wanted to respond to you yesterday, but I was not sure what to write. This type of situation can be so tough!

I have similar stories as I have a 8 year old & a 2 year old who both have had problems with being the bully & being the victim. We faced this type of situation when my 8 year old was 2, & lasted until she was 4-1/2, almost 5. She was a biter which turned into a hitter – she was the bully. We sent her to an affluent preschool w/plenty of SAHMs to volunteer & Junior Leaguers in the classrooms. So, parents knew who was the biter or the hitter – my child.

I know you did not ask for advice or help. I think your parenting style of addressing & punishment is right on. Nip this in the bud now – the girls will likely end up best friends. Since the parent are involved, make sure to be your child’s advocate & stay strong. The teacher needs to be watching closely & monitoring this as well. With reinforcement from you at home & a great attentive teacher, the behavior will most likely stop. Hang in there!!

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 10:10:36 +0000

I’m so very sorry. I hope things are heading in the right direction for you all now.

By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 04:31:39 +0000

I have always liked your blog and generally agree with you. Yes, there are usually two sides to each story. Maybe this little girl’s parents are OVERLy sensitive. But please, do not let your child be the BULLY. Start early with her like you have, because you don’t want her to be ‘that kid’ that pushs all the other kids around. Nobody likes a bully!!

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:25:15 +0000

Those situations just suck. But you’re doing the right thing, giving NikkiZ direction and instruction while recognizing that sometimes two kids just rub each other the wrong way.

By: ladybughugs

ladybughugs — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:42:13 +0000

It must have been the night for feeling bad for our kids. Completely different situation for my Scout, but still, I wanted to cry.

Hang in there. Advocate for NikkiZ. Maybe if the teachers watch them a little more closely and step in if the girls need to be separated to ‘go to their corners’. Sometimes kids just get tired of playing so close to the kid next to them and lash out. Scout is always getting in trouble for responding, in kind, to his friends’ aggressions. (Pushing back when pushed, etc.) There is nothing wrong with you or NikkiZ and (hate to say it, but…) brace yourself, it will likely get worse over the next 15 years or so.

By: NG

NG — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:34:34 +0000

I think that you can to the right thing, the rational thing, the best thing for everyone, while still letting your child know you love and support her unconditionally. It sounds like you’re striking a good balance between those two in a sucky situation. Hugs.

By: stacey

stacey — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:15:13 +0000

That sounds like a good plan, you are taking the high road. Hopefully the other parents are seeing that as well. I hope things get better soon, and you ARE a great parent.

By: The Other Laura

The Other Laura — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:53:01 +0000

It is so hard to be reasonable, rational and grown up when it comes to our kids. Good for you!

By: Jonni

Jonni — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:34:33 +0000

I have no idea what I would do if Piper was in that situation. But from what I have read, Kim, you are definitely not a bad momma. And you definitely care about NikkiZ. You don’t want her to be a bully, but dammit, what if she NEEDS to be?
I mean, she’s in with the older kids, right? Is this one particular child bullying her, but in a less physically aggressive way? Is she antagonzing NikkiZ mentally? Are the teachers aware that it’s two sided?
There was a little boy in Piper’s class that I had to request NOT play with her (and I can tell you why some other time). I overheard his mom denying all allegations. There was no reasoning with her. But the school moved them away from each other at the tables and nap time. And things are MUCH better now!

Hang in there!!! Being a Grown-Up is hard and it does suck sometimes. But we get through it…and are stronger for it (sometimes!)

Comments on: *sigh* Being a Grown-Up is Hard