Comments on: The Spectrum of Free-Range Parenting http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/ misszoot.com - the mundane life of a horribly geeky mother of 3 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:32:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Amy Jo http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-756031 Amy Jo Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:19:59 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-756031 I'm with you. I want to be less anxious, but I just can't. There is a mom in our neighborhood who lets her 3 year old ride his trike around the block unaccompanied, and just the thought of that gives me hives. Maybe once they're a little bit older...Maybe. I’m with you. I want to be less anxious, but I just can’t. There is a mom in our neighborhood who lets her 3 year old ride his trike around the block unaccompanied, and just the thought of that gives me hives. Maybe once they’re a little bit older…Maybe.

]]> By: ladybughugs http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755829 ladybughugs Fri, 14 Aug 2009 03:39:36 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755829 My son turned 11 this week. I dropped him at the library a mile and a half down the road for about three hours, three afternoons. I talked to the librarians before doing so, not that they'd be responsible for him, but that they knew he was there, unattended by a parent. I gave him my cell phone with my number programmed into it in case he needed to reach me. THAT was a stretch for me. I see it as being my responsibility to protect my kids. We can't possibly teach our kids everything they need to know to keep themselves safe and not have them in our beds every night from the nightmares. Bad things can happen anywhere at any time. I think that by taking on the responsibility of keeping my kids safe I'm permitting them the freedom to be carefree. If I watch my kids like an overprotective mama bear then they don't need to be burdened as much by the fear of strangers and dangers lurking behind every cute puppy and they can enjoy the innocence of this time in their lives. My son turned 11 this week. I dropped him at the library a mile and a half down the road for about three hours, three afternoons. I talked to the librarians before doing so, not that they’d be responsible for him, but that they knew he was there, unattended by a parent. I gave him my cell phone with my number programmed into it in case he needed to reach me. THAT was a stretch for me.

I see it as being my responsibility to protect my kids. We can’t possibly teach our kids everything they need to know to keep themselves safe and not have them in our beds every night from the nightmares.

Bad things can happen anywhere at any time. I think that by taking on the responsibility of keeping my kids safe I’m permitting them the freedom to be carefree. If I watch my kids like an overprotective mama bear then they don’t need to be burdened as much by the fear of strangers and dangers lurking behind every cute puppy and they can enjoy the innocence of this time in their lives.

]]> By: Ashlea http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755618 Ashlea Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:56:59 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755618 I had helicopter patents as a kid. I hated it so much! This was so bad that I couldnt even go anywhere (eg a friends house after school) without a weeks notice first. HATE HATE HATE! Being an only child probably didnt help much either.... Anyway.. Between the both of you, you have a good parenting mix! I would love a free-range mum, and im sure your kids will appreciate your effort. (even if that only is when they are adult and have kids of their own :) I had helicopter patents as a kid. I hated it so much! This was so bad that I couldnt even go anywhere (eg a friends house after school) without a weeks notice first.

HATE HATE HATE!

Being an only child probably didnt help much either….

Anyway.. Between the both of you, you have a good parenting mix! I would love a free-range mum, and im sure your kids will appreciate your effort.

(even if that only is when they are adult and have kids of their own :)

]]> By: Lenore Skenazy http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755617 Lenore Skenazy Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:43:05 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755617 Hi! It's Ms. "Free-Range Kids" Lenore here, just saying: Bravo! I know it's sort of counter-intuitive in this "Adam"-ized age to let go of our kids and let them play, grow, fall and get up again. So it's no wonder that you're taking it slowly. But you ARE looking at the world a little differently, a little less as if we are all in the middle of the Adam movie, and that's great. No one is completely "Free-Range" -- or at least I should say, I'm not! Certain things still scare me (ask me about cars!) and I'm always re-setting the boundaries, too. So kudos to you for this honest essay, and honest evaluation of your outlook! -- L Hi! It’s Ms. “Free-Range Kids” Lenore here, just saying: Bravo! I know it’s sort of counter-intuitive in this “Adam”-ized age to let go of our kids and let them play, grow, fall and get up again. So it’s no wonder that you’re taking it slowly. But you ARE looking at the world a little differently, a little less as if we are all in the middle of the Adam movie, and that’s great. No one is completely “Free-Range” — or at least I should say, I’m not! Certain things still scare me (ask me about cars!) and I’m always re-setting the boundaries, too. So kudos to you for this honest essay, and honest evaluation of your outlook! — L

]]> By: Angie http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755540 Angie Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:39:11 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755540 I met John Walsh when I was 10 years old. My cousin was abducted and murdered, and he came to help out and support my aunt - even though his loss was still pretty fresh at the time. Needless to say, my childhood was squashed after that. Not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. Unfortunately, my children are raised in a modified version of the bubble I lived in. I can't help it. I've tried to let go - my husband is similar in thought to MrZ, but I can't. I've gotten a lot better though. I've had 6 kiddos, and the last three have enjoyed more freedoms than the first three. I'm older now, so maybe that helps. I t-r-y not to pass the fear that I lived with along to them, but I do preach about awareness and safety and stranger danger till I'm blue in the face. I will say that it's so much easier now with the first three though. They are all old enough for me to breathe easy about the whole bad stranger thing. That bothers me the most. I still bristle about driving and hanging out at The Shops and underage drinking and all that jazz - but that's all for different, normal reasons. I'm learning to deal with things like this - hopefully in a non-neurotic sort of way. In the end, I just hope I don't screw 'em up too much. I met John Walsh when I was 10 years old. My cousin was abducted and murdered, and he came to help out and support my aunt – even though his loss was still pretty fresh at the time. Needless to say, my childhood was squashed after that. Not allowed to go anywhere or do anything.

Unfortunately, my children are raised in a modified version of the bubble I lived in. I can’t help it. I’ve tried to let go – my husband is similar in thought to MrZ, but I can’t. I’ve gotten a lot better though. I’ve had 6 kiddos, and the last three have enjoyed more freedoms than the first three. I’m older now, so maybe that helps. I t-r-y not to pass the fear that I lived with along to them, but I do preach about awareness and safety and stranger danger till I’m blue in the face.

I will say that it’s so much easier now with the first three though. They are all old enough for me to breathe easy about the whole bad stranger thing. That bothers me the most. I still bristle about driving and hanging out at The Shops and underage drinking and all that jazz – but that’s all for different, normal reasons. I’m learning to deal with things like this – hopefully in a non-neurotic sort of way.

In the end, I just hope I don’t screw ‘em up too much.

]]> By: Swiggy http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755529 Swiggy Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:57:12 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755529 I guess you could say that I grew up being a "free-range" kid...in Brooklyn. The fact that I had so much freedom actually leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. It makes me feel like my parents didn't really care. At the age of 8, I was taking the city bus to and from school both (I even had to transfer, so it wasn't like my parents' put me on on one end and i got off at school at another - in fact, my parents' didn't even wake up in the morning to see me off). My oldest is only six, but I don't think I would dream of letting him do that in just a few short years. But I would probably let him walk to a friends house. My husband on the other hand... My husband grew up in a relatively small town (relative to Brooklyn anyway). He was also "free-range", but with parents who cared a lot more. He won't let our oldest go into bathrooms by himself at Chick-Fil-A - and that's like the safest fast food place around, right? So I think it has a lot to do with how we grew up. I'm trying to get my husband to let our son feel responsible for something, and he's trying to get me to understand that not everyone out there are good people. I guess we'll just have to see what kind of damage we've inflicted on our kids when they grow up, huh? I guess you could say that I grew up being a “free-range” kid…in Brooklyn. The fact that I had so much freedom actually leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. It makes me feel like my parents didn’t really care. At the age of 8, I was taking the city bus to and from school both (I even had to transfer, so it wasn’t like my parents’ put me on on one end and i got off at school at another – in fact, my parents’ didn’t even wake up in the morning to see me off). My oldest is only six, but I don’t think I would dream of letting him do that in just a few short years. But I would probably let him walk to a friends house. My husband on the other hand…

My husband grew up in a relatively small town (relative to Brooklyn anyway). He was also “free-range”, but with parents who cared a lot more. He won’t let our oldest go into bathrooms by himself at Chick-Fil-A – and that’s like the safest fast food place around, right?

So I think it has a lot to do with how we grew up. I’m trying to get my husband to let our son feel responsible for something, and he’s trying to get me to understand that not everyone out there are good people. I guess we’ll just have to see what kind of damage we’ve inflicted on our kids when they grow up, huh?

]]> By: Lane C http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755477 Lane C Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:18:02 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755477 I was at the lake today with my son 2.5. I was nursing my daughter in the shade about 25-30 feet away and he was about 25-30 feet away from the water. He would come back and forth between us and his trucks. A woman was staring him and I down like I was the most awful mom ever. But I could see him and get to him quick enough if needed and he understands his boundaries. So, I am not sure if I was in the wrong, but I felt comfortable. I guess when he is 3 next summer I will let him in the yard by himself, if we get a fence. Our neighbors have an aggressive dog and I have heard one too many of those types of stories. I guess I am on the fence post like a lot of others around here. I was at the lake today with my son 2.5. I was nursing my daughter in the shade about 25-30 feet away and he was about 25-30 feet away from the water. He would come back and forth between us and his trucks. A woman was staring him and I down like I was the most awful mom ever. But I could see him and get to him quick enough if needed and he understands his boundaries. So, I am not sure if I was in the wrong, but I felt comfortable.
I guess when he is 3 next summer I will let him in the yard by himself, if we get a fence. Our neighbors have an aggressive dog and I have heard one too many of those types of stories.
I guess I am on the fence post like a lot of others around here.

]]> By: Sara http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755402 Sara Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:33:17 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755402 When I was a kid, my brothers and I would walk to a mini-mart that was a good 5 blocks away by ourselves at the ages of 8, 6, and and 4! I don't frankly know what my mother was thinking since it wasn't that great of an area. When my son first started walking I was pretty paranoid about him wandering off. But he's really intuitive and I think he can sense that it makes me nervous so he almost never goes anywhere without checking in with me at first (he's the best 4 year old EVER!) We recently moved to a house on a family friendly cul-de-sac, and more and more I've been letting him play outside with the other kids without me hovering near by. He has VERY strict boundaries to stick to, and boy-howdy does he hear it if he breaks the rules. But I mentioned how he's the best 4 yo ever, right? Even when he's outside with his friends, he still pops in the house every 30 minutes or so just to say hi! I'm a very lucky mom! When I was a kid, my brothers and I would walk to a mini-mart that was a good 5 blocks away by ourselves at the ages of 8, 6, and and 4! I don’t frankly know what my mother was thinking since it wasn’t that great of an area.

When my son first started walking I was pretty paranoid about him wandering off. But he’s really intuitive and I think he can sense that it makes me nervous so he almost never goes anywhere without checking in with me at first (he’s the best 4 year old EVER!)

We recently moved to a house on a family friendly cul-de-sac, and more and more I’ve been letting him play outside with the other kids without me hovering near by. He has VERY strict boundaries to stick to, and boy-howdy does he hear it if he breaks the rules.

But I mentioned how he’s the best 4 yo ever, right? Even when he’s outside with his friends, he still pops in the house every 30 minutes or so just to say hi! I’m a very lucky mom!

]]> By: Brenda http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755400 Brenda Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:25:41 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755400 I'm definately not a free range Mom. My daughter is 8 and I still make her stay with me in stores. Occassionaly I will let her look at toys while I'm in clothing--next section over--but I can still see her. In our neighborhood I let her go to her friends but I do set limits on where she can go. This is something that my husband and I do not agree on. He says I'm over protective--and I may be but this is the only child I have or will ever have. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like I HAVE to protect her. Ughhh..it's hard being a Mom. I’m definately not a free range Mom. My daughter is 8 and I still make her stay with me in stores. Occassionaly I will let her look at toys while I’m in clothing–next section over–but I can still see her. In our neighborhood I let her go to her friends but I do set limits on where she can go. This is something that my husband and I do not agree on. He says I’m over protective–and I may be but this is the only child I have or will ever have. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I HAVE to protect her. Ughhh..it’s hard being a Mom.

]]> By: Pocklock http://www.misszoot.com/2009/08/12/the-spectrum-of-free-range-parenting/#comment-755398 Pocklock Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:30:17 +0000 http://www.misszoot.com/?p=5218#comment-755398 I grew up on 13 acres. There was no one around to steal us and even if there was, they'd have to FIND us first. But even with that upbringing, I have the EXACT same anxiety you do. I live in a relatively small, close knit community. We're very suburban. We can leave doors unlocked, keys in cars, etc. But I don't. My anxiety prevents me from doing it. And I get teased quite a bit by my husband and friends. They'll be all, "What are you worried about? That a deer is going to steal your car? That's all you have around here anyway. No one's going to take you/hurt you/steal the baby. It's not going to happen." My response, "UNTIL IT DOES!" When we visit my parents in the city I buckle my kid into the stroller so tight because I'm actually afraid someone is going to pick her up and run away with her. Ridiculous, right? But it's a real fear. We stand at those crosswalks a long time! Oh and putting kids in the car? Scares the crap out of me. Every day. I need an IV of attivan attached to my seat belt. So, long story short. I'm with you. Kids stay close. Until they're old enough to physically push me (and anyone else that comes near them) away. I grew up on 13 acres. There was no one around to steal us and even if there was, they’d have to FIND us first.

But even with that upbringing, I have the EXACT same anxiety you do. I live in a relatively small, close knit community. We’re very suburban. We can leave doors unlocked, keys in cars, etc. But I don’t. My anxiety prevents me from doing it. And I get teased quite a bit by my husband and friends. They’ll be all, “What are you worried about? That a deer is going to steal your car? That’s all you have around here anyway. No one’s going to take you/hurt you/steal the baby. It’s not going to happen.”

My response, “UNTIL IT DOES!”

When we visit my parents in the city I buckle my kid into the stroller so tight because I’m actually afraid someone is going to pick her up and run away with her. Ridiculous, right? But it’s a real fear. We stand at those crosswalks a long time!

Oh and putting kids in the car? Scares the crap out of me. Every day. I need an IV of attivan attached to my seat belt.

So, long story short. I’m with you. Kids stay close. Until they’re old enough to physically push me (and anyone else that comes near them) away.

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