I’ve written before about how the challenges of being a Stay At Home Mom, a Working From Home Mom, and Working Outside The Home Mom are all VERY DIFFERENT. All challenging in their own – very different – ways. I know this because I’ve had points in my life when I’ve done them all and finally – mostly by choice – settled on being a Working Outside The Home Mom. And a million other times I’ve said that working outside the home? Made me a better Mom because I had much more enthusiasm and patience during the short time I had with my kids than I would if I was around them all day.
So…when I got laid off? I found myself facing a conundrum.
Should I keep with the habits that made me a crappy Stay At Home Mom? Or should I try to be better since I didn’t have much of a choice at the time. Make the best of things while I had to. Still try to be the best Mom to my kids I could be, even if it was under circumstances I didn’t choose.
I think that’s why I started cooking. I needed something that I could show at the end of the day as being My Accomplishment. Partly because I was feeling a little useless but also so that I could still have something to focus on during the day that would take a few of the impatient hours away from me. I think that when I stay focused on my kids all day? That’s when I lose my patience and why I need to be working outside the home, but if I have some big challenge during the day to focus on: Cooking, Organizing, Creating – then they learn to entertain themselves periodically while I can then choose the OTHER hours to dedicate to my kids wholeheartedly: Crafting, playing, tickling. This technique is going well in terms of MY end. I’m condensing my patience and good parenting to more valuable chunks of time during the day. But AndyZ? Not handling it well.
Essentially…the entire time I’m cooking? He’s attached to my leg saying, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” And because I’m a sucker? I pick him up whenever I can and try to cook with one hand. There are times when this is not possible, so I put him down, and he starts with the, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” bit again. It doesn’t help if MrZ is there as he was last night…because AndyZ has also become a bit of a Momma’s boy. MrZ will chase him around to try to distract him and that works for about 5 minutes and then he’s back at my feet again, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”
I’ve tried sitting him in his high chair with snacks, crayons, stickers and sometimes CANDY. Anything to try to keep him occupied since playing with his toys by himself is never a consideration. These techniques work for about 12 seconds. And then he is actually climbing OUT of the chair (Have I mentioned he’s a monkey daredevil? He is.) trying to break his neck in order to get me out of the kitchen.
I keep hoping he’ll get used to it, start to accept that sometimes I cook and he has to play by himself but other times Mommy will play and we can get our snuggle time. But after several weeks of cooking? He’s still attached to my ankle, looking up at me with those dreadfully evil blue eyes. So, as soon as I’m done with knives or heat, I pick him up – making things worse, I’m sure – and continue cooking with him on my hip.
So – here’s my question to those of you Cooking Moms and/or Dads out there: Do you have a clingy child? How do you cook with said child? Do you adapt as I have or do you just avoid cooking when they’re at your feet and save it for times when they’re distracted or napping? OR…do you give them your sharpest knife and let them be in charge of cutting the onions? I mean…I know I don’t want to cut them.
I am a cooking mom and have been for years. Now that my kids are 3 and 5, I get a lot of cooking done. When my daughter was at that attached to my leg phase I just didnt cook a lot. We did a lot of easier dinners. When my daughter was under 2 I would wear her in the backpack while I cooked. She liked to be bounced so I would dance and bounce and march in my kitchen. It wasn’t easy but it worked for us for a while.
My son did the same thing from day one. I tried everything you’ve tried and nothing worked. I cleaned out a low cabinet and filled it with plastic measuring cups, rubbermaid, tupperware, etc. for him to play with and that would work for 5 or 10 minutes, then I’d have him hanging off my leg again AND a floor covered with plastic obstacles to avoid while cooking. I finally gave up and became the lame cook I am today.
Backpack carrier….just be careful. Or give him a lower cabinet with a bunch of tupperware, spoons, other kitchen stuff he can have, and let him play in there while you cook.
I’m almost exclusively a naptime cook here… or, as a last resort, I put Nick Jr. on in the other room.
If i absolutely have to, i can cook simple things with a kid attached to my leg, which is challenging, but doable as long as I work quickly.
Oh! And filling up the sink in the bathroom next to the kitchen with water and giving the kids cups and things. It’s another mess I have to clean up once i’m finished cleaning up the cooking mess… but it does keep them happy. When they were really little, i’d just put a pot of water on the floor for them to do this with…
I let my kids drive their trains through flour on the floor (it’s snow! or there’s been an accident at the flour mill) or pour lentils from one container to another. Playdough is another good distraction. Again, my kids like to drive things through it. And you can make your own if your kids prefer eating playdough to playing with it (there’s a peanut butter playdough recipe online).
But mostly I cook during nap time.
I have a 16-month-old who does the same as your little one when I’m in the kitchen. I open the bottom cupboard and let her play with the tupperware. If that doesn’t work, I just ignore her. It sounds mean, but after a few minutes she goes away and plays by herself and we’re both happy.
My youngest son is EXACTLY this way…and I LOVE TO COOK. So it does cause problems.
My secret?
I put a Tickle Spongebob app on my iPhone and I let him play it ONLY if he sits down and stops whining.
It works in 20 minutes spurts.
Other than that…he whines and I whine.
This toy, which Tony got for his first birthday, is the best kitchen savior EVER..
http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-C6327-Fisher-Price-Learning/dp/B000284X6W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1256825347&sr=8-1
We’re considering getting another one (they also have a farm and a kitchen) for another room of the house. He plays with it ALL.THE.TIME, and it’s kind of educational. Ours sits in our kitchen (which, admittedly, is larger than most kitchens), and he plays while I cook.
The only cooking I do is the minimal amount needed for dinner, but this also applies for doing anything in the kitchen like dishes because my daughter will stand at my feet and pull on my pants and throw a fit. I just put her in her high chair. She may not like it, in fact she doesn’t, but every chance I can I look over and make faces or surprise her with her with tickles. It’s better than trying to climb in the oven or pulling my pants down.
I’m just going to come right out and be honest and tell you that I have the worst patience with that kind of thing and one day I just about lost it. I was all “I….just….need…to…focus…on….this. STOP!”
What I ended up doing was putting a baby gate up on the kitchen and gating everyone but me out of the kitchen while I was prepping dinner. Even the older ones. I would say “There is too much going on out here, I don’t want to accidentally hurt you or burn dinner because I’m not paying attention – go find something else to do that is not in the kitchen for a little bit.” It took some adjusting on everyone’s part. But it has worked for us.
My son is very jealous of cooking time and would do the same thing. I would give him colors or playdoh and if he came over to me and started whining and hanging on me I would ignore him, which is NOT easy. But after a few days of this he would give up quickly and go back to his activity. If you cave and pick him up, he will know that he can wear you down and will keep on until you do. They are smart little suckers!!
My one year old does the same leg-clinging whining at my feet act when I cook. Sometimes he’s content to play in the kitchen with things I had him or to open drawers and play with lids. But other times he has to see what I’m doing. Luckily, his daddy can usually peel him off me and they go play. I do try not to pick him up much, but I’ve also started letting him stand on something next to the counter so he can see what I’m doing. This only backfires when he tried to put things into the mixer or starts throwing things off the counter.
I let them “cook” right along side with me, starting around 15 months they pull up a chair. They learn very quickly that the stove and oven are hot and the knives are sharp. For the most part they don’t get hurt. I just sound like a broken record while cooking, “That’s hot, if you touch it, it will hurt. That’s sharp, if you touch it, it will hurt.” (I don’t say don’t touch very often, it seems they listen better when I don’t say no). This is also a great way for them to eat veggies since they love to taste everything while they’re cooking. A lot of times I pull out the carrots or broccoli and let them cut it and it’s not even part of what we’re eating. That being said I still use Little Einsteins as a babysitter when my patience has worn thin.
Is he old enough to sit on the counter and “help?” I did this with my son pretty early on. He liked to add ingredients and stir and whatever else was age appropriate. After a bit he would get bored and want to get down. Then I could finish on my own. Now he is five and still likes to help in the kitchen. It’s a great skill for kids to learn.
I used to give Arun a pot and a spoon and few ice cubes so that he could “cook” alongside me. I also gave him extra bits of food to “cook” with, when possible – say green peppers, but obviously not raw chicken.
Another thing I used to do is all of the prep work during naptime. Then, when I began to cook, it was a just a matter of throwing everything in (however, the stuff I cook requires chopping, stirring, etc. Now sure how that works with White People American food. Heh.
Also, we do let our kids sit on the counter (opposite to the stove, of course). I was horrified when my husband began this, but you know what? Our kids have not fallen down ONCE. Not once. But sitting on the counter makes them happy because they are also involved.
I have loosened my fears of the kitchen a lot – the only exception is boiling water. My grandpa had a brother die during canning season when a pot of boiling water fell on him. When I have boiling water around, I am screechy mess – the kids know to avoid me now.
For the most part, I can keep the kids out of the kitchen. But that usually means putting up a gate and corralling them in the playroom. Lately Sam has been clingy and holds onto my leg. But I ignore him, lol.
I have to tell myself everyday that my accomplishment of the day was taking care of my child. That is the SAHM’s job. Your daycare provider wasn’t cooking and cleaning and doing laundry while taking care of your kids – I constantly have to cut myself a break in that department.
That being said, I love to cook, and have a weird obsession with meal planning. What works for us usually (because omg the leg hanging and the whining arrrrrrrgh!), is me doing prep work during naptime, like chopping, thawing, whatever can be done ahead. Then, at about 5:00, the Wonder Pets kick in – or, if I’m feeling guilty about TV, then I’ll give him a sponge and some soapy water and let him go to town on the fridge and cabinets.
I have been loving reading your cooking posts. You are doing a GREAT job!
I cleaned out one of my cupboards and put fun tupperware and some spoons in there…My son can climb in the cupboard and play with his “kitchen” stuff while I cook..He loves it.
My daughter (now 16) did this every time I had to wash dishes, which was by hand then. It was so sad. She finally grew out of it, but until then, I just took the easy way out and cooked and did dishes on her naps. Good luck!
I’m the mother of an almost-11-month-old and I am also a graduate student (prospectus phase) and full time college English teacher (non-tenure-track, i.e., low payscale)/primary wage earner (my husband is also a full-time grad student). Also, we don’t use daycare because we can’t afford it; I teach 3 days a week and my husband teaches and goes to class 2 days a week plus nights. A you might imagine, cooking is not particularly high on my priority list. However, when I need to work or write and my husband isn’t around (which is most of the time I’m at home), I’m pretty guilty of using the TV as a babysitter. I sit at the dining table in our dining/living room and Danny is in the living area with one of those freestanding baby corrals around it. He’ll watch They Might Be Giants Here Come The ABCs/123s/Science or Shaun the Sheep and play with his toys, and he can see me, which sometimes comforts him and sometimes ticks him off. Then I have to go play for a while. This isn’t great for my train of thought, but it keeps him reasonably happy.
You have a backpack type carrier that you use a lot, right? Have you tried that? I always just put my cling-monkey on my back in an Ergo-type carrier. The frame on yours might make it a little awkward, but if you’re used to using it a lot, it might not bother you, plus he’d be high enough up that he could really see what was going on.
My daughter never liked being in a carrier in the house, so that didn’t work for me. I tend to be of the “involving them in life skills never hurts” philosophy, so I pulled her into cooking as soon as feasible. Early on it was just sitting her on the counter with some flour to make a mess with, but now we have a step-stool for her and she helps by dumping measured flour into the bowl or scooping veggies from the cutting board into a pan. It can make a big mess and slows me down, but it also makes her happy so I just go with it. I also let her unload the dishwasher or, if really desperate, play with water in the half-full kitchen sink. I tell myself these skills will all pay off in a few years when she’ll know how to make me breakfast on the weekends AND clean up afterwards.
we both cook a lot and this was a challenge those first couple of years. i think it got easier around 3 1/2-4? Tupperware in cupboard, got a bunch of the Melissa & Doug wooden vegetable/pizza/cake set-ups, chalkboard on wall and easel in corner in kitchen, gave them vegetable scraps to play with and make faces and people (carrot and cuke peelings, diced up potatoes and apples), raisins and graham crackers in the high chair with puzzles and toys they didn’t usually get to play with.
the backpack worked for awhile but then killed my back.
mainly i just cranked the music really loud so if they were yelling it would drown it out. Kidding! no, maybe I’m not
it paid off — they both love to cook now (pudding, microwave mac and cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, cookies).
have fun — i’m glad you’re doing this big adventure. it makes life sweet, baking and breaking bread together.
I skimmed the comments, (I’m like that) did anyone recommend the book ‘the one armed cook?” because I love that book..and it takes kids into consideration.
My other trick? dump some flour on the counter, get some dinosaurs or trains..and ask them to ‘help you’ with dinner.
I always try to find a task for my 4.5 year old. He’s actually a very good egg cracker because of it! although, I probably wouldn’t have andyZ crack eggs for you…
Yep. Backpack. Or I turn up the itunes REAL LOUD to drown out the screaming.
Onions- definitely.
Um, really, we do a little bit of everything: TV, dancing in kitchen to Thomas tunes, Play Doh in the kitchen time (there is a kid’s table in there) and did I mention TV? That’s the main time that we let them watch because it’s always crazy from 5-6. And I also encourage my hubs to cook if I have to do something else and he’s usually pretty good about that. He’s an engineer, so he LOVES to follow a recipe.
I am a teacher, so I get to be a stay at home mom for part of the year, and it is always a tough transition–way more work than I expect it to be, every year. But I would agree that putting dinner on the table is a big part of feeling like you have actually produced something for the day. Otherwise you just work your butt off all day and have nothing to show for it.
My method this last summer (with a 2.5 year old and 6 month old) was to do as much prep work as I could in the first 45 minutes of the baby’s nap time. Any leftover nap time was my relaxation time. Then when it came time to actually cook, I would turn on Little Einsteins, or just wait for my husband to come home and throw everything together.
When clingy is interrupting cooking (which admittedly I haven’t been doing a lot of), I tend to put him in his feeding chair and give him something to snack on (Cherrios) or some spoons to bang. And while he is there, if the older clingy is also in the room, Fuller will be given the task of making faces at Tebow. It usually works.
Tessa is a total momma’s girl. And Sabrina will beat her up and push her down if I’m not in the same room. My solution? I cook during naptime, while they eat, and I wait until my husband gets home to do anything that I can’t just pop in and out the kitchen while doing. It means we eat a little later (thankfully he is usually home by 5) but I can’t get anything done with her crying for me. (High chair thing totally doesn’t work except at meal time here either.)
Hi Kim! I saw this and totally thought of you. Apparantly putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth will stop the tears when cutting an onion. http://lifehacker.com/5393659/keep-onion+cutting-tears-at-bay
I’m just going to stand up and admit that I put T in front of the television for around 20-45 minutes most evening whilst I cook dinner. He has a playpen that he is quite happy to sit on as long as “In the Night Garden” is on…
I used to sit Lil’bug on the counter next to me and half-stand in front of her to keep her from falling. As she’s gotten older she’s been able to stand on a step stool to help. I’ve even given her a kid’s knife to help slice mushrooms for marsala. She loves adding ingredients and has been really good about being careful near the stove and oven.