I am going to backtrack on my life a bit and tell you more about our trip to Slidell before introducing the Topic Of The Day here at misszoot.com. Not that we always have one, but this has been on my mind over the holiday break and I’d love to hear your input.
MrZ has a cousin that is just 2 weeks younger than NikkiZ. She is the thing NikkiZ looks forward to when we make the drive down to Louisiana. The first day we were there we went over to her house and played for a bit. Their house is big and clean and I was a little self-conscious about the ginormous mess NikkiZ was making. I did my best to try to pick up after her, and she “cleaned” up after herself some, but you know how that goes. When a four-year old cleans up after themselves? It just means the toys end up NOT in the floor. Who knows if they ever go back to where they came from. I’m not sure if she put stuff back in the right place and I didn’t see where it came from so I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we left the place in a much worse state than when we arrived.
The next day we met at a place called The Wiggle Room. MUCH BETTER IDEA. This place was great…It’s like a giant play room in someone else’s house. Kitchen areas, blocks, costumes, all someone else’s responsibility to clean up. Which was my favorite part. We could only stay for about an hour so the admission was a little high, but if you can stay most of the day? 8 dollars isn’t too bad. They even have a real kitchen area to keep snacks for your kids so you can stay awhile if you choose. Both NikkiZ and AndyZ had a ball playing there with their cousin. And I had a ball not stressing out about messing up a family member’s home. Win Win!
That brings me to today’s topic. Cleaning Up After Your Kids In Someone Else’s Home.
For me this is something I make a judgment call about in each situation. I always encourage NikkiZ to pick up and put back toys when she’s playing at someone else’s home. But she’s four, and that doesn’t always go well. Sometimes I try to help but I don’t necessarily know where they go either, so I’m never sure if I’m creating more work for the Mom in question or not. In my home? I just ask that the mess stay in the kid’s room. Beyond that? I don’t care as long as no one gets hurt. But when I go to other people’s homes and let NikkiZ play? I just gauge my behavior based on that of the owner of the home. Are they cleaning up after the kids as they play? Then I get stressed about it and try to do the same. If they don’t even flinch as more and more toys enter then ring? Then I relax more.
What do you do? Do you clean up after your kid? Do you force them to clean up after themselves? I hate to turn a playdate into a chore fest, but I do remind NikkiZ to put stuff up after she’s done with it. Sometimes she does, but a lot of times? Her four-year old brain is too excited to do it. And I don’t necessarily want to be that Mom who’s constantly interrupting play to remind my child to clean up after themselves. What do you encourage in your own home? Does the playdate mess stress you out? Do you only invite children who can clean up after themselves adequately? What about the Mom helping clean up? Does that make you uncomfortable (it really does me) or are you grateful?
It’s a dilemma that I’m fairly certain I never handle right – if there even is a right.
more mess = more fun!!
I am like you though, I do try to clean up before we leave if we are visiting someone else’s home… I always feel bad to leave a mess… But when it comes to kids coming over here I don’t mind so much the mess, because if someone else’s kids hadn’t of made the mess mine would have anyway…. Either way it would have been left a mess… But I do like it if the mom shows the initiative to “try” to pick up, although I usually just say it isn’t a big deal… At least she showed she cares… And in the end that is all that really matters…
Wow, that was a whole bunch of babbling… Sorry…
I think it depends on what kind of kid/adult you want your kiddo to be. The expectations for four year olds is obviously different than for a ten year old, but they can certainly be expected to clean up after themselves.
Even if it’s just at the end of the play time–save ten mins or so before you leave the house you are visiting and take a look at the play area with your child–and ask them what still needs to be done before leaving. I’m guessing you want her to be still do reasonable clean up even if you aren’t there with her– like when she gets older and goes somewhere to play at another house. You have start those expectations pretty early if you want them carry over later.
And then your house can be the one all the kids come to for the messy stuff like painting and cooking and fun stuff!
Yeah, it depends.
With our weekly regular playgroup with set end time, everyone cleaned up together at the end, though never needing it to be to the standard of cleanliness when we arrived.
For random playdates, I tend to cleanup a bit during the event so the kids don’t have to do much at the end. Any big messes get put away so that we have a chance at a future invite. But…I always try to work with the mood of the host, if she stresses cleanup at the end, we’ll cleanup everything. If she says it’s no problem more than once, we drop cleanup and say thank you.
When we are at other peoples house, I try to remind my 4 year old to clean as well. When we are getting ready to leave I always ask her how old she is and when she answers 4 I tell her to pick up 4 toys..If theres a lot of toys on the floor then I tell her to pick up 4 more and so on until its pretty much cleaned up. She gets excited to count and doesn’t give much fuss cleaning that way
I try to get my kids to at least make an effort to pick up some of the stuff they played with. Sometimes, though, I am so busy rassling up two kids who do NOT want to leave and a graceful exit becomes more of a priority.
I always have Aidan pick up after himself. Sometimes the other parent will say it is okay and not to worry. If he’s fighting it, then I’ll give in. But I always ask him to so that he knows he can’t just wreck someone’s house and not help clean. With his little cousins, when they come over they help clean up too. If for some reason Aidan doesn’t clean up at someone’s house, I do apologize. I find that just making that effort smooths things over with the other parents especially if the house is a disaster!
There’s an option? Now you’ve got me thinking. I’ve always made sure that everything my kid touched is put away. I’m lucky that my 3 and a half year old is a neat freak. She loves to put things away so I don’t have much of a problem, but even if she didn’t I can’t imagine not making sure everything was put up, no matter what the other Mom might say. I know that I’ve said “don’t worry about it” a few times…but in retrospect, I didn’t mean it, I was just trying to be polite. I think there’s something wrong with me……
Mostly I am with you… Tell the kids to clean up after themselves when possible, and help some myself when appropriate. However- I have to say- if you volunteer to host a playdate with 4 year olds- you must expect mess and live to deal with it! Any host who doesn’t deal well with the mess, or at least try to relax and let it happen, isn’t a house I want to go play at again! I’ll have them over to my house where the mess is my problem!
I tend to think you always make an effort to clean up no matter what. I feel like the person opened their home and probably picked up before I got there. It is respectful of their time and effort. I hope for the same when others come over. It makes me hesitant to have them over if there is zero effort at all.
That being said, we usually have friends over that ask to get things out and I preface my answer with asking if they will be sure to put it away when they are done. This tends to lessen the resistance, but not always of course. We’re talking kids, here.
In general, I let them play to their hearts’ content, but when the playdate is nearing an end I encourage the kids to clean up a little. At our house we only have two big toyboxes, and there really is no wrong or right way to clean up. At other peoples’ houses I do the best I can to help put things away correctly. I started doing this when my good friend had a baby. They’d come over, take every single mother loving thing out and then just waltz out the door, leaving me and my kiddos to do the dirty work. It got really annoying. I figure as long as the kids make an effort, it’s ok for mom to help out.
If the other parents aren’t picking up as the kids go, then I only make my son help pick up before we leave (this is non-negotiable, even if the homeowner says it’s fine to leave the toys. The kid’s got to learn to pick up after himself especially if he’s at a friend’s house)
But, the weird thing is, when other kiddos come to my house I really don’t care if they pick up when they leave or not- as i’ll just pick up the mess the next time I clean house…
I know how you feel. I’m never really sure what to do either. This is how we do it at our house, you know, in case you ever travel several hundred miles for a playdate here. There is a large plastic tote in the living room and a large toybox in the bedroom. When they are done playing everything gets tossed into one of those and the lids get closed. That’s it.
I think my Mum encouraged us to clear up ourselves and put stuff back where we found and things like that because it was good manners or something lol. We weren’t allowed a second toy out if the first one hadn’t been put away and stuff like that.