My grouchy fuse has gotten shorter lately.
I notice the last few weeks that I’ll wake up with a lot of patience and tolerance but that gets distinguished quite early in the day. Earlier than usual. I find myself entering into the Grouchy Grumpy Mom Mode earlier in the evening and I do it every day. It used to be a mode I’d switch into after several long days in a row. Now? It only seems to take several long hours. And suddenly I’m griping at my kids for being kids and I’m trying to find ways to isolate myself for a break. Even if it’s just to stick them in the car and drive around for awhile.
I hate this.
I wake up every morning saying, “My kids deserve better than what I gave them yesterday.” Yet…I still give them Grouchy Grumpy Mom before dinner even gets cooked. My fuse is short, my tolerance is low, and I’m becoming their least favorite person on the planet.
I guess I’m really wanting today to be different, I want to stretch out my tolerance and my patience to last the entire day. Something I don’t feel like I’ve done successfully in weeks. But today? I’m going to make the effort. I’ll allow myself some sort of post-bedtime reward if I can do it. Maybe a long bubble bath and some quality time with the third book in the Night World series. Maybe a good beer. Something to reward myself if I can actually make it through the day without griping at my kids for…being kids.
But, in the meantime, I’d love to hear if you do this. Do you all get in these ruts? Or am I the only one that succumbs to the downward spirals of bad parenting for weeks at a time? I mean, I know we all have bad days, but what about bad months? Do you have those?
Well, I don’t have any kids, so obviously I’m not finding myself as a grumpy parent, but I’m also finding that my fuse is amazingly short lately. Like, ridiculously so, yelling at my fiancee about stupid stuff all the time. Which is making wedding planning oh such a joyful experience, let me tell you.
And for me, I’m pretty sure the problem is being unemployed. It’s been over a year now, and every day that goes by seems to make me feel a little worse about myself, which makes me grumpy, and which then gets spewed out on the only person in the vicinity. The guy getting up and going to work every day for long hours to pay all our bills. Aren’t I a peach?
Is it possible that you’re going through something similar? Maybe it’s not that you don’t have a job, but something else is really bothering you and it’s manifesting itself as annoyance with the kids, when in fact it isn’t the kids causing it in the first place?
For me, figuring out what it is I’m really annoyed about makes it easier for me to not take it out on other people, because when Ian annoys me by forgetting to email someone or leaving his wet towel on the floor, I can tell myself that I’m not actually that mad about that, I’m mad about not having a job. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself, but it keeps me from yelling at him so much, so if I am kidding myself, at least it’s working!
I am very interested in seeing these comments. I’ve been a stay-at-hom mom for the past 2 1/2 years and I feel like I have those moments more often lately than in the past. It used to be just here and there but now my grumpiness can last a week or two…..I really wonder how people work on their patience. I’ve gotten better but have a long way to go!
I do not want to get jumped on, nor do I want others to jump on the drugs bandwagon BUT- a year after my son was born I was finally diagnosed with PPD. I wasnt depressed. I was incredibly…B*tchy. I was angry, had no patience, yelled at my kids, it just wasnt me. It was horrible. Anyway, I’ve been on Paxil and it has really helped me keep my patience in check and be nicer in general.
I’ve never been against medicating anxiety or depression, that’s for sure. I’m never sure when an individual makes that decision for themselves, but I’ve definitely felt lately like I should at least seek a professional opinion on the matter. I’ve also been reading a lot about diet and moods because sometimes I wonder if I’m making things worse with my lack of fresh vegetables/fruits in my diet, like maybe my body would like a good source of energy to make it through the day?
I would have to agree. I feel like I have been the worst Mom in the world lately. My middle child has even resorted to faking tummy aches to try to stay home from school. That just adds fuel to my grumpiness fire. I did have my dad pass away in the last 3 weeks, so that might have something to do with my grumpiness lately, but I still had grumpy days/weeks/moths/etc. before that happened. I just need to figure out how to get myself out of this rut. Then I have moments when my kids are angels and tell me they Love me and make me smile, but they never last long enough for me to get renewal from them. When will these kids learn?
Good Luck trying to be less grumpy. When you succeed, let us know and also tell us how you did it!!
I’m with you– and I’m feeling like this is kinda general in the blogosphere. I think that the decreased daylight of the season might be having an a loose effect on us all. Maybe the effect of the daily decrease of daylight we in the northern hemisphere are going to keep experiencing till the solstice is magnified in parents because we are responding to our kids’ responses?
Aw Zoot, I feel this way a lot too lately. Between getting married, moving houses and looking for a new job to get away from the one I hate, its just too much most days. In fact, I often mutter “too much, too much, too much” when a new thing is added to my list of tasks.
I don’t have much patience left, but I’ll happily send what little I have along to you in hopes that it gets you through today till the kids’ bedtime. Good luck today.
I don’t have kids, but I’m an introvert. Maybe this is your way of saying you need more space. And maybe they need to learn to respect that, as young as they are?
I have been feeling the exact same way lately. I go to bed thinking tomorrow is going to better, I’m going to be a better mom but I wake up and the day just goes downhill. Thanks for posting this makes me feel better that I am not the only one. I just don’t seem to have much patience or tolerance lately. I’ll let you know if I come up with any solutions.
After taking the golden parachute from my job, I thought this will be soooo relaxing. WRONG. I am Miss Grumpy Pants. It became clear I needed to go back to work pronto because a the paracute money would run out in a couple of years, and b I am a witchy woman…I finally just changed my diet to cut out the carbs and I feel somewhat better.
I am bored and feel no real purpose. I go from nice to nasty in 30 seconds or less. Doctor said it’s not depression. It’s called over-achiever gone dull.
It you were juggling 100 things a day, your mind was preoccupied and you were able to let things slide. But when you are not doing 100 things a day in what your mind thinks is productive i.e. working, bringing home the bacon, your mind just has less reactive time and your patience level is lowered.
I actually snapped at the adoption counselor and said “hello this is reality, are you on this planet”… not a wise move… so the carbs have been removed and I am actively looking for a job.
I swear to you it is this time of year because both my husband and I have been like this for the past two weeks. I think it is the go to work in the dark, come home in the dark gray all day days cycle that we currently stuck in. It is totally bumming me out.
Like you, everyday I think I am going to be a better mommy to my kids then I was yesterday and almost immediately I find myself SNAPPING at them. NO TV till you are dressed. Eat your breakfast. WASH YOUR HAND. Bark bark bark. GAW. Apparently I need one of those light things that makes you feel better during the winter months…
I would agree that diet and exercise are a huge component as well as doing things for me away from my family at least once a week. For instance, Thurday last week was great and I ran that morning but then the rest of the weekend I did not run at all and it was PURE misery for all of us. I am just a happier momma/person when I exercise and likely when I eat less “junk food”.
I think raising the level of awareness is really an imp. part of the story though, you know? I think making changes besides just thinking I am going to change will make a difference and I am definitely trying to make conscious decision to make better choices about my relationship with each day.
I’ve usually lost my patience even before breakfast.
Yeah, I do have long months. In fact just yesterday my boyfriend fussed at me for taking out my crappy moods on him, and that he’s been trying to be supportive but I keep throwing it back in his face because he’s not being supportive in the right way. And I keep changing my mind and giving him conflicting information on how to do that, so it’s no wonder if he doesn’t get it right. Ouch. Time to take a long look at myself about that I guess. That’s what I get for fainting in the doctor’s waiting room and then going out to a car that wouldn’t start. I sure hope December gets better!
What a timely blog entry! I have a dr appt this afternoon for this very issue. I know my kids and husband deserve better than what I am giving them. My fuse is short, my tolerance for normal kid and man behavior is low, I yell, I can feel the irritation and anger bubbling under my skin. I am hoping to walk out of the office with a prescription of happy pills.
It’s so hard to be a mom, a wife, to keep the house and home running smoothly. We manage our whole family’s lives, not just one life. Our families would fall apart without us and that is a tremendous burden to bear.
Oh, sister – it is not just you.
For the past few weeks, I have not been eating healthy and have slacked on exercising. Added to this, is the fact that I have found myself with a new job, working from home. Sure, it is OUR business blah blah, but it is still added work and responsibility.
Oh, and the holidays are here – did you know that Zoot?? Awesome! Normally, holidays don’t stress me out, but they do when I have a newfound job. Bah.
So, yes, I am finding myself in grumpy mode more easily these days, too. I found out over the summer that absolutely HAVE to exercise 3-4 times a week for my sanity, so I have made a promise to myself to get my butt to the gym regularly.
P.S. I hope you are being extra, extra kind to yourself this month – I keep saying it, but feel like i need to repeat myself AGAIN that you need to be nice to yourself and that grieving is a long process. Hang tight, Kim.
I was a SAHM for over 10 years. I struggled with bouts of Mrs.Grouchy and Mrs. Tears for years. I finally joined a mommy group. I found an awesome group of ladies that would listen, watch my kids and most of all knew what I was feeling. Scheduling play dates for the kids and me made getting dressed almost fun. 6 years later and 2 kids in school we are all still the best of friends.
My advise, find a support group of ladies (or dads) that make raising the crazies, not so crazy.
omg…thank you for posting this. I’ve been in grumpy/bitch/at the end of my rope mode for more hours in the day than I care to admit to. I was laid off about a year and a half ago and stay home with my 6 yr. old, 2 yr. old and 4 month old. I too was thinking recently about some sort of medical intervention because its not fair to everyone that I am always miserable. I feel like I can’t get a thing done during the day-I’m pulled in 900 different directions. I don’t know how moms that go to work get anything done…I’m at a loss. I look forward to seeing everyone’s responses….
I am SO there this week. And, yes, I usually run in similar cycles, as I generally have high anxiety. This week it’s happening because I’ve neglected taking care of myself with my weekly nights off (out of the house, time to myself or with friends). So, tonight I’m granting myself a much anticipated reprieve, which should help stave off the snippy Mom for another week.
I am totally in that position right now. I’m a student, and courses are winding down, which means many long, tedious papers to write. I find that I am seriously needing a kid break by 5 or 6pm. It’s pretty terrible to feel that way because I don’t even get home from work (yes, I work 4 days a week as well) until 1:30 or so. And I don’t even want to mention the terrible relationship my husband and I have had these last couple months….
Yes, yes, yes! You are *so* not alone, girl, and I’m relieved to know that I am not, either. I feel like such a failure when I run out of patience and “fun mom” energy before it’s bedtime (or dinnertime, or lunchtime!), which seems to happen a lot lately. I think I need to let some things go so I can just focus on being Mom more. But it’s so hard to do that- I feel like I need to do everything just right, all the time. You might know what that’s like, I have a feeling.
Maybe we just need to cut ourselves some slack, even when (especially when?) we’re not perfect.
Yes, to all that. I work so am not with them all day, but I’m snapping way too much. I’ve got to figure out how to chill myself out. It’s not them at all, they are kids.
The things you said in your comment that you wanted to check out with the doctor and nutrition seem like a really good idea.
Also, I know it’s hard for you to ask Donnie for help, and probably you feel especially guilty for asking him when you’re staying home, but the fact is that parenting is really ideally a two person job!! Ask him to take a bit of solo time with the kids for even just 15 minutes in the evening, and just sit in a quiet room and BREATHE. It can be so hard to do when you have a big huge to do list, but I’ve found when I get stressed out it helps me. I also pray. But maybe don’t read blogs or even a magazine or anything, but just be still and quiet, and have a little mini-mental vacation.
Also, perhaps you could ask LilZ to help? I know he helps a lot already and you don’t want to ask him too much, but perhaps you could trade it off for some things he wants? Like, you can have 15 minutes more of phone time tonight if you watch the kids for 15? or some other tradeoff, depending on what works for the two of you! Ask him what rewards he’d like to earn?
Anyway, just a couple suggestions!
You’re a really special lady, Kim, and a great mom, even if you don’t always remember that! Take care!
boy, am i feeling this right now…. (except i’m at work).
Oh the guilt. There are weeks/months that I’ll go to bed every night feeling like I failed at being a mom that day. This week hasn’t been a particularly stellar mom week for me…
I’m not a parent, but my job as a supervisor often feels very similar. And I definitely relate to the feeling. For me, the solution is usually to take a night or weekend where I don’t touch work, don’t deal with housework/family issues/etc., and just generally do something that helps me recharge. So, drawing that parallel, how about finding a babysitter and taking a few hours doing something for yourself? Or letting yourself have that bath, book and beer even if you weren’t patient today? It might very well be what allows you to be patient tomorrow.
With two jobs and going to school full time, I find myself being a grouch to my son WAY more often than I’d like to admit. And sometimes it seems as though I can’t stop. When it gets to that point, I try to do something different than what I’ve been doing- as in getting out of the house. Even if it’s just taking the kiddo to the free mall playground.
OR I just take a day off and get myself a massage….they both seem to work for me.
Nutritional concerns, losing your job, potential seasonal awareness disorder…any of those are enough to make someone irritable, but then you add the loss of your daddy to that mix, and it is no wonder you have a shorter fuse. You have talked about the problems you have getting a good night’s sleep because of the little ones, and I wonder if that is playing a role too.
Me, I’m not snapping at anyone…but that’s probably only because I don’t have anyone underfoot. I am ignoring phone calls however. Don’t feel like dealing with other people’s problems. This whole being at home and not working has already lost its allure.
I definitely have those times when I get up thinking today will be better. Today I will work on my patience. Today I will be a better mom. Then by the time the kids are in bed, I’ve snapped at least a dozen times and I hate myself and what I’ve become. Double that around pms time. You’re not alone!
When my four kiddoes were small I found that little breaks throughout the day kept me from building up to major crankiness. I would do things like go into the bathroom for five minutes and locked the door behind me. Even a short break can help a great deal, even if the toddler is calling “Mama? Mama?” and sticking her little fingers under the door to try to reach you. I took full advantage of naptime as a chance to recharge my own batteries and required my older kids to read or do something quiet during that time.
I admire your effort to be”on” all the time for your kids. It sounds like you’re an incredibly devoted mom. But you’re trying to do so very much: Free-lance, cook, keep the house from falling down around your ears, and interact with the kids all day. And to top that off, you are grieving pretty heavily right now. Be kind to yourself in any way you can. You deserve it.
Oh it’s SO not just you. I don’t even have kids and I find that I’m in the same sort of moody rut. I am constantly snapping at my boyfriend for absolutely no reason. I thought originally that it was my unemployment getting to me (much like the first commenter) but as I hear more and more people talking about being in the same kind of mood so often, I wonder if it isn’t more that time of year. Either way, I have an appointment with my doctor to see if there’s anything else wrong with me that might be causing it. It can’t hurt, right?
THANK GOD it’s not just me! I’m battling with this exact same issue lately and it feels like its been going on for months off and on. I start each day telling myself that I can handle it and I will do everything I can to remember to keep my patience… and then they will start fighting about something and it just starts a downward spiral of me getting tense and short tempered and then the yelling and no one is happy with anyone. Lather, rinse, repeat until its time for bed. I go to bed feeling like I’m a failure and a horrible mom. I’ve been trying to come up with different techniques to help me calm down and step back from the situation and I definitely see better results when I can actually do it. I’m determined to turn it around and learn more patience- it just takes time I guess. It’s good to hear that someone else gets into these ruts too. At least we’re really trying to be better. We’ll get there
Your mind is occupied with your new interest in cooking…I’m always snippier when I’m trying to focus but my attention keeps getting pulled away. Could that be part of it?
I’m a new father and both my wife and I seem to be Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy pants of late. We have very short fuses and tend to argue frequently. I’ve been reading some books in an attempt to figure out what is going on. One of the books I’m reading “7 habits of highly effective people” talks about visualizing yourself in those situations where you are acting out and imagine how you would like to respond instead. Spending a little time every morning really helps me out. The other book that was interesting is a book called “The NO complaining rule”. I’m sure that no one wants to spend time being grumpy. I sure don’t. I hope that I have been able to help a few of you.