Hopefully This Will Be My “Stupidest Food Mistake” Story Forever

Have you ever done something SOOOOOO stupid that you decide it’s better to never ever speak of it again? Well, what if it kinda has to be addressed because people who don’t realize your stupid mistake keeping bringing it up. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN? Well, if you have a blog, you write a blog entry about it.

But then you’re faced with the dilemma: How do I write about this in a way to make myself seem maybe not so terribly stupid?

And then you realize: You can’t. You’re a total dumbass.

Where to begin? Let’s start with Halloween when I first fixed Red Velvet Cake balls Poppers. I didn’t make them fancy, just did the chocolate covering, no sticks. They weren’t pretty but EVERYONE LOVED THEM. I mean, people mentioned they were the best things they had ever eaten, they could not get enough of them, HOW DO YOU MAKE THEM? They were my first truly successful party contribution as the world swooned over them. I made several batches over the next few weeks and they were all equally adored.

Fast Forward to two weeks ago. I made a batch to distribute to the teachers at NikkiZ’s school. I felt like they didn’t turn out as red as the previous batches, but the teachers still loved them. As a matter of fact, one of them mentioned them to me TODAY. And said, “I’m finally done with them…can we get some more?” I made another batch, also not as red, for my family for Christmas. Everyone LOVED THEM. Just as much as the first few (and redder) batches. I kept telling everyone that I think I must have bought a different brand of Red Velvet cake this time because the last two batches weren’t as red as I remember in October.

You would have thought at some point I might have double-checked the recipe. Right? Because I swear by Pioneer Woman and her pictures, and one glance at her blog entry would have told me why they weren’t as red as the first few batches…the ones that I actually LOOKED AT THE RECIPE.

See? That’s where I went wrong. I assumed I could do it from memory…and I couldn’t. The End.

NOW…before I tell you my fatal error let me remind you: EVERYONE LOVED THEM. I swear, in terms of taste? I don’t think there was that much difference. The main difference was in appearance. Everyone LOVED THEM. I want to repeat that over and over again. And now? I will tell you what I did wrong.

Okay…I can’t do it. I can’t tell you. I’m that embarrassed. I’m embarrassed because my family and I actually talked about this one thing and I totally blew past it in conversation. I basically said, “Yeah! I did it wrong!” over and over and over again…never quite realizing that I DID IT WRONG.

It took someone going home and looking up the recipe at the website I told them to visit before I got a text that said, “Um…Pioneer Woman says to cook the mix first.”

I’ll let that sink in for a moment…let my full on stupidity REALLY soak in.

Yes…I made Red Velvet Cake Poppers and didn’t COOK THE MIX FIRST. I basically just mixed the cream cheese frosting in with the powdered mix and rolled into balls, coated with chocolate, and served.

And yes…everyone was amazed that you didn’t cook the mix and I kept saying, “Don’t cook the mix!” Even though several times before? I cooked the mix. As a matter of fact, if I had thought about it for two seconds I would remember how irritated I was that I had to wait for the cake to cool after cooking it. When I realized what I had done I was so SO mortified that I tried to just forget about it. Except everyone keeps emailing me and facebooking me and stopping me in public to tell me HOW AWESOME THE UNCOOKED CAKE POPPERS ARE! So, I have to come clean, and admit to the world: I did it wrong. Yes…they were good. No…they wouldn’t kill you. (It’s not like I put the eggs in or anything…just the powdered mix and the cream cheese icing.) But I did it very terribly wrong. And this is why I should never EVER EVER EVER cook without the recipe. EVER.

Please don’t tell Pioneer Woman or Bakerella about my ridiculous mistake. I’m new to the club and I’d hate for them to boot me out before I even get an excuse to buy one of those cute mortar and pestles.

27 Comments

27 thoughts on “Hopefully This Will Be My “Stupidest Food Mistake” Story Forever”

  1. You took something good and put your own mark on it! If you want to make something similar that doesn’t require cooking, I recently made some balls from oreos and cream cheese. I’m sure the recipe is all over the Internet.

  2. ROFL – sounds like an ‘improvement’ to me!

    At least you didn’t do what my husband did when we first were married – he was ‘experimenting’ with hamburgers and decided to try VANILLA EXTRACT in the meat. One word of advice on that one – NO!

  3. This is the most awesome thing ever. And you know what? It DOES sound totally yummy. Every time I make a boxed cake, I always always take a little taste of the powder mix. Because it’s good.

  4. That’s not a stupid food story, you created your own recipe!

    Now fess up to this: what kind of cake mixer do you have? I desperately want one of the NICE KitchenAid ones, but am thinking the Sunbeam Stand/Hand mixer for a very small fraction of the cost will be just as good for me.

    Oh, I’m getting a new stove, too. Do you recommend one of the glass smoothtop cook surfaces, or do you have a gas stove or coil burners?

  5. I’ve done it. Both with cooking (I’ve made baked ziti over and over and over and over and it’s one of two things I do well and well, let’s just not say why it was so terrible the last time and how long it took me to figure out) and with normal stuff (putting the sticky hanging stuff on the FRONT of the item I wanted to hang on the wall, thus ruining it) and I basically wanted to bury both items in the trash and walk away whistling like nothing ever happened.

  6. Dude, that’s not doing it wrong. It’s inventing a new recipe.

    In terms of cooking catastrophes, I once broke a baking dish because I was too impatient to wait for some chicken to cook, so I turned up the oven to 450. Then placed the 450 degree dish on the marble countertop and boom: very hot meets very cold and glass baking dish just falls apart.

    Even worse: I still ate the chicken. After removing the glass shards, of course.

    Even worse than that: I DID THE EXACT SAME THING AGAIN A FEW MONTHS LATER. I was like, oh, that had to have been a fluke, the baking dish was a really old hand me down, it was probably cracked or something. Nope. Baking dish #2

  7. Dude, that’s not doing it wrong. It’s inventing a new recipe.

    In terms of cooking catastrophes, I once broke a baking dish because I was too impatient to wait for some chicken to cook, so I turned up the oven to 450. Then placed the 450 degree dish on the marble countertop and boom: very hot meets very cold and glass baking dish just falls apart.

    Even worse: I still ate the chicken. After removing the glass shards, of course.

    Even worse than that: I did the EXACT SAME THING again a few months later. I was like, that must have been a fluke, the baking dish was an old hand me down, it was probably weak or cracked or something. Nope. Turns out if you get impatient that somethings taking too long, turn the oven up to 450 and then put the 450 degree glass dish on a marble countertop, it will break. Every time.

    Even worse than that: I DID THE EXACT SAME THING AGAIN A FEW MONTHS LATER. I was like, oh, that had to have been a fluke, the baking dish was a really old hand me down, it was probably cracked or something. Nope. Baking dish #2

  8. Ok, I admit, at first I shrieked “Oh no!” at the screen. Then a few seconds later I declared this mistake a brilliant idea. If the taste is really no different, then you should declare this version as Zoot poppers and don’t worry about it anymore.

  9. That’s awesome! I say, call it a new recipe & roll with it. And I too got totally excited when P-dub replied to you on Twitter! Love her! Met her & love her!

  10. Let them eat all they want. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There have been times when I’ve forgotten things in recipes or used a sub. It still ended up tasting great.

    Who knows maybe you can start calling them your Velvet Cake Cream Cheese Poppers

    Oh now Im getting Cream Cheese ideas!

  11. You totally created a new recipe (that is WAY less work than the original) AND got props from the PW herself! AWESOME!

    Do you have any photos of the unbaked pops?

  12. That is *nothing* as far as boo-boo’s go. That’s like making no-bake cookies, except it’s no-bake cake! I thought you were going to say you fell asleep and caught the oven on fire or something.

    Not that I’ve done that.

  13. Zoot,

    My wife has made these red velvet balls several times and each time (she does cook the mix first) they look different. I get where you are coming from.

    You tell a funny story.

  14. I don’t think there’s anything you need to be embarassed about. Just call it your variation on Pioneer Woman’ recipe – one that’s easier and takes less time, but tastes just as good.

  15. This is beyond hilarious. At least your altered recipe was still delicious! My worst baking mistake is STILL brought up each time I make cinnamon rolls:

    They were from a package. I frosted them BEFORE BAKING.

    All I had to do was put them in a pan, and even that? Could not compute, apparently.

    Still makes everyone laugh everytime I make them.

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