Nevermind. Let Me Start Over.
I sit down many times and compose entire entries for the blog…only to delete them and start over. This morning I did one discussing whether other SAHMs feel guilty complaining about their job as a Mom for fear that their spouse may think, “Hey…you CHOSE this. If you don’t like it…get a REAL job.” Then I deleted it because I just didn’t feel like the words really conveyed what I was saying and I worried I sounded like a spoiled bitch. Other times I delete things because I just think: OMG. That is so boring. Then rarely, and I mean rarely because I’m not controversial by nature, I delete something because I don’t want to…start anything.
These are all moments when I realize, Hey. I obviously don’t write this blog just for myself.
I don’t check stats. I don’t look at numbers. I stopped doing that several years ago because I found myself trying to curb my writing in the direction of more traffic. I didn’t like that at all. I keep this blog as a way for me to make friends, and document my family’s history. It’s my cathartic outlet and my social circle. It’s my scrapbook. When I focus too much on numbers, or even focus at all on numbers, I lose the organic feeling of this environment.
Yet still…I delete entries. I think that’s because this is my social circle. I don’t want to disrupt it with something that has the wrong voice, or the wrong message. You are all my friends and if I can’t get my thoughts out in a way that makes sense without boring you to death…then I delete it. And I’m okay with that. It’s just something interesting I thought about this morning. Some entries I just stick in draft mode because I do want to write them some day. But often? I just delete. I feel like the message is off from the first word to the last. Or, I feel like it’s something I wont feel in a few days so why stir the pot now?
But – it got me thinking – so many of you are bloggers. Do you ever delete entries? I’ve even been known to publish something and then take it down a few hours later after letting it sink in because, Crap. That entry does not actually say what I was trying to say. I’m betting hardly anyone goes that far. I just find it funny that I don’t look at my stats, my referrals, my visitor numbers: Yet I censor myself. In my head, the only people reading this are the dozen or so that comment. Why do I worry so much about what you guys think? Most of you know me well enough to read between the lines anyway. Or to just skip over a really boring topic and come back tomorrow. Yet still? I delete. And I’m wondering if you do that. Do you get something written and then delete it, or take it down later? Why? Is there anyone who truly writes their blog just for themselves? Because even if you all stopped reading I would be writing for my family. And I don’t want to bore them either. (Although I often do, they’ll attest to that.)
So: What is your DELETE policy on blog entries? Do you ever delete something you’ve finished writing (or come very close)? Or do you just stick it in your draft folder? Do you publish everything you put even a portion of effort into?