Shhhhhh…
My daughter is a talker. She has her moments of shyness around strangers, but those moments are not constants and if she feels the slightest bit of comfort (like at Disney World where EVERYONE is your friend) then she is more than willing to talk the ear off of anyone within a 2-mile radius. This trait of hers has been on my mind a lot lately as it has forced me to grapple with some of the less tangible parenting issues.
Sometimes, With Some Kids, You Change The Rules
Have you ever told your kid to use their “inside voice”? Well, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that my daughter doesn’t have one. Her regular talking voice, especially when she gets really excited about something, IS JUST DAMN LOUD. I’ve been trying to quiet her tone for weeks by constantly telling her, “NikkiZ…QUIETLY please.” Mainly because in public I don’t want the entire world to be bothered by her conversation with me. But you know what I decided while in Disney World? It’s just not worth it. She can understand whispering, especially if someone is napping. But she really struggles with talking at a lower volume than LOUD. It was getting irritating to me just trying to get her to talk more quietly and she was getting frustrated because I was constantly interrupting her to get her to quiet down a bit. But you know what? I gave up. I did what we all swear we won’t do. I gave up. I finally decided, She’s just a loud talker. And yes, as she gets older I’ll continue to work with her on understanding the power of her voice and how it can annoy others who don’t want to be part of her conversation. However, I decided that constantly trying to work on that NOW? When she’s FOUR? Is not helping anyone. And really…do I truly care about the person annoyed by my daughters animated discussion of the merits of eating your own eyeballs? (OMG. Don’t Ask. She’s on an eyeball kick lately.) No. Not as much as I care about just reveling in my daughter’s developing personality. So, yes. I’ll work on helping her understand controlling her volume, but I’m not going to keep shhhhh’ing her every time she talks out in public. It was making us both crazy.
Suddenly You Stop Caring What Other People Think.
We really got to know this talkative trait of hers very well in Disney World. Not only was she constantly excited about everything, making her talking nine million times more than usual, but she was also often hopped up on Princesses. Meeting those characters tended to quadruple the LOUD AND CRAZY TALKING effect of NikkiZ’s. If you scan through the flickr set you’ll see that – along with the smiling-at-the-camera pictures with every character – we have the talking-their-ears-off pictures as well. And while part of me worried about the line behind us and whether people were annoyed with my daughter and her turn taking TOO LONG; mostly I just sat back and enjoyed it. And I just pledged to never EVER be annoyed by a talkative child again. Because, while they may ask WAAAAAY too many questions (I’ve actually had to turn off movies before because my patience disintegrated under the barrage of questions about plot and characters. I’m looking at you SPY KIDS!) they also are so fascinating. Because there is a secret that us parents of talkative kids learn…If your kid talks a lot? You are blessed with a unique insight to their amazing minds. And for that? I’ll be the parent of the annoying kid in line any day.
Do you have a talkative child? Did yours already start asking the difficult question long before you expected them? Last night my daughter started asking me about cancer and where it comes from. And don’t even ask me how many times she’s pushed the, “But how did the baby get into her belly?” topic. The downside of a talkative kid? The difficult questions definitely come a lot sooner than with the quiet child. Jeez.
You’re probably on to something with the naturally loud voice. I have several colleagues whose normal speaking voice is simply loud, and so when they get enthusiastic about something watch out. Its something we just take in to account in determining where their office/desk will be and everyone (including them) laughs about it. We do say that their voices ‘carry’ as opposed to they’re loud, but its really the same thing.
I guess I see it from a different perspective. I was a talkative child, and a fast talker. The funny part is, I really didn’t see it that way. I didn’t think that I talked any more than the average person, and in retrospect, it wasn’t an attention thing either. I simply was inquisitive, and/or felt like I had things that I wanted to share. My parents were always really good about it, and I only became aware because other people would say things like, “Wow, she doesn’t stop for a breath, does she?”. And that, by the way? Would crush me. My parents were always quick to say something nice like, “It’s only because she has so much in her brain that it needs to come out, right Shan?” So I guess, if I have any advice, it would be to not let anyone make NikkiZ feel less than or odd because of the way she is. Have a few “Yeah, but she has so much to share, and we love it!” comments at the ready.
i have no idea what you’re talking about……..
I think it’s adorable
And I think the ladies/other characters at DW probably have lots of experience with really excited and chatty kids, so probably know when to say, “Okay hon, it was absolutely lovely to meet you and hear all about your eyeballs, but I have so many new friends to meet today, and so do you, so now we need to say goodbye!”
I have very talkative kids. I think it helps now that the oldest is 15. I’m sure I hear a lot more than if he’d been a quiet kid. Unfortunately, it’s mostly sports talk at this point and I usually can’t follow along.
My youngest only stops talking when he’s asleep. He’s even got a rep in town about his talkative nature. It doesn’t seem to bother people as much as it does his immediate family and another family he spends a lot of time with. We love him and he’s adorable but sometimes you just have to say – enough. (Oh, and he’s a loud talker too.)
Of my first two kids, one is a talker and one is not. The talker sometimes drives me KER-RAZY with the TALKING OMG THE CONSTANT TALKING (and the INTERRUPTING and the PAUSING BETWEEN TOPICS JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET BACK INTO WHAT I’M DOING), but the non-talker has made me appreciate the way I don’t have to wonder if the talker is upset or worried or mad about something. With the non-talker, I worry a LOT.
We may have the same child.
I resort to playing the quiet game in the car because the talking never stops. Thankfully is is almost as competitive as she is talkative.
And the volume. Oh, my.
And the questions. I actually got frustrated enough last night to say “We are watching the same move. At the same time. I don’t know the answer. And maybe if you stopped talking and watched the move, it would make sense to both of us.” All I got was a blank stare. Then another question.
But she does make me laugh. The other day she wanted to know when her boobies were going to get bigger. The child cracks me up.
I have a talker, not so much questions just random bits of useless information to anyone who starts talking to her at some point in time you will here and you know what….. and then she says something completely off topic and half the time is only understood by those who know her. Because it’s about the dog or a dance move or the time she did this with so and so….
Sabrina almost never stops talking. She even talks while eating despite my best efforts. By the end of the day, I am worn out from listening to her chatter. I try to remind myself that someday I’ll miss her talking to me but man oh man that girl can talk. Fortunately, she isn’t a loud talker – just an incessant one. My youngest seems like she will be quite loud though if she ever decides to talk.
I was that kid growing up and I can tell you what you’re doing for her is way more important than teaching her to use an inside voice (I found mine eventually). You’re teaching her that who she is, all the joy, loudness, and exuberance, is beautiful and wonderful.
She’ll learn soon enough that some of her friends will be embarrassed of their friend who laughs to loudly… and maybe she’ll be the kind of kid who doesn’t change herself to meet others expectations. She’ll just be who she is, because her Mama loves her just the way she is.
Aidan has become quite the social butterfly and he never stops talking or questioning. I try to let him run off at the mouth and let him talk but sometimes I have to shut him down so that I can think for a moment. I can say that I have never cared in public mostly because people get all worked up over stupid stuff. i have noticed looks or comments but whatever.
She’s just a loud talker.
I was — and still am — a loud talker. It made me pretty self-conscious when I was in grade school. Not only is my voice loud, it’s fairly deep for a women, so yeah, I came out of the womb sounding like Bea Arthur. I say let her own her loudness.
I think you’re on to something here and what a gift just to love your child exactly where she is at this moment. Loud talk and all…
When my son was younger, we came up with hand signal that I used in public when he was talking too loud. It was discreet and I didn’t have to interrupt him.
Oh, my heavens… yes, my daughter is a TALKER. She asks me at least one stumper of a question every day. (Today? “What is magic, Mom?” How does one define magic? Ugh.) She tells the most amazing and elaborate stories, and usually, I feel honored to listen. Usually. Other times I wish she’d shut the hell up. But faced with the alternative, I’d rather know what’s going on in her funny little head.
You are a better person than I. I have been annoyed WAY TOO MUCH by both these things. I wish I could be as good you about it because you are totally right. It’s just so hard when that voice is drilling a hole in your ear to see the big picture.
I think my son Sam and NikkiZ are like two peas in a pod. Just today we saw a random neighbor we don’t know too well, and my son decided to explain to him exactly where we’re moving, who we’ll live closer to, and further from, what features he’d like in our new house and so on. It was cute but mildly embarassing. He also has an issue with volume. It’s fun, but sometimes can give you a headache.
I don’t have a talker, but I was one… and still am. Some day NikkiZ’s husband will have to tell her “Shh… it’s quiet time, I’m sleeping so PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME.”
I have a ten year old step-daughter who talks non-stop and also very loudly. I have a three year who talks non-stop and asks question after question and everything I ask her is always responded with a “Why?” The younger one said her first word at four months old so I knew I was in for it pretty much from day one! Although my brain needs a minute at the end of every day, I love that they talk. I was very quiet, shy and lacking in confidence when I was a child and I don’t think it helped that I was told to be quiet all the time. Even now, my fiance gets annoyed with me because of how quiet I talk. Let them talk I say!